


Find Your Way Back To Me, Beloved.

by Hopelesslygazingthestars



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC Cinematic Universe, DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), DCU, Green Arrow - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Past Talia al Ghul/Bruce Wayne
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-09 01:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 70
Words: 126,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13470372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopelesslygazingthestars/pseuds/Hopelesslygazingthestars
Summary: Sara retires from her time travelling adventures and returns to Star City to pick up as much of a normal life as possible. However, the people she left behind are very different from the ones she finds. With danger looming in the background, can she keep the ones she loves safe. It is a slow burn nyssara.





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, welcome to the beginning of a looong journey. I've always thought Sara and Nyssa's story was not explored enough in the TV series and so this story focuses primarily on them. 
> 
> It incorporates some of the story line from the Dark Knight Rises film, and other DCU characters show up in later chapters. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story, leave your comments, and let me know what you think is going to happen. Welcome all comments and dialogue.

Home

Sara Lance had spent five long years travelling through time and saving the world over and over, without anyone ever knowing it was ever at risk. This life had consequences that had finally taken its toll on her. Too many had died along the way. The final straw for Sara was witnessing the lasting effects of time travel on her close friend Rip Hunter. He gradually became confused and forgetful due to loss of sense of time itself. His death had been a shock to everyone, taken his own life leaving only a note saying he lost his sense of gravity, lost his home and had nowhere to go back or forward to. The remaining team carried on in his stead but when time travel went wrong, they were all sent plummeting into 2022 with no means of travelling again. For Sara this had been the call she needed to hang up her White Canary costume and truly settle into a quieter life. The legends all went their separate ways torn apart by loss.

Returning to her father’s home in Star City had to be her first stop. After Laurel’s death Sara never found herself unable to visit home very often because it reminded her of all the things she had lost, of all the dark memories and even worse the good memories that Star City held of her past life. 

While it had only been 5 years for her, it would have been 7 years for her friends and family. So much could happen in 7 years and if she thought about it hard enough she would come to find she was terrified at the prospect of seeing her family once more. Especially, as the remaining daughter her parents had. 

Having no choice in what year the legends landed, she had no idea how to contact anyone and caught a cab to her father’s old address. She pulled up to her father’s home to see it had completely changed, from a house to a block of apartments. Checking the names at reception left her confused as there was no one by the name Lance. As she was leaving the apartments she heard her name called out from behind. 

"Sara?" A familiar voice called out. She stood still in her tracks. The voice she recognised would belong to none other than Oliver Queen. She turned around stunned, with shock registering on both their faces. As the shock passed they embraced as old friends. 

"Sara, it's been years… You haven't changed a bit." He said studying her, happiness emanating from his usual brooding looks.  
"Time travel tends to keep you young you see," she responded. 

"How long are you back for or are you coming from the past, my past or is it your past or..?" He said obviously confused.  
"What?” She managed as they both laughed at his attempt to figures out time travel. 

"No, I'm back for good, I'm done with it." She explained. 

"I've been through a lot, I just want to slow it all down and be with my friends and family." 

Oliver just shook his head and bought her in for another embrace. 

"There's so much I have to tell you, we need to catch up," he began ushering her out the door. 

"Yeah, last time I saw everyone was years ago. I want to see everyone but where’s my dad moved to, I never thought he would move-" she explained.  
Oliver's expression changed at the mention of her father. "Listen, I'll explain everything, I'm on my way to meet with Thea." He explained as a car came around for them. 

The driver pulled up and quickly opened the door for them. Catching his eyes, he sent a knowing smile. Sara thought there was something familiar about him but had no time to question it. 

"Oli what's going on?" She asked sternly before they could enter the car.  
"Nothing, it's just you've missed a lot and I can't tell it all to you right this second. So, can we get in now," he said pushing her playfully. She rolled her eyes and proceeded to get in. 

During the drive Oli informed Sara all the things she had missed. She hadn't realised exactly what she had given up by joining the legends. While she had been able to save the world several times over and met many amazing figures past, present and future, she couldn't deny her guilt at having missed so much in the lives of the people she cared about most. She had missed Oliver and Felicity's wedding, Thea's move from mayor office to Senate official, Oliver's son William and team arrow training the next generation of vigilantes. 

As they walked through the office building to Thea's office on the top floor they discussed Sara's father.

"So, he was Commissioner of Star City and was going to run for senator but dropped out last minute to get back together with my mom and move away without so much as a goodbye?" Sara asked completely baffled by her father’s actions. 

"I'll admit it was strange, but seeing them back together again was great, they seemed so in love. In all honesty, being commissioner took a lot out from him, only dealing with the dark side of humanity takes its toll." Oliver admitted.

"I can understand that but why leave everyone behind?" She asked before walking into a huge office, where a sophisticated Thea sat facing the view of the city.  
"Surprise!" Sara exclaimed. Thea bound over to her old friend before embracing her tightly. 

"What are you doing here?" Thea asked bringing her over to the sofa.  
"I'm back for good. Time travel got...complicated." She explained. 

"Well you can uncomplicate it over dinner, we should get the whole gang together," Thea urged excitedly. 

"I would love to but I'm desperate to see my mom and dad, I mean after Laurel I pretty much tapped out of their lives," Sara's voice wavered with regret.  
"What happened to Laurel wasn't your fault," Oliver comforted her. 

"May not have been my fault but I couldn't save her, when she struggled through and bought me back from the dead." Sara pain over Laurel was clear in the break of her voice.  
"And you made her proud by doing something good with your life." Thea said hopefully. 

"Well, do you know where Quentin and Dinah moved to?" Oliver prompted Thea. 

"No, but I can find out. They upped and left suddenly and really haven't been in touch except from the occasional call." Thea explained. 

"You go travelling for a few years and the worlds shifts completely. I mean who would have thought my folks would get back together, Oli would finally not fuck up enough to marry Felicity and my party girl protégé would be working in the senate office." Sara said playfully. 

"Who says I'm not still a party girl, office Christmas parties get pretty wild," Thea joked as she got up to go to her computer.  
"You've heard all about us, what's up with you?" Oliver asked. 

"Oh you know, stopped Savage a couple years back, we carried on saving the world from near catastrophes...we lost a lot of good people. I left because I wanted to good for the world, and I did, but it didn't feel real by the end, I guess I missed my family and team arrow." Sara explained sadness washing over her. 

"You've always had a home with us Sara." Oliver said with a kind smile. 

While everyone and everything had seemed to change, it seemed that the people she loved most in this world had managed to stay the same.  
"Got it!" Thea exclaimed from her computer as she scribbled down something.

"I didn't realise your folks moved to Canada," she said handing the note to Sara. 

"Canada? I guess they really had enough of this place huh?" Oliver said looking at the address.  
Sara laughed as she read the address. 

"It's not quite Canada, it's a little town up on the coast and border that they wanted to move to when we were little. We visited it once and they always planned to go there when they retired." Sara reminisced the memories of the quiet town that didn't quite seem like America or Canada. One of the best memories she shared with her sister was in the small town of Sudbury. Whilst they had argued constantly growing up, especially their teenage years, this was one vacation where they truly acted like sisters.  
"You never mentioned it before?" Oliver said. 

"We only vacationed there once and I was only about 7. It rained the whole time we were there but Laurel found ways to entertain us the whole week." She explained.  
As they had been talking Thea had been tapping around on her computer. 

"I've booked you our driver, he comes in 2 hours." Thea said with a wicked smile on her face. 

"You didn't have to do that-" Sara began before being interrupted. 

"You helped me a million times over, you've just been catapulted into 2022, things have changed a lot since you’ve been gone. I won't take no for an answer, you need to see your family." Thea said matter-of-factly. Oliver smiled mischievously at his sister. 

"Thank you," Sara responded smiling proudly at the young woman standing before her.

"I came to bring you the new software Felicity has been working on but we can go through that tomorrow," Oliver stated bring out a small box from his briefcase.  
"Don't let me interrupt, we can catch up properly when I get back." Sara said packing up her things. 

"It's fine Sara, I'll look this over and Oli can come back later." Thea began plugging in cables from the box to the computer. 

"Let’s go for lunch and then you'll be free to go, I promise," Oliver added. Sara rolled her eyes good-naturedly and smiled back at him.  
"Fine, Oli if you insist." Sara joked. 

"Thea it was good to see you again, I'll be back for full details on the past few years." Sara said hugging Thea goodbye.  
"Yes, you better be, I can't tell you how many times I've had to save Oliver from ruining his life." 

"Shut up speedy" Oliver replied pinching her cheek. 

"Say ‘hey’ to your folks too!" she called out to the pair.


	2. 2022

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara makes a discovery which breaks her heart. Can she truly have lost everything?

2022

Over lunch Oliver continued informing Sara of what everyone was up to. The old arrow crew had mainly retired and were focusing on jobs and training a few special kids, including William. Diggle was still Oliver's partner in crime and Felicity was CEO of Smoak Technologies. Oliver had run as mayor but given up focussing on regaining the family business, Queen Consolidated, as CEO. The team began charity projects across the city. Crime rates had considerably decreased since the move of Malcom Merlyn to Gotham City and imprisonment and death of Damien Darhk under Quentin Lance as commissioner. 

"The city looks like a better place than the one I left," Sara spoke. 

"I don't know if it's better, just different. We're different, you're different." Oliver replied sadly. 

"Any ideas on what you're going to do now you're back?" He asked voice hopeful. 

Oliver believed her place was with the team, contributing to Star City in a positive way but the Sara that had returned seemed to want something simpler all together. 

"I'll tell you when I've figured it out...for now I just want to catch up on what I've missed out on, my family, my friends." She said smiling at him. 

After a moment Sara surprisingly, punched Oliver on the arm. 

"Hey, what was that for?" He said ever confused by Sara Lance. 

"You're getting soft in your old age..."she joked. 

"But that, that was for marrying my girlfriend." She continued humorously. What Sara hadn't noticed however, was the sadness that washed over Oliver momentarily at the mention of Nyssa. 

"I swear ex's of ex's are off limits," she continued before she clocked the look on Oliver's face.   
"What's wrong? I wasn't being serious obviously-" 

"No, it's not that, I- I just-" Oliver stuttered nervously.   
He had been avoiding eye contact with her for a moment but once their eyes met, it told Sara everything she needed to know.   
"Nyssa's dead Sara." He told her, pain constricting his voice, with a deep sadness evident in his change in demeanour.   
"How?" Was all she could manage. 

She had lost so much already, her sister, the legends and now Nyssa. Deep down a part of Sara always expected to come back from her adventures to find Nyssa, waiting. As selfish as it is, Nyssa was always the one she was coming back to. A part of her always thought she could find her home within her after she had given all she could give to the world.   
Nyssa had allowed her little canary to fly, Sara knew Nyssa had done it for her, so she could be free and not because she didn't love Sara. It was a security blanket she never expected to be taken away. Yet here she was again, another death, another person she couldn't save. The more rational part of her knew that being a legend was her destiny but in this moment she would curse her destiny to bring back those she had loved and lost.

"After she disbanded the league, Nyssa and her sister Talia revived it again, as the League of Shadows... she was only doing what she thought was right. She had been raised and moulded by the league, it was always her calling. Yet the same problems still existed even with Ra's gone. Talia unsuccessfully attempted to bring back Ra's and that was the straw that tore them apart finally. There could only be one demon head and Talia won the league over and sentenced Nyssa to death." Oliver explained pain clear in his eyes. 

"Nyssa could have beaten Talia 10 times out of 10. I just-" Sara stuttered in disbelief. 

"I don't think she had anything to fight for. She didn't take Laurels death well...none of us did. She had already lost you again. She and Laurel helped each other. Laurels death, her father’s death and the league disbanding...she was lost. She didn't have anything to fight for." Oliver continued.

Sara hadn't realised she had been crying until Oliver silently offered her his handkerchief. "She wasn't like that, I know her." Sara whispered.   
Oliver cleared his throat obviously affected. 

"I was there for her, briefly. After Felicity left me and I had given up William, we found our way to each other. She was lonely I think, or maybe I kept her memory of you alive. I don't really know... but she needed someone and so we were there for each other. I tried to help her find purpose outside the league but Talia lured her straight back into her hell-" Sara interrupted obviously touched at the image of Oliver and Nyssa getting along. 

"I'm glad she had you, even if it was for a little while." She smiled though her tears continued to fall.  
"I can see why you fell in love with her... You must have been a beautiful couple." He said with understanding on his face. 

"She was good even though she had been raised by the devil himself," Sara whispered sadly recollecting memories of them together. 

"She chose Talia and the new League of Shadows over me, over team arrow. If I had known I would have tried harder but within a few months she had died." He explained. 

"Her grave?" Sara asked quietly, tears finally subsiding. 

"They burnt her body and Merlyn never told us what happened to her ashes." Oliver finished sadly.   
"I'm so sorry, Sara." She sighed before responding, "so am I."   
He took her hand as an employee signalled them to notify them of the car Thea ordered for Sara.   
They said their goodbyes and Sara took off in the car, with a 6 hour long journey ahead of her. A journey she would feel every second of, with the news that the woman she once loved more than her own life had died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun...
> 
> Our baby Nyssa's fate has been revealed.


	3. Quentin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Sara deals with the unexpected news, she reunites with her father, only to receive even more unexpected news.

**Quentin**

Sara spent most of her journey crying. Sara pulled up the partition in an attempt to stifle the sounds of her sobs. Whilst she was happy to be back, she felt lost and the last time she had felt this lost she had Nyssa and Laurel to ground her and show her the direction she was supposed to go in. She cried for her sister and she cried again for the one person she had truly loved. 

The sound of the partition rolling down pulled Sara out of her thoughts.

"We're nearly there Ms Lance." The driver said as the sign for Sudbury came up.

The driver nearly pulled up the partition again before he asked, "may I ask what’s wrong Miss? I hate to see such beautiful woman in such distress".

Sara was shocked but managed a nod.

 

"I found out that someone I loved- _love,_ died." Sara managed stifling her tears.

 

"I know there's never enough words to make the pain of loss go away… the only good thing is that their time of suffering is over, their life obviously had a purpose and they completed it. Whatever the next life brings for us, if someone has touched your heart then they have done something good on this earth." He said kindly before turning off into a sandy dirt track.

“Thank you. I hope she is somewhere better, this life hadn’t been kind to her, she deserved better.” Sara thought about her own death, she doesn't remember anything about it, there was just nothing. Maybe that was just for her and Nyssa surely had to be somewhere better. 

“I can tell you loved her very much. Don’t let that be a thing of the past, hold on to it, it’s the gift she left you behind.”

The driver smiled at her through the rear-view mirror. She managed to return his kindness and was surprisingly feeling the most optimistic she had since hearing the news from Oliver.

As they continued further down the dirt track Sara began recognising the small coastal town she had visited as a child. She would recall her parents looking at this quaint house by the beach. They had walked past it on one of their walks in the rain and talked about it for months.

The house came into view as Sara looked out the window, it looked just the same as her memories. The only difference was there were several more houses now further along the beach, where in the past it had stood alone. The weather was still as gloomy as she recalled and the beach still as stony and vast.

The driver pulled up and began collecting Sara’s bags and running them to the front door of the house as Sara geared herself up to exit the car. Ever since Laurels death she had feared being a part of her parents lives, in fear they would break if anything happened to her again. It was one thing to lose both of your daughters and have one return, but it was too much to lose one daughter twice. She thought by distancing herself from them it would protect them, but as she sat outside their new home she realised her logic really hadn’t made much sense.

The driver opened her door with an umbrella prepared pulled her out of her thoughts and prompted her to face up to her past and deal with everything she had been running away from.

She walked to the front of the house, every step her heart rate increasing.

“Thank you…” she said looking for a name badge on the driver.

“Izar” the driver provided.

“Izar,” Sara smiled kindly.

Izar nodded and began to walk away but stopped to ask, “do you want me to wait until you’re inside? There may not be anyone home. ”

Sara considered it, however it was 7 in the evening and she could see lights on inside the house. “I’ll be ok, thank you Izar,” she said kindly.

Before Izar could walk away she turned to ask him, “have we met before?”

A familiarity in his eyes and demeanour she could not quite place. Izar laughed shyly before responding, “I’m afraid not, I’m new in this country. I would remember had I met a face as pretty as yours before.” He said with a final nod.

 

Sara took a deep breath, then knocked on the door. She waited a moment and was about to knock again before she saw a figure move towards the door. The door opened and Quentin Lance stood before her, shock registering on his features before relief quickly over took. They both smiled brightly before he pulled her in for an embrace.

“Sara, is it really you?” He whispered into her hair.

“Yeah Dad, it’s really me.” She attempted at joking but it came out a lot quieter than she had meant it to.

Quentin pulled back to examine her, tears in his eyes at seeing his daughter once more.

“I didn’t kno-“ he began as Sara interrupted swiftly.

“I know Dad, I’m sorry.” She said as she too was welling up at this reunion.

While Sara loved her mother, she had been closer to her Father. Laurel was all about the girly things with their mother but Quentin had taken her to soccer, little league, fishing and all the other things girls weren’t supposed to like.

“Don’t apologize Sara, I’m just glad to have you back,” he said pulling her into another long embrace.

“I promise, I’m back for good, “Sara said gathering herself and relishing in the moment of being back with the one man who had loved her all her entire life. Quentin had loved and stuck with his daughter through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Just as he was about to respond, a little excited voice shouted, “Grandpa I finished my drawing!”

To say Sara was shocked and confused was an understatement. Everything seemed to be in slow motion when Quentin whipped around to face the direction the voice was coming from and back again to Sara, with wide eyes.

Sara clearly confused could only ask, “Grandpa?”

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out and before he could try again a little girl no older than 6 or 7 came bursting through the doors behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think she is??


	4. L.L.L

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin introduces his granddaughter to his daughter.

**L.L.L**

Clearly excited by her drawing the little girl hadn’t really looked up or assessed the situation before her. She looked up to see Sara staring at her, unblinking wide eyes and an open mouth, clearly shocked at seeing her.

The little girl’s excitement turned quickly to a shy expression as she then buried herself behind Quentin’s legs. Quentin melted as he looked down at the little girl and smiled lovingly. Sara continued to watch the exchange in sheer disbelief.

“It’s ok sweetie, come say hello,” Quentin said coaxing her out to stand in front of him. All evidence of prior panic completely erased as he looked up happily at a now once again teary-eyed Sara.

Sara bent down hesitantly to be on eye level with the little girl. She was a mixture of emotions which were all clearly etched on her face. Quentin watched as Sara completely confused tried to make sense of the situation. It was not only the fact that her parents now had a small child clearly living with them, as she looked around at the walls and saw pictures of the little girl on the walls around them.

The greatest shock was that this little girl was obviously the daughter of her former girlfriend, Nyssa.

Sara simply looked at the little girl stunned. She was the image of her mother, from her tanned complexion and dark chocolate hair; that reached her lower back, to her pointed features, heart shaped lips, high cheek bones and slight dimples. While her eyes were an extraordinarily light and clear blue-grey hue, they possessed the same piercing essence of her mother.

“Hi,” Sara whispered emotion clearly straining her voice.

The little girl looked up at Quentin as he gave her an encouraging nod.

“Hello,” she said with a bright smile, showing a couple missing teeth.

This caused Sara to let out a laugh that could have been mistaken for a breath had you not been looking at her face.

“I’m your- ” Sara began before the little girl interrupted her clearly amused.

“You’re auntie Sara of course,” she rolled her eyes and gestured with her hands over dramatically and giggled. Sara couldn’t help but laugh along with her as this little girl so full of love looked at her. She marvelled at the slight mixed Canadian and perhaps British accent the girl had.

“Of course, silly me…” Sara played along. The little girl continued to surprise her as she jumped at Sara for a hug. She immediately returned it and hugged her tightly as sadness washed over her. This little girl who had likely grown without ever knowing the amazing woman her mother had been. None of the pictures on the wall had Nyssa in them Sara noticed, and that seconds hope that Nyssa may have been alive after all, was crushed. 

She was brought out of her thoughts as she peeped out of her peripheral vision the paper the little girl had been holding now discarded on the ground.

Sara pulled back and picked it up whilst asking, “So, what is this drawing you finished then?”

The little girl got excited remembering what she had burst in the room to do. She held it up and started pointing to the various figures on the paper.

“This me and grandpa and Gaga at top of the big cliff at the end of the beach were we watch the waves.” She was pointing at the various figures as she explained.

It was incredibly well detailed and recognisable for a child so young. Sara smiled even more as she thought, of course Nyssa’s daughter would be as exceptionally intelligent as her mother.

“This is you fighting the bad bad guys in your superhero outfit,” she said pointing to a yellow haired figure with a yellow suit and black cape clearly kicking a bad guy.

“This is my daddy fighting really bad bad guys too. He’s a superhero like you that’s why he can’t come see me ‘cause then no one would be able to save the world,” she continued slightly saddened by the last statement.

“And these ones?” Sara prompted picking out two figures that looked almost like butterfly’s in the sky.

 “This one is my mommy and that’s auntie Laurel, they’re angels that look after us in the sky,” she said proudly looking up at her grandfather.

Sara’s heart broke looking at her. A tear had surely fallen out of her eyes at this. Her brilliant grey eyes the colour of the sky now lit up again as she went back to her drawing.

“This is my sin-a-ture,” she said cutely mispronouncing signature.

“Your signature?” Sara asked laughing kindly at the adorable moment.

“Yeah Lourdes Laurel Lance, grandma said that I should put my name on all my work so Mrs Hendrix knows it’s mine.”

She handed the paper to Sara so she could get a closer look. Sara’s tears only hurried in pace down her face.

Nyssa had named her daughter after Laurel. Her heart wrenched at Nyssa never getting to know her daughter, she surely would have been a great mother. Lourdes was Nyssa’s last gift to the world and to Sara. Sara suspected that she had her daughter sent to the Lance’s because she knew that while Nyssa felt she should have protected the Lance sisters from death, she could make up for it by bring a new life and joy into Quentin and Dinah’s lives. From the look on her father’s face she could tell that Lourdes had done exactly that. Whilst she cried for Nyssa and her daughter, the overwhelming feeling was love, with every moment she fell in love with Lourdes and even more so in love with Nyssa.

“Why are you crying auntie Sara?” she asked concern clear in her expression and eyes. Sara smiled through her tears, and took little Lourdes face in her hands.

“These are happy tears Lourdes…I’m happy because you remind me so much of your mother.”

Lourdes smiled proudly and wiped at Sara’s tears. Sara’s heart swelled at the sweet gesture.

“Papa told me that you really really loved my mommy, like to the moon and back, like Shrek loved Fiona and the Prince loved sleeping beauty.” She said looking up at an also teary eyed Quentin again.

“Yeah… I loved her even more than that,” Sara whispered as her tears continued to fall.

“Don’t be sad, that just means mommy is looking out for you too,” she said clearly seeing the emotion in Sara’s eyes.

“Lolo why don’t you go clear up and get ready for bed before Grandma comes home and let’s get auntie Sara settled,” he said going to pick up Sara’s bags that were still out on the doorstep.

Sara watched as Lourdes frowned exaggeratedly and swiftly turned and stomped away to where she had emerged from earlier. Sara took a breath feeling incredibly overwhelmed at the whole of the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of the interaction between Sara and little Lolo?


	5. Dinah

**Dinah**

Sara quickly discarded her belongings into the spare room she hurried back down stairs to get an explanation of what had just been revealed to her.

Before she could reach the living room in which her father waited the door behind her opened to reveal Dinah Lance. Dinah dropped everything immediately and after a moments shock went to embrace her daughter.

“You always come home, I knew you would.” Dinah said a bright smile on her face.

They shared a long hug before Dinah whispered into Sara’s ear, “Is Laurel with you?” Sara tensed at the question. That told Dinah everything she needed to know.

“I couldn’t save her mom.” Sara whispered back sadly. Dinah nodded sadly as Quentin appeared to embrace her.

“It’s ok Sara,” Dinah said noticing her daughters’ expression.

They heard her long before they saw her, the pitter-patter of her feet and a squeal. “GAAAAGAAAA!” Lourdes said practically jumping onto Dinah and Quentin.

As they conversed Sara watched on lovingly. Sara had not seen her parents this happy in maybe over a decade. The little girl had stolen everyone’s hearts and Sara looked to the sky to thank Nyssa for this little girl. Everything in this moment made sense. The joy this young girl had bought into Dinah and Quentin’s lives was evident.

They settled down onto the dining room table, where Dinah ate her dinner and Lourdes munched away on warm cookies and milk whilst quietly reading a book. Sara explained her situation to her parents briefly, only really relaying information that she had decided to come home and start a normal life after having seen too much of the world. Once Dinah finished eating Sara prompted for them to tell their story.

“Well, where do we start?” Dinah said looking at an intently reading Lourdes.

“How about you two getting back together as a start?” Sara said wiggling her eye brows at the two.

 “Right,” they both said looking at each other like two teenagers just caught making out.

“About 4 years ago I was back in Star City as a guest speaker at the university. I was attending an evening event but I didn’t want to go alone, since the guy I was seeing at the time, Robert, said he was away on business. Your father kindly offered to take me and so he did. Well, it turns out that Robert was away on business, and that business was attending his wife’s charity ball; the exactly same event he had failed to realise I was going to.” Dinah said laughing as the two shared a knowing look.

“So instead of letting me be quietly embarrassed, your father found out some dirt on the guy and by the end of the night he was getting lead away in handcuffs.” Quentin nodded proudly. Sara laughed at her Father’s level of pettiness.

“After swooping in like a knight in shining armour, we began seeing each other more frequently… Let’s just say after that we fell back into-” she said as they shared a look of adoration.

“Ok, I get the picture,” Sara interrupted.

“We were travelling from city to city to see each other but that was getting strenuous, especially as I was about to run for senator. We had been discussing getting back together properly and moving in together.” Quentin continued on for Dinah.

“Then, we were taking a weeks’ vacation here and we saw the house was for sale. You know how much we loved it here and especially this house, it really seemed like things were falling into place for us.”

Sara then remembered that while she had never mentioned this place to Oliver or Thea, she had mentioned it to Nyssa during her time training for the league, as the two were getting to know each other. Sara was a bit of a believer in fate but she wasn’t sure this could all be coincidence.

“I was thinking we could rent it out and use it for holidays and later retirement but-” Quentin said before Dinah cut him off to say.

“I was ready to move here straight away however. I quit my job and was looking for another less strenuous job but if Quentin was going to be senator he would be needed in the city.”

Sara marvelled in the fact her father had become mayor and was even being considered for senator.

“I can’t believe you were going to run for senator Dad, I’m so proud of you, of both of you.”

Sara watched the two affectionately gazing at one another.

“But why didn’t you run, surely a baby wouldn’t have been a big deal?” She asked looking back at Lourdes.

“The last few days of our stay at the rented house, we had a visitor.” Quentin continued.

“Nyssa’s sister, Talia.” Dinah added.

“And along with her was a 3-year-old little Lourdes. Just like you, we knew right away she was Nyssa’s.” Quentin said.

The story however didn’t add up with what Oliver had told her, Talia had been responsible for Nyssa’s death six years ago, so where did Lourdes come from.

“Nyssa found out she was pregnant after she left with Talia to rebuild the league but she still had a target on her back from Malcom and since Ra’s was dead, all of the league’s and Talia’s enemies were now hers.” Quentin explained further.

“Talia wanted to bring back Ra’s and from what I saw Talia and Nyssa hated each other, why would she care what happens to Nyssa?” Sara asked trying to make sense of the situation.

“You should know better than anyone that sisters can hate each other but still sooner die for the other than see them harmed.” Dinah said reminding Sara of her own relationship with her sister.

It was still strange however, from what Sara remembered from her time with the league, Talia and Nyssa were nothing but cold to one another. They despised each other and the only thing keeping them from tearing each other apart was Ra’s.

Talia had often been cruel to Nyssa, commonly mocking her mother for being a low born woman who had died giving birth to her. Talia especially despised Nyssa for being heir to the demon after Talia’s constant fails in Gotham, where she spent most of her time.

“The sisters obviously sorted out their differences because, they rebuilt the league into something different than what their father had led it to be. However, Nyssa feared she would die in childbirth exactly like her mother and made measures to ensure her child’s safety.” Quentin continued.

“She wanted her child to have a normal life unlike her and Talia had been raised to have. She wrote us a very beautiful letter explaining this. She thought that the only way Lourdes could have a normal life is if we adopted her, since she said we had done such a wonderful job with our own children.”

Nyssa hadn’t really known anyone outside the scope of heroes, secret societies, vigilantes and the rest of it. Sara was glad she had seen the beauty in her parents even after her own difficult relationship.

“You didn’t owe Nyssa anything, why did you say yes?” Sara inquired.

“All it took was one look at her and I knew I had to protect this little girl and give her the best life possible… While our own relationship with Nyssa was not easy, both of my daughters had fallen in love with her and I had to have faith in my children that they would pick someone genuinely good inside even with that stoic exterior.” Dinah revealed.

Dinah watched as understanding dawned on Sara’s face. Laurel and Nyssa had fallen for each other. Sara didn’t really know what to think of that, whether she was happy or mad.

“I guess the Lance sisters really do share everything,” Sara spoke quietly.

“Nyssa and Laurel needed each other after your death. Nyssa made her better again, made her a stronger Laurel, I don’t think you can fault them for that.” Dinah spoke in order for Sara to understand.

“I still don’t understand; why would you give up everything?” Sara prompted for them to continue.

 “Your mother fell in love with her instantaneously. We weren’t giving anything up, the look on your mother’s face gave me my decision. Nyssa left us 10 million in child support and a savings account for Lourdes to never have to work a day in her life. She gave us all the tools to look after her and so we chose Lourdes. It wasn’t about the money but making this little girl happy, and she has given us more joy than I could imagine.” Quentin finished.

“But why did you erase all traces of you in Star City, leave everyone and never see or contact them again?” Sara questioned.

“This is the complicated part.” Quentin said looking at Dinah.

“She didn’t want anyone to find out that she had been pregnant much less had a child. So, they orchestrated the ordeal over bringing back Ra’s and the fight to be the next Demon Head. Her enemies could not touch her daughter if they thought she was dead. She went into hiding and… died giving birth. She requested that any links of Nyssa be removed from Lourdes’ life, that included our friends in Star City.”

Sara sighed trying to process all this information.

“Then where did Lourdes go, if she came here when she was three?” Sara asked.

“She was raised as an orphan child of the league, they wiped any link she had to Nyssa. However, this had not been the life Nyssa wanted for her daughter, and while Talia wanted to keep her niece close and protect her, the league could not provide that. Especially as with each day her resemblance to not only Nyssa but Talia also became clearer…they faked Lourdes death, so any enemies of the league or Nyssa or Talia who even had an inkling of something would be extinguished.” Quentin explained.

“So, who does it say on her birth certificate is her mother, and can’t believe I didn’t ask this sooner; who is her father?” Sara pressed.

“For mother it simply says Amina, and for father is unknown…” Quentin said hesitantly.

Sara remembered that Nyssa said her mother’s name had been Amina Raatko. Before she could ask about Lourdes father her mother spoke up again.

“There’s another reason we had to leave Star City completely behind,” she began, prompting Sara to look at Lourdes who was still intently reading her book. Her brows furrowed in concentration and lips pursed with her dimples prominent.

“If you look squint when she’s deep in concentration…you can probably figure out who her fathe-“ Dinah spoke voice getting quieter with each word.

Sara dropped her glass of water when she put two and two together.

“Oliver.” she exclaimed as Lourdes looked up at her with those electric grey-blue eyes that now bore a strong resemblance to her fathers’. 

Lourdes stared up at Sara, clear thought behind those piercing eyes. The girl the absolute image of her mother, but her father’s stern face stared back at Sara now.

“Auntie Sara, you just got water all over my new book,” She spoke after a while.

Little did the adults at this table really understand the intelligence of this young girl, for she had been listening the entire time and now clearly knew her father’s name.

“That’s naughty auntie Sara, you better clean that up before bed,” Dinah spoke getting up from her seat at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> Oliver's the baby daddy :O


	6. He Can't Find Out

After a small tantrum over going to bed and wanting to spend more time with Auntie Sara, Dinah managed to take Lourdes to bed leaving Quentin and Sara to talk.

“I’m going to need something stronger if I am going to process all this tonight,” Sara said raking her fingers through her hair.

“I’ve not touched a drop of Alcohol in 4 years, vitamin water’s the strongest thing going.” Quentin said with small smile.

“So, Nyssa had a baby with Oliver.” Sara stated in disbelief.

“Yes it’s a bizarre scenario but the one that produced our beautiful girl.” Quentin agreed.

“Does Oliver know?” Sara asked.

“No, and he never can.” Dinah said seriously walking back into the room.

 “Surely, he deserves to know, do you not remember that he never got the chance to know William either?” Sara said shocked that her parents especially her mother would be okay with keeping a child from her father.

“That is precisely why he nor anyone else from there can know.” Dinah continued.

“Mom. He is her father.” Sara responded sharply.

“William was abducted so Merlyn or Savage or whoever, could get to Oliver. That is exactly what Nyssa didn’t want for her child. Neither should you,” Dinah accused.

Sara laughed unamused what’s so ever by the conversation.

“I don’t want that, Oliver and team arrow could protect her, she should know her family.” Sara reasoned.

“You couldn’t guarantee that and you know it.” Dinah said coldly, obviously a touchy subject.

“Listen Sara, it was Nyssa’s dying wish for her daughter to be ensured safety at all costs. I think we owe it to her to respect it.” Quentin intervened to try and deescalate the raising tempers.

“Not everyone has to know but Oliver at least should be aware, even if he can’t actually be involved in her life.” Sara continued. “If Oliver finds out then that runs the risk of his enemies finding out and Nyssa’s enemies will find out anyway and it will all have been for nothing.” Quentin continued.

Sara was in absolute disbelief that Nyssa or her parents could agree with depriving a child of a relationship with her Father.

“I understand all that but it is not our place to decide that, and frankly I don’t think it was Nyssa’s sole position to decide to deprive Lourdes of knowing her Father… the Nyssa I knew was honourable and couldn’t have wanted this,” Sara finished.

She could tell her mother was on the cusp of losing her temper, which was extremely rare, considering she had only seen her mother truly angry a handful of times. Considering how free-spirited Sara was as a teenager, her mother not losing her cool was an achievement.

“I don’t think Nyssa wanted any of this, I think she would have done anything to provide her daughter with the perfect upbringing, but she never got the chance. This was the next best solution. Leaving her with people she knew would love her daughter and keep her out of harm’s way.” Quentin reasoned.

“You are not to tell anyone a word Sara,” Dinah said sternly.

“I can’t promise that Mom,” she responded softly attempting to placate the situation.

“I have had quite enough of this! You can be as free spirited as you like and continue to destroy your own life as much as you want…” Dinah began shouting.

Quentin stood to calm her down but it made no difference as he attempted to cut in.

“…but you will not bring everyone down again.” She finished breathing heavily with anger clear on her face.

Sara was stunned by her mothers’ words. Hurt beyond belief. All the insecurities Sara had about having been a cancer to the people she loved were triggered. A part of her hated herself because she seemed to always ruin the people around her. She had been the downfall of Nyssa; if they had never met Nyssa might still be alive, could have succeeded her dream of being Heir to the Demon. The heart break and destruction of loyalty and trust she had caused her sister with Oliver, her death and return. Yet Laurel had still saved her and when it came to save her sister she failed her once more. Sara believed she had continually been the catalyst to her family’s issues. Yet hearing her own mother voice her thoughts cut deeper.

“Dinah you don’t mean that,” Quentin said attempting to sooth his wife’s fears.

Sara understood her mother’s fears. Dinah loved Lourdes, that was evident. Yet Sara knew Oliver would die before letting anything happen to his daughter. He should have at least got the chance as her Father.

“I _do_ mean that Quentin,” Dinah said briefly sparing a glance at her husband.

“I promise you Sara if you say a word and intervene in our little girl’s life, we’ll be gone and out of your life _forever,_ quicker than you can say ‘Oliver’.” Dinah threatened before storming out the room.

Sara sat stunned for ages, thinking what to do. Her parents argued in the other room for an hour before Quentin returned to join her.

“She’s just scared. She doesn’t mean the things she said.” Quentin took her hands as he spoke.

“I know that I haven’t made your lives easy. I wish I could do the right thing at least once in my life.” Sara said sadly.

“Sara we love you and we couldn’t be any prouder of you than we are. That wasn’t your mother talking, it was fear.” He sighed and just then Sara realised that he too was terrified at the thought of Oli finding out.

“It was that same fear that gave your mother anxiety attacks at the thought of losing you again or anyone else, after Laurel died. It was that fear that leaves us breathless at the thought of you never returning, every time you leave the door…your mother is terrified of losing someone else she so irrevocably loves. She _chose_ to love again after losing Laurel, when she could have given up. I can’t tell you how difficult it is to lose your children more than once. I didn’t think I would get through it, and I doubt I would be standing here today without your mother’s strength…honestly, I would have put a bullet straight through my skull.” Quentin admitted pain etched across his features.

Now Sara truly understood her mother’s point of view.

“I’m sorry dad, I didn’t know you guys felt that way.” Sara spoke sympathetically.

“There’s no way you could have known. We don’t blame you for anything baby girl. All we have ever wanted was your happiness and safety.”

Just then a much calmer Dinah Lance walked through, shame and sadness resonating from her. There were no words need as Sara got up immediately to embrace her mother. Just like that all was forgiven.

“I’m sorry for the horrible way I acted and the things I said,” Dinah said stroking the hair away from Sara’s face. She studied her daughter with nothing but love in her eyes.

“I’m sorry too Mom. For everything. What you’ve done for Lourdes is amazing, I wouldn’t want anything to risk her safety or happiness here…I won’t say anything.”

Her mother kissed her forehead just like she used to when she was a little girl.

“I love you sweetheart and I’m just glad you’re home.” She said embracing her daughter once more.

“I love you too Mom.”

Quentin smiled as he watched the two make up.


	7. The Box of Love's Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's funny how something as simple as a box of trinkets brings it all back.

**The Box of Love’s Past**

Once Dinah and Quentin had excused themselves for the night. Sara was left to marvel in the revelations of the day. Sara was still trying to process everything since landing in 2022 that same morning. She could never have guessed even one of the things that had happened over the past years. She was sure she would not be sleeping for some hours and decided to walk to the convenience store she recalled being down the beach.

She returned home with a small bottle of whisky and immediately poured herself a healthy glass. She moved to the dining room and she noticed a box left on the table.  A note written in her Mother’s hand read _‘Talia left this for you, from Nyssa I suspect_.’

She opened the box and for what felt like the millionth time that day she was once again crying. The small box revealed memorabilia that Sara had no idea Nyssa had kept. She pulled out, the jacket Nyssa had bought her, Nyssa’s favourite poem ‘Naked,’ by Pablo Neruda and more trinkets from their time together.

Sara pulled out a distinct yellow flower she had found when she had convinced Nyssa to sneak her out into the sun when she first arrived at Nanda Parbat. Sara recalled the day like it was yesterday.

**_ ***FLASHBACK*** _ **

“Come on Nyssa, pleeeeeaaaseee.” Sara whined and playfully batted her eyes making a puppy dog face at Nyssa.

If Nyssa found her even remotely cute or entertaining she did not show it.

Since finding this strange girl and nursing her to health, she had surprised Nyssa at every turn. Already she had begun to get under her skin, and she was strangely intrigued by it.

A conversation like this would never have occurred with anyone else.

“Sara, I cannot take you outside until you have been brought before my Father.” Nyssa replied, perplex at Sara’s need to escape.

She was no caged bird Nyssa thought to herself.

“Listen, you said to me that if your father rules me unfit to join the League then I’ll die. Surely I deserve to be allowed to see the Sun one last time before my possible execution.”

Sara had already figured out a way to bend Nyssa’s ear. Maybe it was her sky blue eyes that Nyssa had instantaneously made a connection with. Maybe it was the way she was so carefree and pushed Nyssa to question things she had never considered before. Or maybe it was just that smile that radiated light in any room, a smile she managed to put on even in the hardest situations.

After Sara had continued to pout like a petulant child for the following 10 minutes and refused to allow Nyssa to change her bandages, Nyssa agreed.

She snuck her out using one of the hidden tunnels Nyssa had learnt to master as a small child. Once outside Sara found a yellow flower hanging from a tree branch. Sara jumped over to an unsteady ledge to retrieve it.

“Close your eyes,” Sara spoke with a playful edge in her voice.

“Why must you continue to act like a child even when I cave in to your requests,” Nyssa said rolling her eyes.

“Just _do it_ ,” Sara scolded playfully.

When Nyssa followed the girls demands she was surprised when Sara pushed the flower into her hair.

“If I had money or even belongings I would have gotten something to thank you with, but I guess this is all I have. You didn’t have to save me when you found me and you did, and continue to nurse me back to my health without ever asking for anything in return. I guess this is me being serious, for once, and saying thank you for believing in me.” Nyssa blushed and for the first time since meeting had found herself stuttering an awkward reply.

“I -Thanks you- I mean, you’re welcome, I didn’t- _do_ anything. I mean I did, but you woke yourself up.”

Sara found herself thoroughly amused at Nyssa blushing. It was from that moment on she made it her mission to have Nyssa tongue-tied and blushing.

“It certainly gives one _incentive_ to wake up every day when their doctor is hot as hell in leather,” Sara said shamelessly eyeing a blushing Nyssa.

 **END** ***

 

The next item in the box was an old knife with tribal markings on the handle. The knife Sara used to disarm Nyssa for the first time. Once Ra’s had allowed her to train for the league, Nyssa as her mentor, she spent months training her tirelessly and Sara had never once disarmed her. Sara laughed aloud as she recalled the memory.

** *** **

They had been training all day and Sara was exhausted. Nyssa had been pushing her harder and harder the past few weeks, to limits Sara didn’t know she had. From sleep deprivation, to 15 hour intense training days and strict diets. Sara thought she was at her limits and that she would break soon.

On top of that Nyssa had suddenly been distant and cold for the last week. After training where they would usually wind down together, Nyssa now left abruptly. Where they would sit and eat together, Nyssa now left and returned only to get back to training. While she knew Nyssa took her job as mentor seriously, they had been something close to friends before her sudden switch in behaviour.

As they trained this evening Sara had bruises littered across her body. Some old, some newly forming. They had been training with bow staffs for the last few hours and Sara was close to snapping.

“Hold your position.” The assassin said as Sara took another hit.

Sara lunged again unsuccessfully and received another hit to the ribs.

“You’re too open and your movements are too obvious.”

Sara huffed in rising frustration. She put more effort and faster movements into attempting to hit Nyssa who dodged them swiftly.

“Your frustration only makes your movements much sloppier,” Nyssa stated with another jab to her already bruised thigh.

Sara lunged again and only managed to be tripped and land on her back and wind herself at the same time.

“Training is over for the day, try again tomorrow.” Nyssa said offering Sara a hand before trying to make another quick exit.

Before she could Nyssa refused to let go of her hand.

“What are you doing?” She asked obviously not expecting Sara’s actions.

“What’s your deal Nyssa?” Sara asked seriously.

“I’m your mentor and you’re my student. I come here to train you and I have done that and now I am leaving.” She said briskly attempting to once again walk away.

“Everything was going fine and suddenly you barely talk to me, you work me to the brink of death and can’t even stand looking at me. I’m sorry I am such a disappointment to you,” Sara said, more hurt in her voice than either one of them expected.

“You’re not a disappointment Sara,” Nyssa responded still not meeting her eye.

“If you don’t want to train me that’s fine but please don’t shut me out, you’re the only person that makes all this bearable.” She admitted.

Nyssa then looked up at Sara and the expression on her face shook Sara. Tears had formed in the usually stoic unreadable woman.

“It is not any of that Sara,” she managed.

“Then wha-” but before she could ask Nyssa had pulled her close and kissed her.

She had been extremely shocked by the turn of events but her body had reacted instantly. Something she had been craving for longer than she cared to admit.

Their first kiss where Nyssa’s lips had been soft and tender, whilst a desperation and need Sara had tasted on Nyssa’s tongue. Her own want evident in the way she kissed back ferociously. Nyssa had pulled back to gage her reaction and Sara had taken that moment to not only wipe Nyssa’s feet from under her but disarm her by taking the knife she usually kept on her and held it up to Nyssa’s throat.

“May be there is hope for you yet Ms Lance,” Nyssa said with a playful twinkle in her eye before disarming Sara of the knife and rolling on top of her.

Nyssa hovered above her, a look of pure adoration in her eyes. Sara realised that perhaps she was more than just attracted to her mentor. An unfamiliar electricity ran through her, and instead of wanting to run, as she had always something in the warm chocolate eyes staring back at her, begged for more.

  *******

****

Sara never knew Nyssa had kept these things, she always seemed as if she would have found it trivial. It was warming to think that even after she had let Sara go, she had kept a part of her in these memories. The last item was a small teddy bear that Nyssa had won Sara on their first official date.

** *** **

 

“I thought for our first date, we should do something silly and fun.” Sara said draging Nyssa into an open carnival in Barcelona.

“The things I go along with for you,” She replied playfully as she sought out the blonde’s lips.

“You’re supposed to wait until the end of the date to kiss the girl…you _really_ have no idea how to be normal do you?” Sara said playfully kissing her back.

Nyssa bit her bottom lip in retaliation before saying, “I am perfectly normal Sara, I find it is _you_ who is strange.”

They continued to go on rides and eat paella and other sweet Spanish delicacies. They walked through the games area and Sara pointed to a shooting stall, and whispered into Nyssa’s ear.

“If you win me something I’ll let you do whatever you want with me tonight.” She purposefully spoke slowly and it was evident on Nyssa’s face the effect Sara had on her.

Nyssa didn’t even respond before paying the stall vendor and picking up the toy gun. Within all of 5 seconds Nyssa had shot every target on the bullseye and turned around smugly to face a frustrated Sara. Nyssa winked before turning back around to respond to the vendor asking what prize she wanted.

Rather than picking one of the huge teddies, the brunette noticed a small bear that had unmatched ears, yellow stitching and was perfectly unique in its misshapen way.

** *** **

Over the years Sara had tried to block out the aching pain she felt without Nyssa by her side. Reminiscing through the part of her mind she had carefully tried to not wonder to, these memories brought back the aching to a tormenting raging fire.


	8. A Letter's Treasured Moments

**A Letter’s treasured moments**

Sara had poured herself two more shots of whisky by the time she got to the letter. Whilst she had managed to stop crying, she was still a mess emotionally.

The letter simply had ‘Sara’ on the cover in Nyssa’s perfect cursive.

Sara first thought it might have been the letter Nyssa had written to her when Sara had completed her final test back in League training. At closer inspection she could see that it was a newer letter, an unopened one.

She needed another drink before she could face the contents of the letter. She was drowning herself in the alcohol because she didn’t feel like she could handle everything. Being back meant she was forced to face all the things she had been running from. In all honesty she felt guilty that she had lived while her sister and Nyssa had not. She felt useless for she should have saved them like they had her.

She opened the letter which read:

‘ _Beloved._

_I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to write this letter. For someone so usually adept with words, it is you that has once again found me at a loss._

_My beloved Sara. Ta-er al-Sahfer._

_If you are reading this then by another miracle you have returned home to your family. I think this letter is more for my peace of mind than anything, I could not bear the thought of you lost somewhere in time, never to return._

_There will never be enough words one could write on a page to describe the way I feel about you. For you, I only have immense gratitude for the love, the light and the inspiration you bought to my life.  Everything good about my life came from you and for that I will forever be indebted to you. You showed up in my life completely broken, on the brink of death, yet there was nothing fractured about you at all. You showed me for the first-time what real love was supposed to be. You made me question the values and the very core of who I was, and who I wanted to be. You were a light that bought me out of the darkness, a light that showed me there was more to the world._

_I have never blamed you for leaving the way you did. Your love spread far beyond the scope of what mine did. You had an honest, loving, family and people to fight for. I apologize for the pain I caused your family when arrived in Starling City, for I had been given a taste of heaven and it had been taken away. I had never let emotions blindly lead my actions before. You taught me that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing to follow your heart over your head. So when I released you from the league, it was not for myself, it was for you. You deserved better because your heart had more light in it than darkness._

_When you died I never thought I would get over the pain. Merlyn took you from me and vengeance was all I could see but then there was Laurel. Laurel Lance. She reminded me so much of you, she was the last piece of you I could hold on to. Yet, she was more than that. She helped me mourn you, she showed me that I could love again. Laurel saw something in me that gave me hope and strength in myself, when I thought the best parts of myself had died along with you. With her I found that I was more than what my father had raised me to be. I was more than the League, I was more than an assassin._

_When she bought you back from the dead my soul cried for you. It was like looking at a ghost, you looked like you but it was not you. I mourned you again._

_And still you returned. A miracle. The fighter I had met on that island, back in the flesh. That is when I knew I had to let you go. You came to save me and little did you know; you had been saving me over and over, since the moment I laid eyes on you. I would not let you be caged to me because I loved you. My little bird needed to fly, for you were destined for something greater. And fly you did beloved. Laurel kept me updated on your adventures. I could not be any prouder of you._

_Now is the most difficult part. Explaining everything that has happened since Laurel’s death. I feel I owe you perhaps the biggest explanation, aside from Lourdes. Laurel’s death made me realise that a happy ending was not something that was ever meant for me. I wish I could say that my daughters’ conception was something born out of love and joy, but it wasn’t. I had hit rock bottom. Laurel was gone, so was my father and so were you. I was lost. So I got blackout drunk and somehow woke up with Oliver in my bed. Needless to say neither one of us was keen to see the other the next morning. While it wasn’t love with Oliver he offered me friendship and a new purpose. He offered me a new life but it would never have worked. I was raised as daughter of the demon. I could no longer play at being someone else._

_I picked myself up and took the olive branch my sister offered me. While I had spent my life thinking my sister hated me, I had no idea that she had been protecting me and pushing me to be better. She was the closest thing I had to a mother. The only family I knew._

_If you are reading this, then I am no longer alive. Do not cry over me because, Sara Lance, you are the love of my life. Whatever happens to me just know that I loved you, in this life, and I’ll love you in the next. While life has not been kind to me, it did give me my own miracle. Since you are reading this, it means your parents accepted my child. I couldn’t think of anyone better to raise my daughter with more love and understanding than Dinah or Quentin. I mean, look at the amazing job they did with their own two._

_Oliver cannot know she exists until she is of age to make that decision for herself. I would never have wanted to keep him away from his daughter but her safety and happiness are all that matters to me. The only thing I have to hold on to is that while she was born out of darkness, her life will only be warmth and light. I have every faith in your parents in raising her to be loved and happy. She is my hope that I did bring something good into this world. I wonder what she is like, if she looks like me. I hope you choose to get to know her, so she too can know her mother from someone that truly loved her._

_I left you this box of my memories. I’ll admit I am more sentimental that you thought. I hope you can look back on our time together with joy. I know my daughter will love you, I think it is in her blood.  I left her a box of letters, one she can open on her every birthday until she is 18. Whilst I am not there to see her flourish and become something wonderful, I would like her to know that she was loved and that I am truly sorry I was not able to be there for her._

_I ask of you only one thing, that you protect my daughter from harm’s way. If she ever gets lost, she need only find you to get back on her path._

_I have so many more things I want to say to you, maybe I’ll see you again and get to say them. Maybe not._

_The only way I can say goodbye is, I am sorry, thank you and I love you Beloved._

_Nyssa al Ghul.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally started this out to be a short little love story, but I’ve been hit with a burst of inspiration to make it more action packed with slow burn romance. I’ve also decide to incorporate other aspects of DC universe, including certain film/television adaptions to coincide with this. It is going to be considerably longer and I hope you stick around for more. There are going to be some changes in time line and characters to better fit the story. 
> 
> I will update as regularly as possible.   
> Send in any comments and thoughts. Love to hear what you think of the chapters and guesses at what will happen.


	9. Little Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little birds and little wings.

**Little Birds**

Sara had woken up severely hungover in her bed after the night she read Nyssa’s letter. She only remembers reading the letter and going out to the beach behind their house and crying for what felt like hours. She had vague flashbacks of someone escorting her back to the house that night, but for the life of her couldn’t remember who it was. Sara had been too ashamed to ask the following day if it had been either one of her parents.

The following weeks to come Sara settled into her new life. She decided that if she was to keep her promise to Nyssa she could not also be a part of her old friends’ lives. She visited Oliver and rest of the crew to tell them she wanted a new beginning away from the madness of Star city. She needed to start afresh without being dragged into the darkness. She had done her part for the world, it was time to disappear _into_ the world. She promised to visit occasionally but ultimately could not live in Star city as it was a painful reminder of everything she had lost. Team arrow were sad to see her go but understood her decision having moved on with their own lives long ago. After a teary goodbye, she closed the door to that chapter in her life.

 

Weeks and months followed allowing her to settle into her parent’s home and to become close to Lourdes. She found the small coastal town was quiet yet engaging, and she was hopeful of a normal future. A normal future, without assassins, monsters or corruption.

Her father as the town sheriff offered her a place in his office which she declined. Her mother had even offered her a place at the local college she taught at. Yet after weeks of deliberating, Sara decided upon teaching classes at the new sports centre. During the day she was a personal fitness trainer and during the evenings she would teach martial arts; and on Saturday mornings she would teach self-defence classes to women and children.

As time progressed Sara threw herself completely into her new life. Where before she feared the darkness in her could never allow her a normal life, Lourdes provided a light which illuminated all that she touched. While Sara had enjoyed her past, she held no desire to return to her old way of life. Living with her parents and witnessing the change that Lourdes brought kept her wanderlust at bay.

Dinah was no longer in constant worry and anxiety for her family’s safety. Quentin positively a new man, joyous and free from the cloud of pain and deep sorrow that once followed him round. Even with loved ones no longer with them, they had found a new love within Lourdes and each other.

Lourdes had proven herself to be no ordinary little girl within days of spending time with her. Sara witnessed her overly advanced intelligence and enlightening empathy, yet, it was her altruism Sara was most intrigued by. Six months after arriving in 2022 she witnessed the most glorious thing on a particular Saturday morning as they walked to the car from self-defence class.  

“Auntie Sara, look, this bird it’s hurt,” the curious dark-haired girl said in her quaint accent.

There was a small, coincidentally yellow, bird obviously dying on the ground, barely able to flap its wings.

Every day with Lourdes was a learning experience for Sara. She had thrown herself into parenting and was scared she would do something wrong, yet every day she surprised herself. Death, however, was a subject she had no idea how to broach. Aside from the understanding that her mother and Laurel had died, Lourdes never spoken about it with Sara.

Sara knelt next to the concerned little girl. Her brilliant grey-blue eyes looked up at Sara so full of hope, it pained her that she could not provide a solution to the situation.

“I don’t think she can fly anymore baby,” Sara said taking the suffering bird into her hands. They watched the bird’s chest rising and falling, every second closer to its last. Within moments the bird’s chest stopped moving. Sara looked at Lourdes, unsure how to comfort the tears welling up in her eyes.

Lourdes surprised Sara by taking the bird into her own hands. She watched curiously what Lourdes would do next. Lourdes closed her eyes and frowned in concentration, almost as if in silent prayer.

After several still moments Sara noticed the bird’s wings begin to flutter in small hands. She looked back to Lourdes who was still in concentration and a small smile pulling at her cheeks, when the bird was released and landed, revived, a few feet away from them.

Sara sat stunned looking between Lourdes’ hands and the happily fluttering bird.

“Don’t be scared auntie Sara, the bird is ok now.” A bright unphased smile plastered on her face.

Sara shook her head and marvelled at what she had just witnessed. She wasn’t sure she could take any more surprises when it came to Lourdes, but here she was again. She bought the bird back to life and told Sara to not be scared.

Sara laughed bringing Lourdes into an embrace as thoughts of how proud Nyssa would be had she known her daughter washed through her mind. How proud she would have been to see her child with the biggest heart and not a single ounce of darkness in her.

“I’m not scared sweetie; I am just… surprised. You’re something _special_ and I want you to cherish that.” She said wiping away the forgotten tears on her face.

“That’s what Gaga says. She tells me that I am smart and special and…” Lourdes explained furrowing her brow in the cute way that always reminded Sara of Oliver.

“…and beautiful inside and out.”

Sara smiled at her as the bird landed back in Lourdes’ open hand before flying off into the sky. She watched the exchange with awe. Lourdes had nothing but love in her heart and Sara loved her more than she thought humanly possible. Not only was she a constant reminder of the woman she who owned her heart but she was her own pure entity. This was both exhilarating and daunting. Daunting because she didn’t want Lourdes to ever lose that innocence and see the world as it sometimes could be, cruel and unforgiving. She feared that her metahuman abilities would be discovered and the life Nyssa had died trying to protect her from would consume Lourdes anyway.

She observed Lourdes staring back at her thoughtfully, her eyes flitting across her face, trying to read Sara’s expression. As they made eye contact Sara said very seriously,

“you can never show anyone else what you can do Lourdes.” The little olive-skinned girl nodded as she took in the seriousness in Sara’s demeanour.

“I promise I won’t. Papa and Gaga said if people see me do what I do they won’t understand and will be mean to me.” She added. 

Lourdes smiled back at her and skipped to the car leaving Sara still in wonder and disbelief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments thus far, do engage in the story and keep them coming.   
> This is going to be long and emotional, so be prepared.


	10. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy reveals more than you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an introduction of a new character in this chapter, she will be very important later on.

**Therapy**

Sara and Lourdes walked hand in hand into the lobby of the small-town clinic. The reception was as bleak as Sara imagined. Today was the first time she was taking Lourdes to her therapist. The young girl had been going intermittently since moving in with the Lance’s because of terrible nightmare’s and other difficulties.

A woman at the reception desk looked up cheerfully as she said, “Lourdes Lance, 11:30?”

She looked between the two waiting for a response. Sara was out of her comfort zone here, she had always been sceptical about therapists, believing that they were only in it for the money and they had more problems than most of their clients anyway. Lourdes looked up at Sara signalling for her to respond.

“Yes, that’s us.”

“I’ll just let Doctor Hendrix know you are here,” She said walking away.

As they waited around Sara noticed Lourdes was unusually quiet, and Sara knew by now this meant something was on her mind.

“Lolo, what’s wrong?” Sara asked softly tickling the girls neck.

Lourdes smiled briefly before a serious expression settled on her face. A look that reminded Sara so much of the small girl’s mother. Even though it had been six months since she had found out about Nyssa’s death, looking at Lourdes would open the barely sealed wound in her heart.

“Please can you come in with me?” She asked vulnerability clear in her dazzling eyes. Sara was not sure what to make of this, never before had Lourdes been so shy to ask Sara for something.

“Of course, sweetie. You don’t need to be scared to ask me anything ever. You can come to me for anything, you know that right?”

A brilliant smile spread across the girls face. Sara couldn’t help but smile back as she looked at the gap where two teeth were missing on the bottom row.

Before Sara could speak again, Lourdes bounced up and ran excitedly to the woman opening the door along the corridor. Sara followed and watched the exchange with curiosity. Lourdes embraced the woman and Sara assumed this to be the therapist.

“I asked auntie Sara to come in with me today is that ok,” Lourdes said excitement clear in her voice.

“Of course it is. You go into the play room while I greet your aunt.” The woman replied standing up from her crouched position.

Sara was pleasantly surprised as she took in the therapist. She was a bombshell. She was supermodel height with a rich glowing dark complexion and curls that cascaded around her face. Sara thought to herself, maybe therapy wasn’t so bad after all.

“Wow,” Sara said eyeing the taller woman appreciatively. The woman smiled revealing perfect white teeth.

“Is that a compliment?” She asked with a knowing smirk. Sara melted at the woman’s seductive deep undistinguishable accent. 

“I’m sorry, I was just surprised is all, You’re stunning.” Sara flirted shamelessly. The therapist shook her head good naturedly.

“Am I not what you expected?” She questioned obviously enjoying the exchange.

“Well, honestly, I expect most therapists to be unattractive, tedious old depressives…not Victoria’s Secret models.” She said looking the woman up and down.

After laughing the woman lead Sara into her office, “Thank you that’s very kind. I must admit you’re a lot smoother than the last time we met.”

“The last time we met?” Sara questioned feeling like an idiot for not remembering the woman.

“Yeah, about half a year ago, I found you on the beach and took you home…you were fairly drunk.” She answered amusement clear in her voice. Sara was mortified to say the least, she had been a mess that night.

“Oh god, I am so sorry.” Sara began.

“It’s quite alright. In fairness, I was equally inebriated…it can be our little secret,” the therapist said with a wink. 

“Don’t let that be your first impression of me, I am usually quite the charmer.” Sara said sitting down in the office chair opposite the therapist who was now bringing out a file labelled ‘L. Lance’.

“Yes, I can see that.” Her eyes danced flirtatiously before they both burst out laughing. They took a second to gather themselves, and were quickly becoming fast friends.  

“I am Doctor Suhad Hendrix, but I am not too keen on formalities so you can call me Suhad.”

The demeanour of the woman was surprising to Sara. She was in fashionable formal attire and seemed too young to be an established therapist, she could not be older than early 30s. She seemed so out of place in this town, an air about her that didn’t quite mesh with this place. The same sort of air Sara carried to a degree.

“Hendrix?” Sara questioned at the unusual surname. “Yes, I was adopted from Ethiopia when I was young, and my parents stupidly allowed me to pick my own surname.” Suhad said amused.

“It certainly stands out. Much better than Sara Lance.” Sara answered.

“I’ve heard a lot about _Auntie Sara_ from Lourdes, she’s exhilarated to have you around. I haven’t stopped hearing about you since I returned from my 4 month sabbatical.” Suhad said opening the file.

“Since I moved here to be with my family, Lourdes and I have become very close.” Sara explained.

“It’s good to see that she’s got another motherly figure in her life.”

Sara was surprised to hear that. She hadn’t thought of herself as a mother figure in Lourdes life and the thought of that responsibility made her heart rate hasten.

“I’m not sure she sees me that way, but I’m ok with that. She’s my family all I can do is be there for her.” Sara elaborated.

“That’s really great. I just wanted to brief you on how this works before we go in. I know a lot of people are less than enthusiastic when it comes to therapists. I am simply here to talk to, in essence. People often come to therapists so they can be told what is wrong with them. In reality, you know yourself better than anyone, all I do is ask the right questions and bring out feelings so you learn how to best handle yourself.“  Suhad detailed, all playfulness from earlier gone.

“In all honesty I didn’t even know Lourdes came to therapy until a couple of days ago.” Sara admitted.

“She’s been coming to me since she moved here. Unfortunately, she has suffered with periods of intense night terrors, something to do with her past I imagine... but she’s a tough and intelligent little lady, she won’t need me at all soon enough.”

In the past few months whilst getting to know Lourdes, she had suffered a few nightmares, none that Sara was aware warranted professional care.

“She just seems so happy all the time, I never knew her nightmares were anything out of the ordinary.” Sara added.

“At first she was a very withdrawn child, she didn’t like interacting with anyone aside from Dinah but she gradually came out of her shell. It has been important for her to come here because I’ve been able to help your parents cope with her fears. Growing up without a mother, especially for a young girl, can cause many attachment and emotional issues, and having changed environments at such a young age has affected her somewhat. I’m inclined to believe that her recent changes are down to you. She is still very particular about who she bonds with, and I can see with you around she is grounded, she is happy.” Suhad explained.

Sara listened intently and was surprised to learn that Lourdes had ever been withdraw, especially as she was by description bubbly and extrovert.

“She’s my family, I want to do everything I can so she feels safe and loved.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of the therapist?  
> Anyone hazard a guess as to Suhad's possible future involvement in this?


	11. Love's Imprint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you loved her, why did you leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their love story in Sara's words.

**Love’s Imprint**

After explaining the layout of the session Suhad escorted the duo from the play room to a more comfortable lounging area of the office.

“How have you been feeling these days’ Lourdes? It has been a long time since we last spoke about your feelings.” Suhad said with a warm smile on her face.

“I’ve been happy! Happy! Happy!” She said jumping up with each ‘happy’. Sara watched on lovingly, heart warmed that Lourdes was growing up just as Nyssa had wanted.

“What’s making you so happy?” Suhad asked.

“I have the bestest family ever AND I finally got moved up to your class with the big 8 year olds. I now get to do fun work and challenging things with the older kids. ” She explained in her adorable dramatic way.

“That’s truly wonderful Lourdes.” Suhad said smiling at a clearly engaged Lourdes.

“…and now you’re home we can have my Arabic lessons again…Auntie Sara knows it too. There’s loads and loads that makes me happy Miss Hendrix.” She says excitedly.

“Speaking of _Auntie Sara_ , how come you wanted her to come in with you, usually it’s just us two.” Suhad prompted.

Sara was also curious as to why the little girl had requested this. Her reaction seemed to surprise both the adults in the room because she had gone from bursting with joy to an intense seriousness. She was silent for a moment while she considered what to say.

“Remember you can say anything in here Lourdes, we are here to speak about our feelings and no feelings are wrong.” Suhad pushed with softness in her voice.

“I love having Auntie Sara with me. She’s my bestest friend ever. We have the same birthday month and the best part is she tells me stuff about my mom. Nobody ever told me about my mommy before.” Her voice was almost a whisper by the end.

She seemed overwhelmed with emotion like she had never really considered it before. A silence passed as Suhad and Sara watched the young girl sadly. Even with all the happiness in the world, there was nothing that could fill the void of a young girl’s mother. Sara embraced a sombre Lourdes.

“Would you like to know more about your mother?” Suhad asked after jotting something down on her notepad. Lourdes answered with a nod felt in Sara’s embrace.

“Sara perhaps you could tell us a story about Nyssa.” Suhad prompted. Sara too had been struck with unexpected sadness at the obviously untold suffering of her little niece.

She smiled and wiped away the tears on Lourdes’ face. Taking her little fingers into her own she began explaining the story of how they met.

“When I met your mother, I was in a bad place. I had fought bad guys and they won and left me badly injured. And there came your mom. She was so _beautiful…_ and fearless. The first words she said to me were, ‘ _keep fighting’_. I couldn’t believe she looked at me and saw any sort of strength, I was at my weakest and yet she only took one glance and believed in me. No one had ever had faith in me like Nyssa.” Sara reminisced with a sad smile on her face.

“Did she save you from the bad guys?” Lourdes asked hope brimming in her eyes.

Sara laughed at the memory of their first exchange. “Yes, she did. She was my hero.”

“She’s a superhero like my daddy too?”

“Not quite the same, but she was _my_ hero.” Sara answered suddenly overcome with the memory of the force Nyssa had been in their first encounter.

“She saved me and brought me back to her boat. The bad guys tried to follow us and she told me to fight back. I didn’t think I had it in me but I did, even when I was so weak, your mom recognised a strength in me.” Nyssa’s belief in the blonde had been unyielding always.

“She personally nursed me back to health, even though she didn’t have to... even though I was just a stranger with nothing to offer her in return.” Lourdes was enraptured by her aunt’s every word.

“What was she like?” Suhad pushed also equally ensnared by Sara’s every word.

“She had this quiet intensity about her at first. She didn’t talk, not really. She would command and give instructions or tell me the things I needed to know. While I sat there and spilt my every thought because I just trusted her, right away. I trusted her _with my life_ in a time when I had every reason not to trust because of the things I had gone through in my past.”

Nyssa was not cold back when they first met but she had been mysterious and aloof which drove Sara insane; especially since she spent three solid weeks with the woman before she even revealed her real name, and not her title as ‘Heir to the Demon.’

“I think I annoyed her at first, and admittedly I loved it. I could tell she wanted to tell me to stop talking at times but she was too put together to reveal anything got to her. After, I joined the family company your mother was assigned to train me.” Lourdes blinked listening intently to every word Sara said.

“She had always been so serious but somewhere along the way she loosened up and let go of all her reservations. There was nothing wrong with her seriousness. I see that same intense focus for what you want, in you too.” Sara said smiling down at Lourdes.

A wide toothless smile spread across her face. She was so advanced for her age but sometimes you could forget she was a 5-year-old girl who desperately wanted to know her mother.

“I looked up to her. She was the best at everything and she was always the smartest in the room... How could I not fall in love with her?”

“She must have been quite a woman.” Suhad spoke with a peculiar distance and longing in her voice.

“She was the sun, after a long and cold night. I didn’t realise I was in love until she started pulling away from me.” Sara thought back to the many sleepless nights she had when Nyssa had distanced herself from her.

Confusion washed over Lourdes’ face as she asked, “Mommy didn’t love you back?”

“No, it’s because she loved me she didn’t want to show her feelings. She was afraid of the way she felt and what that would mean for her. She didn’t think she could focus on her goals of running your grandfathers company if she was with me.” Sara explained to a still confused Lourdes.

“But Gaga and Papa still go to work and love each other AND love me AND love you.” She said not understanding.

“This was a different kind of job that required everything a person had to give. You see sometimes, love is scary because it’s all consuming and it means caring about someone else above all else. It can be messy and you can lose yourself in it.”

Lourdes considered Sara’s words but said nothing. How could Sara explain their love when she could still not yet truly grasp and understand what they had.

“But your mommy chose _me_ and found a way to make it work. She opened up to me, she gave me everything she had to give. I couldn’t believe how loving she was. To everyone else she was distant, at times cold, but she revealed to me an incredible kindness, an unyielding resilience and a considerate _tender_ heart.”

Nyssa had a hard shell but inside she was warm and sweet. She was a woman of many facets, both vicious and benevolent, stern and loving, restrained yet freeing.  

“What does considerate mean Miss Hendrix?” Lourdes asked mispronouncing the word in that cute way children do.

“It means caring for other people before yourself, and making sure not to make them feel bad.” Suhad answered swiftly.

Lourdes nodded in understanding and prompted for Sara to continue.

“We were in love. Like those Disney movies you love so much. It was real. The realest thing I have ever felt…”

Sara felt a shame at the way things had ended. She never did get to make up for throwing away the best relationship she had ever been in.

“And then I broke her heart… I left her, in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye. I never did figure out a way to say goodbye to her.” She took a pause to gage Lourdes reaction.

Her brows furrowed worriedly and a brooding expression identical to Oliver’s flashed across her face.

“If you loved her then why did you leave?” There was accusation in her voice that cut Sara deep.

“I had to leave because auntie Laurel, Grandpa and Grandma were in danger. I hadn’t seen them in a long time and I needed them.”

Lourdes continued to regard Sara in her serious scowl, searching the blonde’s eyes for _something._

“Things were good, but they weren’t perfect. The company forced me to be someone I didn’t want to be. You can never last living a life you don’t want to lead. Your mother was the only thing that kept me going for so long but even that wasn’t enough after a while, and I couldn’t be with mommy and be with my family, the company didn’t allow that.”

Then Lourdes piped up, “why didn’t you take mommy with you?” Her eyes revealing hurt.

“Your mother’s whole life was the company. It’s all she ever worked for from the moment she was born. It was her destiny to command it. She couldn’t leave and I couldn’t stay.” Sara explained to a sad Lourdes.

“But why?” She stressed unable to understand.

“Because sometimes it’s not enough to just love someone, life is more complicated than that. Our lives were made up of more things we had to do than things we wanted to do. I did not leave because I didn’t love Nyssa anymore, I never stopped, even to this day.” Sara looked deep in Lourdes’ electric eyes to make sure she understood.

“It broke your mother’s heart but by her grace she forgave me, and allowed us to go our separate ways, to our destinies. I had to go save the world and your mommy helped save it her own way.”

Sara could not read the expression behind her carefully blank expression and looked to Suhad for help.

“Was Nyssa happy?” Suhad asked.

“Yes, I made her happy and she made me happy. We will always have our time together. The last time I saw her, I came to rescue her and she asked me to go and live a life of my choosing and control. She wanted the best for me and that’s what you do when you love someone… She wanted the best for you too because she loved you even though she didn’t get to know you.” Sara tried reassuring her.

“Lourdes when it comes to love, things are as hard as they are easy. Some people love each other but need to live different lives and the best thing for them is to be apart. You will learn and experience this as you get older. Love is great and vast, and there is no one way to love someone.” Suhad finished.

“Are you okay Lolo?” Sara asked bringing the girl to face her.

After a moment of thinking she nodded and smiled sadly.

“That’s ok I get it I guess. Mommy couldn’t be with you and daddy or I wouldn’t have been born right?” She said a brighter smile growing on her face.

Sara thought momentarily and decided it was best to let the girl believe that than know the full truth just yet. “Yes, that’s right.” Sara replied.

“How do you feel now you heard some more about your mommy?” Suhad asked.

“Happy and sad.” She said unsure of her feelings.

“I’m happy because I feel closer to my Mom now. But sad because she’s not here.”

“That’s ok, it’s sad that you didn’t get to know her, but I want you to take comfort in knowing she loved you more than anything in the world. You have her letters to you, telling you this. You have everything she left you and a loving family to protect you.” Suhad said to Lourdes.

Lourdes nodded and gave a smile to show she was no longer upset.

 


	12. Night Terrors

**Night Terrors**

“Now why don’t we talk about the nightmares?” Suhad asked a now visibly tense Lourdes.

“Ok,” she replied timidly. “Are they still the same?” She prompted.

“No. I haven’t had one in a long time but the one I had before made me really scared and when I woke up I wet the bed.” She said sadly.

“Don’t be embarrassed, when I used to get scared I wet the bed too. What happens in your night terrors?” the therapist continued.

“I was with my mommy. Then the man robotman with the scary scary mask took me away. He was so scary and I couldn’t find anyone anymore, I couldn’t find Gaga or Papa, and I was running and running but no one was there. There was all these dark shapes calling to me. Then when I find my mommy, I can’t see her face and there’s a man in a cloak and he takes her away from me…when I woke up I wasn’t screaming or crying, the bed was wet and I ran to Gaga’s room and she gave me a bath and she let me sleep with her and Papa.” She finished explaining.

Sara wasn’t sure what to make of this, she rarely had nightmares as a child, and when she did she could never really remember what happened in them.

“You told me auntie Sara makes you happy, yes?” Suhad asked. “Yes, the happiest ever!” Lourdes exclaimed.

“Auntie Sara used to fight bad guys right?” She asked the question to both Lourdes and Sara. In which they both nodded, listening to see where Suhad was leading.

“Then I want you to go training with auntie Sara. I want you to watch, you can join in if you want to. This is going to show you that you are strong enough to deal with anything but also show that your aunt will not let anything bad happen to you.” Suhad finished.

“Lourdes, if you’re ever scared you tell me and I’ll protect you. Me, Papa and Gaga will never let anything bad happen to you,” Sara added.

“That’s right and next time we will try some exercises that could help you wake up from dream. At the moment you are happy and that’s all that matters. Thank you for coming to see me today Lourdes,” Suhad said opening her arms for a hug. After they embraced Lourdes thanked her before skipping away to the playroom to allow Suhad and Sara to talk.

“So what do you think doc?” Sara asked Suhad as she went through her notes.

“She’s happy and she feels safe. I think you are hugely instrumental in that, and she’s relying on you a lot for emotional support.” Suhad said reading off her notes.

“Is that a bad thing?” Sara wondered out-loud. This therapy session had revealed to Sara how important Lourdes saw her and how desperately she wants to know about her mother.

“No, I think it is healthy for her. Up until you came into her life, there has not been anyone who could really give her substantial information regarding Nyssa. I don’t think that had concerned her until now, she is at the stage where she having her own deep thoughts about who she is, who she is like and what she will be like as she gets older; all those sorts of questions. Mothers are so important in forming who a little girl is and wants to be. She associates you with her mother but looks up to you as that figure for her.” Suhad finished with a smile.

“I didn’t realise how important I am to her, and how much she yearns for her mother.” Sara said. She witnessed deep sadness flash across the therapists face. She wondered if it was because she herself had been adopted and new what Lourdes was experiencing.

“A mother is the most important figure in a child’s life. While Lourdes knows she is missing something, she has people who love her all around her, she’s happy, and that’s the most important thing for her.” Suhad answered positively.

“What about the nightmares?” Sara asked still unsure what to think of them. “They are mixture of her greatest insecurities, not having a mother and being abandoned. I am not yet sure what to make of the masked man, he is a new addition to her nightmares….She will get over them, and she is gradually improving. She just needs constant reminders that her family are there to stay and that she is safe, which is what you are doing.” She replied calming Sara’s anxiety.

“Thank you Suhad, I didn’t expect the session to be so informing, you’ve been surprise after surprise today.” Sara said standing to shake the other woman’s hand.

“Well, I do try. I’m glad you were impressed by my skills ta-er al-Sahfer,” she replied with a brilliant smile. Sara stood stunned for a moment, hearing her old assassin name fall from full lips.

“What did you call me?” Sara asked.

“It mean’s yello-“ Suhad began before Sara cut her off.

“Yellow bird, but why did you call me that?” She enquired suspiciously.

“Your phone case, it has yellow birds and your hair, I just figured, since you speak Arabic.” She answered not giving away any emotions across her face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.” Suhad apologized handing Sara the phone she had just picked up from the desk.

“ _I’m_ sorry, Nyssa used to call me that. I guess it just freaked me out.” Sara replied.

A silence fell between them and the therapist regarded her curiously.

“You know, if you ever need to talk about Nyssa or anything really, I am happy to be a listening ear… I like you so much I won’t even charge you, it would be as friends.” Sara smiled in thanks as they began to walk to the playroom to get Lourdes.

Before they reached the door, Sara took the opportunity to ask one last question.

“Seeing as I’ve spilt out my life story and we’ve technically been drunk together, I was wondering if you would like to go for dinner sometime?” Suhad looked down at Sara, amusement and surprise on her face.

“Oh, I did not expect that,” Suhad answered with a smirk.

“You’re not the only one with surprises today,” Sara added with a suggestive wiggle of her brows.

“I’m flattered, really. I just think that would be a conflict of interest,” Suhad replied smile still on her face.

“I’m sorry,” she finished.

“Don’t be, I’ve been turned down before,” Sara said returning the smile.

“Really?” Suhad asked playfully.

“No actually, not ever. But there’s a first time for everything right?” Sara joked back.

 


	13. Suhad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love leaves its mark even so many years later.

**Suhad**

One evening Sara found herself walking along the beach after an intense day of training.

She contemplated the direction of her life, considering her future; something she had failed to look into since returning from travelling. She had been focused on settling into something like normalcy she had not thought of where she wanted to see herself in 5 or even 10 years. She realised that she could not continue to live in her parents’ house forever, while it was comforting, she needed to move forward in her new _ultra_ normal life. After living so exceptionally and seeing what life had to offer, she craved having a job that didn’t require the same responsibility and burden as being an assassin or a legend included. She now yearned for family and peace.

By family she meant a partner and more children. It was at that thought she halted in her tracks. For weeks her relationship with Lourdes was changing. She viewed her as more than a niece, or maybe she always had and needed time to realise it. The effervescent little girl that had her enamoured was the biggest part of her life now. She put her before everything, she wanted the best for her and would do anything to keep her happy and safe. She never thought of it because it was so clear she was meant to do this. She thought that Lourdes had been Nyssa last act of love to not only the world but to Sara specifically.

She began walking again, marvelling in the reality of her situation. Sara knew her parents loved Lourdes and were her legal guardians, but she wanted to be that for Lourdes. Her therapy session had shown how desperate she was for her mother, and how Sara could be that figure in her life. It would be a difficult topic to bring up at home, but she knew her parents would understand that it was meant to be. She had no actual plans of what to do, where to move, when to move, or a suitable partner. 

Sara was so deep in thought she didn’t hear the voice from behind her call her name.

“Sara!”

Sara jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She immediately took the hand twisted it and went to take out the person’s feet from under them but was surprised to find her hand caught at the wrist and twisted round her back. Surprised she managed to knock back her head into her attacker and barely managed to turn around before she was tackled and landed hard on her back. 

She lay winded, eyes unfocussed in concentration of breathing.

She took a few deep breaths and as her vision cleared the dark skinned therapist, Suhad, stood above her offering her hand to aid Sara.

“Suhad?” Sara managed through jagged breathing.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I did call your name.” Suhad said, as Sara accepted her hand to get up.

“Wow, I got the message when you rejected me, you didn’t have to beat me up too,” Sara joked.

Suhad laughed throwing her head back.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish. I can’t be blamed for your weak attack.” She said narrowing her eyes challengingly.

Suhad was in yoga pants and a sports bra, revealing surprisingly visible hard rock abs, which Sara knew had to be down to more than just gym training. She thought of the way she had been easily taken down and suspected it was martial arts training.

“So, you’re trained in martial arts but not coming to my classes, I’m really starting to think you don’t like me.” Sara said feigned hurt.

Suhad’s thick curly hair was brushed away from her face in a messy bun; and as she spoke Sara found herself admiring the black woman’s beauty once again.

“It’s not out of spite believe me, I haven’t practiced in many years now, I just had one hell of a mentor back in my youth.” She explained with a twinkle in her eye.

Sara had only encountered the woman once and yet, she felt a deep connection with her. While she was attracted to the woman it seemed to be more than that. As if they had met before, or familiarity of spirits.

“What was your mentor’s name, perhaps I know them.”

Suhad had the upper hand when they spoke, not negatively but in an interesting playful dynamic; she always seemed as if she knew some secret that Sara didn’t know.

“I doubt it. I was trained back in my early 20’s, nearly two decades ago now.” Suhad dismissed her nonchalantly.

“In your 20’s? You don’t look a day over 30, and that’s not me charming you again,” Sara responded earnestly.

“You know what they say, ‘black don’t crack’…but unfortunately I’m 37.” She joked, her slight foreign accent coming out. 

“Well I’m nearly there I’m 34…” As she spoke she remembered the party being thrown for her and Lourdes’ joint birth the following week.

“…speaking of which, we’re having a birthday party for Lourdes and I, next Wednesday. It’s Lourdes’ 6th birthday on the 19th and mine on Christmas day, so we were just going to celebrate both on the 19th.”

Sara watched the smile play at the other woman’s full lips. 

“So, you’re hitching onto Lourdes’ birthday this year so you don’t have to be overshined by Jesus’ birthday, how could you?” Suhad jested.

“Yes. That’s exactly it…but it would be nice to have you there, you’re literally one the few interesting people around here.” Sara started sarcastically yet finished sincerer than either one of them had expected.

The air around them changed slightly as Suhad lost her smile for a second revealing a more serious look. If Sara had not been watching intently she would have missed it.

When she didn’t respond Sara quickly added, “I know Lourdes would be really happy to see you, and there’s an actual dinner for the adults.”

“Yes of course, I just was thinking I might have some guests coming to visit but I’ll let you know.” She answered the thought of whatever had been on her mind moments ago still evident in her eyes.

“It’s not a date or anything or if it’s a client confidentiality thing-“ Sara began before being cut off.

“It’s not any of that, I’ll definitely try and be there. It’s not like I can pretend someone is at the house seeing as I’ve just moved into the house opposite you.” She explained.

“You’re the person moving into number 2?” Sara was surprised seeing as she hadn’t seen her there at all, yet moving trucks had been blocking their one way out of the street for weeks.

“Yeah I can finally start living there on Thursday. And with regards to the date thing I’m sort of still getting over someone, and it’s…” Suhad explained awkwardly.

“Complicated. Yeah I’ve been there.” Sara finished her sentence understandingly.

Suhad nodded and smiled with a sadness behind her eyes.

“Nyssa right?” She asked sitting down and pulled for Sara to join her.

The sun was now setting and the sky growing harder by the second. It was a peaceful moment around them. They sat at the remote end of the beach which people rarely visited, one because the beach basically merged into their house back yards; and two because it was a small town on the beach which didn’t really have many tourists.

Sara took a moment to look at the now red spreading to purple sky. As she contemplated her next words she did not register the ebony skinned woman staring at her in confliction.

“I just wish things had turned out differently. If I could do it all over again, I would’ve stayed. And I know she wouldn’t have let me, for my own journey but, I would have lingered at least a few more minutes, seconds even…”

She didn’t know why she felt herself explain so much. She wanted to believe it was because Suhad was a therapist but there was something more. Something that just exuded understanding within her.

“It still hurts so _fucking_ much without her, I didn’t realise that the thing I had set off to look for when I left, the hole in my chest, that had been her. A part of me always believed that even as I moved forward it would all lead back to her. I feel her, even now. Not just through Lourdes, but she’s everywhere for me; the flowers my mother keeps on the windowsill, I felt her on the drive here when I moved, I even feel her with you. I can’t put it into words, I just feel it and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over her.”

Sara was not surprised when Suhad kissed her. There was something about the charge between them, even from the first meeting that had imprinted in Sara’s mind.

It was short and chaste, almost innocent. The look on Suhad’s face revealed that she had surprised herself more than Sara. They looked into each other’s eyes with some sort of unspoken understanding. She wasn’t sure what that kiss had been for. Sara thought it was Suhad’s attempt of comfort over Sara’s evident pain.   

“It’s been so long without her yet sometimes it’s like we were together yesterday.” Sara spoke staring back out into the water.

“Time doesn’t do much mend the memories of your best love.” Suhad added now playing mindlessly with the sand around her feet. Sara looked down and noticed Suhad’s tattoo, a little verse in Arabic. It read ‘ _And the princess did love, even if the devil was her actions.’_

“Is that what your tattoo is about?” Sara questioned. Sara watched as a hidden pain flicked across the curly haired woman’s face.

“Yes,” she breathed out.

“It reads so beautifully tragic.” Sara commented.

“It seems that the best love stories are usually the most tragic.” Suhad responded.

“What happened?” Sara asked.

She watched as emotions displayed uncomfortably on Suhad’s face. It was almost as if she was only realising her own emotions towards the subject for the first time. She seemed like a person who could easily control and even hide her emotions but in this moment Sara simply saw a heartbroken girl.

“I was the first person she had ever fallen in love with. We were young and she didn’t want her parents finding out. It was love though, at least it felt like it to me.” Suhad was so open and there was something about her that Sara knew she could trust her.

“I didn’t want her to risk ruining her life and dreams for me, so I agreed to keep us a secret…It was good at first. Better than good, you know when it’s- it’s so enchanting and freeing and…you’re in so deep and you give everything because it’s your first.” The passion in her rolled out in waves capturing Sara.

“You’re so high that you can’t see clearly but you don’t care because it’s you and it’s her, and that’s all that matters…but just like with any high you have to come down. And it came tumbling down. One huge messy fiasco. Her family found out about us. Her father made her chose and so she ended it. Broke my heart. She said she had no choice, and that her choice would be better for the both of us. I think she was just scared.” Sara noticed a lone tear escaped one of her eyes.

“…and she pushed me away, so I pushed back harder. It was horrible being that annoying person that’s just begging ‘love me, love me love me’. So, then I thought that if I let her go, she would find her way back to me eventually. Because that’s what they say isn’t it? That if you’re meant to be they will find their road back to you…well I waited, even as we both moved on I waited.” She finished.

She spoke so honestly and with such fervour Sara felt she was intruding on most intimate thoughts.

There was silence as they both took in her words.

“Did she come back?” Sara interrupted the silence.

“Yes, but not in the way I imagined. She was more than I ever thought she could be. She was resplendent. More than a dream. She came back for me, but I realised that it wasn’t because we were meant to be. I saw that she was a shining star that I’d had the pleasure to love but you cannot own a star, simply admire it at every evening the skies are clear. She was never meant to be mine. She tried for me, because she loved me, and she may be the love of my life yet I know I am not the love of hers.” Suhad finished wiping away her tears.

Sara reached out to wipe Suhad’s tears. She took in the other girls features and settled on her eyes. The was some hidden pain, something she wanted to say but would not. It’s like she was screaming it inside but couldn’t say it.

Instead, Sara leaned in to give the other woman, what she thought she had wanted. Before her lips even reached the other woman’s full ones she turned her head.

An awkward moment passed as Sara uncomfortably moved back.

“I’m sorry I thoug-” she began before Suhad cut her off.

“I know, _I’m_ sorry, um, I shouldn’t have kissed you. I don’t- uh, I should go.” She stuttered before hastily leaving.

Sara watched in confusion as the other woman sped away from her. She didn’t understand what had just happened or what any of it meant. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t sure about putting the kiss in, but I felt it important to show the connection they have already made. Also, I guess therapists are supposed to have that air around them of being trustworthy and easily able to talk to. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think. Thank you x


	14. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even in your dreams i'll protect you.

** Safe **

Sara walked home after her strange encounter with Suhad. Her head was busy with thoughts of her and Lourdes’ future and whatever was going on between her and the therapist.

As she sat eating dinner in the dining room her father noticed that she was unusually quiet.

“Bad day at work?” he asked bringing her out of her thoughts.

“No, it was ok, just…have a lot on my mind.” She responded with an unconvincing smile.

“What’s wrong auntie Sara?” Lourdes piped up from opposite her. Even as she ate the little girl paused to intently gage Sara’s reaction.

“Honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about my future here. Thinking about…my future and…your future.” Sara said slowly waiting for her parent’s reaction.

She watched as her father finished off his plate of food and shared an indistinguishable look with her mother. They were silent a moment before Dinah spoke up.

“I was wondering when you would bring this up.” Dinah said with a sad smile. Sara was surprised to know her mother could still read her so easily.

“Lourdes go put your plate in the sink and get ready for bed, I’ll come read you a bedtime story soon.” Quentin spoke.

Lourdes thought momentarily about whether to object, intrigued by what had her aunt so quiet. She got up and casually turned her attention to the television which made her drop her plate instantly. The adults in the room caught her strange reaction and averted their attention to the news on the television.

 _“And today in national news, a terrorist group led by an unknown masked man has attacked Gotham stock exchange. The masked man and his accomplices have killed and injured several members of the public. The current number of dead is still unknown.  Police were in pursuit of the masked man 5 minutes ago before the sudden re-emergence of the infamous vigilante Batman. This has been his first appearance in 10 years since…”_   

Dinah immediately concerned hurried over to the small girl.

“Lolo honey, what’s wrong?” Dinah asked worry evident in her voice.

Everyone was silent as they watched the fear play heavily across Lourdes face. She began breathing heavily and tears were welling up in her eyes.

“Lourdes?” Quentin prompted as he and Sara both moved over to them.

“That’s him, tth- that’s the man.” Lourdes stuttered looking at Sara. Sara was unsure of what she meant. Her own heart was pounding so anxious as to what had Lourdes so shaken.

“The one from your nightmares?” Dinah asked confused.

“Yes Gaga… that’s..th-tha-the…” she said in between huge heavy gasps.

“Breathe sweetheart,” Quentin said as he moved over to start rummaging through the draws near them.

“Is she having a panic attack?” Sara asked frozen to her spot in sheer panic of what to do.

“Lourdes look at me.” Sara said calmly. She bent down to be eye level with Lourdes, who was still gasping for air.

“Lourdes look at me, breathe with me.” Sara made obvious deep breaths in a slow rhythm. Lourdes began trying to copy the breathing techniques as Sara maintained strong eye contact. Dinah then copied Sara’s breathing as Lourdes looked to her for reassurance.

“Here,” Quentin called out bringing out an inhaler from the drawer. He then proceeded to put it in her mouth and give her a hit.

After her breathing got back to normal, everyone in the room took a collective breath of relief.

“Does that bad guy remind you of the masked man in your dreams?” Sara asked after a moment. All Lourdes could do was nod. Sara reached over and wiped her face and bought her into a tight hug.

“He’s the scary man robot man with the mask, he’s the one that takes me away from my mommy before I can see her face. He never lets me see her face before he takes me.” Lourdes whispered into Sara’s chest.

Her heart ached at the confession made by the little girl. Sara was starting to put things together. Lourdes had never seen her mother, she didn’t even own a picture of the woman and that would be horrible for anyone to handle let alone a small child. While she didn’t understand the connection to the masked man, she knew this was more than just bad dreams.

“Baby girl I want you to look at me,” Sara said pulling away to look at Lourdes.

“You’re safe now. He can’t hurt you. No one can. No one will, especially now I am here. I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, but I am here now. And I love you Lourdes, more than I ever knew I could love. I’m here for you, with Gaga and Papa, no one is ever going to hurt you, we won’t let them.” Sara spoke passionately.

Lourdes looked between all of them as they nodded in agreement to Sara’s words. All the adults dropped to their knees to be at the same level as Sara and Lourdes.

“If you ever get scared, just think of us, call for me, no matter if you think no one can hear you, call for me and I’ll be there. I promise to come running to keep you safe.” Sara continued prompting Lourdes to see if she understood.

“Even in my dreams?” Lourdes asked, her big grey eyes wide and vulnerable.

In this moment Sara could see the desperation in her little girl’s eyes. Lourdes was putting her complete trust in Sara and the blonde realised she could not fathom a life without her. In that moment she knew she would kill to keep her safe.

“Even in your dreams.” Sara confirmed giving her a kiss. Lourdes smiled for the first time since the news reel had come on.

Sara could still tell she was shaken up and then asked, “Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight sweetie?”

Lourdes frantically nodded her head as Sara scooped her up into her arms to carry her.

“You’re safe with us baby-girl, we love you.” Quentin said pulling all four of them into a hug.

“That was beautiful… words every daughter needs to hear from their _mother_ ,” Dinah whispered into Sara’s ear.


	15. Photographs Of The Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A captured moment which lives forever.

** Photographs of the present **

That night Sara could barely find sleep. Shaken with anxiety over Lourdes. Her mind preoccupied with what this masked man, meant in Lourdes’ life. She thought of Nyssa and how fiercely protective she had always been, and how achingly sad it was that she would never see her daughter grow up.

Sara then got up remembering Lourdes comment about never seeing her mother’s face before. She had not thought of it all the time she had been here, had not noticed the absence of photographs of Nyssa because she seemed so clear in Lourdes and in her mind, at times it was like she was not really gone. Sara rummaged through the few belongings in her desk draw, from the bag she kept during her travels on the wave rider. She bought out the first photograph, a Christmas photograph of her and Laurel being silly, back when the sisters still got on in their mid-teenage years. Behind it lay a picture of team arrow. The last photo was of Nyssa.

Nyssa had hated being photographed, Sara understood it as a secretive method for the league but she had even witnessed Ra’s take a photo during her time in Nanda Parbat.

Sara examined the photo of her former lover. She lay calling to her, entangled in her bed sheets. It could be mistaken for one of those artistic shot, the dark and light contrasting to give a clear image of her expression. Nyssa was half smiling and had a mischievous glint in her impossibly dark eyes, and this moment truly captured a beautiful memory in their lives.

Sara stared at the picture as she recalled the memory.

***** _Flashback***_**

Sara had just returned from her first mission alone. She had forgone checking in with anyone and headed straight to their shared quarters. It was 3am and the sun had just began to rise and everything was so serene and quiet. Sara dropped everything at the door and headed straight for the bedroom, her skin itching to feel Nyssa once more, her heart aching from such distance. It had been the first time she’d been away from Nyssa since she had been saved from Lian Yuh nearly a year ago.

As she entered their bedroom Sara was taken by how beautiful she looked in her sleep. She was truly relaxed, no wrinkles of worry or seriousness on her face. For the first time she realised how young Nyssa actually looked, in this moment she wasn’t the demon’s daughter, she wasn’t heir to the throne; just Nyssa. Nyssa the 25-year-old young woman with a heart so warm and love so fierce she couldn’t contain it.

Sara took out the camera she had been gifted on her mission and of course Nyssa woke up.

“Did you really think you could sneak up on me?” Nyssa said playfully, her voice still hoarse with sleep.

“I was silent coming in here, don’t deny I finally caught you off guard.” Sara said setting up the camera.

“Now stay still, I want this to be perfect.” Sara scolded her lover who was fidgeting to make room for Sara on the bed.

“Why bother you know you can’t keep it.” Nyssa said yawning obviously battling sleep.

“If you want me to do that special thing with my tongue again, you’ll let me,” Sara said seductively. Just as Nyssa had smiled, obviously remembering their last time together, Sara clicked the camera and got her shot. She had taken a few more for good measure but completely discarded the camera when Nyssa dropped the sheet and beckoned her over with an irresistible motion of her fingers. ***** _End FB_**

****

Sara was snapped out of her memories when she heard Lourdes begin to stir in her sleep. She was tossing more vigorously as Sara noticed tears leaking from her eyes. She immediately shook her gently and whispered into Lourdes’ ear.

“Lourdes, you’re okay, shhhh.” She stopped fidgeting and opened her eyes. Her eyes dotted around the room, scared, before settling on Sara’s. The room was dark but she could still make out the dark grey-blue hues of her big eyes.

They stared at one another for a few moments allowing Lourdes to catch her breath. Sara brushed the sweat and hair away from her face lovingly waiting for Lourdes to speak.

“You saved me.” She said so quietly she basically breathed it out.

“I said I would.” Sara responded getting back into the bed.

Lourdes caught a glimpse of the photograph in Sara’s had and asked, “Auntie Sara what’s in your hand?”

“Here, you want to know what your mommy looked like, here she is.” Sara said switching the bedside lamp on.

She watched as Lourdes took in the image. Her eyes committing every part to memory. Sara didn’t know what her reaction would be but she was not expecting her to almost sigh in relief and smile.

“She’s pretty.” Lourdes managed after a moment.

“So are you. You look just like her,” Sara said trying to get Lourdes to explain what she was feeling.

“I’ve seen her before.” Lourdes said beaming up at Sara.

“You’ve got another photograph?” Sara questioned, confused as to where she could have seen her.

“No, I met her.” She said looking up at Sara.

“What do you mean?” Sara said confused and unsure how to handle this. She didn’t want to trump her dreams, she was sure Lourdes often dreamt of what it would be like to meet her mother, its only understandable.

“Lourdes, your mother died sweetheart.” Sara said voice etched in pain.

“I know that auntie Sara. But I’ve met this lady, and you said this is my mommy so I don’t know.” Lourdes said reasoning with her. Her face revealed no signs of a lie, she was confused but completely convinced by her own words.

“Are you sure it was the woman in the photograph and not someone who looked like her?” Sara asked, trying to make sense of the situation.

“Yes, I promise. It was the same day aunt Talia visited me at school, but she had a different name. She was called Miss Tate because that’s what her name is at her job. Like when I have to call Miss Hendrix, Miss Hendrix but you call her Suhad. I think that’s how it works.” She said trailing off as children do.

“Talia visited you, but she was called Miss Tate?” Sara asked even more confused. Sara recalled her parents saying that Talia had visited her niece a few times but not in the last year.

“Yep and then this lady, this one in the picture…” She said pointing to the photograph animatedly.

“…she came and played with me in the playground. There were lots of grown up’s visiting the school that day. I did super on my numbers test and I got the biggest prize of the whole school. And then the lady on the playground spoke to me in Arabic, so I thought she was Miss Hendrix’s friend, so I played with her. Am I in trouble?” Lourdes finished explaining.

“No, no. You’re not in trouble.” Sara said with a new found hope in her heart.

Her heart raced at the prospect of Nyssa being alive after all. She didn’t know what any of this meant but knew she needed to find Talia for answers.

“So, is this lady my mommy or not?” Lourdes asked.

“No.”

For the first time Sara lied to her. She couldn’t bear the heartbreak for Lourdes if it turned out Nyssa was dead as they thought.

“No, this isn’t your mommy, I got the pictures mixed up. I’m sorry, I’ll try and find you another one ok?”

Lourdes eyed her suspiciously, her mood dropped and sadness present in her expression.

“Oh. Ok.” She said dejected. She turned over clearly upset at the blonde. Sara’s heart wrenched as she listened to the sound of Lourdes sniffles from her attempts at concealing that she was crying. That night the blonde could not comfort Lourdes. Silent tears fell down her own face, in response to her own anguish.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we think... is our beloved Nyssa alive afterall?


	16. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even now she still haunts me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the wonderful comments, I'm so glad you're engaging and enjoy the story. I don't meant to break your hearts, I promise there will be good news soon.

The next day Sara paced in the living room muttering to herself. She had taken the day off to try and figure out the mystery surrounding Nyssa. She hadn’t stopped thinking about what Lourdes had revealed to her the previous night. She wasn’t sure what to think. On one hand Lourdes could be mistaken and on the other, she could be right and Nyssa could have been alive this entire time. If she was alive then why would she have given up Lourdes, where was she now.

Sara would be lying to herself if she believed she could go back to her normal routine after the bombshell dropped by Lourdes.

Quentin Lance had been watching his daughter pace around him, during his breakfast.

“You’ve been fidgety all morning. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Sara considered lying but lies had never ended well between her and her father.

“I showed Lourdes a picture of Nyssa yesterday and she said she had seen her before…” her father stayed quiet but didn’t reveal any reaction.

“She might be alive dad.” Sara finished.

“Lourdes told you about the woman in the playground, right?” Quentin said tiresomely.

“You know about that? Why didn’t you say anything?” Sara asked anger seeping into her voice.

“Because it wouldn’t change anything, Sara.”

He looked at his daughter, deep set purple the bags around her baby blues and the flicker of hope and torment behind them.

“It changes everything. How could you keep this from me?”

Disbelief at her father was clear in her expression. She felt almost betrayed by him. If there was a chance Nyssa was alive, she owed it to her to find her.

“Even if she is alive, then that means she’s made her decision Sara. That means she’s _chosen_ to give away Lourdes, for whatever reason, and chosen to stay away. What does that change?” She shook her head frantically beginning to work herself up.

“No. No. Nyssa hated growing up without her own mother, she wouldn’t _choose_ the same for her own daughter. She wouldn’t do this if she wasn’t forced… she would have done _anything_ for her  daughter.”

Sadness graced her father’s aged features.

Sara could not fathom the idea that Nyssa was alive and was living her life somewhere, after having given up her daughter. She wouldn’t do that, would she?

Sara knew the real Nyssa, the one inside that so few got to see. The unyieldingly loyal, ruthlessly loving and ever honourable woman.

“Is this not exactly what she would have done? Dead OR alive, she could not have raised a child with her life. Murder and crime, doesn’t matter what it was in the name of, that’s what it was. She knew that-”

Sara could not stand to listen to him any further.

“And I knew _her_. She would have fought and done everything possible to be with her daughter, so if she’s alive there is a reason that she isn’t here.” Quentin sighed as he considered her perspective.

“You know we spoke about having children once. It was nothing serious, a silly conversation really, about an unlikely future.” Sara revealed. Her father’s surprise registered immediately.

“She said that she didn’t want them raised in the league like she had been. Motherless, a cold stern father and an distant sister.  She said she would leave it all behind, for a quiet and simple life. In a place which valued life and love over all else.” Sara continued thinking back to that time.

“I never took her for someone maternal in all honesty.” Quentin replied.

“She was really good with kids. Kids were just enamoured by her… The orphans the league took in loved her. I remember when I first saw her with them. I couldn’t believe it was the same woman, she was so silly and carefree. Children brought out the light in her that she only ever showed me.”

Quentin sat dispirited, watching his daughter, who was still so clearly in love, talk about her former love.

“Tell me about her.” He stated offering the seat opposite him.

“You’ve never asked me before…”

“She was so important to you… to Laurel. I want to know.” He encouraged her to continue with a solemn smile.

“ _The Heir to The Demon_ was impressive by all standards; a fearless assassin… but it was Nyssa, just _Nyssa_ that I fell in love with. When it was just the two of us, she was incredibly  gentle, and kind, and sometimes so ridiculously girly, you wouldn’t recognise her…” Sara was overwhelmed with emotion as she once more recollected her life with Nyssa.

“She would have been an amazing mother and she would have loved it too. She was raised to only live and breathe for the league and her father. But her true wants, her true self, didn’t want any of that. She craved for the simplicity of happiness.” The anguish roared in Sara’s eyes.

“You’re still in love with her. Even after all this time.” Quentin stated. The truth of his daughter’s pain moved something in him.

“Dad I spent years travelling through space and time, looking for something in myself, for a _peace_. Yet it took something truly horrible to make me realise that I had ran away, thrown away, the very person who had once offered to give me everything.” She revealed.

She was more honest and vulnerable than Quentin had seen ever her. She was pouring her pain out to him and his heart ached for his daughter.

“Why didn’t you go back for her?” Her father asked curiously.

“When they resurrected me, there was this hungry rage and emptiness inside me. I didn’t know who I was let alone who I wanted to be with. So, when I left with the legends, I thought that I was supposed to leave everything behind from my old life to pursue some _epic_ journey of salvation and self-discovery. I couldn’t let whatever was shattered inside me consume her. She was the purest love I have ever known, how could I give her this shell of the woman she once loved.” Sara finally sat down as she explained herself.

“She was your peace.” Quentin stated more for his own understanding than Sara’s.

“Yes. I’ve done and seen so many incredible things but this thing inside me, the thing that was missing, it was her all along and I didn’t see it until it was too late.” She said sadly, with distant glint in her eyes.

Quentin regarded his daughter again. She was the most emotional, almost manic, that he had seen her since he told her about Laurel’s death. He could see the toll of loss in his daughter’s eyes. Sara had always been resilient, everyone had always thought she could handle everything, she was the “strong” one. It had been Laurel that had the fragile heart, it had been Laurel they had known to worry about. In this moment he saw his little girl, she had been broken inside and was desperately trying to hide it.

While he was happy to have his daughter back again, there had been something different about her. Something that haunted her. He could see it always hiding in her ocean blue eyes. Everything was spilling out. The tolls of death on her; her own, Laurel, Nyssa and whoever else she had lost.

“Sara what happened to you, when you went away? This is about more than Nyssa. I can tell there’s something that’s eating away at you.”

Sara’s face changed instantly. Like that look you have when your worst dirty horrible truth has been revealed. She was panicked.

She had been trained to be a master manipulator and evade the truth; taught composure by the league and the legends subsequent adventures; but here she was 6 months in 2022 and she was slipping. The heavy baggage which she left behind on the Waverider, followed her, even now. She thought she’d buried the horrors deep in her mind, even away from herself.

“Nothing happened. What’s eating away at me is that Nyssa might be out there somewhere and you waited until I found out to say something.” She snapped suddenly.

“Listen this isn’t about me. This about Lourdes, she deserves to know the truth about her mother. I’m going out to get answers.” Sara finished much softer.

She began getting up before her father caught her wrist.

“Wait.”

She paused her departure as she saw the apology, of pushing too far, in her father’s eyes. She sighed and smiled sadly to accepting the silent apology.

“There’s something I have to show you.” He said seriously. Something in his eyes gave her a strange sort of hope.


	17. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would lose myself just to find you.

**The Search**

Sara sat in the study as she waited for Quentin to get whatever he wanted to show her from the attic.

He walked through the door holding a box of files. Sara looked up at him confused as he began taking various things out.

“Lourdes told me about Talia coming to visit and the woman in the playground. At first, I thought it was one of Nyssa or Oliver’s enemies snooping around. So, for my own peace of mind I did some digging to find this mysterious woman. This town is small, everyone knows each other so why would a stranger just wander through and only come to speak to Lourdes?” He placed the box on the ground as Sara picked up a stack of images.

“She didn’t speak to anyone else?” Sara asked.

“Nope, I interviewed all the teachers at the school and no one knew about this woman.”

Sara looked through the images trying to find clues as to who it was.

“So, she comes town, speaks to Lourdes and just vanishes?” Sara asked confused by the whole situation. The surveillance images were either blurred or the angles were not sufficient enough to figure out anything about the woman.

“That’s right, no one knows who she is, how long she’s here or anything because the only footage of her is the camera up at the school she had to pass to catch her car out of there.” He explained.

“Did you get the license plate? Maybe we can track her using that.”

“I tried that, and turns out the license plate was registered to a completely different car in Florida, meaning she was using a fake plate.” Quentin opened his laptop and a file named ‘NYS surveillance footage’.

“Did you try talking to Talia, if anyone knows Nyssa is alive it has to be her.” She asked putting down the images.

“Talia al ghul does not exist on any databases. I tried finding her alias ‘Miranda Tate.’ You would not believe how many of those exist in this state alone, let alone the entire country. That’s what that folder is…” he pointed to the thickest folder from the box.

“Next, I interviewed people that encountered Talia, I even took the school photograph she participated in for facial recognition, and nothing. Turns out Miss Tate left no record or where she was from, how to contact her or anything. Simply came to gift the children with books and left.” He finished.

“Ah watch,” Quentin said playing the clip.

The footage was of the camera that was facing the school car park, with a bit of the main walkway visible. A figure in black stands in the very bottom right hand corner of the screen. It was not clear what she was doing.

“So here she is talking to Lourdes I presume, seeing as no one else remembers her.” Quentin pointed to the slight movements the figure gave.

“The only way I know if it even a woman is now,” he pointed as the woman in the footage turned and the camera revealed a woman’s hand bag before the figure disappeared off view.

“Replay it.” Sara said.

“Again, but slow it right down.” He replayed it and placed on loop.

“Trust me I almost went crazy watching it.” Quentin said pulling out another file from the box.

“So, I decided to focus my efforts on finding Talia. Here’s everything I could gather.” He passed her the file.

It read;

‘ _Miranda Tate, not married, no ring._

_Expensive clothing. Pampered. Undistinguishable English accent. Mixed Middle Eastern/East Asian._

_Arrived: 10:45pm. Shown round school until 11:15. Talk 11:30. -Handed out books and toys. 1200 meeting with Head teacher. Leaves before ceremony at 12:30._

_Books: Brand new, Flash and Green Arrow comics._

_Toys: action figures._

_Gave a talk, Business executive? Philanthropist?’_

Sara rattled her brain on where to find Talia. “And you didn’t find anything?” She asked.

“Truthfully Sara, all I had was this feeling, an unknown figure and a coincidence that she came on the same day as Talia. That’s not enough for her to be alive. It’s practically delusional. She’s not been back since Sara, I don’t think she wants to be found if she is alive.” He answered.

“Then why did you show this to me?” She asked, frustration clear in her voice.

“At first I thought maybe your eyes would see something I didn’t and find something I missed. Then I remembered how little I actually had, I don’t know sweetheart, I don’t know.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“What about Talia is there any footage of her or her car?” Sara tried again, flicking through the files once more.

“I tried that. She used a cab service and then vanished. The company didn’t have any record of her or video footage.” He said giving her the file.

Sara turned her attention back to the surveillance clip that was still playing on loop. Her brain was working overtime to make something of this. Then she found something.

“This has been doctored.” She said zooming in to the corner.

“What do you mean?” Quentin said bending down to view the footage.

“Look right here, she stands and their talking but you see this leaf, one minute it’s here…” she said pointing at a leaf that landed on the car closest to the figure.

“…and the next it’s on the ground.” Quentin realises.

“Why would anyone mess with the footage? Who?” Quentin asked looking at the footage once more.

“There’s someone on the inside.” Quentin spoke bringing out a file labelled, ‘list of teachers working.’

“And I reckon just as she turned here, she might have looked up at the camera so they cut out the shot.” Sara began.

“We assume she was talking to Lourdes, but she said that the woman played with her on the playground. For absolutely no one to have seen them, Lourdes must have come from the hop scotch area, no one can see, except if you’re in this classroom. If everyone was outside then no one would have caught her but she also wouldn’t have been able to go inside the gate...” She hypothesised.

“Let’s say this is Nyssa. She must have had knowledge of the layout of the school, the event and the exact time to come. Someone on the inside must have told her…” Quentin added.

“What time did Talia give out the books?” Sara asked jotting down information on paper.

“She gave a talk at 11:30 and handed out the books then too. Lunch starts at 12 though, so they must have had it later because Dinah and I came in to see Lourdes receive her award at 1.” Quentin answered.

“Or lunch starts at the same time and Talia gives out the books and toys before 12 to keep the kids occupied for a while. Lourdes is head and tales above the children her own age, she was in the same class as children her age then, you told me she was reading small novels at this age right?” Sara continued.

“She wouldn’t have been interested in these books, they’re boring to her. Talia or whoever else she’s working with tells her to go outside to play and Nyssa is there waiting.” Quentin reasons.

“Lourdes isn’t allowed to leave the playground she wouldn’t leave to play with a stranger either. Whoever Nyssa is talking to here, can’t be Lourdes… look in the reflection of this classroom, the shadow is too big to be Lourdes.” She pauses the footage to inspect the reflection.

“The inside man is someone who works in the school, and she can’t be talking to Talia because she had a meeting with the head teacher at 12.” They both looked over the list of teachers and their pictures.

“If Nyssa is alive then, she would have put every safety measure possible to ensure Lourdes safety. I reckon she’s planted people here to keep a look out and who better than a teacher?” Sara asked. They both were silent as they processed the new theory.

“Who better than a part-time teacher and therapist.” Quentin conclude throwing a picture of Suhad on the table in front of Sara.

***


	18. Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope breeds eternal misery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning before you read this chapter, mention of sensitive and triggering material to do with self-harm.

**Dead**

Over the course of the rest of the day, Quentin and Sara contacted friends to gain information into the mysterious woman at the school. They had reluctantly contacted Felicity at Smoak Technologies to gather information on Suhad and locate Talia as Miranda Tate.

Sara drove to Suhad’s work place having made an emergency appointment for herself and was waiting for information from Felicity before going in.

Felicity appeared on Sara’s phone as a call.

“Hey, I got what you wanted.” The girl responded from the other end of the line.

“Thank you, and I know you hate lying to Oliver and everyone else, but this is a private thing. I don’t want anyone getting involved. Really this is just a favour and you don’t need to worry about it.” Sara said.

“I know you wouldn’t ask unless it was important…” Felicity trailed off and Sara could feel a ‘but’ coming.

“But?” She asked.

“But… I- Nothing.” Felicity clearly wanted to say something but lost her nerve in the last seconds.

“I hope you are _all_ safe,” the IT whizz said cryptically.

“I’m sorry but just know it’s nothing dangerous or anything. It’s vital for someone else’s protection, I swear.” Sara interrupted.

“Well I’ve sent it, and results show they both seem like normal people so stay safe I guess.” Felicity answered suspiciously.

“Thank you again. Please don’t worry. I miss you guys.” Sara reinforced.

“Ok Sara, bye.” Felicity hung up, sadness evident in her voice.

Moments later Sara received an email from Felicity. The email contained a contact number for Miranda Tate and an attached file named ‘Suhad’. Sara checked her watch to see that she still had 5 minutes before her scheduled appointment with Suhad and decided to call the number provided.

As it rang Sara realised that she had no idea what she wanted to say, no idea, if she was going to sound like a madman dreaming up ideas of her lover’s resurrection.

“Miranda Tate.” The familiar voice on the other end of the phone spoke clearly.

Sara thought of her history with the older al Ghul, having known her as a young child and the distant sister when Sara originally trained with the League.

“Hello?” Talia spoke once again prompting Sara.

She was still unsure of what she wanted to say, how she could even say it, her hopes so high, she was not sure she could take it if it wasn’t true.

“Talia, it’s Sara.” The phone immediately cut off.

She looked at her phone for a moment before a new number rang her phone.

“You don’t call me on that phone, I am Miranda Tate here.” She spoke annoyed yet still as soft spoken as ever.

“I’m sorry, I just- I didn’t know how else to find you.” Sara admitted.

“Your friends at Smoak Technologies are very extensive in their research I see,” Talia said knowingly.

“How di-” She began before being interrupted.

“Well as the CEO of Wayne Enterprises’, you become privy to the worlds most advanced database, one that shares the same information as the one at Smoak Technologies.” She relayed to Sara.

“So you went to all this trouble to find me, what can I aid you in Miss Lance?”

Sara had never spent much time with Talia in her adult years. She knew she disapproved of her relationship with Nyssa, and while on many occasions she had been particularly nasty to Nyssa, there had never been anything aimed at her. Where she had failed in training or when she had been bought before Ra’s himself, she kept quiet and said nothing. It was only in meeting her during her travels with the legends, she understood why. Their relationship was distant yet they both held each other with respect.    

“Nyssa is alive, and I think you’ve been helping her hide.” Sara stated far more confident than she thought.

She heard a sigh from the other side of the phone. There was noise in the background but she did not pay much attention.

“She’s dead Sara.” Talia said bluntly. Sara hadn’t expected her to say that but something in her gut just wouldn’t let her believe it.

“I don’t believe you,” her voice came off almost as a defiant child’s would.

At this point Sara exited her car and began to walk towards the entrance of the Therapy Centre.

“I don’t believe you, I know she came to the school on the day you visited Lourdes, she came to see Lourdes. I can fee-” Sara was starting to ramble, the very thing she had not wanted to do, in the case it made her look like she was losing her mind. Maybe she was. She couldn’t believe Nyssa was dead, things didn’t make sense.

“She’s gone. I don’t know what you think you know but it’s not her. I want her back too but you’ve got to move on.” Talia reinforced. Something in her voice pleaded with Sara to leave it alone, but her pleas did naught to convince Sara.

“Then tell me how she died.” Sara said coldly.

“What? No, I’m not doing that. Why are you doing this to yourself?” She asked.

“Because, Because- I don’t know. I just- I don’t know. The only thing I know is that she’s still here. I can feel it and I’m going to find her with or without you. I don’t care if I sound crazy, I just need to find her.” Sara said beginning to get worked up.

Sara began to pace outside the stair entrance to the Centre.

Where she had been anxious she now breathed heavier and her eyes stung with unshed tears. Since talking with her father about Nyssa earlier that day, Sara had not managed to properly sit down and consider what that meant. She had not had time to truly think about the prospect of Nyssa actually being alive.

“And what if she is alive?” Talia asked curiously. Sara momentarily halted at this.

“What do you mean?” Sara asked shocked at the question, becoming ever more suspicious.

“Would you rest easier if I told you she’s been alive this entire time. That she moved on, and she doesn’t want you or Lourdes.” Talia stated, without malicious intent, yet still felt.

Sara considered it momentarily. Her heart would surely shatter into a million pieces. Yet in no reality could she fathom Nyssa leaving her child and moving on with her life.

“So she is alive?” Sara questioned meekly.

“No, I’m not saying that…” Talia sighed again from the other side of the phone.

There was a moment of silence before Talia spoke, with what seemed to be more candour than anything else in the entire conversation.

“…I,I- I wasn’t there when she died… She went into hiding and that was deal. She was supposed to live. …She would live the life that neither of us were supposed to have, with her baby, and she would never have to kill again, no more missions, no league and no more of the al Ghul family and its insanity.” Sara could hear the anguish in the older woman’s voice. She could hear the strain of every word in her particular accent.

“She was supposed to live that life, of freedom, simplicity and honest work. Something she dreamed of more than anything. Do you know the reason why she worked so tirelessly to become Demon head?” Talia asked rhetorically.

“She thought once she proved she could do it, she could finally give it up… after we rebuilt the league, she told me she never really wanted to be the heir. She never had the choice to not be part of the league. She told me, all that focus she had was from the anger inside of her. The anger of never having had a childhood. The anger of being forced to be someone she didn’t want to be. The rage of the hand she had been dealt in life.”

“She never believed she deserved happiness, not even with me.” Sara added in whisper.

“Then finally she had it. Her happiness right in her hands, and you know what she did?” Talia voice broke.

“She can’t be dead.” Sara whispered with tears escaping her eyes.

“She-she- she killed herself.” Sara fell to her knees when Talia spoke.

“What?” she gasped, disbelief evident.

“No, no, no. She’s- she can’t be. She’s ali..” The word’s died in Sara’s mouth.

“You think she couldn’t survive childbirth? She had enough money to rent out the most expensive doctors and facilities in the world.” Talia asked almost resentfully.

“She wouldn’t, she couldn’t, she…” And once again Sara was at a loss for words.

“You think all those letters’ she wrote to you and to me and to Lourdes were just precautionary?” She asked rhetorically.

“Come on Sara you’re smarter than that. You could tell something wasn’t right but you didn’t want to see the truth.” Talia concluded.

“I DON’T BELIEVE YOU! YOU’RE A LIAR! I don’t- I don’t…” her voice broke.

“Sara I’m so-” she didn’t get to finish before Sara threw her phone in anger.

Sara began slammed her fist into the nearest wall. Her knuckles bled and she soon found she couldn’t stop. She didn’t stop when the receptionist came out. She didn’t stop when the receptionist returned inside. She couldn’t stop. Not even when Suhad came out to try and calm her down.

All she saw was the red of her bloodied hands before she lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am evil I know. I keep playing with you guys but it will all make sense eventually. Thank you to all the lovely comments.  
> I see you are all begging for Nyssa to be alive. Your hopes are not for nothing.


	19. The Beauty Of Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through the haze I found you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *There is a scene out of, the dark knight rises film in this. As I said before the stories coincide but will differ at some point. Some dialogue is from the film. I don’t own the characters or any rights from either franchises (Arrow or DKR). I’m just borrowing these fascinating characters.***

**The Beauty of Nightmares**

When Sara began to regain consciousness a loud news report was playing.

_“…just in, more news surrounding Gotham. The mysterious masked man and his followers whom are thought to be behind the death of Gotham businessman, John Daggett, and the bankruptcy of Bruce Wayne, are yet again causing havoc in the city. It is reported that only moments ago the city’s entire police force was buried and barricaded beneath the city sewers…”_

The reporter went silent and Sara thought she had once again blacked out.

“Can you change the channel, before Lourdes gets back, I don’t want her to see him on top of everything else.”

She heard her mother’s voice. At this Sara attempted to open her eyes, or move her body, in which she was unsuccessful at both. It was like sleep paralysis but worse, she couldn’t even feel her body really.

“Hold on, she’ll be a while she takes her time picking at the vending machine.” Sara’s father responded obviously engrossed in the news report.

The reporter started speaking again.

_“… Sorry about that, it seems the entire city of Gotham is under lockdown. The masked man is currently addressing the citizens at the NFL Gotham stadium live…”_

 The room was quiet a moment.

 _“Gotham! Take control, take control of your city. This! This is the instrument of your liberation…”_ An unusual yet equally captivating and chilling voice rang through the room.

“Have they blown up the grounds of the stadium? And that thing- what?” Dinah asked alarmed.

“Looks like Gotham’s really gone to shit this time. Where’s Batman now huh?” Quentin questioned.

“He’s probably behind all this, after all, he murdered Harvey Dent and all those people.” Dinah answered.

The voice that Sara deduced belonged to the masked man continued to speak.  _“…Identify yourself to the world.”_

A different obviously fearful voice stuttered in response. _“Doctor Leonid Pavel. Nuclear Physicist.”_

 _“And what- What is this?”_ The eerie voice of the masked man continued.

_“It’s a fully primed neutron bomb with a blast radius of six miles.”_

_“And who is capable of disarming such a device?”_

_“Only me.”_

“He’s a terrorist, why haven’t they done-“ Dinah spoke over the monitor before a gunshot sounded and she gasped. Screams rang through the television.

“How can they broadcast this execution?” Quentin said, his nearer to Sara than before.

A voice rang through the screams. _“Now. This bomb is armed. This bomb is mobile, and the identity of the triggerman is a mystery. For one of you, holds the detonator. Now we come here not as conquerors, but as liberators to return control of this city to the people. We prepare you for the storm that is coming. Your corrupt officials do not seek your survival. No, we give you salvation… And at the first sign of interference from the outside world, or for those people attempting to flee… this anonymous Gothamite, this unsung hero, will trigger the bomb. For now, Marshall law is in effect. Return to your homes, hold your families close, and wait. Tomorrow, you claim what is rightfully yours.”_

The haunting silence which fell across the television seeped into the room. Gotham always seemed to be at the brink of destruction from one force or another. This seemed different though. There was something about this masked man that seemed to foretell a greater force and destruction to come.

Sara was still unable to open her eyes, or move or have a true awareness of where she was. She would remain like this for what seemed to be forever, bleeping and strange voices, her family coming in and out of the room. She managed to deduce that she was probably in the hospital after passing out and the sleep medication was either too strong or not strong enough to send her completely into deep sleep. Her family seemed an almost constant presence but she wasn’t able to hold on to what they would say, she could just hear and feel their presence.

At some point, someone else visited, at what Sara believed to be night. The room had been quiet for a substantial period of time, the concept of time had long slipped away from her. The only noises that had been ringing were electronic beeping and ticking, and a noise that seemed to be pushing oxygen into her. The visitor entered and left quickly; soon after, Sara felt herself being moved by a team of people. There was a lot of bustling around her as she moved to an even quieter space.

Sara figured she had been relocated into a private room as the monitor noises and soft snoring she had previously heard ceased to ring in the new area.

Presumably the same visitor came and kept her company once she had been moved. The visitor did not talk to her, she simply felt the presence. It was a woman by the feel of her hands and the way hair tickled at her arms when she sat beside her. Sara thought it was probably Suhad but a part of her felt it might not be.

She didn’t have time to ponder it as she fell completely out of any form consciousness, the somewhat comforting sounds of the outside becoming increasingly distant.

 

Later, the beeping of a hospital monitor awoke her.

Her parents were in mid conversation as she came to.

“You think it was Talia who got her moved to the private bay?” Dinah questioned.

“Who else could it be, the nurses said she had dark hair, sort of British accent and an aura of superiority about her.”

For the first time since blacking out she could feel her body entirely, the weakness, the ache and throbbing. She hadn’t felt like this in many years. She first felt tubes sticking out of her mouth and nostrils. The panic caused her to snap open her eyes and try to break free the tubes lodged in her throat.  

“Gaga she’s awake!” Lourdes yelled jumping up off her grandmother’s lap.

She focused on her parent’s sat on either side of her, as she tried moving, only to find bandages wrapped around her abdomen and palms, her knuckles with an array of cuts and stitches.

“Oh my god, Quentin go get the doctor,” Dinah spoke relieved.

Her father watched her face with nothing but sheer relief on his face.

“Dad?” She muffled through the tubes.

“Sara don’t try and speak sweetheart, you’re ok.” Her mother said placing her hand over her arm.

Sara could not understand how she’d landed in a hospital bed like this, she couldn’t understand why Dinah had tears rolling down her face or why Lourdes seemed scared to touch her.

Her father rushed out and returned with a Doctor.

The doctor examined the monitors and systems around her before the tubes in her mouth.

“Hello Sara, I’m Doctor Sloane, do you remember what happened to you?” The man asked continuing to fiddle and jot notes down.

“I don’t –“ Her voice came out hoarse and dry.

“What’s happening doctor?” Quentin asked anxiously.

“It’s ok, its gonna take a second.” He answered him hopefully.

Sara cleared her throat before starting again.

“I don’t remember anything after, passing out outside the Therapy Centre.”

She gauged her parent’s reactions, whom only seemed to increasingly get more anxious. She could tell they had been crying and hadn’t slept in a while by their dishevelled appearance and had sore red rings around their eyes. Sara wondered how long it had been for them to get in this state.

“What happened?” Sara asked looking between everyone.

“Your appendix ruptured, that’s why you passed out. I’m surprised you didn’t notice any discomfort beforehand but it’s been known to occur.” Sara looked down at the bandages around her abdomen and started to make sense of things.

“Doctor Hendrix bought you in and we took you straight into theatre for operation. You went into septic shock.” The doctor explained.

“This caused you to fall into a temporary coma, while we focused on maintaining all your organ function.”

“A coma?” Sara questioned, starting to freak out.

“Don’t worry, we caught things early, you’re alright, it’s only been four days. Your internal organs are all functioning on their own, the surgery went well, we were just waiting for you to wake up.” He assured her.

“Four days?” She asked looking to Lourdes who looked fearful.

“But I’m better now right doctor?” She asked wanting to reassure Lourdes.

“Yes, we’ll keep you in until Monday and you can go home, rest and you’ll be able to attend your birthday party.” He said looking at the small girl.

A small smile pushed at Lourdes lips as she looked at Sara. She finally looked relieved and cautiously brushed her hand against Sara’s exposed arm.

“The nurse’s will be in to check on you... Your British friend has insisted we treat you as a priority, so please do call if you need anything.” He spoke to the room.

“British friend?” Sara questioned, remembering the commotion the previous night in which she was moved.

“Yes, thank you doctor.” Quentin answered shaking the doctors hand.

Once they were alone there was an uncomfortable silence around the room.

“I thought I was going to lose you, _again_.” Dinah said breaking the silence.

Quentin bought his chair closer to his wife to comfort both Lourdes and Dinah.

“You wouldn’t wake up,” Lourdes added voice soaked in sadness.

“Hey, look at me,” Sara said reaching for her chin.

“I’m alright, things happen Lolo. People get sick but I told you I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here with you, all of you.” Sara spoke softly.

The tension in the room seemed to drop but there was still an uncomfortable air around them.

“Sara, you need to move on from her.” Dinah spoke moments later.

Sara knew immediately what they were talking about.

“I don’t know how.” Sara admitted.

Tears flooded her eyes as she looked at the little girl who was every bit her mother’s daughter. She gazed into the bright piercing gaze of the 6-year-old, and her heart broke.

“There are things that still don’t make sense. I can’t give up on her Mom.”

Dinah looked broken at her daughter’s pain.

“Even if it costs you your health?” She asked looking to Quentin for support.

The deep frown etched on his face suggested he had not made up his mind about what he thought about the situation.

“I think she needs to figure things out; she needs closure or she’ll never be able to move on.” He stated looking at Sara solemnly.

“She’s being torn apart, look at her hands-“ a nurse interrupted the conversation to tell them visiting hours were now over.

“Let’s just be grateful our daughter is recovering. We’ll talk, she needs to rest.” Quentin said kissing Sara on the forehead.

Her mother refrained from arguing and proceeded to embrace and kiss her before leaving. Lourdes somewhat still cautious reached up and kissed Sara’s cheek before running off to catch up with her grandparents.

She easily fell back to sleep with the steady stream of morphine injected into her. Throughout the rest of the day and night Sara would drowsily wake up and return to sleep. On what felt like her fifth time waking up she noticed another person in the room sat by her bedside. She attempted to wake up but the medication was strong and she was too high to really make sense of what was going on.

She could barely open her eyes, but she could tell it was still night. The only light was seeping from under the doorway directly opposite her. She was fighting the ringing headache that called her to sleep. That’s when she felt slender fingers lace gently through her own. Through her glazed vision she could see dark hair and attire. She tried harder to wake up, but all that came out was muffled moans and her eyes drooping even more.

“Sshh…” The figure cooed. Her hand coming to brush against Sara’s cheek lightly. Sara tried harder to get herself up and out of her almost delirious state. The more she pushed the further away she seemed to go into the darkness of sleep.

The last thing she could comprehend was a woman’s voice, whispering to her, “…beloved, what are you doing to yourself?”


	20. The Princess and The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She imprinted herself onto my heart too.

**_‘And The Princess did love, even if the devil was her actions.’_ **

When Sara woke up Sunday morning she was not all that surprised to find Suhad waiting by her bedside. There was an old song playing quietly on the radio. Sara blinked a few times before looking around. Her eyes caught a collection of bright _forget-me-nots_ by her bedside table. Sara pondered the flowers, there was no card left and she knew they were from the mystery visitor that came in the night.

Even with all the evidence pointing against her, she was sure more than ever that Nyssa was alive.

The two women looked at one another with understanding, neither saying anything.

“She’s alive.” Sara whispered surely.

Suhad studied her long and hard, inside conflict bracing her beautiful Afrocentric features. After a moment, she nodded with a melancholic smile.

“I want to hear you say it.” Sara demanded softly.

Suhad regarded her again, looking deeply into her eyes, as if deciding whether Sara could handle hearing it.

“Nyssa is alive…”

Sara released the breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding. The relief that ran through her body was almost orgasmic. It was if something had been holding her throat, constricting her breathing for so long she had gotten used to it.

“… and she wants to see you.” The afro haired woman explained.

The release this gave her was more than she imagined.

Nyssa was alive.

The blonde was bombarded with all the thoughts she had been pushing to the back of her mind.

_‘Did she fake her death?_

_Why?_

_Had she moved on?_

_Did she still love me?’_

Sara quietly contemplated her thoughts.

“When?” She asked anxiety creeping into her voice.

“Tonight. I’ll get you discharged after your family come to visit.”

“Why now?” Sara asked, hurt evident in her eyes.

“Sara, I’m not the person you should ask.” Suhad said.

“But you knew all this time. I trusted you and all this time you just let me suffer,” Sara accused.

She could tell she struck a nerve with Suhad. There was an equal measure of hurt in her almond shaped eyes.

“It wasn’t my place to say. I was there for you. I never told her what you said.”

“And that story, the one about your ex, was it about her _?_ ” She asked.

She now pitied the dark-skinned woman. 

“It’s _always_ been her.” Suhad said not meeting Sara’s eye.

‘ _And the princess did love, even if the devil was her actions.’_

Sara thought of the tattoo Suhad had. Sara had been in one too many ‘the other woman’ situations but this almost seemed the saddest.

“Tell me the truth about you guys.” Sara stated more than asked.

There was silence as Suhad deliberated on whether to tell her. Her warm brown eyes studying Sara intently before nodding with a smile which didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I am a direct descendant of the royal bloodline of Queen Nefertiti. She was Tutankhamun’s father’s first wife.” Suhad explained.

“The Pharaohs?” Sara questioned.

“Yes, Nefertiti and Pharaoh Akhenaten are my ancestors.”  Whilst she had met a lot of royalty, the Egyptian Pharaoh family was a first.

“Through time the family settled moved back to Ethiopia, where we were originally from. My family own a vast amount of land, and we have our own hidden kingdom of sorts. Our traditions and beliefs were passed down and as I was being trained in the royal ways, and so, my father sent the very best to teach me, not only to fight but to command and lead.”

Sara thought of a young Nyssa never having been in love, sent to train an exceptionally beautiful princess. How could she not be enchanted by the other woman?

She then thought of Suhad’s tattoo, whether the Princess she refers to had been her or Nyssa.

“I fell in love with her the moment I set eyes on her. She was beautiful, strong, smart. I was doomed from the start.” She said humorously.

“I know the feeling.” Sara responded remembering her own encounter with their shared lover.

“She loved me back, it was the first time she had ever loved anyone I think… but it wasn’t enough to make her stay. We hid it because she didn’t know how to tell her father.” A suffocating depressive air surrounded them as Suhad spoke.

“She fought with herself over it for months and she chose him. So, when training finished she left and I followed… There was no room for a lovesick princess at the league and certainly not enough in her heart.” Her usually strong soulful voice trembled in her explanation.

“Ra’s pitted Talia and Nyssa against each other. Both in the running as ‘ _Heir to the Demon’_ and that’s all she knew before me, that’s what her life had always been about and there was nothing I could do or say to change that.” She finished, voice wavering with emotion.

“You said she came back for you.” Sara stated after a moment of quiet recollection.

“She did, nearly 4 years ago.” She admitted.

 “You said it wasn’t meant to be.” Sara recalled.

“Right.” Suhad answered avoiding Sara’s eyes. Almost trying to convince herself.

“Then why do all of this for her?”

Suhad looked up at Sara, and her eyes said it all.

“Of course… you’re still in love with her too.” Sara answered her own question.

Between the blonde and dark-skinned woman there was really no anger or rivalrous jealousy, more of a deep understanding. Suhad’s devotion to Sara’s former lover was evident. It was also obvious she was a genuinely good person, who cared more about the wellbeing of the people she loved than her own selfish gain. She was selfless and beautiful, both inside and out; and intelligent. It was not difficult to see why Nyssa had fallen in love with her.

“But then, why did you kiss me?” Sara asked trying to understand the therapist.

“Part of it was trying to comfort you and trying feel something for someone else, a _nyone_ else…”she trailed off observing Sara again, something Sara noticed she did quite frequently.

“…honestly, I wanted to see what made you so special, why she was willing to lose everything for you…but not for me.”

The was no evidence of deception on the woman’s features. She was overwhelmingly honest and Sara empathised with her.

“But she trusted _you_ enough to let you know she’s alive, trusted _you_ to look over her daughter. I think that makes you pretty special,” Sara reasoned.

“This arrangement worked to both of our advantage, if anything she was doing me a favour.” She checked her phone as a message alert rang.

After reading it she continued, “I was a victim of my parent’s lifestyle as well. Because of my history I was forced into a life I didn’t want, this offered me a fresh start, a normal life.”

Sara took in the information. This gave Sara new perspective on where she stood in Nyssa’s life. Nyssa had never spoken of a past love, she had mentioned past lovers briefly but Suhad was obviously deeper, and yet she never even uttered the afro-haired woman’s name.

“I don’t even know what to say anymore,” Sara admitted.

“You don’t have to say anything. Tonight, I’ll come and get you, and you will finally find the answers you’ve been looking for.” Suhad said with a smile that did not quite reach her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it. Baby girl is alive after all.
> 
> What are your thoughts on Suhad?
> 
> Thank you to the lovely comments as always.   
> Keep letting me know your thoughts and your theories as to what could happen.


	21. I Found You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will happen when I see you again?

**I Found You**

The family visited Sara almost the entirety of the day. While it was pleasant, Sara had not been able to fully immerse herself in the moment. Her mind had been distracted. A strange kind of anxiety sat with her the entire day, leaving her with loss of appetite and reduced concentration.

When evening came, Suhad returned and spoke briefly with Dr Sloane to allow Sara’s early discharge.

They drove to Suhad’s new home across from the Lance’s in silence. Both women not knowing what to say.

They sat in the car collecting themselves long after the engine had stopped running.

“How are you feeling?” Suhad asked curiously.

“Terrified.” Sara responded with a worried smile on her face.

A million different thoughts were going through her mind. It had been years since they had set eyes upon each other and she wondered how things would be different. She wondered how she would feel after all this time. Anxiety coursed through her as sure as her blood in the anticipation to once more meeting her former lover.

“I just- I… listen, she’s different… from what you might remember, things have _happened_ to her and she’s- different.” Suhad struggled.

This made Sara even more apprehensive. Sara nodded slowly not unable to articulate any response.

They left the car and they were both silent walking into Suhad’s living room.

As they bound the corner Sara was frozen to the spot when she laid eyes upon Nyssa.

_The love of her life._

The woman in the flesh was even more beautiful than the faded memories her mind could conjure up. She still wore her dark silky hair long and wavy. Her olive skin glowed in the light and her impossibly dark mahogany eyes said more than a thousand words. She was still young and youthful but there was an aura of maturity in her eyes.

Nyssa sat at the edge of an arm chair and her piercing brown eyes were already wet with tears. She wore dark expensive clothes and she looked nervous in her own skin, which threw Sara off. It was strange to see her like this.

Nyssa walked over to her and Sara couldn’t keep her eyes off her. She was truly there, in the flesh. Sara prayed that she would not wake up to find this had been some awfully real dream.

Where Sara thought Nyssa would kiss her, she was surprised to find herself pulled into a tight embrace. It was familiar, it was _home_. Her heart swelled and for the first time in nearly 9 years she felt complete. That hole inside her, filled.

When Nyssa inevitably pulled back she simply stared teary eyed into Sara’s eyes. Sara got the first proper look over of her former lover and noticed slight dark rings around her eyes, and a darkness and pain behind her eyes. Suhad had been right there was something different about her. Something she couldn’t pinpoint.

She didn’t know how long it had been with the two of them standing holding one another, studying one another, figuring out what had happened in all the many years apart. Searching for the woman she fell in love with.

“I’ve had better greetings,” Sara mimicked Nyssa from all those years ago.

Sara yearned to kiss her as Nyssa flashed the smile that always made her weak at her knees.

“You’ve barely aged a day… you’re even more beautiful than I remember.” Nyssa replied, caressing her face tenderly. Just as was custom with the two, Sara easily fell into the touch.

They continued to examine each other. Sara’s hands in urgent need to touch the dark-haired woman. A minor panic that Sara feared was still a part of some awfully real dream.

“I’ll leave you guys to it,” Suhad interrupted the reunion.

Sara was more that surprised when Nyssa stepped away from her touch. “No, it’s ok, please stay.”

It was almost like Nyssa was afraid of being alone with Sara. The two dark haired women shared a silent conversation before Suhad obviously gave up and signalled for the trio to get comfortable.

Nyssa returned to the seat she had been occupying before Sara entered the room. Suhad took the seat next to her, leaving Sara limited choice between the armchair opposite them or a dining chair further away from them.

She settled opposite them, and the air became more awkward than it had ever been between them. Even when Nyssa first saved Sara, where she rarely spoke and was standoffish there was still a comfortability in the atmosphere between them.

The silence continued as they stared at each other, all three processing the bizarre situation.

“You’re alive.” Sara stated with emotion over taking her. Tears falling which she didn’t know she had. Nyssa immediately kneeled in front of her and allowed her thumbs to wipe away the fallen tears at Sara’s cheeks.

“Hey, look at me…” Nyssa whispered. Her own eyes barely able to keep tears falling. “…I’m right here.”

She pulled Sara’s hand to her chest to feel her heartbeat. A gesture she used to comfort Sara within the early days of their meeting, when she suffered from vicious nightmares.

Suhad looked visibly uncomfortable, obviously feeling like she was interrupting an intimate moment.

“You let me think you were dead.” Sara accused, her voice sounding like a scared child.

She hated being so vulnerable in front of Suhad. It was one thing to show Nyssa her insecurities but another in front of her lover’s former girlfriend. If not current girlfriend for all Sara knew.

“I know.”

“I know? that’s all you have to say?” Sara suddenly switched, anger seeping into her voice.

“You weren’t here Sara.” Nyssa snapped back at her, an unspoken resentment evident in her own voice.

Too focussed on the reunion at hand, the three women failed to hear the person entering the house.

“Your daughter thinks you’re dead.” Sara stated choosing to ignore the accusation behind Nyssa’s words.

This visibly affected Nyssa. Her eyes revealed pain and she looked away towards the ground.

Nyssa rose in frustration retaking her seat next to Suhad.

“Do you really believe I want my daughter to grow up without a mother like I did?”

“Nyssa…”Suhad said softly attempting to placate the rising tempers.

“Woah woah, what’s the commotion in here.” A familiar voice said before coming into sight.

“Izar?” Sara questioned looking at the driver whom had driven her to Sudbury, under Thea’s instruction, from Star City.

He looked between the three women, looking like he had been caught stealing.

“Ah, so you finally revealed yourself to the poor girl.” He stated looking at Nyssa, who rolled her eyes almost playfully.

Sara looked entirely perplexed, and was beginning to believe she really was stuck in a dream, and was still laying in her hospital bed hooked up to some high pain medication.

“I’d say Sara found her.” Suhad answered standing to embrace the older man.

“I had a feeling she wasn’t going to give up on you.” Izar said moving to embrace Nyssa.

“You guys know each other?” She questioned trying to make sense of the situation.

“Miss Lance. I’m Saracon Raatko, it’s a pleasure to finally be formally introduced.” He said smiling genuinely, and bringing her hand to his lips.

“Raatko?”

“Yes, my brother.” Nyssa finally revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Nyssa's alive but is she well?  
> What did you think of the reunion?   
> Were you guys expecting the little curveball I threw in with her brother? 
> 
> I would love a spin off about the al Ghul family, there's so much that could be done! Hopefully someone will see this and make it happen haha. 
> 
> Updates soon!


	22. Find Your Way Back To Me, Beloved.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You found me broken, could you still love me?

**Find Your Way Back To Me, Beloved.**

“No, Izar is the driver.” Sara said stubbornly.

The man revealed to be Saracon Raatko shared a smile with his sister before answering.

“You’re not wrong, I am Izar, Izar the amazing, and I am Izar the driver, but I also happen to be her big brother, Saracon.”

Sara looked at the siblings and saw the resemblance and understood why she had thought him familiar when they met. He shared Nyssa’s sharp features and his skin was a fairer shade of olive. His eyes were a piercing ashy-blue, similar to that of his niece, and obviously favoured his mother’s Mongolian roots, where Nyssa’s almond brown eyes leant toward her father’s Middle Eastern background. Yet, as she looked at his dimpled devilish grin, there was something even more familiar she could not place. 

Sara was dumbfounded, she had so many questions and yet she was speechless. Surely none of this could be real.

But it was real, Nyssa was right there in the flesh, standing less than a few metres away from her. The woman who had haunted her heart since their separation. The woman who had bought the most wonderful little girl into her life. Her dream turned reality.

“My sister and I have been apart for the majority of our lives. I thank the gods for bringing me back my family.” He explained in his thick animated accent when Sara failed to speak.

“Was this before or after you faked your death?” Sara said finding her voice.

“It’s a long story Sara…” Nyssa began. Sara’s name spilling from her lips like an angelic melody.

“And still a story she needs to know.” Suhad interrupted her.

Sara watched the way they interacted, curious to see Nyssa in this light. They communicated wordlessly, in a fashion similar to something Sara once had with Nyssa.

While Nyssa still looked almost the same physically, there was something in her demeanour, a reluctance and timidity about her.

Nyssa nodded in agreement to Suhad’s statement and once again sat down beside the darker skinned woman. 

“Um- where to start?” Nyssa stuttered uncharacteristically.

She’d never looked so vulnerable to Sara and the earlier anger she had towards the brunette faded away.

Sara curled her fists tightly to prevent the urge of reaching out to her. Her bandaged palms protested and she failed to hide the pain.

“Sara, you should probably take your medication.” Nyssa said noticing her wince.

“I’ll bring you some water.” Suhad hurriedly left for the kitchen with Izar in tow. They both seemed eager to leave the two alone. After all, it was an awkward situation, former lovers and a surprise brother.  

The tension in the air became palpable when the two were left alone. Neither woman speaking, quietly regarding one another.

There was a darkness shrouding Nyssa’s eyes, a desperation Sara didn’t understand behind them. Her heart ached physically at the sight of her.

With each passing second, Sara increasingly felt the walls closing in on her. She was overwhelmed and her chest constricted in panic. she couldn’t breathe.

“I’m sorry, I just-, I need some air.” Sara said virtually running out the room and to the patio facing the sea.

She managed to make it out before heaving out the contents of her hospital dinner.

She almost had everything she wanted within grasp and she felt more apprehensive than ever before. Everything was muddled and confused but the only clear thought she had was how badly she wanted Nyssa in her life. How badly she wanted Nyssa to be happy. Seeing her former lover so unlike herself, shook something inside the blonde. Sara questioned whether she was willing to let her go, even if it meant breaking her own heart and watching the love of her life be happy with someone else. She knew that Suhad would not be a bad person to lose her to.

She settled in the sand away from her vomit and watched the waves to calm herself.

There was a time she had hated the sea. A time where the constant crashing of the waves had caused her tremendous chagrin and anxiety. She smiled to herself as she recollected that it had been Nyssa that guided her away from that torment; it had been Nyssa who taught her strength in body _and_ mind, enough to put her issues at bay. At bay enough, she now found _comfort_ in the sound of waves.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Nyssa’s eloquent voice spoke softly.

The brunette perched beside her offering Sara the prescribed medication and bottled water. Sara took the tablets and water and smiled in thanks. Even with so much space and time between them the brunette still held the same care and affection for the blonde as she always had.

“You’re probably thinking about all the questions you have for me?” Nyssa asked as she looked out to the water. She seemed distant, with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“No, actually. I was thinking about after you rescued me from Lian Yu, and those horrific flashbacks I used to have.” Sara revealed.

Nyssa turned to face the blonde, surprised by her train of thought.

Sara had despised sea water and its smell for so long after her rescue from Lian Yu. As she starved and floated in the sea, she had been so afraid that her last memory and view would be the sea and her last taste a pungent salty aroma. For months even looking and tasting salt gave her petrifying flashbacks.

Nyssa was so gentle with her, coaxing her out of whatever frightening images she had been locked in.

 _‘Habibti, tajid tariquk 'iilaa alwara'.’_ She would whisper in her ear affectionately.

Afterwards, Sara would calm down and neither would bring up the topic again. The strange tenderness between them in those moments, two strangers, was never bought up. Neither would talk about the occasionally violent episodes or the haunting periods of silence when Sara just disappeared and stared off into the distance. Through her anguish, Nyssa always pulled her back with those simple words. It wasn’t until months into training in the league and learning Arabic that Sara figured out that Nyssa would whisper; _‘find your way back to me, beloved.’_

Sara never mentioned that she worked it out.

This was the first time they ever discussed her flashbacks. Nyssa never wanted to push Sara, and Sara never wanted to burden anyone with her troublesome insecurities and unresolved issues from Lian Yu. She feared that talking about her temporary mental health battle made her unattractive and would push Nyssa away. It was silly really, when she thought of the lengths the brunette had gone through to protect and love her. She thought this way because she saw herself in that light, and not because Nyssa would not understand. If there was one thing Nyssa was, it was unyieldingly understanding of Sara.

“You refused to be washed or even shower yourself for a whole week. Every time I tried to give you salty food or even a glass of water you just… went away.” Nyssa recalled sadly.

“Don’t forget the times I hysterically clawed at myself like a lunatic.” Sara replied. She remembered how she rubbed her skin raw, until she bled at times; hallucinating being back at sea.

“There was nothing crazy about you Sara. You were traumatised.” Nyssa said reaching out with trepidation. The back of her fingers tenderly caressed her cheek. That warmth only reserved for Sara staring back at her in Nyssa’s eyes.

“You never once forced me to talk about it, not like those doctors-”

“They were bloody awful. While I never agreed with all of my father’s methods, I can’t say I was not pleased when he punished them.” Nyssa interrupted. Obviously angry at the subject matter. They both recalled the doctors attempting to coerce Sara into bathing, eating and drinking long before she was able to handle it. At Nyssa’s insistence the doctors were punished by being tormented briefly with their biggest fears.

Sara laughed gruffly at Nyssa. It was obvious her Nyssa was still there, under this tortured soul before her.

“You whispered me back to sanity and let me annoy you about whatever nonsense came to my mind.”

Nyssa smiled at her, a genuine dazzling smile. The beautiful expression that had never failed to make Sara’s heart swell with love.

“I liked listening to you talk. It never annoyed me, I just wasn’t used to someone so…guileless.” There was a playful lilt in her accented voice.

“But you barely spoke back, you were so intensely quiet I really thought you hated me.” Sara admitted with a giggle.

The earlier awkwardness between them fizzled away. The way they easily just existed with each other. Sitting so close yet not quite touching. The cool breeze of the sea quietly coming from the waves and the moonlight glistening. It was a romantic setting, if the two weren’t so inside their own heads, they might have noticed.

“I could never hate you.” Nyssa spoke with such sincerity it caused Sara to pause for a moment.

“And I was perhaps demure because I didn’t know how to be around you. I’d never met _anyone_ like you… someone so beautiful and inherently good.”

Sara found herself blushing at Nyssa’s words.

“Aw, so you’re saying you had a BIG LESBIAN crush on me?” Sara teased referencing the classic film Mean Girls. Sara budged her shoulder into Nyssa’s playfully.

They both burst out laughing, wholeheartedly, and in a way neither had done in what now seemed to be forever.

“You know that Mean Girls reference is outdated now. It seems your years away have kept you out of the loop. I guess the roles have reversed and it is now my turn to teach _you_ all the cool modern references.” Nyssa answered once they managed to stop laughing.

“Not a chance, Lourdes gives me the 411 on everything cool.”

The words had flown out of her mouth before she even realised that it might be a sensitive topic.

All playfulness between them evaporated and left a dark cloud above them.

Nyssa’s pain and anguish was clear in her frown at the thought of Lourdes.

“How- how is she?” Nyssa stuttered as she was overcome with emotion.

“She’s perfect.” Sara answered honestly.

“I hate myself for every day I am away from her.” The admission was whispered into the darkness around them. A confession to the outer universe.

Sara stayed silent watching the change in Nyssa. She had briefly managed to bring her Nyssa out of the shell of a person that she was reunited with.

“I can’t thank you enough for everything you do for her. Raising a child is not easy, it’s the hardest job in the world… and for a child who isn’t your own-“

“She’s _yours_ , and that’s what makes it the best thing to have ever happened to me.” Sara interrupted. 

They gazed at each other in this sudden charged moment. They could both feel it. There was still so much between them. To Sara it did not matter that it was closer to a decade since Nyssa last saw her. It didn’t matter whatever had happened in all the years in between, Nyssa was worth fighting for. For all the time that had passed since their goodbye and last ‘I love you’s’, Sara’s heart had been drowning in loneliness.

She knew it was selfish, after all the wrong’s she had done to the brunette. Yet, she travelled through space and time; and had come to the conclusion, that you cannot choose who you love.

And Sara _loved_ Nyssa. She would not let her go now she had been thrown another blessing from the world.

She couldn’t help herself as she pushed her lips against Nyssa’s. If the brunette was surprised she didn’t show it. Their lips met in a chaste kiss somewhere in the middle. Nyssa’s lips were softer and warmer than she remembered; but that sweet taste she could not get enough of remained the same.

Sara greedily pushed for more. Her lips pushing harder into something considerably _less_ innocent. She could feel the hesitation in Nyssa’s movements. Where she would once pull her closer, she now tentatively held Sara’s head at bay. Where they would dance and fight for domination between their mouths, she seemed to just let it happen.

She felt tears mix into the kiss. Whether they were her own or Nyssa’s was not clear.

She was surprised when Nyssa pulled away and pulled her into a tight desperate embrace. It was odd. The dynamic between them, something she didn’t recognise. There was something in the way Nyssa clung on to her that alarmed her. There was a despair and possibly longing in her touch that pulled Sara impossibly closer.

Sara’s heart broke when they parted and she saw the look on Nyssa’s face. Large tears brimmed in her eyes. There was a wildness and vulnerability that called out to her. She was pleading for help and for the first time in her life, she had no idea how she could comfort her former lover.

She carefully evaluated Nyssa, eyes flickering from eye to eye for some sort of sign. She recognised this look of hopelessness and fear in Nyssa, something she had herself during those awful early days since her rescue from Lian Yu.

Sara took Nyssa’s face between her hands and looked her deep in the eye.

 _“Find your way back to me, beloved.”_ Sara whispered the same way Nyssa had lovingly done for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love the comments! Thank you all x


	23. Nyssa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst thing happened and I became a monster.

Sara and Nyssa returned to the house for explanations after their talk.

They all sat in their previous positions as Nyssa began to explain. Saracon perched on the edge of Sara’s armchair facing opposite Nyssa and Suhad.

“I found out I was pregnant after my sister got in touch with me about reviving the league. Things were particularly tough back then, I was completely lost. Your sister’s death broke me.”

Sara was still unsure of the relationship her former lover and sister shared, yet she could not find it in herself to be angry or jealous. Sara left, she was glad that the two people she loved the most had each other.

“She was my best friend. One of the only people to continually encourage me to find my humanity, to be comfortable with it; where I had been raised to be _monstrous._ ”

Sara smiled solemnly at the memory of her sister. She still blamed herself for not being able to save her, when Laurel had denied death itself to bring Sara back.

“She always saw the good in people… I miss her every day,” Sara admitted.

“As do I.”

Whatever Laurel had been to Nyssa, in this moment, it did not matter to Sara. Nyssa clearly loved Laurel, and to the blonde that was everything.  

“She sounds like quite the woman, I would have loved to meet the other Lance sister.” Saracon placed a comforting hand on Sara’s back.

“I doubt Laurel would have approved of the choices I made after her death. Without her… without you, I had no idea what to do with myself, especially since the shackles of my father had been lifted. Needless to say, even after his death, he still had a vice grip on me. I was spiralling into the monster my father would have been proud of. ” She spoke with venom as she regarded the late Ra’s al Ghul.

 “Nyssa, you have _never_ been a monster.” Sara interrupted before the words could tumble out of Suhad’s mouth. The other woman awkwardly opened and closed her mouth failing to find comforting words.

“Maybe not, but many things have changed in our years apart.” There was no malice in her voice but Sara felt the regret of having left her all the same.

“Lourdes saved me though. The moment I found out I was pregnant, when I could _feel_ her growing inside me, something changed. She was my hope, for a better future, for happiness.” The change in her when talking about Lourdes was astonishing. Love radiated from her.

“Talia helped orchestrate my death. It was artifice and deception on all levels. The main story being a battle to the death, over Demon Head. We spread lies across the globe to confuse everyone, so much so, the truth would be buried too deep in lies, that even if someone was to come across it, it could not be recognised as truth.”

“Where were you really?” Sara asked.

“During my pregnancy I sought refuge in the place my mother was born, a small village in Russia. I hoped I could find what was left of my family.”

Sara imagined what it must have been like for Nyssa. Alone, with the prospect of a baby to raise. While the thought of a pregnant Nyssa made her heart flutter, shame filled her; she knew she should have been there for Nyssa then and not only now.

“That’s where she found me. I could not believe the gods had seen fit to reunite me with the sister I had only ever seen as a baby. If only the woman I knew as our mother had been around to see the amazing person our little Nyssa has grown to be.” Saracon added.

At the mention of their mother Nyssa’s eyes darkened in conflict. Her mother had died in childbirth and the brunette had struggled with it, tremendously, growing up.

Nyssa continued with her story not addressing the comment about her mother.

“When Lourdes was finally born I couldn’t bear to keep her a secret from Oliver. I sent Talia with a letter of explanation and I asked him to meet with her if he wanted to be a part of Lourdes’ life. But he never showed and I never pushed him.”

Oliver knew.

Sara could not believe Oliver could do such a thing.

“He knows?” Sara asked in disbelief. Oliver was as honourable as Nyssa, he would never turn away from his own child. Especially, considering he was now William’s legal guardian since the death of his mother.

“And you didn’t question it?” Sara prompted.

“Oliver had lost William less than a year prior. I know it was incredibly hard for him. I didn’t question it, all I could do was provide for my daughter.”

“But he is raising William now, why hasn’t he reached out?”

Oliver was not a deadbeat dad. Something wasn’t right. Having briefly met William with Oliver in the past, she knew Oliver would do anything for his children.

“I’ve given him countless opportunities since then. Every year on Lourdes’ birthday, Talia has sent him a picture of her. If his reasoning is anything like mine, I understand it. He is raising William _because_ one of his enemies murdered the boy’s mother. Our daughter inherited not only his enemies but mine and the many my father and sister have made.” Nyssa explained with a sadness lingering in her voice.  

“What if Talia’s lied?”

“My relationship with Talia mended after our father’s death. She was the one who reached out the olive branch to mend what had been broken with neglect and competition. I’m all the family she has left, I trust her with Lourdes’ life and my own.” She explained.

Sara thought of her own sister, and how her betrayal with Oliver was something she once thought could not be fixed.

“She’s done a fine job at protecting you… even from me.” Sara accused, remembering the fateful day she collapsed, at Talia’s confession that Nyssa killed herself.

“I told her to lie to you. You were too close to the truth. Nyssa made it clear she was never to be found.” Suhad explained, awkwardly avoiding eye contact with the blonde.

Sara questioned the nature of the relationship between the other two women. Suhad’s name had never been uttered, even once, in the entirety of her relationship with Nyssa, yet she trusted her to watch over her child in her absence.

Sara looked curiously between the two for body language cues as to the nature of their current relationship.

Nyssa sensed the question in Sara’s eyes and answered.

“The last time I saw you, we said _goodbye_. You’ve always had an air of destiny about you. I didn’t for one second believe you would return to me... It wasn’t until I heard you were admitted into hospital that I decided to be found.” 

Sara nodded in understanding. Nyssa had revealed as much in her letter to her. It was clear the former assassin never expected them to be reunited. It pained her to think she left her to believe that. Sara was _always_ coming back to her. She’d tried to move on and live without her but nothing stuck, nothing made her feel the way Nyssa made her feel.

“You’re my home, Nyssa. That wasn’t goodbye for me.” Sara admitted to Nyssa, not caring about Suhad’s watchful eyes.

She wanted Nyssa to know how she felt, even if the years had allowed Nyssa to move on, she deserved to know she was always loved by her, especially since she had evidently done poor job in the past.

“Did you stay in Russia after Lourdes was born?” Sara asked after Nyssa failed to reply.

“We stayed just outside Nanda Parbat and the Hindu Kush. In a small village called Pandor in the house my father built for my mother. We stayed for nearly three years. I was a teacher and we had a normal life.” She answered with longing and frustration seeping into her voice.

“You were with her.” Sara sighed with relief.  

It always pained her believing the two never got to know each other. Lourdes spent her earliest years with her mother, and Nyssa had _finally_ been happy. That brought a smile to her.

“Yes. Those years felt like only a moment, when everything was eventually ripped from me. Allah has sought to give me but a small amount of joy only to take everything and more away.” Nyssa’s voice waivered with anger.

Sara watched painfully as Suhad reached over to comfort Nyssa. The gesture noticed by everyone in the room. Whether she was conscious about it, didn’t show. Her hand remained firmly clasped in Nyssa’s.

Sara hadn’t felt the possessive grip of jealousy before now. She though herself mature and above it because she liked the afro haired woman. Yet, seeing the two together made her flare green envy for a moment. She had no right to her simply because _she_ believed they were meant for each other. It was difficult to watch someone else touch, caress and comfort the woman she had spent years dreaming about. Sara desperately yearned to be in the African woman’s place.  However, she restrained herself. If Nyssa found comfort in the therapist, there was nothing she could do. She should be happy there is someone else to care and support her. But, how one is supposed to feel and how one _actually_ feels is often very different.

“Our home was attacked by assassins,” She continued.

“Who sent them?” Sara questioned softly.

“They came in the night. They came for something they thought was at the house. Not knowing about Lourdes and I.” Nyssa answered sharing a serious look with her brother.  

“Who?” Suhad pressed, which made Sara realise that this was the first time Nyssa explained this to anyone.

“Malcolm Merlyn. The Magician.” She answered poisonously.  

“I thought the he was done with the whole evil bad guy stuff.” Sara wondered. Malcolm Merlyn saved Thea on Lian Yu back in 2017 and walked away from his daughter and life of crime, allegedly. When Sara arrived earlier in 2022 Thea explained how he left, citing he could never be the father she needed.

“No, he simply abandoned his daughter to focus on ruining the world once more.” Saracon spat out with more intense distain than his sister.

 “I killed every single man that came.” Her eyes grew impossibly dark, a storm brewing behind them.  

 “I went back to Nanda Parbat to seek refuge with Talia, only to be caught in the middle of another war.” Her eyes were swirled with a frightening haunted expression.

“The former league members that I disbanded were not reinitiated into the League of Shadows. Talia wanted a new era, with a new perspective. Not the diluted corruption of power the league had turned out to be. So, they attacked and attempted to overtake Talia under Merlyn’s direction.” She explained increasingly more agitated.

“I, I- just remember finding Lourdes screaming-  she- I… someone left her trapped… in a room of dead bodies.” Sara was shocked when Nyssa’s sob escaped. She had never seen Nyssa cry like this. It felt as if the world itself was dying when she saw her despair.

Sara found herself kneeling in front of her former lover. She took Nyssa’s face in her hands and Suhad continued comforting her even with Sara on her knees. The same look of haunted tragedy from earlier outside pained Sara once more. Nyssa was in turmoil, tears racing down her face as she sobbed.

“I’m so sorry.” She repeatedly whispered into Nyssa’s ear as she bought her into her chest. She could feel her shaking beneath her. Tortured by her memories. The more comfort they gave her, the more hysterical she got. Sara hadn’t ever seen Nyssa like this, nothing even close, and it shook her to her core.

In a last-ditch attempt to calm her down Sara whispered, “ _find your way back to me, beloved.”_ She was fully aware everyone in the room could understand her but it didn’t matter, not to her. All she wanted was to ease Nyssa’s pain.

Nyssa began to still moments later. Pulling away from the embrace of both women. She was red eyed and never looked so frail. Nyssa looked between both women, battling something in her head.

“I can’t do this, I’m sorry.” She hurriedly picked up a coat and bag then ran out towards the front door.

“Nyssa wait!” All three-remaining people called out following her.

They all but bumped into her when they found her frozen at the door.

Sara moved round to see why she suddenly stopped moving. She looked beyond Nyssa to find a little teary-eyed Lourdes standing at the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story Malcolm never sacrificed himself for Thea. I never bought his whole redemption storyline, considering he was definition 'abusive trash' to Thea the majority of the time, especially season 1.


	24. My Beautiful Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lourdes saved me.

**My Beautiful Girl**

Everyone remained silent, holding in their breaths as they waited to witness what would happen next.

Time seemed to slow down for Nyssa. She collapsed to her knees, seeing her daughter in the flesh, for what felt like the first time. She took her in, the expression on her face as if seeing the sun for the first time. She couldn’t believe how much she had grown in the year since she last encountered her. 

_‘My beautiful girl,’_ Nyssa said in Arabic.

Mother and daughter stared at each other, both crying. Lourdes tentatively reached forward to stroke away the tears upon her mother’s face. Nyssa moved into the touch, a small smile pulling at her eyes at the affectionate gesture. The two came together in an embrace. Eyes closed and a natural easiness between them.

 _“You came back,”_ Lourdes whispered, almost like a prayer, he own Arabic falling out as easy and naturally as her english.

They pulled apart marginally to face each other once more. This time it was Nyssa’s turn to wipe away the tears on her face.

 _“I told you I would.”_ Nyssa tightly embraced her again.

Sara had no idea when she’d started crying. The exchange between mother and daughter the most touching thing she had ever witnessed.

“ _Look at you… I’ve missed you so much.”_ Her voice trembled in an attempt to keep her emotions at bay.

Sara could see the questions behind Lourdes eyes. She didn’t glance anywhere else but at her mother the entire time. Whether she was aware, of who Nyssa really was, was not clear in this moment but it was obvious the two had an instant connection.

When it had been quiet for a moment, Nyssa struggling to come up with words to even begin explaining anything to her daughter.

Lourdes finally looked up at Sara. She moved out of her mother’s arms and ran into Sara seeming to suddenly recall why she was crying when she came over.

“Auntie Sara, I was scared.” She said looking up at her. Sara suspected the young girl had woken up from a nightmare, her teary eyes indicated.

“So, you came looking for me?” Sara asked confused.

“I saw you in my window, I ran all the way here, AND I even put on my clothes all by myself. See, I tied my laces.” Lourdes explained looking very proud of herself.

Before she could respond they all heard Dinah shouting Lourdes’ name frantically from the Lance’s home. By the time they all looked up, Dinah Lance was standing at the door.

“What’s going on?” She questioned looking at the three remaining dumbfounded adults in Suhad’s hallway.

“Hello Mrs Lance, it’s good to see you again.” Nyssa responded with a warm smile.

The look Nyssa and Sara’s mother exchanged was not unnoticed by Sara. 

“You knew?” Sara asked in disbelief. Her mother’s mouth opened and closed but no words came out, she looked at Nyssa for explanation.

Silence grew around all of them. No one knew what to say, especially with Lourdes standing right at the centre of them, inquisitively looking at Nyssa.

Nyssa sighed and ran her hands through her hair. She looked between everyone and Sara momentarily believed she would try and run out again.

“Come on, let’s go back inside, let us explain everything.” Saracon willed his sister to not run.

She nodded slowly then looked to Lourdes, running her hands over her small arms affectionately. Even with her eyes still watery and more tears threatening to fall, she smiled brightly at her daughter.

 _“_ It was good to see you again my love. I am so very happy to see you growing so beautifully. It has been too long since the playground _.”_ Lourdes beamed back at Nyssa, thoughts of her night terrors long gone.

“I’m almost a big girl now, Grandpa says if I keep eating my vegetables I’ll grow even BIGGER.” She explained in the animated way she spoke. Nyssa couldn’t help but laugh at the innocence she displayed.

“Don’t grow too quickly, being a little girl is much more fun.” Nyssa said opening her arms for a hug. The two embraced once more, and Sara could tell it was taking everything in Nyssa to let go.

 _“Lourdes, do not be so afraid of your nightmares, know you have a wonderful family that will ALWAYS protect you… I know how strong you are, do not be afraid my-“_ Nyssa choked up unable to finish her sentence.

She settled on kissing the confused girl and signalling for Dinah to take her back.

“Lolo sweetie, let’s go home, we’ll have hot chocolate and you can even sleep in auntie Sara’s bed tonight.” Dinah spoke taking the little girls hand.

Lourdes considered her grandmother’s words. She looked up at Sara, with a sad expression.

“I’ll be there later Lolo, I promise,” Sara answered the wordless question.

Dinah nodded to everyone before they retreated to the Lance’s house. Nyssa watched on heartbroken as they walked away.

Lourdes stopped a few yards away and ran back to the front door. She looked at Nyssa determination in her dazzling grey-blue eyes.

“Will you come to me and auntie Sara’s birthday party pleeeeaaase?”

Her light eyes held so much hope in them Sara couldn’t bear the thought of extinguishing it, and answered for Nyssa.

“Of course, she’s coming Lolo, I already asked her.” Sara stepped forward pleading with Nyssa to agree, if only in this moment.  

Nyssa was obviously touched and gave Lourdes another warm smile. “Yes, I would love to.”

Lourdes face stretched into a wide grin. She threw up her thumbs up at Sara before skipping back to Dinah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mommy and baby reunited at last, what do you think?


	25. The Hidden Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past always explains the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of dialogue in the next couple chapters but it is all relevant. Enjoy!

**The Hidden Truth**

Sara, Nyssa, Suhad and Saracon all settled back into the living room.

“Did Lourdes know you were alive?” Sara asked once they sat down.

“No, she didn’t but after you showed her that picture the other night, I think she’s hoping Nyssa is her mother.” Suhad explained looking at Nyssa.

“How did yo-” Sara asked.

“The house has conversation censored camera’s in every room. Anytime any of the chosen key words, like Nyssa etcetera are spoken it activates the camera’s.” She elaborated as Sara must have looked perplexed at this new 2022 technology.

“I thought she remembered me.” Nyssa admitted to Suhad.

“I think she does too, she spent her earliest years with you. She’s probably very confused right now but she has a strong familiarity with you at the least.” Suhad said hopefully. Nyssa nodded and sadly smiled to herself.

“But my mom knew you were alive?” Sara asked with accusation in her voice.

“She is the woman raising my child, I felt she deserved to know the truth. She has known since she took in Lourdes. And when I came to see Lourdes, I contacted her. She is the woman I was talking to in the surveillance footage.” Nyssa revealed. 

“Who else knows?” Sara asked.

“That’s everyone.” She replied looking between everyone in the room.

Sara processed the information, starting to piece together the puzzle surrounding Nyssa’s faked death.

“What about Merlyn, what were his assassins looking for?”

Nyssa became visibly uncomfortable.

“Merlyn had been searching for something known as the Pandorica. Some mystical box with a weapon that can make men immortal. He sold my father some scrolls with the means to find it years prior. So, when they came, I had to kill them all, so he would not discover I was alive.”

“And the old league members that attacked Talia?” Sara asked.

“They failed to take Nanda Parbat. The ones that came were slaughtered… And the ones that didn’t, I hunted down and murdered.” Her jaw clenched in attempt to keep herself from disappearing in on herself. Once, she believed in the reasons she gave for killing bad men but once that illusion had been shattered, it took a heavy toll on the brunette to once more become the beast that once pursued and murdered with exquisite skill.

“Couldn’t you have moved away with Lourdes, start again?” Sara inquired.

“We weren’t safe anywhere… She wasn’t safe with me. You know what it’s like to live a life looking over your shoulder. I would not condemn Lourdes to the fate of paranoia and fear. All I’ve ever wanted for her is a happy and _safe_ upbringing.” Nyssa explained.

“I asked Talia and Suhad to protect her, watch over her. Then, I sent her here, with the only people I could trust to give her a normal childhood; your parents. I lied to them about Oliver not knowing about her because his silence had made it clear he could not be with her.” She continued.

“So, what did you do after you sent her here?” Sara asked.

“I went to find answers.” She said looking at her brother once more.  

“Talia told me the truth about my mother when we reconciled. She hadn’t died in childbirth as I’d been led to believe. She was a member of an ancient secret society called The Hidden. My father saved her and my brother, before I was conceived. Talia was raised by my mother and grew up with Saracon before they left Nanda Parbat.” Nyssa explained.

“Why didn’t she take you with them?” Sara asked.

“We were ordered back by The Hidden. My mother said it was best we leave her because Ra’s would have burnt the world down for his daughter. She wouldn’t miss a family she never knew… We did eventually attempt to get her back but The Hidden ordered us to leave her and so my mother complied.” Saracon replied.

“But Nyssa is her daughter.” Sara said quietly. She looked to Nyssa, whose hardened eyes showed resentment at her mother’s decision.

“To understand my mother’s actions, you must understand what ‘The hidden’ are. They are a society that keep balance in the world, they work for fate. They are there to ensure certain events happen, whether that be deaths, people meeting or rectifying the mistake of those who cheat death. Any orders cannot be denied. The order to leave Nyssa was from the thread of life, not a person.” Saracon explained.

“Thread of life?” Sara asked.

“It’s the sequences found in the leaves of the world’s oldest tree. Instructions are extracted by the sanctified elites, and they carry out the tasks. There are other members whom are scholars, protectors of cultures and traditions and soldiers... These _chosen_ people and are known as ‘The hidden protectors of creation.’” He explained.

Sara had never heard of this society and questioned the concepts they believed in. Any order that would condemn a child to grow without their mother was probably not working for the greater good.

“Our mother was in the elite. They are the highest ranked, known as ‘The hidden protectors of humanity’ They are believed to have lived a thousand years and will live a thousand more through reincarnation.”

Sara persevered in finding answers.

“So, where is she now?” She asked.

“I don’t know. We parted ways once I reached manhood. She even left the Hidden, disillusioned with the choices they forced her to make. I spent many years trying to find Lourdes but they are not called the _Hidden_ for nothing.” He responded giving her a wink.

“Lourdes?” Sara asked.

“Lourdes is our mother’s real name. Amina was the name she had in the life she gave birth to us… I named Lourdes after her, so I would have a Lourdes in my life that would always love me unconditionally, unlike my mother. I understand I might seem like a hypocrite now I have condemned my daughter to the same fate.” Nyssa explained.

“You’re protecting your daughter. You are nothing like your mother.” Suhad said passionately.

“Our mother loved you. Our separation from you was sorely felt. You were only six months when we left the league and by the time we attempted to bring you home, we were already hearing rumours of Nyssa, the infamous _Heir to The Demon_.” The older brother spoke defending his mother.

“We’ll never agree on the topic of our mother, brother, we’ve been through this.” Nyssa spoke tiredly.

“The elites had never been known to ever have children until our mother. The thread of life allowed her that gift, twice over. It must all play into a bigger plan. The gods would not force us apart for nothing, I’m sure of it.” Saracon continued.

“Your gods, not mine.” The look Nyssa gave him showed she was not all convinced.

“What is the bigger plan?” Suhad asked.

It surprised Sara to know that this information was also new to Suhad. Sara felt at ease that she was not the only one in the dark about certain things.

“I don’t know. She never actually explained that but I’ve figured it probably has something to do with the Pandorica.” He answered dejected.

“So, you’ve spent your life looking for the scrolls and the Pandorica?” Sara looked to the older Raatko sibling.  

“I admit once my mother and I parted, I too felt abandoned by her. Instead of obsessing over it, I dedicated my gifts of inter species telepathy to aid animal conservation groups across the globe.”

Sara could tell that the two siblings shared the same selfless nature. She smiled as she could see the resemblance with the two so close together.

“What of your father, was he an elite?” Suhad asked, still invested in their story.

“No, my father is the monster Arthur King or as you know him, Malcolm Merlyn… I gather you have as much reason to hate him as I do.” He poisonously spat out, as if a bad taste in his mouth.

Sara shook her head in disbelief. Merlyn having another secret child was not something that should surprise her. Even after all these years she held a particular hatred for the beast that robbed her of her life and tormented her friends and family.

“And here I thought my love life had been messy. Your mother _really_ knows how to pick them.” Sara answered.

The two siblings couldn’t help but chuckle. Amina was given the gift of life and chose not one, but  _two_  of the most psychotic men in the modern world.


	26. Arthur King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You could stay, please just stay.

**Arthur King**

Sara’s mouth was agape as another realisation came to the forefront of her mind.

“Hold up, so you had a baby with your brother’s sister’s…brother?”

Nyssa laughed good-naturedly at Sara’s reaction. Of all the things she should have been shocked by it was this that caught her attention.

“Is that incest?” She elaborated, also laughing herself.

“No, it’s just incredibly messed up.” Nyssa replied playfully, her mood somewhat cheerier than earlier.

To say the events of the past few hours had been a rollercoaster was an understatement. At this point Sara once again wondered if she was still in a coma and this was actually playing out in her head.

“So that’s why you work for Thea?” Sara asked.

“Yes, it seemed only right for me to get to know my other sister, even if she doesn’t know who I am.” Saracon explained.

Sara and Suhad sat silently trying to figure out this new information. It was a huge puzzle that barely made any sense.

“Do you have the scrolls?” Suhad asked oddly curious, after a moment of deliberation.

“No, Talia has the scrolls now and as the leader of the League of Shadows it’s her problem. They can tear down Gotham for them, as long as they leave us out of it. All I want is to get to know my family, and everyone that extends as.” He said smiling kindly at Sara.

“The masked man is a member of the league?” Sara asked.

“He was. My father excommunicated him years ago.” Nyssa answered.

“So, does Talia have something to do with the bomb in Gotham?” Sara enquired further.

“I don’t think so. She has no motive to destroy the entire city, that was more my father’s dream. Merlyn could easily be behind the bomb, seeing as he disappeared off the face of the earth about a six months ago.” Nyssa said tiredness evident in her voice.

A lot had been revealed to Sara in a short time and she looked over at the clock to reveal it was past midnight.

“He’s gone?” Sara asked confused.

Sara noticed Suhad open her mouth to speak but she contained whatever had been on the edge of her tongue.

As Saracon responded she watched the thought get smaller in Suhad’s eyes.

“Disappeared. No one has had sight of him, of his own people or otherwise.”

“Nyssa, if he’s gone, this is your chance to properly reunite with Lourdes.” Suhad spoke up.

Nyssa froze and Sara could see that same fear from earlier in her eyes. Once again Sara found herself bent down in front of Nyssa. Scared she would fall into the traps in her own mind.

“I’m ok…” She spoke softly as she took Sara’s hands between her own.

A simple gesture that admittedly made Sara’s heart flutter more than it should. This gesture that was once so natural and unquestionable, made her realise something. She realised just how much she truly had missed her. Missed the softness and tenderness that was only reserved for her while others were met with steel force. Missed the warmth of her gaze, with nothing but love.

“You could stay?” Sara questioned. She cursed herself for how vulnerable she sounded. How hopeful her voice portrayed her.

Her eyes were locked with Nyssa and she couldn’t help squeezing their joint hands a little tighter. She was pleading with the older woman silently. She had to bite her lower lip to prevent herself from begging.

“I-…I can’t.” Nyssa responded looking away from Sara’s pleading eyes.

“Why?” Sara’s voice was so small it sounded like a child.

She didn’t want to beg, to seem so desperate. After all she obviously had Suhad as competition now. Sara was in no position beg. After all, she was the one who had walked away from Nyssa, more than once.

“I just- I can’t.” Once again Sara marvelled at the change in the woman in front of her. A stammering mess, a shell of the woman she once was.

This was not the woman she remembered, yet this was the woman Sara would always love; and she owed it to the woman she fell in love with to help put her together again. To help her remember who she is.

“Your daughter needs you Nys. Your family needs you _here._ ” Suhad added, her own arm finding its way onto Nyssa’s back.

Sara knew the afro haired woman meant her words and actions in a gesture of kindness but she couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that coursed through her. To realise that there was someone else Nyssa loved as deeply as she once loved her was confusing for her.

“Suhad is right…”Sara added undecided of whether to admit her truth with not only Nyssa’s eyes on her, but also the curious eyes of Saracon and Suhad.

“…I- We all need you.” Sara settled on.

Sara wasn’t sure if she saw a flash of disappointment behind her eyes.

“You’ve seen Lourdes’ therapy videos, she happy enough because she doesn’t know any different but you know more than anything of the void that is left when a daughter is raised without her mother.” Suhad elaborated. For the first time Sara also heard the desperation in Suhad’s voice.

Sara also picked up on the fact Suhad had been showing Nyssa her therapy videos, and she wondered if Suhad had also shown her the session with Sara.

She met Suhad’s eyes, the question clear in her expression. Suhad shook her head subtly with a slight tug of her lips into a small smile, answering Sara’s silent question.

“I would be putting more than Lourdes at risk-“ Nyssa began before being cut off by Sara.

“My parents were at risk the minute they said yes. No one is 100 percent safe. We could all protect her… protect you.”

Sara didn’t miss Nyssa’s reaction after she answered. Sara was telling her that she could see her, through this fractured mess she was, Sara could see her. Even now, after all this time she would be willing to die to protect her.

The darkness that sat with Nyssa cleared away to give way to something resembling hope, for just a moment. But that was soon overpowered by panic. Sara felt her go rigid, saw her breathing increase just slightly. If she hadn’t been paying as much attention as she had she doubts she would have seen it.

“I don’t know if I’m willing to risk her life. I still have enemies, and Merlyn-“ She began to try and reason with us.

“Nyssa most of your enemies are dead, you are no prize to anyone as a suburban …housewife.” Saracon said with slight humour in his voice.

“And Merlyn, if he ever resurfaces I promise you now, I’ll kill him myself.” He added, with all humour gone.

“That’s who is stopping you from finally being with your daughter?” Suhad asked as if this was a surprise to her. Sara was getting the impression that Suhad had not known as much as she believed she had.

“The Magician has plagued my life… it’s always him that has caused me to lose the most valuable things in my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to rest easy knowing he’s out there.” Nyssa admitted.

“You no longer have anything he wants Nyssa, not if you’re here. You’re not a part of the league, you don’t have any scrolls. Here…with me, he can’t touch you.” Sara said.

She could tell that Nyssa was considering her words seriously. Nyssa was probably as desperate as she was for her to stay, but she needed assurance.

“Every time you deprive yourself of love, of family, he wins. He wins in your mind and that he must never be able to do. I learnt that a very long time ago… he needn’t be your biggest fear because I am his.” Saracon admitted.

“The last time I saw Arthur- I mean, Malcolm Merlyn, I tortured him for revenge for using my mother and I. After we left the league Mother wanted to punish him for everything he had done to her and I was a teenage boy hellbent on revenge.  So, we hunted him down and I used snakes to torture him to confess his sins. When he found out I could communicate with animals, he said I was pathetic…until a snake found its way around his neck.” Saracon said humourlessly. 

“There are many reasons why I am afraid.” Nyssa admitted sadly.

“You need not fear him. After I let him go he never came us because I promised him something worse than death all together… an eternity of torture. Suffering alone with nothing but his own thoughts. He cannot harm you sister.” He ended.

Nyssa took in his words. All sets of eyes in the room were on her. Sara wanted to take her pain and fears away. Nyssa looked a wreck of anxiety and uncertainty. Sara would surely kill the man that had broken her lover.

“Look, you don’t need to decide anything now. Just consider it, we’re all here for you.” Suhad spoke up.

“At least come to our birthday party. Really meet her, see what she’s like, what life here could be like… then decide whether it’s worth it to stay away.” Sara pleaded.

“Ok,” She answered after several moments of tense silence.


	27. I Love You, Always.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll love you even when you're broken.

**I Love You, Always.**

Sara had reluctantly returned home the evening of her first meeting with Nyssa. She needed space from everyone to get her bearings, to truly let her new reality sink in.

Nyssa was alive, but Nyssa was different. Sara couldn’t help the onslaught of insecure thoughts that bombarded her mind. Did Nyssa even want Sara anymore, it had been over seven years since they parted ways. Nyssa had granted her freedom from what she believed was a burden of loving her. What if in these seven years her clarity was that she wanted Suhad, or someone completely different all together. What if she decided not to stay, that she was too broken and afraid to be in Sara’s life, or worse; her daughter’s.

Sara recollected the ways I which Nyssa had changed, the vulnerability, the insecurity and darkness that shrouded her. Yet in that she was still the same courteous, warm hearted, kind and intelligent woman she had always been. Sara knew it was her responsibility to save her lover from the darkness of her fears, as she had once for her.

 

The next morning Sara was out the house before she could manage to catch up her parents on the events of the previous day. She figured her mother would tell her father if he didn’t already know. Sara was on a mission that Monday.

As she went to knock on her new neighbour’s door, she noticed it was slightly ajar. She heard a somewhat heated conversation going on inside.

 _“We could just go. Please. This is our chance-”_ She heard Suhad pleading.

“ _I would never take Lourdes away from her family, and there’s-”_ Nyssa responded.

“Sara.” Suhad finished Nyssa’s sentence as she opened the door, in which Sara stood dumbfound, with her hand up ready to knock.

She was surprised when the curly haired therapist looked annoyed to see her. She looked back at Nyssa before mumbling, “morning, Sara.”

“Hey,” she replied awkwardly looking between the two women, obviously having caught them in a private moment.

“I’m late for work.” Suhad pushed past Sara, barely sparing a look at the blonde.

Sara looked back at Nyssa for some sort of explanation, which she wasn’t sure she was going to get. Instead the brunette looked past her to watch Suhad drive off.

“You should be resting,” she said examining Sara’s bandaged palms. With all the commotion Sara had almost forgotten she recently came out of a coma.

“Well, if you let me in, I’ll rest here and you can play doctor… you were always _so_ good at that.” Sara flirted shamelessly. Sara couldn’t help the smirk that played on her face as she drew a small smile from her former lover.

They moved to the kitchen, where Sara noticed three unwashed bowls. This meant Saracon was also probably at work. Therefore, Sara could hopefully spend the entire day with Nyssa.

“Do you have any plans today?” Sara asked cheerfully.

“No, actually. I wasn’t planning on being here longer than a few days…but I promised Lourdes I would go to your party.” She explained pouring two mugs of coffee.

Sara couldn’t help the slight acceleration in her heart rate as their hands brushed when Nyssa transferred a mug to her.

Butterflies invaded Sara’s stomach, and she felt giddy, the same giddiness she had when she first realised her attraction to Nyssa all those years ago. She recalled her schoolgirl crush on the older woman, how she had made every effort to be as close as possible, how she flirted shamelessly to pull a blush out of her. 

“So, does that mean you _will_ play doctor, for a poor injured damsel in distress?” Sara joked. Nyssa’s eyes revealed a smile she attempted to keep hidden behind her coffee.

“You are hardly a damsel in distress, but I’ll care for you all the same.”

Nyssa reached out for Sara’s hand and examined her bandages before walking away to start rummaging through the cupboards. She returned with fresh bandages and immediately started removing the old ones.

As she cleaned the partially healing scratches across Sara’s knuckles, Sara took the opportunity to really examine her face. Her skin still looked so soft, her lips inviting. She had barely aged, yet something about her eyes told Sara she had matured beyond her now 37 years. She could tell Nyssa was avoiding looking up at her, she could almost feel her restraining herself.

“Why won’t you look at me?” Sara whispered.

Nyssa visibly faltered. She briefly paused cleaning Sara’s wounds and spared a glance at the blonde before continuing.

“Because… I’m concentrating.” She lied and they both knew it, the question was whether Sara would call her out on it.

Sara let it go, she just enjoyed the proximity and revelled in Nyssa’s touch, even if it was only innocent.

“Suhad’s great.” Sara said suddenly, wanting to fill the growing quiet between them. There was a hidden question in her tone. Sara was not the jealous type but she couldn’t deny how threatened the therapist made her feel, especially after hearing their heated conversation.

“Yes, she’s a very dear _friend_ to me. The dearest, apart from Laurel.” She answered honestly as she continued to treat Sara’s hands.

“I’m glad you and Laurel… had each other.” Sara didn’t have the courage to outright ask her relationship with her sister. It was really none of her business, yet the question had been burning in the back of her mind since Nyssa’s reappearance.

This time Nyssa did look at her, regarded her, and the vulnerability in Sara’s eyes must have been easy to read because Nyssa laughed joylessly before answering Sara’s unspoken question.

“You and Laurel are not interchangeable to me. I loved you both but in entirely different ways. Laurel was my best friend, and you were my _beloved._ ” Were. Sara finally felt the pain Nyssa must have felt when she first come to Starling City after Sara left the league.

_‘I was with you because I LOVED you.’_

_‘But not anymore…’_

Sara had literally seen her heart break in that moment. Sara cursed herself for having hurt her like that. If only she’d said the truth then, the words she was screaming inside her mind.

_I love you and that’s all that’s been keeping me alive. I love you but I couldn’t figure out how to love us both._

Nyssa finished changing the bandages and let their hands part. Sara didn’t hide her disappointment at their growing distance.

In the past, their relationship had always been so physical. When they were alone, doing something as simple as reading, Sara would always find comfort in the way Nyssa’s fingers would idly draw mindless patterns on her skin. Even on missions, Nyssa’s hands would gravitate towards hers to wordlessly say, ‘ _I’m right here.’_

Sara thought the new dynamic between them odd; not quite strangers, not exactly friends but nothing like lovers. They walked on eggshells around each other, putting out half questions and half-truths in the things they said.

“I know I’m supposed to be resting but I’d really like to show you round.” Sara offered after the stillness between them dragged on too long.

Nyssa considered it a moment before agreeing with a nod.

They left Suhad’s house and headed for the beach. Sara walked them to the pier, into town, to the old churches, the shopping mall and back to the beach.

As they went around, conversation became a lot easier. While Nyssa revealed very little of her personal life during the past seven years she was very interested in asking about Sara’s time away. She asked about the legends, the places she had seen, her adventures, and even her lovers. It almost felt normal when Nyssa burst out laughing when Sara revealed how the Queen of France had seduced her. It almost felt normal as she chattered on and Nyssa looked at her that way, that tender way that melted Sara’s heart. _Almost normal._

Yet it wasn’t normal, it was nostalgic. Nostalgic because Nyssa never reached out for Sara, never pulled her into a comforting embrace, never stole kisses whenever she wanted. Nostalgic because sometimes Nyssa tuned out and was trapped in her mind, not able to listen to Sara’s silly joke or whatever she was saying. That haunted look on her face, staring blankly ahead, half of her stuck in the present and the rest of her trapped in the past. 

Sara walked quietly alongside Nyssa as she got that faraway look in her eyes again. She took a risk by joining their hands, which she had been debating about doing all day. They came to a stop and Sara tugged Nyssa down to join her in the sand.

She knew Nyssa was far away. There was a storm of terror in her dark mahogany eyes.

When Sara could feel her presence more prominently, hear her breathing properly again, she continued with the story she was telling.

“…It doesn’t feel quite like Canada but it doesn’t feel like America either, it’s somewhere distinctly in between. In a weird way it felt like coming home when I came back.”

“I know what you’re doing… and I appreciate it-” Nyssa interrupted.

“Good. Then you’ll give me another chance to show you more tomorrow.” Sara cut her off with a hopeful smile.

Nyssa smiled at Sara’s stubbornness before a sombre expression fell about her perfect features.

“I’m broken, Sara… It doesn’t matter how great this place is, I’m no good to anyone.” She could hear the strain in her voice. Straining to keep it even, but her threatening tears gave her away. Sara couldn’t help but stare into the deep brown, mesmerising and ever expressive eyes.

“Whatever is killing you _will_ die, and in its place, a seed of strength will grow. I was broken once too. I made it and so will you. _You_ taught me strength and so I am willing to be here to remind you of your strength.” Sara answered honestly.

She tightened her grip on their joint hands, she needed her to feel that she meant every word.

“I can’t stay… not while I’m like this…and what if- I don’t know if I’ll get better.” She revealed.

“You can do this.” Sara contested.

They both stared at one another, drinking each other’s honesty in.

“And what if I spend the rest of my life shutting down in the middle of a conversation?” Nyssa questioned.

In this moment Sara could see just how lost Nyssa was. She lost everything, everything that grounded her, that gave her identity was gone. She was afraid if she got it back she would not survive losing it again.  

“Then, I’ll spend the rest of my life calling you back to me.” Sara replied with a teary-eyed grin.

Nyssa searched her eyes for the truth.

“Why?” She questioned so meekly she sounded like a child.

“You don’t know?” Sara questioned genuinely surprised.

Nyssa shook her head unsure.

“Because I love you.”

“After all this time?”

Sara’s heart broke that it was even a question.

“ _Always._ I don’t care if you never love back again, I want you to be happy and safe, and I’ll stay as long as you allow me to.”


	28. Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations between mothers.

**Mother**

That Monday evening Sara returned home after spending the day with Nyssa. Sara forgave her mother easily for keeping Nyssa being alive a secret. Sara had enough to deal with and didn’t think she could cope with fuelling a grudge against her mother as well.

The following morning, Sara prepared Lourdes for her last day at school before the Christmas break. Lourdes had been significantly contemplative since Sara’s return from the hospital and Nyssa arrival.

As she aided the small girl in dressing she asked her a question, “You’ve been very quiet since I got home Lolo, what’s wrong?”

Lourdes expressive grey eyes met Sara’s obviously deciding if she should share what was on her mind.

“I was scared that you weren’t gonna wake up and Gaga was crying lots and lots, even though she thinks I didn’t see… but I did.”

She looked very worried as she collided into Sara’s waist to embrace her. Sara lifted her into a hug. She could tell that Lourdes had been worried simply by the way she hugged her so tightly.

“You don’t have to be scared anymore. I’m not going anywhere, I’m ok, I promise.” Sara joined their pinkies together in the way that they had developed as a promise.

As she set her down again, she could tell the was more that was at the tip of her tongue.

“But that’s not the only reason you are quiet is it?” Sara prompted.

Her bright eyes contained such uncertainty it saddened Sara to see her so vulnerable. She was more troubled than any six-year-old should ever be.

“The lady at Miss Hendrix house was the lady from the playground. You said that the lady from the playground was the lady in the picture you had of my mommy, but my mommy is dead, so I don’t understand. Is she my mommy; because I wished and wished for my mommy to come back. If animals that go to heaven can come back, then does that mean my mommy is back?” Lourdes almost ranted animatedly, trying to make sense of things herself.

Sara panicked once the question was asked. She knew the little girl was smart, but if Nyssa was to leave again, she doesn’t know if it would be fair to tell Lourdes she was alive. She was stuck.

“I-” she tried to answer her.

She paused looking down at Lourdes full of hope yet completely confused simultaneously. She hated to keep her in the dark but even though she owed it to the little girl it still wasn’t her place to say.

“Listen, Lourdes, I know you’re confused and you want to know what’s going on, but right now I don’t want you to worry about any of this stuff. Just know you are loved so much by everyone, and we are all trying to do what is right by you. So, just for today, go to school and I promise, pinky promise, I will explain everything you want to know very soon ok?”

Lourdes looked like she might protest but Dinah calling them down for breakfast diverted their attention.

“Okay auntie Sara, I love you all lots and lots.” She said skipping out the room, past thoughts a distant memory.

Once she’d driven Lourdes to school she returned home having made plans to spend the day resting with Nyssa.

Sara knocked on Suhad’s door unsure if she was welcome to just walk in. To her surprise it was Saracon who opened the door, he had a wide grin on his face as he leaned against the door frame.

“Back to see me again? The neighbours will talk.” He said with a smirk and a raised brow.

“Hate to burst your bubble but I’m here to see the hot one in leather.” Sara said with a smirk of her own when Nyssa came into view wearing leather pants and a deliciously revealing blouse.

Saracon feigned hurt as he turned to his sister.

“I guess my sister got the looks in the family. She is exceptionally beautiful.” He said warmly.

Sara entered and was unsure how to greet Nyssa, she was smiling so genuinely it caught Sara off guard. It was a glimpse of the old Nyssa, the one who was always there when Sara returned from a mission, smiling as if there was no one else in the world but the two of them. Sara got lost in the moment, barely registering Saracon’s joke about leaving them alone.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He called out and shut the door behind.

“I hope you didn’t get all dressed up for me,” Sara spoke shamelessly roving her eyes across Nyssa’s attire.

“I was trying things on for tomorrow, do you think she’ll like it?” Nyssa asked bringing Sara into the downstairs bedroom with masses of clothes splayed across the bed.

“I don’t think she’ll care about that.” Sara answered honestly. Sara watched as Nyssa collapsed on the bed. She looked around the room before she half laughed.

“Of course not. I’m nervous, what if she doesn’t like me…I mean, I abandoned her after all. What kind of mother leaves their child.” Nyssa rambled.

“Stop.” Sara commanded moving to sit next to the brunette.

“I mean my mother did it, but I hate her for it,” she began again.

“Nyssa…” Sara gently pushed for Nyssa to face her.

“She’s going to love you. You’re her mother, _her dream_. She going to be the happiest she’s ever been... and you didn’t abandon her, you did what you had to do to keep her safe. She’s so emotionally intelligent, she will understand.” Sara reassured her.

The two looked at each other, there was still so much between them. Sara wouldn’t push for a relationship when the brunette clearly needed _just_ a friend. Sara knew Nyssa would never be able to love her properly if she didn’t learn to love herself first.

“What’s she like?” Nyssa asked, a deep sadness evident in her voice.

“I mean, Suhad sent me videos from her therapy sessions, but it’s never been enough. I just-” Nyssa’s eyes met Sara’s revealing her insecurity.

Sara imagined it was torture for Nyssa to leave Lourdes. She knew Nyssa well enough to know that every waking moment she was haunted by her decision, but her resolve to protect Lourdes from herself and her life was stronger than the urge to return.

Nyssa may have lived her life in the grey area but her relentless protectiveness over those she loved was rivalled by no other.  

Sara thought of Lourdes, how much she loved her, how brilliant she was. How could she describe the little girl who opened her heart to a love so fierce, she didn’t think it was possible.

“She’s perfect.” Sara said intertwining their fingers together.

“She’s so funny, and intelligent, god she’s so smart. And already she’s larger than life. I could have never imagined, or even fathomed the amount of love and joy a child- _your child,_ could bring.” Nyssa’s eyes filled with unshed tears as she hung onto every word.

“She’s relentlessly inquisitive, I think she gets that from you, and the way you both can just do whatever you put your mind to, and make it look so easy at the same time.” Nyssa’s face broke into a painful smile, and Sara could feel her squeeze tighter.

“So, she’s good?” Nyssa said almost afraid.

Sara knew that Nyssa thought she was no good, and that she hoped her daughter wasn’t like her, but Lourdes was just like her mother in all the good ways.

“Her innocence astounds me. She inspires everyone around her, you can’t help but be touched by her heart. Good is not enough to describe her… she’s so much more. There’s no other child like her. Even if she isn’t my flesh and blood, she’s my daughter too.” Sara admitted.

It was the first time she had admitted out loud her feelings regarding her relationship with Lourdes.

The tears fell from both of their eyes. Both women overwhelmed with love.

“Thank you will never be enough for what you have done for her, what you have done for me. You took her as your own and have been there as the mother I wasn’t, I’ll forever be indebted you.” Nyssa responded moments later.

“You don’t need to thank me, she’s a gift and privilege to know. The letter you left asked me to keep her on the right path yet she introduced me to myself, she gave me meaning and helped me find the light again… when I came here, I was so lost and here she was. I can’t imagine my life without her…” Sara answered.

Nyssa pulled Sara into a tight embrace. Her tears dripping into the material of Sara’s shirt.

“Well I’ll say it anyway, thank you Sara Lance.” She whispered into her shoulder.

“She’s not quite as stubborn as you though,” Sara joked. She felt Nyssa laugh and it was genuine, from the heart. It was music to Sara’s ears, the woman she loved was still there, and a part of her felt Nyssa probably still loved her back.

“She loves you Nyssa, you don’t need to be nervous. Tomorrow will be the greatest gift she’ll ever receive.” Sara said more seriously pulling back to look at the brunette.

Nyssa searched Sara’s eyes for truth, she must have found her answer when she nodded.

“Me coming back, I don’t want it to change anything, for you and your parents. I can only take it a day at a time with her. _You_ are her family.” Nyssa spoke moments later.

“It changes everything Nyssa, and that’s okay. She needs you in her life more than she’ll ever need any of us and that’s just the truth of it.” Sara countered.

“I spoke to your mother last night. Before I came back, were you thinking about moving out with Lourdes?” Nyssa asked.

“Yeah- but I never spoke to them about that.” Sara answered surprised.

“Your mothers always been 10 steps ahead, that’s why I knew your parents were the perfect people to take Lourdes.”

“Yeah, they really were.” Sara agreed.

“You have been her mother all these months, any decisions we make _together_.” Nyssa continued.

“Nyssa, you gave her to my parents because you wanted to protect her, you have not given up the rights of being Lourdes’ mother. If you’re here to stay for good, then we are here to support you.” Nyssa took in her words, wiping away the old tears on her face.

“Can we just take it a day at a time?” Nyssa asked, a silent pleading behind her words.

“Of course, so you’ll come tomorrow, to the party?”

Nyssa smiled back at her former lover as she nodded.

A seriousness took over Nyssa’s face as she seemed to zone out. Sara was surprised when she next spoke.

“Will you tell her with me, help me explain that I am her mother?” Nyssa’s pleaded.

Sara was unsure whether to agree or not. While she had an ingrained position in Lourdes’ life, she wasn’t sure if she needed to be privy to one of the most intimate moments Nyssa would have with her daughter since birth.

Sara was almost inclined to decline but the way Nyssa was looking at her, with her warm brown eyes, still haunted, desperate; how could she ever say no to her?

“I’ll be there every step of the way.” Sara decided on.

The two shared a look that was so pure and honest it scared Sara. Her feelings for Nyssa came rushing to the forefront of her mind. She still loved her, desperately so.

Sara was afraid to bring up the topic of her feelings, because wasn’t it Sara after all, that left Nyssa in that cell all those years ago. Wasn’t it Sara that never looked back until it was too late to return. Nyssa was fractured now, not simply in her resolve but in her heart and Sara blamed herself for that. Not only did she have insecurities regarding Suhad but the one question that kept spinning around in her mind, what if Nyssa didn’t want her anymore, at least not in the way Sara craved her.

 

The rest of the day was spent learning about one another again; discovering the new people they were. They spoke more of Sara’s travels, and Nyssa had an unlimited amount of questions about Lourdes. The two women bonded over their past, Laurel, Lourdes and with each moment they began to fall for each other all over again.

Nyssa once again revealed little of her own life over the past years apart. Nyssa implied she had a rough time away from Lourdes, living a nomadic lifestyle, hunting down enemies and losing herself in rage and pain. Finding Saracon had been a blessing she hadn’t known she had been searching for.

While Nyssa still struggled to be present and in the moment 100% of the time, Sara was patient with her, calling her back, whispering those sacred words.

_Find your way back to me, beloved._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated quite a lot this weekend! I hope you're enjoying and thank you for sticking with me!
> 
> What did you think of the chapter?   
> Let me know :) x


	29. Birthday Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's worth fighting for.

**Birthday Wishes**

Sara wasn’t surprised when she was woken up by a bubbling and extremely excited now seven-year-old Lourdes.

“Wake up auntie Sara it’s my birthday!” The little girl screamed jumping up and down on the bed. Sara sat up to see her parent’s walking in with a cake in their hands.

“Happy birthday little one,” Sara said pointing to the cake behind her.

Lourdes face stretched into a brilliantly bright grin. It warmed Sara’s heart to see her so excited, and she knew her mood was about more than just her birthday. Her grey eyes illuminated when the family sang happy birthday.

“Make a wish princess,” Quentin whispered affectionately.

She closed her eyes and blew out the candles dramatically, squealing and jumping onto Sara’s lap for a hug.

“But Papa where is auntie Sara’s cake, it’s her party too!” She said frowning in the way that sometimes reminded her of Oliver.

“She gets to share a cake with you at the party later, I promise we haven’t forgotten.” Dinah responded laughing.

“So, what did you wish for Lolo?” Quentin asked placing the cake down.

Everyone immediately laughed as Lourdes hopped off Sara’s lap and took a bite out of the cake before anyone could stop her.

“I’m not supposed to say or it won’t come true,” the small girl mumbled with her mouth full of cake, and icing plastered across her cheeks.

“Surely you can tell us, we won’t tell anyone.” Quentin replied wiping icing off her cheeks.

“No way José…” She continued devouring her cake. The adults laughed endearingly at the olive-skinned girl.

“I’ve wished the same wish every single day, and maybe today it will come true.” She added when she had her fill of cake.

Sara shared a look with her parents, they all clearly knew her wish. It was overwhelming for everyone. Lourdes would finally get to see her wish come true, and anything that made her happy made everyone else happy.

“Lolo, let’s go take a bath and then we can get the decorations ready for you and Sara’s party, what do you say?” Dinah said lifting her up to carry.

Lourdes jumped down and ran out the room yelling, “wait!”

The adults were all bewildered until she returned into the room with a poorly wrapped gift in her hand. Sara’s heart melted because she knew she had done it herself.

“Happy Birthday auntie Sara!” she gave a full smile as she waited excitedly for Sara to open the gift.

Not to disappoint she opened it quickly to reveal a handmade sculpture of a woman and child hand in hand with a photo frame containing a picture of Lourdes and Sara taken a few months ago. 

“Wow, this is so beautiful Lolo, I don’t know what to say,” Sara was overcome with emotion.

The unconditional and pure love Lourdes had for everyone around her was the most amazing feeling in the world.

“I made it in art class, Mr Smith helped me and it took me ages and ages.” She explained so proud of her work.

“I love it, thank you baby girl, I’ll keep it forever and ever.” Sara said peppering kisses across her face and tickling her. Lourdes laughter became infectious and Sara’s parents joined in before long.

Dinah and Quentin beginning their own tickling battle. Looking like teenagers first in love.

As Lourdes squealed, “Mercy! Mercy!” Sara looked on at her parents. Appreciating how in love they looked, and wishing she could one day achieve what they had. A love forged and strengthened only with time even if they had spent time separated, they were clearly better than ever.

“Gaga can I open my presents now, pretty pretty please?” She asked giving them her perfected puppy dog eyes.

Sara laughed as she could tell her father about to give in before Dinah stepped in, “We spoke about this already, you get to open your gifts during the party later.”

“But it’s _MY_ birthday,” Sara heard Lourdes stubbornly protest as she was dragged out the room by Dinah.

“Oh god, we’ll be hearing about this all morning. Was I ever that stubborn?” Sara asked looking up at her father.

“You still are,” he joked with a nostalgic smile on his face.

“No, I’m not,” Sara argued jokingly.

He suddenly became more serious, obviously having a lot on his mind. He embraced her and examined her scarring hands.

“We haven’t really had a chance to speak since the hospital, and the Nyssa commotion. How are you holding up?” He asked sincerely.

Sara really thought about it. She’d barely had time to process that her appendix burst and sent her into a coma, all her focus had been on Nyssa. Nyssa was a whole other topic, she had no idea how to wrap her head around. Everything had been happening so fast. She went from thinking she was dead, to thinking she was alive, to hearing about a suicide, to her actually being alive. To say her mind was a mess was an understatement.

“Physically, I’m getting better.” She responded.

“And the Nyssa stuff?” He prompted.

“She’s alive, she’s here and I don’t know what that means for me or us.” Sara admitted.

She had always been able to be the most honest with her father, he had been the one to understand her growing up. During her teenage years, she was closer to him than Laurel seeing as they were such opposites they would end up at each other’s throats.

“It’s never mattered to me who you were with, as long as they made you happy. I saw you suffer without Nyssa, I witnessed your heartache every day since you came home to us. I don’t ever want see you so heartbroken again… even if my relationship with her has been rocky, she’s a wonderful woman… Fight for your girl.” He said surprising Sara.

“How? She’s- I don’t know. She’s different. She’s…haunted. With all of that going on in her head, what if she doesn’t want me, Dad? What if my love is not enough to mend us?” She voiced her insecurities.

Her looked her over as he took in her words. Since coming to live with her parents she had noticed the change in her parents, especially her father. He had become incredibly empathetic and wise over the years, something she thought probably won him the Mayor’s seat, and might have even won him the senate.

“She’s lost a lot of people, and by what your mother says, she has been through a lot. But, she will still be the same woman you fell in love with. Eventually, she’ll figure out her problems, but she needs you. She was there for you when no one else-”

“She saved my life,” Sara interjected.

“Exactly. If there’s anything I know about Nyssa, it’s that she has loved my daughter so fiercely she would have walked to the ends of the earth for her. That sort of love doesn’t go away; you just have to fight for it.” He advised.

“Hope I’m not interrupting; I’ve been sent out. Apparently, Lourdes is a strong independent woman who doesn’t need help bathing or getting dressed,” Dinah said amused stepping into the room.

“Of course not. She said the same thing to me last night, who’s been letting her watch those horrible reality shows again?” Quentin accused Sara jokingly.

“She’s obsessed with the Real Housewives; I’ve tried to say no.” Sara replied laughing as she imagined Lourdes saying all the catchphrases in her exaggerated accents.

“Well any messes the strong independent woman makes are yours to clean up.” Dinah responded more seriously.

“Anyway, what were you talking about?” Dinah continued.

“I was just telling Sara how you have to fight for true love. It will be the hardest thing you ever do but it will be worthwhile.” He replied pulling Dinah for a kiss and embrace.

“I’d like to think I made it easy on you,” Dinah replied gazing into Quentin’s eyes adoringly.

They started to kiss and it got uncomfortable for Sara very quickly. She coughed to bring back their attention and rolled her eyes at them for behaving like a teenage couple.

“Things with Nyssa will work out sweetheart.” Quentin answered diverting his attention to Sara.

“I agree; you’ll find your way back to each other. But we do need to discuss what’s going to happen with Lourdes,” Dinah said seriously, sitting down on the bed.

“Nyssa wants to take it a day at a time with her.”

“That’s alright, but we meant more along the lines of you and Lourdes… we know you wanted to move out.” Quentin supplied.

“Yeah but I wouldn’t if you don’t want us to, you’ve been raising her and now with Nyssa.” Sara explained.

“We’ve raised our own children, Laurel and you, we had our time. While we love Lourdes and will always want to be a part of her life, we would like to see you step out on your own.” He added.

“Really?”

Sara was dumbfounded, she had not expected her parents to want this. Lourdes bought so much joy to their lives, it astounded her that they would want to see her move on.

“We love you and her more than anything in the world. She was the glue that really cemented us back together and we’ll be sad to see her go but you can’t live with your parents forever… and this would be your chance to start over again with Nyssa.” Dinah explained.

Sara knew she couldn’t stay with her parents forever but she was still surprised. The last part resonated with her more than anything, this would be her chance to start over with Nyssa. Her heart beat faster at the thought of moving on, a life waking up next to Nyssa and Lourdes every day. It was a dream she daren’t divulge but it was finally within her grasp.

“You don’t have to decide anything now, but we wanted you to know you have our blessing.” Quentin said bringing her out of her thoughts.

“Nyssa recognises you as her other mother, and more importantly Lourdes does too.” Dinah finished.


	30. Please Come Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I left my heart with you, no wonder I got lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scene from The Dark Knight Rises incorporated into this chapter. I swear the backstory will come to fruition soon.

**Please Come Home**

As Sara helped prepared the food for the party along with her mother, they listened to the news reel, whilst Lourdes decorated the living room with Quentin.

_‘Gotham continues to be under lockdown by the masked man. Outside forces and military continue to work tirelessly to find a means to deactivate the neutron bomb. Most recently, Blackgate prison has been breached, home to many of the country’s most violent and notorious criminals. The masked man has made claims of Gotham’s fallen hero, Batman, as being innocent of the murders of those civilians 10 years ago and instead a cover up by the commissioner Gordon of Harvey Dent’s crimes._

_Live from Gotham the Masked man addresses the nation outside Blackgate prison._

_“We take Gotham from the corrupt! The Rich! The oppressors of generations who have kept you down with myths of opportunity and we give it back to you, the people. Gotham is yours, none shall interfere, do as you please. Start by storming Blackgate and freeing the oppressed! Step forward those who would serve, for an army will be raised. The powerful will be ripped from their decadent nests, and cast out into the cold world that we know and endure. Courts will be convened. Spoils will be enjoyed. Blood will be shed. This great city... it will endure.”’_

Both women were enraptured by the news. Gotham seemed to be ripping itself apart, there hadn’t been disruption on this scale ever.

“Do you miss fighting criminals like this?” Dinah asked.

“A part of me does, I made a difference, stopped a lot of bad people, like him, hurting people.”

Sara thought to her time away, she was proud of a lot of things she had done. Yet a part of her wasn’t quite sure she had ended as the good guy, the part of her she had repressed, the dark feral part that had come out of the pit.

“I’m proud of you Sara; proud of all the things you achieved but mainly for the woman you turned out to be. The more selfish part of me is glad you’re not involved in things like that anymore.” She said continuing to prepare food.

Sara daren’t mention that the masked man could be part of the league or opposed to the league, and that Talia may be involved. Sara thought of the fear Lourdes had expressed at the masked man, and decided it best to not yet divulge this information to her mother.

“Thanks mom. It’s not selfish you’re not supposed to want me in danger. God forbid Lourdes ever want to follow in mine or her parents’ footsteps. I don’t know how you and dad managed.” Sara replied.

“Honestly after you were away for all those years I was so afraid you died again. It was different from when you were with Nyssa and everyone thought you were dead, I could just feel you were alive and protected.”

Sara hated the way she had kept her mother out of the loop of things but at the time it seemed like the best way to protect her.

“I learnt how to protect myself from the very best.” Sara said thinking of all the gruelling training sessions with her former lover.

“I’m sure the fact you had a crush on your trainer made you work extra hard.” Dinah said with a knowing smile on her face.

“It was more than a crush… it was love. I may not have recognised it straight away but a part of me knew from the first moment I saw her.” Sara admitted to her mother.

Dinah noticed the sadness that washed across Sara’s face. “You’ll get her back, just give it time… speaking of which she’ll be here soon,” Dinah whispered to Sara pointing at the clock.

They had agreed for Nyssa to arrive earlier than the other guests, so she could introduce herself properly to Lourdes.

Just as Sara began to respond the doorbell rang. It was 11am exactly. Nyssa had always been a very punctual person but Sara also knew she’d likely been standing outside for a while, preparing herself.

Dinah stopped Sara before she could exit the room, fixing her hair and even undoing the top button of her shirt. Sara could hardly believe her mother was helping her win her woman back, considering the first time they met Nyssa kidnapped her and poisoned her other daughter.

“Now you’re ready, go get her tiger.” Dinah ushered her to the hallway with a wink.

She took a breath and opened the door revealing a smartly dressed Nyssa. She wore black leather pants with a dark maroon blouse and an informal blazer. She wore makeup and held a large gift bag in one hand and a bouquet of yellow flowers in the other.

Similarly to the previous day, the brunette greeted her with a wide dazzling smile. It amazed Sara that someone so breathlessly beautiful looked at her like she did.

“Hey, you.” Sara said genuinely excited to see her.

“Sara Lance.” She grinned with a confidence and radiance that resembled the woman Sara fell in love with.

Sara took a moment to truly understand how important the next few moments would be in everyone’s lives. Mother and daughter would finally reunite and make progress for the future everyone wanted.

“These are for you, happy early birthday,” Nyssa said passing over the flowers and removing a small box from the gift bag and passing it to Sara.

The flowers were the same yellow flowers Sara had found in Nanda Parbat, the first time she convinced Nyssa to sneak her out; the same yellow flower Nyssa left her in the box she had received when she discovered Nyssa had ‘died’.

“You were right,” Sara spoke opening her gift.

“About what?”

“You are more sentimental than when we were together.” The two made flirtatious eye contact as they both recollected the letter Nyssa had left.

They broke eye contact when Sara revealed a golden bracelet from the box. She examined it and saw engraved in Arabic on the inside, ‘ _find your way back to me, beloved.’_

In that moment, Sara couldn’t control the emotion that overcame her. She surged forward and pulled Nyssa into an embrace; and for a second they just held each other. There was no one else but them. Sara inhaled Nyssa’s hair, intoxicated by her naturally sweet scent. For the first time since meeting again Sara felt Nyssa actually give her a clear sign that she still loved her, or could still love her. The bracelet was more than a reminder of their past love, it was perhaps a promise for the future.

“It’s beautiful, thank you.” The blonde whispered into her former lover’s ear as she pulled back. Before she stepped all the way back she felt Nyssa warm fingers clasp around her wrist.

Nyssa simply looked at her, took her in. Sara blushed with how openly the brunette regarded her. There was a small smile pulling at her lips and the skin around her eyes crinkled in the way Sara adored when the brunette was truly happy.

“Thank you, for being so patient with me. For inviting me, for everything. I need you know that,” she spoke softly.

There was an urgency in Nyssa’s tone that caught Sara’s attention. Yet, rather than soothe her, it made her afraid.  

Sara noticed Nyssa begin to have that faraway look in her eyes. “Hey, let’s go meet your daughter.” She said pulling Nyssa out the darkness of her thoughts.

The brunette was snapped out of her reverie and they made their way to the living room, where Lourdes sat on Quentin’s knee attempting to blow up a balloon.

Both women stood at the entrance watching the small girl turn red faced breathing deeply out and out to no avail.

“Lourdes don’t push yourself too hard, seeing as we haven’t picked up another inhaler because you left yours at school.” Quentin reminded, taking a balloon to his lips instead.

Just as the little progress she made deflated Lourdes noticed the two women at the door. She made eye contact with Nyssa and everyone else in the room seemed to take a collective breath.

Lourdes slowly slipped off Quentin’s lap, and Sara could tell she was making her mind up about something, as her face returned to its normal colour and her brows furrowed in that brooding way she had clearly inherited from Oliver Queen.

Sara felt Nyssa drop to her knees beside her. The brunette holding the bag of gifts out nervously and opening her arms, tears filling her eyes.

Lourdes looked up at Sara unsure what to do. A question clearly in her eyes.

_‘Is this my mother?’_

Sara nodded to the little girl who made up her mind before running into her mother’s arms.

The two clung onto one another. Lourdes not even caring about the gifts at this moment. Time didn’t seem to exist for a second.

At some point Dinah walked into the room and now sat teary eyed next to Quentin. Everyone in the room felt the emotion of the reunion.

Sara’s own tears were falling witnessing the two people she loved the most finally reconnect. There were no words that could suffice to describe the tenderness, the love and enormity of the moment.

The blonde found herself also on her knees being pulled into the embrace by mother and daughter. All three crying with joy.

 ** _“_** _Do you know who I am?”_ Nyssa whispered in Arabic, pulling back slightly to take her daughter’s face in her hands.

Lourdes grey eyes frantically looked between her mother and Sara before settling back on Nyssa’s. She really examined Nyssa, evening going as far as reaching out her hand to touch her face. She was confused.

Instead of answering she burst out into small sobs before pulling away from Nyssa’s embrace and fleeing the room.

Nyssa seemed frozen as they heard Lourdes footsteps shuffling upstairs and her muffled sobs.

Sara reached out to the brunette, who sat there heartbroken, fighting the demons threatening to pull her from reality.

“Hey,” Sara whispered, watching Nyssa struggle to keep her composure.

“She’s just a little overwhelmed.”

The olive-skinned woman took a deep breath before wiping the tears from her face, and standing up; offering Sara a hand.

“Dinah, Quentin, thank you.” She spoke voice trembling slightly as she handed over Lourdes gifts to Dinah.

“Nyssa, don’t give up on her, go up there.” Quentin encouraged.

Nyssa took in the information before nodding and looking back at Sara. Pleading in her eyes.

“I need you,” She begged.

The blonde led her hand in hand to Lourdes room, where they could hear her sniffling behind the door.

“Can we come in Lolo?” Sara asked knocking lightly.

After several moments a red eyed Lourdes creaked open the door.

Eye’s fixed on Nyssa she lifted her arms indicating Nyssa pick her up. The brunette obliged quickly, wanting only to please her daughter.

They walked over to the bed and sat down. Lourdes snuggled into Nyssa’s chest, almost like a small baby. Sara sat beside and placed a reassuring hand on Nyssa’s leg.

For several minutes they remained silent, simply existing together.

 _“Ammi?”_ Lourdes unsure voice called out into the darkness in her mother’s tongue.

 _“Yes, I am your mother.”_ Nyssa whispered into the dark haired little girls head.

Lourdes pulled back to look at her again, obviously looking for the truth in her mother’s eyes.

 _“Have you come back for me?”_ She asked, hope dripping from her voice.

 _“Yes, my beautiful girl,”_ Nyssa said with tears once again falling. Lourdes affectionately wiped away the wetness on her mother’s face before hugging her tightly once more.

“Mommy?”she said, testing out the sound on her tongue.

 _“Yes?”_ Nyssa responded, a small laugh escaping.

She spared a quick glance at Sara. It was music to her ears to once again be called such a sacred title, by the most important person in her life.

_“Sometimes I dream of you but in my dreams I’m a little little girl. It’s always sunny, and there’s a red house. But then you leave, and you’re crying like you are now. Is it a dream or is it real mommy?”_

Nyssa’s face was a mixture of awe and shock. _“You remember?”_

 _“I don’t know. Everything is all jumbled up but everyone told me you were dead so how can you be here?”_ She asked confusion threatening to make her burst into tears again.

_“The red house was once our home, I can’t believe you still remember that.”_

_“In my heart I knew you were still with me… please don’t go again.”_ She pleaded holding on to Nyssa with an iron grip.

“Lourdes look at me,” Nyssa requested softly, changing to English so she could fully communicate her point.

Her brows furrowed into a frown when she looked at her mother. Nyssa bought Lourdes little hand to the position above her heart.

“Can you feel that?”

Lourdes nodded brows still knotted in confusion.

“I’m _here_ , I’m real. I am so sorry I left you. I wanted to protect you, and I believed you were safer without me…”

Lourdes grey eyes displayed such vulnerability. Anyone looking could tell how desperately she wanted it to be real and how much she doubted the truth of her mother’s return.

“Now feel your own heart.”

The girl continued following instructions _._

“My heart beats for you my daughter. It always has. And as long as my heart still beats, and even after that, I’ll love you and do everything in my power to be there for you.”Nyssa explained.

Sara’s heart wrenched at the tenderness in which Nyssa dealt with Lourdes. The love she had radiated from her, and Sara finally understood why the brunette had returned to her so fractured. Nyssa had never dealt well with being separate from people she loved. Sara could see she the obvious unyielding depth of love for Lourdes and being away from her, for as long as she had been, was the reason she lost herself.

The features on Lourdes face relaxed into an excitable grin, relief and _forgiveness_ radiating from her soul.

“I know you’re confused and I’m sorry for that. I never wished to cause you pain.” Nyssa confessed seriously.

Lourdes mirrored her mother’s expression and it struck Sara just how much they looked alike. The young girl was almost a carbon copy had it not been for her electric sky coloured eyes which belonged to her father.

“That’s ok mommy, I had Gaga, and Papa, and Auntie Sara.” She responded smiling once again.

“Auntie Sara missed you the most, she talks about you all the time, she tells me everything I ask about you too… and sometimes she gets real sad because she misses you so much.”

Nyssa caught the blonde’s eyes with a sad smile.

“I was miserable without her too.” She admitted.

“I missed both of you more than you could imagine…” Her voice choked up towards the end.

Sara pulled the pair into her, sliding an arm around Nyssa’s back and lifting Lourdes legs onto her lap.

“Are we going back to the red house?” Lourdes asked enthusiastically.

Sara held her breath for a second, also anticipating Nyssa’s response.

“No, the red house isn’t safe anymore. That’s why I sent you here, so I could save us from the people who tried to hurt us. The red house was never home, because home is where the heart is, where _family_ is.”

“So, you’re staying here, with us?” Sara asked hope brimming in her eyes.

The smile that Nyssa gave said it all. A genuine smile that revealed white sparkling teeth and warm loving eyes that had Sara falling in love with her all over again.

_“You are my home. It’s time for me to come home **for good.”**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mommy and daughter are reconciled, what did you think?  
> As always thank you for the lovely comments, always interesting to know what people enjoy :) xx


	31. My Last Words For You, My Love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends are made in the strangest of circumstances.

**My Last Words For You, My Love**

The following hours after Nyssa and Lourdes reconciled, the mother and daughter duo spent inseparable. Nyssa was dragged around by Lourdes, being shown all of her mini-me’s favourite things. The little girl was so invested in her mother she barely noticed anyone else. She only briefly acknowledged her friends arrival to the party before whisking Nyssa away into another adventure.

Sara left them to some quality bonding, preferring to watch from a distance as they talked, laughed and chased each other around. It was as if the two hadn’t spent any time apart, the way they easily communicated both verbally and non-verbally. They remained so engaged and most importantly, they were genuinely overjoyed to be together.

Sara’s heart wrenched as they seemed to have a heart to heart, reading the brunette woman’s serious expression and escaping tears. Lourdes ever understanding and tenderness towards her mother only seemed to bring more tears. At some point she wasn’t sure whether to go over. Sara decided against it, understanding they needed the time. Lourdes had clearly forgiven her mother for her absence; preferring, as always, to find light from darkness. Sara comprehended that she needed to allow Nyssa to face some of her struggles alone, as she not only needed forgiveness from her daughter, she needed it from herself.

Sara left the pair playing by the beach when the rest of Lourdes’ friends joined. She smiled as she watched the olive-skinned girl proudly introduce her mother.

Sara decided to entertain the few adult friends that came, including a couple of work friends and clients from her classes. She walked around not greatly invested in engaging in conversations. Her mind was with Nyssa, the reminder only reinforced by the bracelet she now wore around her wrist.

Just as she examined the bracelet for the thousandth time that day a hand wrapped around it to inspect it.

“That looks expensive…” Saracon said as he turned her wrist to view the engraving.

“…someone has good taste. Oh, and beautiful words to accompany it. How romantic.” He added smiling in the jovial way he always seemed to have.

“Your sister always knew the art to the right balance of extravagant and meaningful.” Sara replied.

“I’m afraid our gift will pale greatly in comparison,” a familiar voice spoke from behind.

Suhad held out a gift bag as she approached with a warm expression on her face, a genuine smile she hadn’t received from the African woman in a while. Yet, in her sincerity her eyes revealed a lingering sadness.

“You didn’t have to, but thank you,” Sara spoke to Suhad.

The curly haired woman smiled and prompted for her to open the gift. Sara unravelled the wrapping paper to reveal two books and a Wonder Woman figurine.

“I figured you can’t go wrong with Wonder Woman.” Saracon laughed pulling it out of Sara’s hands.

“You’re right, she’ll be over the moon to receive a gift from her _uncle_ ,” Sara said turning to face the direction of Nyssa and Lourdes.

The children surrounded a blindfolded Nyssa and were spinning her around for pin the tail on the donkey. It was heart-warming to see how the former assassin turned into a big kid around children.

“Turns out drivers don’t make all that much money, so presence alone is my gift to you.” He winked and walked away towards the group of giggling children.

“You’re lucky you’re Nyssa’s brother, you won’t get away with it on my next birthday!” She called out after him jokingly.  

He joined the children laughing at Nyssa pretending to fall over from dizziness. Sara paused for a second, to take in the sight of this carefree Nyssa. The one not plagued by demons or worried about her future, the one living in the moment and completely free, even for these few hours. It was a sight to behold. Her glowing form and a new aura about her that only attracted Sara more.

She could see Suhad in her peripheral gazing over the group, most likely thinking the exact same thing.

Sara turned back to notice an overwhelmingly pained expression on the therapists face, it was quickly replaced by a forced smile but the blonde caught it. Sara knew something was up but was not sure this was the time to push it.

Instead, she inspected the books from the gift bag.

The first was a poetry book titled, _‘My Last Words For You, My Love.’_ She did not recognise the writer, and the more she examined it, she suspected the writer was in fact the woman in front of her. The author read ‘Surah D.H. Dixen’ which was an anagram of the therapist’s name, Suhad Hendrix.

“I didn’t know you wrote poetry,” Sara spoke knowingly.

The curly haired woman smiled barely reacting to Sara’s quick discovery.

“It’s a collection that got published a while ago. Nyssa said you might like it.” Suhad replied smiling solemnly at Nyssa. She noticed the brunette momentarily staring over at them with a solemn expression.  

“Congratulations… Is there anything you can’t do?!” Sara joked to lighten the odd moment.

Her joke broke the moment between Suhad and Nyssa, but Sara had a stronger feeling something had happened between the two.

“Honestly, thank you. I’m sure your words will ring familiar in my heart.” Sara continued when Suhad smiled at her.

“Nyssa always loved poetry… she got me into it, and funnily enough my best work was produced from our breakup.” She admitted gazing over to the brunette once more. Sara once again caught her sorrowful expression and refrained from enquiring into their distant gazes. It wasn’t her place, and she assumed their relationship was probably as complex as her own with the brunette.

“She used to say feelings are best described in rhythmic verse and that…” Sara began.

“…poetry is the language of the heart,” Suhad finished.

The two women shared a look that could only be conveyed as deep understanding. They both knew what it was like to be in love with Nyssa. They knew what it was like to love a raging storm, to be completely submerged by her love.

Sara began moving to the next book. Before she could open it, Suhad’s hand clasped around her wrist.

“Can we talk somewhere a little more private?” 

“Sure,” Sara responded baffled by Suhad’s out of character behaviour.

She led them a little way away from the party, further down the beach where they could still see everyone.

They stood there for a moment as Sara tried to figure out what was going on. She opted to open the other book which was in fact a photo album. The first few pages had pictures of Lourdes as a baby, another with infant Lourdes and Nyssa. The next few were Lourdes and Suhad, a couple of them at school and one from the office. Sara was in one they had taken a few weeks ago, Lourdes holding up a certificate for passing her 3rd grade Arabic reading skills next to the blonde and Suhad. The next pages were empty and Sara started to sense a goodbye coming.

“She can add to it as she grows up, that’s the idea.” The older woman spoke almost as if she was gone already.

“You’re leaving.” Sara concluded.

Suhad didn’t deny it and opted for a nod. She quickly searched around to make sure they were still alone.

“But Nyssa just got here. Weren’t you the one begging her to stay?” Sara was completely taken off guard by this.

Suhad had been just as much of an advocate in not only keeping Lourdes safe but convincing their shared former lover to stay.

“I’ve done my job here, Nyssa’s back with her daughter, she doesn’t need me.” Frustrated, she ran her fingers through her curly hair.

“Of course she does, she would have never come to you if she didn’t. She would have never trusted you with her daughter’s life.” Sara reasoned.

“Nyssa doesn’t love me Sara,” she snapped.

“We both know that’s a lie. I’ve seen the way you two are together. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t felt pangs of jealousy at seeing the two of you. I’ve never seen her trust anyone the way she trusts you. The way she listens to you. She loves you, the same way she loved me.”

The two women were more alike than they ever thought. While their appearances were opposites their spirits resembled one another. Sara’s light skin in contrast to Suhad’s dark ebony. Sara’s light eyes against Suhad’s dark nearly black ones. Yet, their altruistic need to put what was best for Nyssa first was mirrored. They both shared insecurities that the former assassin loved the other one more; yet, they understood the other’s position. In this moment they both realised why Nyssa had fallen in love with the other.

Yet, something in Suhad’s dark eyes revealed a truth Sara either did not know or was afraid to realise.

“Yes, she loves me but _not_ it the way she loves you. I know you heard us arguing the other day. I’d never ask her to choose because we both know that it would be you every time.”

“Do we? It’s you she reached out to, it’s you she’s trusted with her secrets.”

Sara began to get agitated. A part of her believed she was destined to be with Nyssa, but another part of her doubted if Nyssa felt the same.

“She’s loved me in the best way she knew how. I think she wanted and tried to love me because I was- I still am, hopelessly in love with her. The truth is, I’m not the love of her life… you are.” The statement shocked Sara, she wanted so desperately to believe it.

“These are your words, not hers.” Sara rationalised.

“That’s why I gave you these poems. To show you her words. It is not simply my heartbreak in here, her words are in here too, and it’s abundantly clear she wasn’t talking about me…” Sara was surprised at the darker woman’s confession.

Suhad took the book from her hands and flicked through until she began reading a poem.

_“Her love is indescribable. It’s a feeling, it’s an action, it’s a view. She’s more than words, and it terrifies me.”_

“I know you’re afraid, that you’ll mess it up, or that she doesn’t love you anymore… but she’s afraid too... because she is still so desperately in love with you.”

“I don’t need to you to analyse us.” Sara snapped.

She couldn’t listen to it because the therapist was correct. She was scared that Nyssa had moved on. She was afraid to destroy them again, she would not survive losing her another time. She could only equate that feeling to the emptiness of her first death; achingly desolate, and that was the thing she feared the most. 

“You’re leaving because you don’t think you can handle watching her love someone else.” Sara stated.

It wasn’t an accusation because if it was the other way around she knows it would be the same.

“It isn’t a competition Sara. Everything I have ever done for Nyssa has been for her betterment.” She confessed.

“What about Lourdes? You’re the one that said she has a fear of abandonment; she cares about you and _you’re_ abandoning her.” Sara asked looking back at the little girl she viewed as her daughter.

“I’m doing this to protect her… and anyway she has you, and now her mother.”

Sara could partially understand why the curly haired woman felt she needed to leave, but running away never seemed her style.

“Does Nyssa know?”

“Yes, hence why she isn’t speaking to me today. She thinks being stubborn will make me stay.” Suhad laughed joylessly.

“I think you’re breaking her heart.” Sara admitted, her own heart not only sad for Nyssa but also her friend.

“I know I am,” the older woman agreed.

“But I know you’ll be there to mend her heart, to look after her, won’t you?” Her eyes filled up with tears that fell freely down her face. Sara reached out to the other woman, bringing her into her arms.

“You know I will.” Sara whispered as she looked over her shoulder and across the beach to Nyssa.

The brunette was still invested in playing with the children but as they caught each other’s eyes, she could finally place the sadness of earlier that day.

The two pulled apart and Suhad wiped away her tears and applied foundation to her tear stricken face.

A quiet fell between them as they took a moment to just watch Nyssa and Lourdes from afar.

“Where will you go?” Sara asked curiously.

“Home. It’s time the Princess returned to her people.”

“I hope you find happiness… you deserve to be loved.” Sara replied honestly.

“And I’m rooting for _you_ , Sara Lance. Take your family and keep them _safe._ ” Suhad responded seriously.

They embraced once more. They had become a lot closer than two women vying for the same persons affections would normally be. Sara truly considered Suhad a friend and could not fault her for any of her decisions, especially from loving Nyssa and letting her go.

Sara inspected her gifts once more.

“I hope it will come in handy. It’s more than just words in book.” Suhad added, pointing to the book; _‘My Last Words For You, My Love.’_  

“Thank you, I couldn’t think of more meaningful gifts…” Sara admitted with a real smile on her face. For the first time that day, a genuine smile painted her face, and something struck Sara.

“You remind me of my sister Laurel.”

There was something about her nature, the way in which she loved. Laurel was open minded with a big heart and a tendency to see the best in people, despite their faults. These are qualities Sara had always been envious of but she realised she was lucky to have been able to know two people with the same kind heart. 

“I know she meant a lot you, I’m pleased you think of me in such high regard.”

Soon after, they re-joined the party, eventually also participating in whatever games the children wanted to play. Once the other children returned home, the Lance’s along with Nyssa, Saracon and Suhad enjoyed a birthday dinner.

Later, Lourdes read out a thank you letter to everyone explaining that her wish had come true, not only had she got her mother back but she gained an uncle too.

Suhad announced her news at the end of the evening, which ended in tears for Lourdes, the only upside being Nyssa was the only one able to console her.

That night Sara laid in her bed evaluating her life, and thanking whatever higher power existed for her life now. She’d lost so much over the years but her life was tenfold what she could have imagined. She didn’t think she would ever feel whole again after Laurel’s death and while her sister’s death left an aching whole in her heart, for the first time she could breathe again.


	32. Goodbyes Are Never Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one ever wants to say goodbye, something that sounds so finite, without the hope of return.

**Goodbyes Are Never Easy**

The Christmas break passed quickly. Everyone seemed to get into a rhythm after the birthday party. Sara still being off due to recovery from the coma, which she admittedly milking for extra time off. Nyssa was settling into life in the little coastal town. Everything was seemingly running smoothly in their lives.

Saracon had returned to Star City to continue working for Thea. Suhad and Nyssa had reconciled as best as former lovers and lifelong close friends could.

The greatest development was Lourdes and Nyssa’s relationship, mother and daughter were thick as thieves. They spent every day together, only separating at night as Nyssa was living at Suhad’s house and it was important to Nyssa to not rush Lourdes’ development. Sara spent every other day with them understanding they needed time to build a relationship on their own, much like her own parents had encouraged when she’d dropped into 2022.

Sara’s biggest disappointment however, was the push and pull game she and Nyssa seemed to be playing. At one moment they flirted as if they were still lovers and the next Nyssa pushed the blonde away. She would recoil from her touch and warm words. The relationship between the former lovers seemed to only get more complicated with the pending departure of Suhad.

The day arrived when Suhad would leave for her former home of Ethiopia. The house had been handed over to Nyssa under Izar’s name to keep her identity hidden.

Nyssa and Suhad sat awaiting Saracon’s arrival to drive her to the airport. Sara and Lourdes were also set to arrive to say their goodbyes.

The former lovers sat in an uncomfortable silence out looking the waves. It was a silence which had recently become common place when the two were alone.

Nyssa surprised both women when she reached out for the dark-skinned woman’s soft hands. Her hand intertwined like they once used to, a long, long, time ago. Suhad was powerless to resist or pull away, the affectionate moment would be something she could hold on to.

 

“Suhad…” Nyssa began before a finger at her lips stopped her.

 _“Please don’t.”_ The other woman protested, emotion causing her voice to falter.

For a second it seemed as if she would abide the request, but Suhad knew better. Nyssa had always been stubborn, had never reacted well to losing people.

“Stay… _please **.**_ ” Nyssa pleaded.

“I can’t,” she turned to her. As if to imprint the image of her into her mind.

“You can, you have a home with us.”

“So we can live happily ever after; you, me and your beloved?” Suhad replied sarcastically.

“She’s not-…I just,” she sighed and opted not to continue with her argument.

“Just because you refuse to talk about your feelings doesn’t mean I can’t see it… you were never good at hiding things from me.” Suhad caressed Nyssa’s cheek, a faraway look in her eyes.

“Is she why you’re leaving so suddenly?” Nyssa asked.

“Because you were the one that begged me to come back for her, am I wrong?”

“I know, I know… but a part of me wanted you back for myself.” She admitted.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nyssa asked softly, surprised by the other woman’s admission.

The two women stared at each other with more openness and vulnerability than they ever had. Love still existed between the two but more overwhelmingly, pain lay between them.

“I see the way you look at her, the way you are with her. You try and conceal it, even from yourself, but this is one thing you aren’t good at… Your gaze lingers with longing when you think she’s not looking. You become yourself when she’s around… but you go away when you’re with me. I can’t call you back, all she has to do is whisper and the light comes back to your eyes.” Her voice was _so_ soft and sorrowful, it pained Nyssa.

“I-“ Nyssa began to speak but she knew nothing could change the facts of her situation.

“What if I tell you I love you too,” Nyssa cried.

“And I don’t doubt that you do… which is why I know you’ll let me go.”

Suhad closed the distance between them. Her full lips pressed firmly into Nyssa’s. She was reciprocated with a tenderness she hadn’t expected. It was slow and warm, and everything they had once been.

When they separated Suhad could barely look at Nyssa in the eyes.

“I _have_ to go _Princess._ ” Nyssa didn’t miss the emphasis on the title Suhad often called her when they were once an item.

“I know.” She responded deflated.

“Someone once told me that there’s never an easy way to just walk away from the thing or person you love the most, especially if you want to stay.” Suhad echoed Nyssa’s own words from years ago.

“We’ve come full circle. I didn’t expect my own words to come back to haunt me.”

“It’s the right thing to do - not just for myself, but for everyone.” Suhad said looking back at her former lover.

“I just didn’t expect us to end like this,” Nyssa revealed.

“I’ve learnt that things don't always have to end happy; sometimes experiences are profound because they didn’t last forever… I don’t regret anything, not with you. Maybe one day I’ll find you all again, and we’ll look back and realise we did the right thing.”

A quiet surrounded them, and for the first time in weeks, they just existed without being held back and without suffocating from it.

A few minutes later the doorbell of Nyssa’s new home rang.

“This is it then,” Nyssa said, offering Suhad a hand up from where they sat.

“This isn’t goodbye forever,” Suhad promised. 

Sara and Lourdes were already in the car when they arrived. The car ride was surprisingly normal; with Lourdes bringing everyone into a conversation about one thing or the other.

When they arrived, the mood switched to something dramatically gloomier.

“It’s only short stay parking here, so this is as far as I can take you, _your highness_.” Saracon spoke as he pulled her into a tight embrace. She grimaced at the mention of her title before turning to Sara.

“I haven’t had the chance to say this, so this is a good a time as any. Thank you... for everything.” Sara said honestly.

Suhad nodded in understanding. There was some unspoken bond the two had formed over the course of their strange friendship.

“Look after them.” She whispered into Sara’s ear as they hugged.

Once she got to Lourdes she found the small girl teary eyed, trying to keep it together.

“Aww darling, dry your eyes. Everything is going to be alright. Your life is only going to get better, after all, your wishes come true.” She said looking at Nyssa.

“Not all of my wishes Auntie Suhad,” she replied glumly. Suhad bought the girl into her arms, heart warmed by her new title.

“We had a good time together didn’t we?” She asked the girl who nodded in response.

“Then remember me and all our memories together, and it will be like I’m not even gone.”

“That’s not the same thing.” She replied stubbornly.

Suhad was at a loss for words. She had no idea of what to say to explain it to her.

“You’re right. I’m sorry Lolo, but I have to move on, and that’s how life sometimes is. People will come and go but know I’ll always love you.” She settled on.

Lourdes started to protest before she was interrupted.

“Do you remember the mantra I taught you?” Suhad asked.

“I am intelligent, kind, beautiful, important and I am strong enough to handle anything.” Lourdes voice trembled through her tears.

“Exactly. You are destined to be _great,_ don’t you ever lose that kind heart of yours.” She embraced the girl one last time.

When she turned to say her final goodbye she noticed Nyssa walk away holding one of her bags, indicating she wanted to say her goodbye in private. Suhad looked at the people she had grown to love as family one more time before walking alongside Nyssa.

The two checked in her bags quickly and moved to security. The moment they had both been apprehensive of came and they stood there looking at each other.

“Goodbye Nyssa,” she said with a teary smile on her face.

“Goodbye my love,” their arms found each other. They hugged and held on with a desperation like never before. It was long as they released all past transgressions and issues, and affectionately held each other.

Suhad promised herself not to cry. She knew leaving was the right thing and she would stand by her decision. Before her tears could fall she followed through with her promise, breathed in the love of her life, committed the sight of her to memory and walked away.

Each step was harder than the last but she kept going.

“Suhad!” Nyssa called out chasing her.

“Yes?” She whipped around desperately.

A part of her wanted to stay but a larger part of her needed Nyssa’s blessing, to go and move on.

“I loved you as best I could, for as long as I could. It’s taken me a while to see what everyone else was trying to show me - we are just two parallel lines that won’t ever meet. Thank you for the moments that we stole together, darling. It was nice travelling beside you while it lasted.” She quoted a poem from Suhad’s collection.

“I've done my part _I_. You have everything you want, all you have to do is _take it_.” Suhad responded averting her gaze over to where Sara and Lourdes stood waving by the car.

“Is there nothing I can do for you; you've given me so much…” Nyssa began before being cut off with a brief kiss to her lips.

“You gave me you. All of you and that's all I asked.” She breathed into her lips.

“I'll always love you Nyssa" she whispered as she walked away.


	33. Demons And Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever seen a devil with a halo?  
> Ever seen an angel with some horns?  
> Everybody got their own demons  
> Everybody fightin' their own war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Beautiful And Damned is such an amazing song, and it goes perfectly with this chapter. It has me in my feels.

**Demons and Angels**

The first weeks of 2023 went by slowly. Sara and her parents were back at work. During the days Sara was a personal fitness instructor, and the martial arts classes during the evenings. Her spare time was spent with the mother and daughter dup who were now inseparable. 

Sara and Nyssa continued discovering the new people they were, as friends, with little mention of more. Sara had wanted on several occasions to bring up her feelings. Something held her back however, a part of her wanted to give Nyssa space but a part of her was afraid they would always be just that; more than friends and not quite lovers. Even with Suhad gone, Sara would be lying if she said she hadn’t noticed the sadness in Nyssa’s eyes since the loss of their friend.

Every day she saw Nyssa slipping into her old skin; the figure of absolute strength and intelligence. She still had a lot of baggage to deal with, to forgive herself for before she could be the best version of herself, and Sara would respect that, and let Nyssa come to her when she was ready.

One evening the family sat at Nyssa’s house playing monopoly. It was a pleasant evening where Nyssa cooked her favourite meal from her childhood, Persian Tas Kebabs for the family.

Lourdes completed her 4th grade mathematics homework expertly and suggested the game of monopoly.

As they played Lourdes piped up to ask a curious question.

“Mommy do you love mama Sara?”

At some point after the new year the little olive-skinned girl had opted to calling Sara, mama Sara. It had flown out of her mouth one day to Sara’s joy, and she’d continued ever since.

The question caused everyone to immediately look at Nyssa. While Sara’s parents tried not to show their interest in the direction of the conversation, they were as curious to the answer as their granddaughter.

“Of course I do silly, do you not?” Nyssa answered without looking up from her cards.

“Yes, she’s my mama…” Lourdes said leaning over to fit her head in between Sara’s arm. Sara was touched by the gesture but her mind drifted to why Nyssa was so guarded in her feelings towards the blonde.

She could understand why Lourdes might wonder. Before she came back Sara had spoken often about their past relationship. The small girl probably didn’t understand why they were not in a relationship now.

“Your turn to roll the dice Lourdes,” Nyssa prompted, diverting the girl’s line of questioning.

The girl abided and continue to play. The conversation turned to other topics after that.

Sara remained quiet; considering finally confronting Nyssa in regards to their relationship, or there lack of.  She wanted her back, plain and simple. Things were still so easy between them, and now they were living a considerably less hectic lifestyle. This was a life in which they could be together, completely, without the danger of something tearing them apart.

Sara’s resolve was wearing thin. She wanted to give her time but each day became harder than the last. There was a sexual tension that was almost palpable; charged moments when they were alone, touches that lasted and strayed a little longer than Sara could handle. It wasn’t enough for Sara. She craved the completely uninhibited intimacy they once had.

“Mommy?” Lourdes piped up again sometime after.

“Lourdes,” Nyssa said in the same affliction as her daughter.

“Why don’t you kiss mama like Gaga and Papa kiss?”

The atmosphere around them became awkward and tense immediately. With everyone suddenly finding their monopoly money incredibly interesting.

“Why all the questions?” Nyssa asked, avoiding the blondes gaze.

“Because I wanna know, so you gots to tell me,” she responded in a sassy accent.

Mother and daughter stared at each other challengingly, as the rest of the table spectated curiously.

“Mommy. Tell me.” She said seriously.

“Lourdes, enough.” Sara said attempting to save the brunette from Lourdes hard line of questions.

“How about you show us some of your dancing Lolo, you like this song don’t you?” Quentin turned up the music that was playing in the background.

“Do you love my daddy more, is that why you can’t-”

“Me and your mommy love each other very much. Isn’t that right Nyssa?”

When the dark-haired woman didn’t respond, Sara looked back at her only to find the most haunted look behind her eyes.

“Nyssa?” She called out.

She was staring blankly ahead, in a fashion far more concerning than the times she zoned out previously. Her breathing rapidly became more ragged. Sara moved over to her, thinking Nyssa was having a flashback. Something that had only happened once since the new year.

“Mommy!” Lourdes called out still not quite understanding the moment.

“Switch it off,” Nyssa whispered emotionlessly. She said it so quietly no one except Sara heard her.

“Switch it off!” She repeated slamming her fist onto the table.

Lourdes was shocked, never having seen her mother angry. Quentin cut the music off seconds later, not wanting to escalate the situation. Lourdes eyes welled up with heartbroken tears as Nyssa walked out the room.

Dinah comforted the small girl as Sara and her father looked at each other perplexed.

“Go after her,” Quentin prompted Sara.

Following her father’s suggestion, she hurried after Nyssa into the kitchen.

"What the hell was that, you’ve never spoken to her like that." Sara asked sternly her.

Nyssa paced around the room, shaking her head frantically. Nyssa hadn’t ever reacted like this before, and it began to worry Sara.

“I- I’m sorry, I just- I can’t.”

She had manic look in her eyes as she spoke.

“You can’t what?” Sara said softly, wanting to bring her out of whatever horrors she was triggered to seeing.

Nyssa stopped pacing opting to sit down opposite Sara.

“That song, the one on the radio...” Nyssa explained, with the same faraway look still in her eyes.

“…that was the song that was playing when-” she could barely stay in the moment.

“When I found Lourdes, after I lost her during the ambush in Nanda Parbat… she was surrounded by dead bodies, dead children… She was covered in blood… no idea what was going on.”

“Oh Nyssa,” Sara breathed, her heart broken at seeing her lover so traumatised. She wished she could take away her pain, wished she’d come back sooner and maybe then Nyssa wouldn’t have needed to go through hell alone.

“I promised myself I would be better than my mother, and instead I’ve been ten times worse, and my mother _abandoned_ me.”

 “None of what has happened has been your fault.”

“I should have been better, protected her.” Nyssa spoke with a simmering anger.

“You HAVE protected her. Look how happy she is now, look at her amazing life,” Sara reached out to comfort her.

“Don’t.” Nyssa said recoiling from the touch.

Sara was confused and hurt at the action but she pushed on.

“Let me be here for you,” Sara pleaded.

When Nyssa didn’t respond she reached out for her hand again. This time she didn’t pull away, and Sara realised this was the best moment to put her heart on the line. Nyssa needed her to take the first step, as she needed her to all those years ago.

She took a deep breath and confessed her truest feelings.

“I’m still in love you Nyssa, I _want_ to be here for you.”

Sara closed the distance between them, planting a soft kiss on her lips. Yet it wasn’t what she expected, Nyssa barely pushed back, her eyes open and guilt on her face.

Sara’s insecurities rushed to the forefront of her mind, horrified she might have completely misjudged the situation.

"Oh God, you don’t want me" she stated with embarrassment seeping into her skin like something too hot and sticky.

Suhad was gone, and Nyssa still hadn’t revealed her feelings, if any, to her.

Sara began to panic.

She wondered if perhaps the therapist had been wrong.

What if Nyssa didn’t want Sara in the way she wanted her?

Eight years was a long time to be hung up on someone, Sara understood that because she had felt every minute of it.

“No, no, of course not…I- I _still_ love you,” Nyssa whispered, her eyes still glazed with the horrors in her mind.

“Are you sure? Because you don’t sound too convinced to me.” Sara accused, shocking them both.

Surprised and hurt, Nyssa walked back to Sara and took her face in her hands. Searching so desperately for something in her eyes.

“Sara Lance I’ve loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you.” She spoke with the fervour of the woman Sara first fell in love with.

Yet, something in Sara couldn’t shake the feeling that Nyssa didn’t see it as a good thing.

“But..” Sara added, despair seeping into her voice.

“…I can’t,” she chanted again and again, getting up to pace once more.

Sara sat there feeling rejected and confused as to how she could have read things so _wrong_. Surely, the years hadn’t made them diverge so far, that they could not reconcile.

“You can’t be with me?” Sara asked.

“I’m not a good person Sara, I never was.” She admitted her greatest insecurity.

“You’re plenty good enough for me.” Sara replied stubbornly.

“If you knew the things that I’ve done, you would walk away, and I couldn’t have you leave me again…I couldn’t take it.” Her eyes looked down at Sara, suffering etched on her face.

“I know I hurt you when I left you. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you in the middle of the night, with no warning, like a stranger that I’d fallen into bed with; but it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I couldn’t say goodbye because I was weak…but I promise you I will never, _ever_ leave you again, no matter what you say.” Sara confessed.

Nyssa considered her, her heart aching for the blonde.

“I would accept anything about you,” she added.

"I can't tell you," the brunette said frustrated.

Sara reached out for her, stilling her movements and searching her eyes.

"I can handle it." She promised. Even though her movements had stilled, she still looked agitated.

“Tell me,” she tried again.

 She had the feeling that all the emotions that both of them had been holding in were about to explode and they would be forced to deal with them.

They looked into each other’s eyes desperately looking for answers. There was a time they could read one another as easy as the alphabet, and it pained them both to see so much held back between them.

“You can tell me anything, you know that.” Sara’s voice was so soft, yet it somehow filled the room.

"It will hurt you," she replied, knowing Sara better than what she was willing to admit.

Nyssa dropped her hands and walked away from her again, this time to the sink, leaning on the edge.

"This hurts me, seeing you like this, in so much pain." Sara responded harshly pointing between them.

She didn’t know how her mood just switched, but she was reacting to Nyssa and emotions were extremely high. With each moment things getting more frustrating.

Nyssa ran her hands through her thick dark locks and laughed joylessly.

"You're stubborn," she said frowning and furrowing her eyebrows.

"Just tell me," Sara pleaded again, softer than before. It was meant to calm the situation but had the opposite effect, something in Nyssa change and exasperation seeped through.

“I think I was the one, that killed all those people in Nanda Parbat.” She confessed with a frightening vulnerability to her voice.

Sara said nothing as she continued to speak.

“I don’t remember what happened… I just remember seeing Lourdes and she was screaming. When I looked down, there was blood on my hands, so much blood… and-” her voice broke and Sara finally reacted. She turned Nyssa to face her, so she could see that she would not be scared away so easily.

“I was holding a bloody sword, which means I must have killed those innocent people… killed innocent _children._ And Lourdes would have seen it all, the demon in me. _”_ She spat the words out venomously.

“You are not a monster Nyssa.” Sara cut in.

“ _I am_ the devil’s daughter.”

“That’s why you gave up Lourdes, you wanted to protect her from you.” Sara realised.

“I could have killed her in my rage. She needs protecting from _me._ ” Nyssa confessed.

“I refuse to believe that. You cannot believe that.” Sara said moving the brunettes chin towards her.

“If you don’t remember it, then how do you know it was you?”

Nyssa’s chin wobbled as her tears streamed down her face.

“Nyssa, you are inherently good. I know you have done terrible things in the past, and wretched things have happened to you; and in spite of the way your father raised you…” she admitted staring deep into Nyssa’s dark brown orbs.

“…you are not a monster. You are _good._ ”

Nyssa turned away from her once more unable to take the weight of her words.

“And what if I am a monster and you just can’t see it?” She asked dejected, her face still turned away from Sara.

“ _Please don’t do this to yourself Habibti_ ,” Sara whispered in the brunette’s mother tongue, calling her the sacred shared between them in their past time as lovers.

Sara wrapped herself around Nyssa’s back, who lent forward on the kitchen sink with her head down. She rested her head on the brunette’s shoulder and kissed her, telling her with more than just words that she loved her beyond all else.

Nyssa’s voice broke the silence that had settled around them.

"There's a question you’ve never asked me. Not once. One question, that I think if we’re both honest, you couldn't bring yourself to know the answer to."

"What?" Sara asked unsure.

"The first time I killed someone, the first time I robbed someone of life...” she said with resentment in her voice.

“Nyssa…” Sara said not wanting to see Nyssa continue to beat herself up about things she couldn’t control.

“You said you could handle it.” Her eyes were filled with despair.

Sara said nothing. Her heart cried out for the woman she loved.

“You would run, if you could truly see me.”

“I _do_ see you! I see all of you, I always have and I _still_ chose you,” Sara pleaded frustrated.

“Well you’re choosing wrong.” Nyssa sighed.

“I choose the woman who rescued a poor dying girl and nursed her back to health, with nothing but care and gentleness, when all she had been taught was maliciousness. I choose the woman who protected my sister when I wasn’t there for her. I choose you Nyssa, every time.” At some point Sara started to cry too.

She brought Nyssa impossibly closer to her. She turned her around and brought her lips to her own.  This kiss was the opposite of the first. The one that had lacked passion. This one was all sparks and fire. Clashing teeth and soft lips fighting for dominance. Hot tongues exploring an insatiable desire of more. Getting more heated by the second, stealing all the air in their lungs.

They rested their foreheads together when they came up for air. Breathing heavily. The taste of sadness lingering in their mouths.

Nyssa’s arms encircled her as she buried her face in her neck.

“I was 5 when I accompanied my father on my first mission…” she whispered into the blonde’s neck.

“…I watched him murder people like it was nothing. They were nothing to him. They weren’t people who had families, people that meant something to someone. They were just practice for when it was my turn…” With each word Sara held onto the olive-skinned woman tighter, fearing she would slip away from her.

“…I was 9 when I killed a boy 3 years my senior. His name was Zhyar. He was my friend.” Her voice was exhausted with emotion.

“Your father forced you into that life, you didn’t know better.” Sara interrupted.

“Didn’t I? I was the one that volunteered, always so eager to impress my father.” She said pulling back a fraction to peer into the blonde’s baby blue eyes.

“You didn’t know any different.” Sara insisted.

“I stabbed him 30 times...30 times before they pulled me off him... covered in his blood head to toe. Even after I’d washed 100 times I could still see his blood on my hands.”

Sara cried for her love. Shamelessly sobbed at the thought of a young bright-eyed Nyssa, her innocence robbed from her.

“Sshh…” Nyssa whispered running a comforting hand up and down her back.

It angered her that it was Nyssa consoling her, when it was surely Nyssa who needed comforting.

Everything was one huge mess and there was so much, Sara realised, Nyssa had been holding in.

“So now you know. I've carried every sunken lifeless pair of eyes, every death with me.” She spoke once her sobs subsided.

“When we were together somehow I could carry it all, somehow you made it easier. But as the years have gone by, every death has gotten heavier… And when I realised what I must have done in Nanda Parbat, it broke me.”

Nyssa had returned to Sara a faint echo of the woman she had once been. Sara knew the years had been hard, but the truth of it made her ashamed, ashamed she had allowed Nyssa to suffer alone.

“So, when I get that look in my eyes, like I’m not really here, I don’t go _away_ , I’m right here, trapped. Everything is red, my skin is covered in blood and the stench of it suffocates me… and there’s nothing I can do because _I_ caused it.”

Sara was stunned into silence, she no longer had the right words to make it go away. She couldn’t fix the turmoil that terrorised Nyssa and that hurt more than anything.

“I see your remorse in your eyes, I feel your suffering in your skin. It breaks my heart to hear you in such pain and misery. It makes me feel hopeless, because I can’t change what happened to you, I can’t take away your pain.” Sara replied after a moment.

Nyssa had laid out her dirty, ugly, truth; and Sara _still_ wouldn’t turn away from her.

“You pity me?” Nyssa asked confused.

“No. I empathise with you.”

“If I could, I’d take away all the sadness that has filled your veins. I would carry your pain instead. I’d replace it with the happiness that flows through mine every single time I’m with you. I’d let you bleed me dry, because that’s how much you deserve happiness.” The tears began to fall again.

Nyssa knew she would never love anyone more than Sara, the woman who turned even the saddest of moments into the most beautiful ones.

It was Nyssa’s turn to close the distance between them and capture Sara with her lips. Sara thought of how different every kiss had been, of how even this one had its own meaning. The slow movements of their mouths that let them breathe yet kept them together was healing. With every brush of their lips Sara revealed to her she understood, that it was ok, that maybe she wasn’t so awful after all.

They pulled apart again with almost shy smiles, and wet cheeks.

“I love you,” Nyssa breathed out.

Sara gave her the most luminous smile in response.

“You're not the only one who has done unspeakable things Nyssa, but I know that you have a good heart. I’m proud of you, you’ve been to hell and back, and come out the other side. You never lost your heart, you’ve managed to love. To really _love._ Me, Suhad, Lourdes. Unconditionally, with more tenderness than anyone I’ve ever known.”

Nyssa took in her words. She shouldn’t have been surprised that Sara would understand, would find the light in her darkness. Yet, she was surprised, and with every second it reinforced the depth of love she had for the blonde.

 “So, what now?” Nyssa asked after minutes of silence digesting the weight of the secrets revealed.

“Forgiveness… or you’ll never find peace.”

“How?” she asked sounding so meek.

“You dedicate yourself to your future. We can’t change the past, we can only learn from it. I see how desperate you are to let that pain go. End your suffering and take something for yourself.”

And so she did.

Nyssa leaned in to passionately kiss the love of her life and take the love she deserved.

“I love you Nyssa,” Sara breathed somewhere between kisses.

“I love you too, beloved,” Nyssa whispered into her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for the comments! Let me know what you thought of this one, and if you've listened to the song...  
> someone should make a Nyssara vid to it :O


	34. Eros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First you must lay yourself bare and share with me everything you are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the last couple chapters have been super long! Sometimes I get carried away :)  
> Thank you as always for the encouraging comments. Always happy to hear your comments.

**Eros**

An almost immediate change occurred within Nyssa, the days that followed would see the light return to her eyes. A calm that was previously not there, even when she had been in the league. She was becoming more than Sara had ever known or expected. The dark-haired woman was gradually moving past her demons, forgiving herself and releasing the dark cloud that followed her around for years. It was as if she shed the load that weighed her down and could finally move again, breathe again.

Nyssa’s breakdown was the beginning of something new for them. With each day, she opened herself up more and more. While it wasn’t what they used to be, it was blossoming into something even more beautiful. Rediscovering each other was an entirely new and exciting adventure. Sara found that the dark-haired woman had a new kind of wisdom and an entirely different perspective on life. If Sara was previously completely enraptured by Nyssa’s aura, the woman she was now was magnetic.

Some days later, Sara somehow managed to wake up before Nyssa. On almost all occasions Nyssa was already awake before her, for a run or some training. They’d fallen asleep in the living room after watching a marathon of Housewives, to catch Nyssa up on Lourdes favourite programme.

Sara untangled the dark-hair from her lover’s face which was previously hidden in the crook between her neck and chest.

She took the time watch Nyssa sleep. Her face much younger in her sleep with no frown written across her features. Her olive skin glowed under the early morning light and her beautiful freckles that lightly littered her face were more visible. Sara could tell she was deep in sleep by the steady long breaths she released, the way her mouth remained slightly open and her eyes remained still.

Sara had never been a morning person but to finally, once again, wake up next to the woman who her heart beat for, changed her very perspective on early mornings.

Sara noticed goose bumps appear across Nyssa’s arms. Sara was a known blanket thief but not once had Nyssa complained. She adjusted slightly, careful not wake her sleeping girlfriend, and shared the blanket between them.

She lost track of time as she laid her head beside Nyssa and studied her face in awe of its beauty. She wondered to herself how she’d ever managed to look at someone else when she had been with the most beautiful person in the world.

She couldn’t help herself when she lightly traced her fingers from Nyssa’s jaw across to her lips. She’d dreamt about this for so long, she needed to feel her, explore every part of her, to really make sure the brunette was there with her.

“This is the ‘someday’ we always talked about.” The blonde whispered into the air.

She appreciated the moment as maybe one of the happiest in her life.

The waves at sea were calm, the sun was rising in all its beautifully light hues and the love of her life was at peace. This was serenity, this was love.

Sara remembered the book of poetry Suhad had gifted her, which she meant to read to Nyssa the previous night but had forgotten.

She reached over the sleeping brunette to retrieve the book, ‘ _My Last Words For You, My Love.’_

She flicked through to the poem she was obsessed with, ‘ _Through My Eyes.’_

A poem written by Suhad she noticed, and she couldn’t help the sadness that washed over as she thought of the kind woman. A spirit much like her sister, who loved so deeply but never found another soul to match.  She began to read it quietly to the sleeping brunette.

‘I _wish the world could see you through my eyes. The way your eyes illuminate so intensely when you go on and on about languages and literature. You’re always surprised by how intrigued I am by all the theories and interpretations you have about books I could care less about, but I am not interested in the authors history or the evolution of language, I am into the way your passion inspires me and the way you are engulfed by all the words coming out of your mouth, you don’t even seem to realize what it does to me._

_I wish the world could see you through my eyes. The way you hide how enormous your heart truly is. You love so hard, you love so deep. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you strong, and you think there are so many skeletons hanging in your closet but I wish you knew how many of my demons you’ve extinguished - you should be very proud of that._

_If the sun could fall in love, you would be the first person it would choose to shine on. I think the moon would leave the sun and sacrifice it’s nights for you.’_

 Sara hadn’t noticed Nyssa wake up but, she thanked all the god’s when Nyssa smiled up at her.

“You’re so beautiful in the morning,” Sara said stroking her girlfriend’s face tenderly.

“And you’re beautiful always beloved.” she responded reaching up for a kiss.

As she looked back to Nyssa, the dark-haired woman was regarding her with a look Sara couldn’t quite place. Sara remembered that same look from many, many years ago. She recognised it as the same look of painful longing her former lover had given her as she pleaded for Sara to return to the league.

“What?” Sara questioned as Nyssa brushed the hair away from her face so tenderly.

“Nothing, I just can’t believe this is real,” She admitted openly, voice strained from longing.

“I’m right here,” Sara reassured her pulling the brunette impossibly closer by the waist.

Nyssa was examining her eyes so intensely, for a moment Sara feared she was being triggered into her flashbacks.

A small sad smile pulled at Nyssa’s lips before she responded.

“There wasn’t a single day that went by when I didn’t think about you… It was torture at times…” The brunette began to admit.

“Nyssa, I’m _never_ going to leave you again.” Sara replied bringing her hand to her former lover’s cheek.

“I know, and I don’t blame you for going, either times.” she explained before Sara interrupted once again.

“I shouldn’t have gone without you.” Sara expressed sadly.

“I’m not saying this to hurt you…I just need you to know, I never stopped loving you, even when we were apart.” She said passionately.

As they searched deeply into each other’s eyes, Sara heart ached at the vulnerability in the taller woman’s expression.

Whilst Nyssa had once been hard to read, once guarded, even to Sara at times; now she stood an open book, bare for Sara to see.  

“You’re getting sentimental in your old age.” Sara joked lightly.

“What’s bought all this on?” Sara inquired at Nyssa’s random openness.

 “I’ve been thinking a lot about my life now…with you and Lourdes. Honestly, I didn’t believe that I could do _this_ ,” She said pointing to the space around them.

“I am overwhelmed... because in the mornings, I wake up and my heart is no longer filled with hate. I no longer ache with loneliness.” The smile upon Nyssa’s face was so true and expressed genuine happiness, it was hard to believe this was the same broken woman from barely two months ago.

Sara was caught off guard by her own emotions and a lone tear escaped her eye. She realised how truly lucky she was, to be loved by someone so magnificent and loved so enormously. It astounded her and as she reached for the brunette’s hand, the words that came out of her mouth next were straight from her heart.

“I took your love for granted Nys-”

Nyssa opened her mouth to object but was silenced by Sara brushing her thumb over her lips.

Genuinely curious as to where the blonde was going, she kept quiet and allowed her to continue.

“No one has ever loved me so ferociously, so irrevocably…and I abused the privilege that it was to love you. I wish I could have given you or even shown you a fraction of the sacrifices you have made for me. You put yourself on the line over and over, and you loved me for _me_. You loved the darkness and the light in me all at once. I am a better person because of you…”

Sara couldn’t explain what brought about this urgent need to lay out her emotions in front of Nyssa. As scary as it was to open herself up, the butterflies in her stomach stirred even more; not in fear but in exhilaration. That’s what it is to love. 

So, she didn’t care when more tears formed in her eyes. 

“…and I’m sorry for breaking your heart when I was supposed to be the one that kept it safe.” For a long time, Sara carried this guilt in her heart.

Nyssa smiled as she shook her head.

“I never saw it that way, there’s nothing to forgive beloved.”

Of course, Nyssa didn’t see it that way, towards Sara she was unyieldingly understanding; to a fault some would say.

“I know but I had to say it.” She replied unshed tears still in her eyes. The two took a moment to truly think about the past and saw how far they had come.

“I was an idiot to walk away from you,” Sara admitted more to herself than the dark-haired woman.

“And I was an idiot to let you.” Nyssa responded to comfort the blonde.

“In finding you, I found myself again too. You don’t ever need to apologize for the past.” Nyssa added wiping away Sara’s finally shed tears.

"My God, how I missed you… I missed you to the point where I _settled_ for other people I hoped would take your place. They never did.”

“They better not because you’re stuck with me Miss Lance.” The brunette said playfully.

The two women giggled as Sara planted kisses all over the brunette’s face. The kisses continued along Nyssa’s neck with a different purpose to them this time. Her lips slower and more meaningful moving to her pulse point. She felt the older woman’s breath hitch when she couldn’t help but put her teeth to the sensitive flesh. Her tongue followed suit over the area which elicited a reaction she did not expect.

The brunette pulled her head away slightly to reveal a guilty look on her face.

“Nyssa what’s wrong?” The blonde asked alarmed.

Nyssa stroked Sara’s hair out of her face before smiling sadly.

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now… it’s just-” the brunette struggled to find her words.

“You can tell me,” Sara prompted.

“I haven’t heard from her.” Sara didn’t need clarification to know who the ‘her’ that was being referred to was. Nyssa’s eyes were on the book from Suhad which lay discarded between them.

Nyssa’s pain was written so plainly across her face Sara couldn’t be angry at the sudden disruption.

There had been little mention of the dark-skinned woman since her departure. Sara wasn’t sure what to say, not sure of the brunette’s feelings towards the subject. Nyssa never mentioned Suhad during their time together initially. Nyssa mentioned other women as nothing but flings yet she never even uttered the name Suhad.

“Maybe it’s too painful for her.” Sara suggested taking Nyssa’s hand in her own.

She needed her to know that there was no jealousy or ill feelings when it came to the subject of Suhad.

“But to not even let us know she’s safe or even to call in on Lourdes?” Nyssa questioned, obviously hurt.

“She loves you but she can’t have you in the way she wants. I know if it was the other way around, I would need time... it’s never easy walking away from you,” Sara recollected the past where she’d torn herself away from the brunette.

The women shared a look as Nyssa kissed their joined hands to comfort the blonde. Nyssa had long forgiven her beloved for leaving.

“It’s something about those beautiful big brown eyes… you’re very difficult to disappoint.” Sara added honestly.

The brunette smiled sadly before sighing deeply.

“You don’t know her like I do. Even at our lowest points, at points when I was sure she hated me… she would always call.” Nyssa explained, a faraway look in her eyes.

Sara’s next question came with a lot of uncertainty because she was not sure how the brunette would react, or worse how she would feel about the answer.

“Why did you never tell me about her?” Nyssa was bought out of her reverie with the direct question. It was not accusatory but Sara was genuinely curious about the close relationship between the two.

“I was ashamed.” She stated simply, her eyes evading Sara’s in embarrassment.

“I broke the heart of the first person I ever truly loved with every fibre of my being. I ripped her apart because I believed love was weakness…” She laughed humourlessly.

“I was ashamed that I could so callously disregard the feelings of the only person, at that point, to ever devote themselves to me with no evil intent or ulterior motive.”

“I know that feeling all too well,” Sara empathised. She watched as Nyssa struggled to say more.

“Can I tell you about her now?” The brunette asked unsure.

The smile on Sara’s face encouraged her to continue.

“I was 18 when my father sent me to train the grand princess of Queen Nefertiti. I was developed in every way, I could speak 5 languages already, I’d read thousands of books; had been duelling with men twice my size and age for years… but _nothing_ could have prepared me for her _._ ” She spoke drawing mindless patterns on Sara’s skin.

Where Sara thought she might have been jealous at Nyssa talking about her former lover, she was more curious to understand their relationship because surely that relationship created the woman she had fallen in love with.

“I was never interested in boys growing up, and the alternative…I didn’t know it was a possibility.” She explained laughing as she said the last statement.

“You’ve always seemed so sure of yourself.” Sara said unable to imagine Nyssa this way.

“I was certain in who I was. Men were easy to read and manipulate, I had seen Talia do it dozens of times. My only focus was becoming the next Ra’s al ghul, so love never came into my mind. I’d never seen it, never felt it…” she answered smile leaving her face.

“…but she knew straight away, and I couldn’t recognise what it was I was feeling.”

“What was it you were feeling?” Sara wondered.

Nyssa continued on, with a sadness Sara couldn’t quite understand.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about her, everything she did mesmerised me. Even then I didn’t know what I was feeling… I found myself writing poetry, singing love songs and everything that was once solidly important began to seem… less so.”

“You loved her.” Sara’s heart ached and she couldn’t understand why.

“It took a long time for me to realise that, and even when I did, it took even longer for me to know _how_ to love.” She admitted.

Sara thought about Nyssa’s upbringing. A harsh environment without a mother’s love, void of gentle love from her father or sister. She knew so much, yet no amount of facts and languages one knows could ever teach love.

After a moment’s contemplation Sara spoke, “she taught you how to love.”

Sara would not express this but she knew she had the dark-skinned Princess to thank for the way Nyssa loved her.

The older woman nodded searching Sara’s eyes once more.

“She gave me the love I never knew I needed. Even though it was a romantic relationship, the love I felt for her was beyond that of a girlfriend. She was my first true love. All in one, she filled the emptiness left in me as the mother I never had, the sister that was always there and my closest confidant that I trusted with my life.”

With that explanation clarity was finally shed on their relationship. The sadness surrounding the two souls was not for romantic heartbreak, but two souls whose heart’s ached for each other’s as Sara’s now ached for Laurel.

“That’s why you ended it,” Sara answered her own question.

“Among a myriad of other things… I could not love her in the way she wanted or deserved. I ended it when things were good because I would not have survived losing a love like that. Eros is not the only love a person needs.” She answered. Tears had fallen from her eyes and Sara’s heart ached with her lover. 

“I’ve never known a person so completely selfless.” The brunette added as Sara wiped away the escaped tears.

"She thinks you pushed her away because you chose your father.” Sara informed her.

“At the time that’s what I thought. I was scared. I still didn’t understand love… I didn’t understand the truth until I met you.” The brunette was staring back at the blonde with such intensity her heart soared. It was an inferno that threatened to consume her whole.

“Your souls were meant to meet. They’re sisters even, you’ll hear from her.” Sara reassured her.

“From the tip of my fingers to depths of my beating heart - I am yours. From the way I laugh at your jokes and the way you make me see red - I am yours. From my collection of scars to my fear of being consumed by the way I feel about you - I am yours. From the crevices of my heart with its jagged edges to the monsters and demons in my crowded closet - I am still yours. " Nyssa whispered into her hair as they embraced.

“Is that one in the book?” Sara asked unable to recall coming across a poem so sweet.

“No, it’s for you... I love you Sara Lance.” The brunette admitted taking Sara’s face in her hands.

“Tell me you love me again,” she whispered.

“I love you,” she said gently pulling back to look at the blonde.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you say that.”

“I love you.” Nyssa whispered again with the brightest smile on her face. Warm brown eyes boring into baby blues.

It moved something in Sara, not her heart, but it was a feeling she never had. To have someone who saw more than just her eyes and pale skin, to have someone who saw directly into her soul. Those three words, ‘I love you,’ repeatedly telling her how much she meant and how worthy she was of their love.

She was born to love Nyssa. She was her great love. Sara knew she was terrified of its power and its ability to give so much and take even more, but everything was worth it to get to this point. Sara kissed that fear away, Sara kissed her own fear away; and refused to let something as important as those three short words slip by.

“I love you too. I love you so much it terrifies me…God, I love you.”

Something about this moment was profound. Sara and Nyssa had been pushing and pulling for so long, trying to make it fit but it was in this moment they truly realised the depth of their love. There could never be another. Nyssa was hers, and she was Nyssa’s, always.

Their lips met hurriedly in the middle. Fire and passion fuelling hands and intertwining legs. Before both women lost all touch on reality Nyssa dragged them both up and pulled Sara towards her bedroom, lips never parting.

They only stopped briefly when Sara stopped to ask, “Are you sure?”

Sara knew the value Nyssa placed on physical intimacy and didn’t want to rush her.

Her response came in the form of a hot wet tongue tracing a sizzling trail down her neck. Nyssa’s hands exploring every part of available skin. The sensation it gave Sara elicited a moan that came from her very soul.

Neither of them realised how much they had missed each other in this form. Panting breathily, beads of sweat forming and insatiable hunger behind their eyes.

Sara pulled the brunette impossibly closer needing more skin on skin contact. Their lips found each other again. Their tongues battled for dominance as Nyssa sucked the tip of Sara’s tongue into her own mouth. Another louder moan erupted from her core.

A thigh found its way between the brunette’s leg and Sara impatiently tugged at Nyssa’s blouse. Their lips parted as Nyssa’s own cries of pleasure escaped in surprise. Sara smirked into the skin at the nape of Nyssa’s neck. In retaliation she pushed Sara into the adjacent hallway wall in response, rough but in the gentle way she always had about her when handling Sara.

Sara had craved this competitive dance between the two of them. A competition to draw out the most pleasure from the other. Sara ever impatient ripped apart Nyssa’s blouse, all they could hear were their own heavy breaths and hearts pumping hard in their ears.

They missed the buttons of the brunette’s blouse falling to the floor. They missed the unlocking of the front door, even as they stood at the wall of the doorway.

Sara took Nyssa’s temporary engagement with pulling off her destroyed blouse to lick the sensitive area beneath her ear.

The words that fell out of Nyssa’s mouth were already out before she realised she said them.

“Marry me?”

The two immediately froze all movements.

“What?” Sara asked unsure she heard the brunette correctly, even though she was simultaneously completely sure she had heard her correctly.

Before the older woman could repeat the question, another voice spoke.

“I think you’ll find even The League of Shadows deems polygamy illegal…

… _wife_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun Dun… Who do you think it is?? Let me know what you think is going to happen.  
> I know it has been a lot of fluff the last few chapters but now the action starts and everything is going to start to come together.


	35. Oliver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver comes for his daughter, but why now?

Nyssa and Sara stood stunned at the surprise arrival.

“Oliver?” Nyssa gasped.

It was as if cold water was poured over them and they were suddenly aware of the precarious position they stood in. Oliver stood at the doorway with a wave of conflicting emotions washing over him.

“You would think I’d be used to people coming back from the dead by now.” Sara shot him a dangerous look as Saracon came into view standing awkwardly behind him looking everywhere but the two semi naked women.

As he went to speak again, his phone rang. He looked at the caller before cancelling the call and stepping further into the doorway. His appearance was somewhat dishevelled and his face shifting between sadness and anger.

“What are you doing here?” Sara asked unsure what was to transpire with Oliver and Saracon’s sudden appearance. Sara knew this could only be about one thing; Lourdes.

There was silence as Oliver looked towards Saracon, who was avoiding the gaze of his sister.

"What am I doing here? Are you serious?" Oliver answered scowling at her.

It was only now the women realised his anger was directed towards them. He was once more interrupted by the ringing of the phone in his hand.  

“Perhaps we could talk about this when you are in a better state of dress sister.” Saracon spoke up from behind Oliver.

They quickly parted in search of their formally discarded clothing items as Saracon hurriedly ushered Oliver away. Oliver passed the couple and shot Nyssa a look of pure contempt, which wasn’t uncommon in their early relationship but Sara had been under the impression they had evolved into a friendship. Yet, his face clearly revealed he was angry.

Sara and Nyssa looked at each other for the first time since Oliver’s appearance. There were a million and one things rushing through both their minds as they dressed.

Nyssa couldn’t help the fear that began seeping through her skin. Oliver had known about his daughter’s existence for years, why would he come now?

This couldn’t be good.

“Did you mean it?” Sara asked breaking the silence that had fallen around them.

“What?” Nyssa responded, her mind in overdrive.

“You asked me to marry you.” Sara reminded the brunette of mere minutes ago, when she was on the edge of bliss.

“I…” the brunette hesitated, unsure of how to properly answer.

"We can discuss it another time, I promise. We need to know what Oliver is doing here. " Nyssa's mind had clearly moved on. The blonde was disappointed but there was no time to discuss it. Before they moved for the living room, Nyssa reassured her with a tender kiss to her cheek.

When the two women entered the living room an uncomfortable atmosphere began to build. Sara assessed each person in the room and noticed the red rings around Oliver's eyes. He had been crying. Yet, his eyes were ablaze with fury; a fury she had only ever seen before back during their time on the island.

Nyssa must have noticed his hostility too as she sat beside him. Sara watched curiously noticing the change in dynamic between the two. Oliver's eyes washed over Nyssa, relief softening the anger beneath his eyes. It was strange to remember that whenever Sara had seen the two together last, there was evident distain between them. The blonde hadn’t been around the see the journey to the understanding and respect they now held for each other.

Once the blonde sat opposite the pair Oliver sent her a weary smile. He sighed to compose himself. The anger he had held moments ago almost washing away.

"I’m glad you’re alive." Oliver spoke out reaching over tentatively to bring the brunette into an embrace.

"I wasn’t sure you would be considering the way I left things," Nyssa spoke with sadness etched in her voice.

Sara continued to feel somewhat uncomfortable as she witnessed the easiness which the former enemies turned married couple communicated. It was as if she was in an alternate reality.

“I forgave you long ago… but not everything is easily so.” There was a trace of accusation in his words. He sighed loudly again. He was exhausted that much was clear.

"Seems all your ex's have a habit of coming back from the dead," said Sara. Despite her attempt at control, jealousy seeped into her voice.

"Not all of them," He answered sending her an apologetic look as the atmosphere became tense. The reminder of Laurels death bringing them all to a dark place.  

"What are you doing here Oli?" Sara asked changing the subject.

He took a shaky breath and struggled to compose himself as he pulled out an opened thick envelope and laid it on the table beside his mobile.

"I've come for my daughter." His eyes began to water and his voice wavered.

The two women shared a look of concern. For the first time in a while they could not distinguish what the other was thinking. Sara couldn't help the jealousy she felt toward Oliver, for he had been with Nyssa when she had not, they shared a bond she would never understand, with him being Lourdes' father. It was irrational yet explained the anger she had towards him even as her heart broke seeing him so vulnerable.

Nyssa's mind was racing however, the possible dangerous implications of Oliver’s involvement in their lives. Like her former lifestyle, Oliver’s lifestyle bought a slew of never ending enemies to the doorstep. She feared her currently ‘not dead’ status could be discovered by others. Furthermore, she feared for Lourdes and what this would mean for her. Nyssa had been saddened in Oliver's choice to stay out of his daughters' life but ultimately was relieved. Oliver’s list of enemies rivalled her own. The blue-eyed vigilante’s sudden appearance alarmed her. His appearance could only mean trouble.

"Why now?" Nyssa enquired.  

"You’ve had six years." Sara accused.

"I didn't know she existed until now... did you really believe I chose to be a deadbeat dad, to lose out on my child’s life _again_?" He spat out sharply. His jaw clenched repeatedly, his anger building once more.

"Talia said..." Nyssa began as Saracon finally spoke up from his somewhat hidden position behind Sara.

“This was not Talia’s doing.”

The two women stared at each other confused.

“Last night I received a call telling me to go _find_ my daughter… a call from a woman named Suhad, I believe she is a friend of yours.” Oliver explained looking to Nyssa.

“Yes, she _is._ ” Nyssa spat out, anger building in her eyes. Sara could read the panic in her lover’s impossibly dark brown eyes. Suhad had left and not reached out to them, which had left Nyssa heartbroken, more so than the dark-haired assassin would admit to.

“Right. So, you can imagine my shock in learning that not only were you alive but that we also have a daughter.” Oliver spat out accusingly at the brunette woman beside him.

“She had no right to tell you I was here, and you brother, bringing him here without so much as a warning.” Nyssa lashed out at the two men.

“Let me explain.” Saracon spoke up. His eyes were pleading with his sister. Despite the sharp features he shared with Nyssa, it was almost eerie how much he reminded Sara of Tommy.

“Our dear friend Suhad contacted me mere minutes before Mr Queen. She said she didn’t have time to explain but I had to tell Oliver everything. She was panicked. I’ve gotten to know her pretty well over the past few years and I’ve never heard her sound frightened.” He explained willing his sister to understand.

The two women were alarmed at the information. Neither spoke as he continued.

“l told Oliver and my sister- my _other_ sister, the truth. I was just as surprised to find out he knew nothing about Lourdes.”

Oliver’s phone began vibrating on the table distracting them momentarily. He declined the call as he turned back to face the brunette beside him. Sara could see Nyssa was working overtime to figure out what had happened.

“I sent you a letter. I sent Talia to meet with you and you never showed.” Nyssa explained. 

“I know now. But until today I never received your letter or these.” Oliver spoke emptying the envelope on the table. It contained pictures of Lourdes and an opened letter. Sara deduced these as the pictures Nyssa sent him of his daughter over the years.

“You said it wasn’t Talia, then who had them?” Sara questioned.

“Someone much closer to home I’m afraid.” Saracon answered.

“Suhad?” Nyssa’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“No. It was Felicity.” Oliver strained just as his phone began vibrating again revealing Felicity on the caller ID. The two women were stunned to say the least.  

“She- wouldn’t. She, she – couldn’t.” Sara spluttered out searching his eyes for truth.

“But she did.” He spoke with a chilling tone to his voice.

This betrayal by the woman closest to him had to hurt. It didn’t at all fit with the person they all knew Felicity to be.

“Regardless, surely I deserved better than a measly letter.” He accused throwing the letter towards Nyssa.

“You don’t know what she went throu – ” Sara began.

“Let her speak for herself.” He interrupted, voice stern never taking his eyes off the brunette.

This triggered the blonde. She went to scold him but the look Nyssa was giving Oliver made her halt. They were not glazed over in fear as she had seen earlier; instead, they were filled with guilt.

“It was your responsibility to tell me in person…especially after everything.” He continued.

Sara sat confused at his suggestion. It seemed there was more to the brunette’s relationship with her ex-husband than she had been told. Oliver’s eyes were wide in anger. He continued to stare at the brunette, who’s eyes now held Sara’s.

“What’s he talking about?” Sara questioned.

“I did tell you. This was Felicity, not me.” Nyssa said coldly turning back to Oliver.

“You should have told me in person!” Oliver snapped, his voice raised.

“Nyssa what’s he talking about?” Sara asked again as the two continued to ignore her too engaged in their argument.

“It wasn’t safe.” The olive-skinned woman spat back.

“If I’d said yes, would you have had Talia drop her off too?” The brunette was shaking her head before he had even finished the sentence.

“I wouldn’t do that.” She said through gritted teeth.

“You’re lying, you wanted to punish me so you sent me a letter instead.”

“It’s nothing less than you deserved!” Nyssa shouted back at him.

“Nyssa.” Sara growled trying once more to interrupt the shouting match that had ensued.

“I was desperate when I said those things Nyssa. I never meant any of it.” He said exasperated.

Sara gave up trying to catch her girlfriend’s attention. She was hurt that the brunette hadn’t told her everything.

“Yes you did! If not, that means you wanted to manipulate me into staying.” Her eyes were wide with rage. His nostrils flared as he stared down the brunette.

“And what would have been so bad about that?” He asked voice breaking. The brunette was lost for words as tears formed in his eyes.

“Why couldn’t you have stayed?” He asked quietly. He sounded so small even Sara no longer displayed her anger.

Silence fell over all of them.

Sara examined her girlfriend. For the first time in a long time she looked like the broken woman who had returned to her. Her eyes were glazed over in terror and Sara knew she was stuck in her mind. As much as the younger woman was hurt and angry that Nyssa had kept something from her, she wouldn’t ever let her suffer alone. She moved to the other side of Nyssa. She uncurled the olive-skinned woman’s hand out of the fist it had formed and slipped in her own fingers between. Nyssa leaned into her ever so slightly.

Oliver’s phone vibrated once more with Felicity’s face popping up on his screen.

“I’m sorry Oliver.” Nyssa spoke softly reaching out for his hand with her free one.

“So am I.”

Whether he was sorry about the past or now was unclear. He sounded resigned and the women truly realised the weight of his troubles. He once again lost out on the opportunity to see his child growing up. His wife betrayed him and now he feared he would lose his daughter when he’d only just found her.

His furrowed brow softened as he watched Nyssa spread out the images of Lourdes he had placed on the table in front of them. Despite the situation none of them could resist smiling down at the images before them.

“She’s _beautiful_...our daughter, she’s beautiful.” Oliver said as a tear escaped.

“Yes, she is, inside and out.” Nyssa answered reaching behind to pull out the photo album Suhad gifted Sara when she left.


	36. Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when the dead rise with vengeance in their cold hearts?

**Warning**

Oliver left the house for fresh air by suggestion of Saracon. This left Nyssa and Sara alone with the older Raatko sibling. The atmosphere was sombre as they discussed the events that had just transpired.

“Suhad didn’t give me an exact reason as to why I needed to tell Oliver, but she truly believed you were in danger.” The dark-haired man explained in his thick accent.

 “In danger from who? How are we supposed to deal with this threat if she didn’t give us anything to go on?” Sara asked from her position on the sofa.

Nyssa had been pacing about the room since their old friend left. Her mind was racing and she was getting more agitated by the minute.

“Why didn’t she contact me directly?” The former assassin mumbled to herself.

“Probably to prevent anyone tracing your location.” Sara reasoned.

“Maybe I can track the phone she used and try contacting her.” Saracon left the room before either woman could suggest anything else.

Neither woman spoke for a while. There was a tenseness between them since Oliver’s appearance.

“You’re going to wear a hole the ground,” Sara said to get Nyssa to stop pacing.

“Apologies, I feel like it is all about to disintegrate. Everything that I feared would happen. I have no idea what to do.”

The brunette returned to her seat next to Sara. Sara stared into the familiar brown orbs and saw the pain and panic in them.

“We’ll figure it out.”

The women had still yet to talk about the heated argument Nyssa and Oliver had gotten into.

“What happened with you and Oli?” The blonde cursed herself for the jealousy which seeped into her voice.

“A little more than I led you to believe.” Nyssa replied avoiding Sara’s eyes.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me.” She barely managed to say.

While Sara could not imagine the two former foes in a relationship, their argument suggested otherwise. Sara was for the first time in a long time feeling insecure. She had no idea about the dynamics that existed between her current lover and former boyfriend.

“It’s not what you think.” Nyssa grinned sadly at her. It was obvious Sara’s thoughts were written across her face.

“It wasn’t romantic at all. Somehow, we formed a sort of friendship. I’d lost my father, the league and…Laurel. We were both so lost and we became a support system for each other.” Nyssa explained.

“You already told me this,” the blonde interjected.

“Yes, but I didn’t tell you the way in which we departed. We got in an argument much like the one earlier on. I found out he had withheld information about my mother. As former Demon’s head he became privy to what happened to my mother and kept it from me.” She explained.

“The stuff about her being a member of The Hidden?” Sara asked.

“No, he kept me from finding out that she didn’t die during childbirth as I had been led to believe my entire life. She left me with my Father and never looked back. I’ll never understand her decision, no matter how my brother explains it… I barely survived away from Lourdes and the only reason I stayed away was to keep her safe.”

Nyssa barely ever talked about her mother. She never expressed her feelings towards how she felt towards her. For as long as the blonde had known Nyssa, it was a topic she never understood how to broach. Sara knew the unyielding and irrevocable love of her mother for the entirety of her existence, she could not imagine a life without it.

“He was probably trying to protect you in stupid ‘I know best’ Oli fashion,” Sara reasoned.

“I was not his to protect, and he does not always know best.” The brunette replied with a harsh undertone. Sara knew that was a jab at her but ignored it as she realised that even now, after all that had happened between all of them, Nyssa still felt insecure about the blonde’s feelings towards Oliver.

“So, you guys argued and you left?” Sara asked.

“He knew if I found out about my mother I would want to know more, and the only person who could provide that was my sister. This was the same time Talia reached out to me to resurge the league into the League of Shadows.”

“He didn’t want you to go.” Sara realised.

“Talia is all the family I had left. I was lost, no idea who I was. It was selfish of him to try and get me to stay.” It dawned on Sara how much Nyssa had lost and been through, and how much it impacted her.

“He must have cared about you a lot.” Sara responded softly.

“The night before I left, we both said some unforgivable things to each other… He accused me of being an unlovable sociopath who drove you away; and I called him an egotistical moron who not only disappointed Laurel in life but also in her death.”

Oliver had appeared back in the room during Nyssa’s explanation.

“I think you actually said, ‘ _egotistical maniac’_ if I remember correctly,” Oliver said with a playfulness in his tone.

“That was one of many insults traded that evening.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been as drunk as that night.” Oliver answered shaking his head.

“That ended up being the first and only time I got drunk.” Nyssa face contorted into a sour frown.

Suddenly the atmosphere went from playful to awkward. Sara could not understand the reason behind the uncomfortable pause until it dawned on her.

“That was the night you two…” She said realising too late.

The two squirmed uncomfortably, with Nyssa looking visibly sick. Sara almost wanted to laugh, even now it didn’t make much sense that the two ended up in bed together. The only thing that was comprehendible was that Nyssa fled the next morning.

“Yes…and the following morning was the most mortifying of my life.” Nyssa responded sparing a glance at Oliver.  

“And now we have a daughter.” Oliver was obviously still trying to wrap his head around the situation.

“And now we have a daughter.” Nyssa concluded.

“I would like to meet her.” Oliver stated after several moments of quiet contemplation.

The two women shared a nervous look. Nyssa feared for whatever danger was looming above them, she would hate for Lourdes to be introduced to her father only to be torn away from him. Sara could see this fear in her lover but continued to smile reassuringly at her.

“Ok.” Nyssa responded.

“My mom should be bringing her home from gymnastics soon.” Sara added.

Oliver’s phone rang once again before he cancelled the call.

“Why don’t you just hear her out Oli? Its Felicity, she wouldn’t ever betray you if she didn’t have a damn good reason.” Sara asked him.

“She’s lied to me every single day for years. She can wait to say her piece.” There was a coldness to his voice that meant he was serious. He was truly hurt.

Before Sara could continue Saracon rushed into the room looking panicked. His large brown eyes were wide. He held a tablet in his hand so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

“Brother?” Nyssa stood up immediately.

“You found Suhad?” Sara queried following steps behind Nyssa.

The older Raatko sibling pointed to the television screen behind them as he linked the tablet to the monitor.

“I was trying to trace the phone she used to call us earlier but instead I found this…”

Footage of Suhad sat in some seedy looking room began to play. Her face was swollen on one side and she had a deep bleeding gash above her eye. The women gasped as her face came in clearer onscreen.

“What is this?” Sara asked taking Nyssa’s hand. The brunette was shocked and with each second of footage playing her breathing became increasingly uneven.

“This is a recording from minutes after she called us. She switched to the video broadcast setting but blocked the location signal. Whatever this is she wanted us to find it.” Saracon explained.

The footage continued playing revealing her hiding the phone in some corner of the room. It looked like an abandoned building with scraps of metal and old office equipment in one corner.

“My love, I don’t know how long I have. I’ll hold out for as long as I can but…” Suhad’s voice was raspy and strained as if she had been strangled. The marks across her neck confirmed Sara’s suspicions.

As she spoke it was clear she was talking to Nyssa. She seemed delirious and spacey. There was a hopelessness in her voice that none of them had ever heard before.

“She’s being tortured.” Nyssa voice wavered with emotion. The brunette was hurting seeing someone she loved as family in this state. Her grip on Sara’s hand tightened.

“…not even with all the training you pushed me through – I don’t think – I can’t hold out.”

There were gunshots heard in the background which caused Suhad to cower into the corner furthest away from the camera. Next there was bustling in the background before the door adjacent to Suhad swung open revealing a man in a suit with a straw mask over his head.

“Who is that?” Sara asked aloud.

The man turned to check for Suhad. The way Suhad flinched when he looked at her had Nyssa starting towards the monitor.

“All this time I thought she left us, she was-” Nyssa couldn’t finish her sentence. She blamed herself and Sara knew Nyssa was lethal when it came to the people she loved.

The man left the room and Suhad scrambled back toward the camera. From the angle displayed it was visible she had lost a significant amount of weight and even across her dark skin there was bruising, burns and fresh scars littered across her body.

Nyssa could barely watch the screen as she too noticed what the blonde could see.

“ _I’m so sorry my love. They’ve found me, which means they are coming for you too…Run. Please Run_.” Suhad spoke in Arabic more resolutely than anything she had said before.

“ _Don’t come for me because I know you’ll want to but that’s what they want… and I need you to be saved_.” Suhad managed seemingly more lucid than before.

Sara thought ‘saved’ was a weird expression to use but thought nothing of it as she looked over to Nyssa. Nyssa was visibly pale watching her former lover in such a condition. Her jaw clenching and eyes wide and watery with forming tears.

Sara leaned in to comfort her but her attention was brought back to the screen as Suhad now addressed her.

 _“Little bird, you take them far away or so help me god, I will haunt you to the end of your days. She’ll want to act with her heart but make sure she uses her head, you know how she gets sometimes; all rage and fire…she’ll survive without me, but you, not so much, not agai-”_ Before she could finish her sentence there was more commotion in the background behind the door.

There was muffled screaming and gun shots. Sara’s blood ran cold as she turned away from the screen.

“ _My last words for you, my lov-”_ The screen footage cut out and scrambled voices and noise played back. After a few seconds of that, the screen went black.

Tears fell from Nyssa’s eyes as she stared at the black screen. There was eerie silence in the room while they processed the broadcast.

“What was that?” Oliver asked concerned.

“She told us to run, someone’s coming for us. She just sacrificed herself for us – that was her goodbye.” Sara said equally as distressed as the others in the room.

“Who is coming, what are you running from?” Oliver enquired.

“It could be anyone, she was hardly specific in her state.” Saracon answered.

Sara noticed Nyssa was still stood frozen watching the blank screen.

“We have to go save her.” She spoke after Sara brought her eyes to meet hers gently.

“You heard what she said, we’ve got to leave.” Saracon responded with panic evident in his voice.

“I can’t just leave her to be tortured, I owe her my life.” Nyssa was on the verge of fiery rage.

“You owe your daughter your life and it’s going to do no one any good if you go running off to god knows where guns blazing.” Her brother reasoned.

“And if it was you, in her place, would you have me leave you too?” The brunette challenged, frustration clear in her tone.

Silence rang as the Raatko siblings stared each other down.

“Who is coming?” Oliver asked frustrated.

A loud knocking at the front door brought a cold chill into all of them. They were frozen with fear for a moment. Nyssa and Sara moved simultaneously to retract their bow and arrows from hidden compartments around the room. Nyssa checked out the back windows and door before mouthing ‘clear’ to the others whilst Sara handed Oliver a weapon.

The knocking became louder and more insistent as they figured a plan.

“Let me check the monitors, it could be Lourdes.” Saracon whispered bringing up front door surveillance onto the monitor in the living room.

“On what earth does Lourdes ever knock before coming in?” Sara whispered back.

The surveillance then revealed the unexpected knocking to be from none other than team arrow, comprised of Diggle, Thea and Felicity.

“What are they doing here?” Sara asked an equally bewildered looking Oliver.

Before anyone could move to open the door, Diggle looked up at the cctv and pulled his phone up to the screen revealing a text message reading, ‘Ra’s Al Ghul.’


	37. No Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion which brings about more trouble.

**No Time**

Team arrow came in bearing shocking news for Nyssa, Sara and Oliver. They left only an hour after Oliver and Saracon to bring their discovery to them all.

The atmosphere was inescapably tense and each person was itching with anxiety.

After a few brief greetings and shock over Nyssa’s state of being alive Sara pushed for answers.

“What are you all doing here and what’s Ra’s got to do with it?” Sara asked taking the seat next to Nyssa.

“After Oli left, I got a message from the same number your friend contacted Oli on. I located the signal from Gotham and a vid-”

“The video of Suhad came up right?” Saracon interrupted. Felicity nodded as she connected her phone to the monitor.

“We have seen it already. I don’t think I could sit through it again.” Nyssa said quietly.

“I know, but when we tried translating into English it became choppy like the video had been tampered with. The ending seemed off to me, a phone wouldn’t just cut off like that and turns out the ending wasn’t cut off. It was scrambled and documented to make it seem like that was the end of the video, so we wouldn’t see this…”

Suhad appeared on the screen with the software translating into English as she spoke; “ _My last words to you, my love. There are no more blank pages, our book is finished.”_ Suhad paused and coughed up blood onto her hand.

 _“I wish I had taken her to the place we always dreamed about. The Amazon.”_ Suhad seemed disoriented and the words came out jumbled.

“She’s talking to you.” Sara whispered into Nyssa’s ear.

 _“Run. The demon is back and it will be opened. Oliver is next. Run.”_ Her voice did not waver as she warned them. She was far more serious and collected as she said her last words.

Nyssa processed the last words from her oldest friend. She couldn’t stop the single tear which escaped.

“You weren’t answering your phone so we had to come here.” Diggle added looking to Oliver.

“How can my father be alive?” Nyssa spat out.

“Bastard fathers always have a way of cheating death I’ve found.” Saracon spoke with much distain in his voice.

“Ra’s has your friend and I’m next.” Oliver concluded pushing his hands through his hair in frustration.

“How soon until he comes after me and Lourdes?” Nyssa stated rhetorically.

“He’s been back for a very long time, I don’t think he is after you.” Felicity spoke up nervously looking at Oliver.

“Six years ago, when Talia contacted me to meet with Oli, I got a visit from him.” She explained shocking everyone in the room.

“He told me I could never tell anyone about Lourdes’ existence, not even Oli or he would kill William, kill Oli and anyone else I cared about…and of course I wanted to tell you and I was going to, but then Samantha died. It was Ra’s that organised the whole thing, to send me a message, to remind me that he would do exactly what he said.” Felicity could barely finish her sentences quivering with fear.

“None of this makes any sense. The only person loyal enough to find a way to bring back my father is Talia, but I was with her, we were rebuilding the league of shadows-” Nyssa explained before being cut off by Saracon.

“You say the video of Suhad was traced back to Gotham, then surely the masked man Bane would also be willing to bring back Ra’s al Ghul. He has successfully managed to have the city on lockdown the last few months.”

They were all in overdrive trying to piece together the puzzle. Nyssa started pacing about the room as she did when she was deep in thought.

“That makes sense, the message Suhad sent us was a list of names of metahumans, vigilantes and prominent criminals that have been going missing over the past several years. On the way here, we checked and every last one of them was last seen in Gotham.” Diggle spoke up from his seat. 

“I thought Ra’s excommunicated Bane from the league.” Sara asked Nyssa, who was stood blank faced staring out the back at the sea. She had the glazed look upon her face which told Sara she was trapped in some horrific place her mind had conjured up.

“Maybe we should all take a second and think about this.” Sara suggested.

The others swiftly agreed, with Oliver taking Felicity into the kitchen to talk, and Diggle making himself scarce to leave Thea and Saracon.

Sara dragged the brunette out the back door towards the beach. When they were stood away from the house Sara regarded her lover. Sara could feel Nyssa’s anxiety and fear rolling out from her in waves.

“I’ve not gone away, I was just thinking…trying to figure out what to do.” Her voice was small.

“What matters is Lourdes safety, we need to take her far away. Somewhere no one can get to her, even if it means leaving Oliver behind…leaving me.” Sara said cautiously.

“What are you talking about?” Nyssa asked, her tone warning.

“Your father knows that the best way to get to you is through me. He knows if he finds me-” the blonde was cut off with a desperate kiss. Nyssa held on to her as if she was afraid to let go.

“I cannot be apart from you again. I need you. You and Lourdes are my family.” Her resolve was steel as her deep chocolate eyes bore into her own.

“We fight together.” She added before capturing her lips once more.

They were distracted by seeing Dinah Lance pull up into their drive way opposite with Lourdes in the front seat waving happily at them.

Nyssa’s phone began vibrating and a loud alert noise rang.

“What’s that?” Sara questioned.

She froze when she saw the unyielding fear in Nyssa’s eyes. Nyssa took a deep breath to calm herself.

“We’ve got to go now. That’s the alert I had installed for anything suspicious or dangerous entering the district. There are people across the state and town I’ve placed to keep Lourdes safe and trigger any warnings.” She explained revealing on her phone a live video feed of a fleet of SUVs on the main road heading into Sudbury.

“These vehicles are registered to Gotham, it _is_ my father.”

“How long do we have?” Sara questioned her eyes widening at the feed.

“30 minutes assuming my people can stall them.”

Something changed in Nyssa in the few seconds the alert came through. Sara couldn’t place it but there was a new resolve in her that told Sara she was going to handle whatever was coming their way.

“It’s an army.” Sara said letting her own fear seep into her voice.

“I need you to go inside and tell the others. Pack our bags, and empty everything in the armoury into the cars. I’ll get your parent’s and Lourdes.” Nyssa said already starting in the direction of Dinah Lance’s now parked car.

She turned around to shout, “Sara do not forget the book Suhad left you.” The blonde nodded and thought nothing of it as she complied and ran back to tell the others. They spared each other one last glance as they prepared to run.


	38. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Run fast as you can when the devil is chasing you.

**Run**

Nyssa informed Dinah of the situation and left her to go pack their things. Quentin was on his way back from work and arranged road blocks to slow the SUVs on their way down.

“Lourdes, I need you to be a big girl and listen to everything Mommy says.” Nyssa started.

“What’s Uncle doing?” She questioned, directly doing the opposite of what her mother was saying.

Any other time Nyssa might have laughed. Nyssa briefly glanced over to see Saracon running along the edge of the house dousing the house with fuel.

“Listen to me sweetheart. We have to leave here today and we’re not coming back. I need you to get your emergency suitcase and a small bag with everything important, just like we practised. Then, go wait with Gaga for Grandpa to arrive, ok.” Nyssa spoke seriously. She was bent down and at eye level with Lourdes.

“This is our home.” Lourdes answered upset.

“Remember, _home_ is anywhere the people you love are. We must leave because it is not safe for us anymore.” Nyssa explained, looking into her light eyes that were filling with tears.

“Why is it not safe?”

“I don’t have time to explain. I need you to go do what I said, be as fast as you can.”

She bought her into a tight embrace, kissing her head gently before letting her run off into the Lance household.

Nyssa rushed back to her house to be greeted with everyone clad in their fighting gear.

“We can’t fight them, there’s too many, at least six SUVs on their way here.” Nyssa said showing them the live video feed on her phone.

“We can at least slow them down, whilst you, Oliver and Lourdes get away.” Thea added.

“No, she’s right, there’s too many. Let’s split up; go in different cars and get the hell out of here.” Sara answered.

“I don’t want you to disappear with Lourdes, where exactly are you planning on going?” Oliver pushed urgently.

“Come back to Star City with us Nyssa. It’s the safest place for all of us, from there we can protect you and your daughter.” Thea pleaded.

“No, they will expect that, and if this is truly Ra’s, he will burn down the city to get to his way.” Sara interrupted.

“I have an underground bunker in New Jersey, outside Gotham. Far enough outside that should that bomb go off we will be safe. Close enough to conduct any missions. That’s where we all need to go now.” Nyssa responded.

She took a pad and pen out of her bag and began writing down directions.

“We can’t just leave Star City, my son is – ” Oliver began to argue before Diggle interrupted him.

“Lyla took him with her to Central City, they’re with Barry, he’ll protect them.” Oliver took a second to think about it.

“They will use him to get to me, I have to go get him.” He explained.

“How about Diggle, Felicity and I go to Central City then head to meet you guys at the bunker.” Thea suggested.

 “Ok but –”

“I won’t let anything happen to my nephew Oli, trust me.” Thea cut him off. He relented and hugged her before they prepared to leave.

“We’ll keep you update at all times.” Felicity spoke up also embracing him. They had obviously resolved their issues, seen in the way they continued to share a kiss.

“I was hoping to meet my niece while we are here.” Thea said hopefully to Nyssa who handed her the paper with the bunkers address.

“We can all have family time when we don’t have a fleet of Ra’s al Ghul’s henchmen on their way here.” Sara said ushering Diggle and Thea into their car.

“I’d like to ride with Lourdes or at least see her before we leave.” Oliver said stopping Nyssa as she moved towards the Lance house.

“Lourdes is riding with the Lance’s, Sara and...” She trailed off as she looked at her brother. He had a contemplative look upon his face. One which alarmed Nyssa.

“Let Mr Queen ride with you, I’ll be right behind you.” Saracon said suspiciously distant.

“You’re planning something.” Nyssa deduced after a moment.

“So were you sister.” He responded cryptically.

“What’s going on?” Sara asked looking between the siblings who were now caught in a silent conversation.

“My brother’s staying behind.” Nyssa stated rather than posed as a question.

“It’s nothing you weren’t also thinking about.” He said turning his head to the side to regard her.

“I _considered_ it but I won’t allow you to do it.” Nyssa spat back at him.

“You were going to let us leave and stay behind?” Sara accused Nyssa.

“Why would either of you stay?” Oliver questioned.

“My sister probably came to the same conclusion I did. Whoever is behind all this, whether its Ra’s or Bane or even my father; this is all about The Hidden’s stolen scrolls and The Pandorica.” Saracon explained not taking his eyes off his sister.

Oliver went to ask but Sara silenced him; engaged in Nyssa and Saracon’s conversation.

“ _The demon is back and it will open.”_ Nyssa whispered, quoting the words Suhad said on the video broadcast she left them.

“You were hoping it wasn’t referring to the Pandorica. So was I.” He took her hands in his own with a worried smile.

“What’s the Pandorica?” Oliver asked.

“The box which contains the cure for mortality. The scrolls contain how to open it and it’s said that they need a child of the hidden to open it.”

Sara was upset at the fact both siblings clearly knew this and never told her.

“You were going to let yourself get caught.” Sara concluded angrily.

“Now she doesn’t have to.” Saracon answered looking back at his sister.

“Please don’t do this.” Nyssa pleaded as tears formed in her eyes.

“Earlier, you asked me if I would want you to leave me if I was in Suhad’s place… the answer is yes. I already left you once and it broke my heart to know you would grow without knowing our mother’s love or mine. I didn’t ever believe I would see you again. Yet, you found me and bought even more family into my life. Stay with your beloved and keep my niece safe…I should have been there to protect you growing up and I wasn’t. Let me protect you now.” He was earnest and every word heartfelt.

Nyssa’s eyes watered. Even after all this time she still couldn’t bare losing those she loved.

He bought her into an embrace and whispered, “I love you sister.”

Lourdes bound over with a worried Dinah and Quentin in tow. Oliver was overcome with emotion as he turned to notice her. He was now also tearing up, having seen his daughter in the flesh for the first time. Whilst he was frozen staring down at her, she managed to gently push past him to get to her mother.

“Mommy, Uncle, why are you crying? We are all going to be together so it doesn’t matter if we don’t live here anymore.” She repeated Nyssa’s words from earlier to comfort them both.

Saracon gave her a dazzling grin and lifted her up into his arms.

Behind them Sara ushered everyone away to start getting in the car to give the siblings time alone to say goodbye. Oliver almost protested wanting nothing more than to be with his daughter, yet he complied and followed the Lance’s to the car.

“I’m not coming with you this time Lolo,” he said gaging her reaction.

“That’s why Mommy is crying.” The smart little girl figured.

“Please please please come with us. We all need you Uncle. You’re our home.” She pleaded putting her hands together almost like a prayer.  

“You’ll see me again little one,” he attempted to explain.

She frowned and pouted exaggeratedly at his words.

“You know you look just like your Mommy when you do that,” he said tickling her. She giggled for a moment before frowning again.

“Mama Sara says I look like my dad when I do that.” She responded causing the older Raatko sibling to look over to the car, with a forlorn looking Oliver staring back at them.

“Maybe you do,” He said squinting at her before tickling her again.

“You can’t tickle me into forgetting you’re not coming with us.” She said after wriggling out of his arms and wrapping herself around his waist.

“Auntie Suhad said we would see her again and she hasn’t even called yet. We should be together like Mommy says.” She pleaded again.

“Let’s make a deal then,” He said kneeling down and taking his hand out.

“You’ve got to look after your Mommy. I know she is a superhero but sometimes superheroes need someone to take care of them too. So, if you do a really good job then I’ll make sure to see you again.”

She looked for the honesty in his eyes before looking back at her mother then back to him. She smiled brightly and nodded enthusiastically.

“We gotta shake on it.” He prompted, so she took his hand.

“No takesy backsy, you gave your word Uncle.” She answered seriously before her mother signalled for her to go get in the car.

He stood back up and addressed Nyssa, “Don’t let what’s happened make you push your little bird away. You _deserve_ to be loved.” He whispered into her hair as Sara ran over to them, presumably to get them to hurry and leave.

“Thank you, brother. Your sacrifice will not be for nothing. I will save you.” She brought him into a long embrace.

“As your gift to me, I am asking you not to save me. I want you to be safe, all of you.” He answered bring Sara into a hug.

As Sara ushered her away, something in Nyssa’s mind clicked.

“People say ‘I want you to be safe, _not saved.’_ ” She mumbled stopping in her tracks.

“What are you talking about?” Sara asked.

She took out Saracon’s tablet and played back the video footage Felicity had uploaded. She fast forward to the video of Suhad saying goodbye.

“When I first listened to it I thought maybe her Arabic was off but, she has spoken Arabic along with English and her mother tongue since birth.” She played back the video.

“Suhad is a linguist.” Sara said understanding Nyssa’s suggestion.

‘ _Don’t come for me because I know you’ll want to but that’s what they want… and I need you to be saved_.’

“So… what are you saying?” Saracon asked still not understanding her meaning.

“I think that the fleet of cars headed this way are not my father’s henchmen. Almost everyone loyal to him I hunted down when I was away. I think they are Suhad’s men, I think she’s sent us an army. An army to _save_ us.” Nyssa deduced.

“That’s a lot to presume off a bit of mispronounced grammar.” Her brother warned.

“She sent more than one cryptic message in her video. I thought the warning about my father and the Pandorica was her main point but there’s more to it…” She continued to decipher the video.

 _“_ Suhad could withstand any torture. I trained her and later she went on to get a psychology PHD. She knows my mind almost as intimately as her own. Whoever has her wanted to send that video and hoped it would lead us to them empty handed and with no way to fight.” Nyssa explained.

“You think she said run but meant stay. That’s why she said it so many times.” Sara added.

“Or she said run because she seriously meant we need to leave.” Saracon countered.  

“She knows I would never leave her to rot while I run away.” At this Sara couldn’t help the shame that passed through her as she thought of her own failings to protect Nyssa. All those years ago she left her in a prison so she could go out and live her own life.

“That’s not much to go on sister,” Saracon pleaded.

She continued to play the video. ‘ _My last words to you, my love. There are no more blank pages, our book is finished.’_

“I had already figured out that she left me something in the blank pages of the poetry book she gave to Sara. I think she has a plan and whatever it is, is in that book.” Nyssa explained.

“You’re willing to risk Lourdes life on this?” He asked incredulously.

“I’m not.” Oliver spoke up from behind them. At some point, he had come over to listen to the theories Nyssa had.

“Look I don’t know this Suhad woman or whether your theory is correct. The facts of this situation are that our daughter and all of us are in danger. I’m not sticking around to find out whether this is some rescue mission.” He was stern in his tone.

“Your daughter needs her mother.” Saracon agreed with Oliver.

There was quiet as Nyssa considered their words. She played the video again to see for more clues.

 _‘I wish I had taken her to the place we always dreamed about. The Amazon.’_ She played that line over and over.

“We never talked about going to The Amazon.” Nyssa said still trying to figure out the meaning behind the words.

“Nyssa we’re running out of time.” Oliver urged.

“When you were first here, that first day I came over, I heard you guys arguing. Suhad wanted you guys…” Sara trailed off as the penny dropped for Nyssa.

“Of course.” The brunette said smiling widely.

“Our daughter will be safe Oliver, I promise you.” She continued turning to face her brother.

“Brother, I will see you again, of that I am certain.”

Saracon did not understand what she meant but he trusted her with his life. Nyssa agreed with Oliver and decided to leave with her family, waving goodbye to her brother. While, she was not certain that she’d deduced the information left by Suhad correctly she had a feeling she was right.


	39. Pursuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family is all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a little while but I'm back with a super long chapter :) Enjoy!

**Pursuit**

The beginning of the car journey was relatively quiet. Quentin drove with Dinah in the passenger’s seat. Sara, Nyssa and Lourdes sat at the back facing Oliver. They stopped once they were out of Sudbury so Oliver could change out of his arrow costume.

Lourdes had fallen asleep almost immediately as she tended to do in car rides. Her head was laid across Nyssa’s lap and her legs were semi on Sara’s lap beside her.

Oliver looked on with a sad smile on his face. He was enamoured from the moment he laid eyes on her. She stared at him for a while before sleep had eventually taken her. However, she still had yet to be formally introduced to her father.

Oliver was engaged in a conversation with Quentin and Dinah, catching them up on Star City. This gave Sara and Nyssa the opportunity to talk. Sara was clearly annoyed with Nyssa and did not hold back the moment they were able to talk somewhat privately.

“You never told me that a child of the hidden is needed to open the Pandorica, and were you really going to stay behind and let yourself get captured by your father’s men?” She said in a quiet voice yet the anger beneath her words was clear.

“Beloved…” Nyssa began, taking her hand and bringing it to her lips to placate her.

“No Nyssa, you don’t get to do that. We’re a family, you don’t get to make decisions like that on your own.” She snatched her hand out of Nyssa’s grasp.

“I would sacrifice myself without hesitation if it meant you and Lourdes would be out of harm’s way.” Nyssa explained.

“And how in the _hell_ can you protect us if you’re dead.” Sara snapped trying to keep her voice quiet.

Nyssa was stunned at the blonde’s anger towards her. She opened her mouth to speak but found no words.

“If he needs me, he won’t kill me.” She responded weakly, unsure how to diffuse the anger that lay behind those forever familiar stormy sky-blue eyes.

“I’m not talking about just this time. I don’t want you to be noble and put yourself at risk. I don’t care if that’s selfish but if it’s between you and anyone else, promise me that you will always come back to us.” She held the brunettes gaze and Nyssa could tell just how serious she was.

“Promise me.” Sara pleaded.

“Sara…” She did not want to make a promise she could not keep but she did not want to cause her beloved any pain either.

“I won’t lose you again. I won’t.” Sara failed at keeping her emotions in check.

Laid across their laps Lourdes stirred.

“She looks uncomfortable.” Oliver stated looking down at her.

“You can lay her here, there’s more space and I wouldn’t mind just holding her for a little.” He offered kindly.

There was a heartbreakingly sad smile on his face and the women could not refuse him. They all knew Lourdes effect on people; she was a never dimming light. Oliver had barely exchanged two words with his daughter but was instantly enraptured by her aura.

Nyssa unbuckled the belt the little dark-haired girl was tangled in and passed her over to her father carefully, making sure not to wake her. She barely even made a noise at being moved and snuggled onto Oliver’s lap once he placed her down. Nyssa and Sara watched as he hesitated as to whether to stroke her face.

“She’s a deep sleeper, she won’t wake up.” Nyssa said encouraging him to show her some affection.

“Getting her ready for school is nightmare, I’ve bathed and given her breakfast all the while she was asleep.” Sara added.

“And when she was a baby?” Oliver asked, the sadness evident in his voice.

“I remember back when I first brought her home, I relied on Talia tremendously, I thought I was going to be terrible at it all the baby things but Lourdes made it so easy, she showed me what she needed. I would sit and stare at her little breathing form for hours.” Nyssa explained reminiscing.

“I already want to do the same, she’s so beautiful.” Oliver answered stroking her face once more.

“She did get the genetics jackpot.” Sara said.  

The two women looked at each other as if there was no one else around. They were having a silent conversation between themselves. Nyssa’s hands lacing through Sara’s to say _’I’m sorry’._ Sara resting her forehead against the brunette’s in forgiveness. Oliver looked away feeling as if intruding on this intimate moment of affection. Nyssa kissed Sara’s cheek tenderly before looking intensely into her eyes.

 _“I promise. I’ll always find my way back to you beloved.”_ She whispered in Arabic.

The smile upon Sara’s face told her that she was forgiven. Now more than ever they needed to be united. There was a lot more at stake than ever before and the fear in Sara was reflected in Nyssa’s dark mahogany orbs.

“What have you told her about me?” Oliver spoke breaking their moment.

“The truth.” Nyssa responded.

“She knows I’m The Arrow?”

“Her father is a hero who protects people. He’s been saving the world to make it a better place so she can be safe.” Nyssa’s voice was soft as she explained. 

“I’ve told her about you, anything she asks within reason. You’re her knight in shining armour, so you’ve got a lot to live up to Oli.” Sara added.

“What is she like, her personality I mean?” He was smiling now. It broke his heart when he met William who had no idea who he was or knew anything about his father.

“She is fire. Like nothing I could have imagined. I was afraid that she would be like me, hard and distant; or too serious… like both of us. She’s just light and love, so full of love. She’s gifted too, not just intelligent beyond her years but as in abilities like my brother.” Nyssa’s love for her daughter shone through in the emphasis of her words and the smile on her face.

“Metahuman?” He questioned.

“She goes around healing wilting flowers and birds with broken wings. She’s dazzling.”

“I want to get to know her, everything about her.” He was looking up at the two women as Lourdes began to stir awake.

She sat up with a yawn and took a few seconds to take in her surroundings. Sara and Nyssa smiled at her as her eyes settled on them. She smiled brightly back at them revealing her missing teeth along the bottom row.

She turned to look at Oliver and regarded him, obviously noticing he changed his clothes. Her eyes widened and she looked to her mother and back at Oliver indicating she wanted to know who he was.

Before Nyssa could speak the little light eyed girl held out her hand to Oliver.

“My name is Lourdes Laurel Lance, how do you do sir?” She said giggling.

“That’s a very pretty name. Well… I am Oliver Queen and it is very nice to meet you.” He responded to her earning him a hand shake and bringing out a giggle in her. There was a twinkle in her eye when he introduced himself.

Everyone in the car was watching the interaction with interest. Dinah and Quentin used the rear-view mirror to watch as their granddaughter met her father.

“Are you a friend of my Moms?” She enquired looking between the adults.

Oliver flashed a pleading look to Nyssa, unsure of how to answer.

“Lourdes darling, Oliver is your father, he came to see you.” Nyssa spoke carefully gaging her reaction.

Grey eyes widened before she jumped back to her seat between Nyssa and Sara to hide her face in her mother’s torso. It was difficult to decipher what she was feeling as she latched herself to Nyssa and hid, refusing to bring her face out.

“She gets shy, she’ll warm up, don’t worry.” Sara whispered to reassure Oliver.

He was not sure how to view that reaction, although this was his second child he still did not know the introduction protocol.

After a few minutes of quiet, Lourdes peeped up to take another look at Oliver. He pretended not to notice but a smile pulled at his eyes. Minutes went by and the little girl with Oliver’s light blue eyes continued to make small steps at interaction with him.

 _“Ammi are you sure he is my father_?” Lourdes whispered, rather loudly, in her mother tongue to Nyssa.

“ _Yes, I can assure you it can be no one else_ ,” Nyssa said amusement clear in her voice.

 _“You said he was a superhero_.” She said narrowing her eyes at her mother.

“Maybe if you ask him, he’ll tell you himself Lourdes.” She responded in English looking up at Oliver.

The girl considered it as she continued to stare at him obviously intrigued. She went to speak to him but decided against it and whispered back in her mother’s ear.

“ _What do I call him?”_ She was confused it dawned on her mother.

This was a difficult question. To Lourdes her father had been a faceless superhero she didn’t know, which made it much easier to call him ‘daddy’. Now there was a face to put to the name, yet he was still a stranger.

“You call him whatever feels comfortable darling.” Nyssa responded sending him an apologetic glance.

“Da-” She began before deciding against it. Oliver had been pretending to not listen to the conversation but it was difficult not hear her loud whispering.

Lourdes apprehensively tapped him on the leg to get his attention.

“Yes…” Oliver said playfully.

“Where’s your cape?” She questioned suspiciously.

“My cape?”

“Yeah, like superman or batman.” She clarified.

Oliver looked to Nyssa and Sara for help. He didn’t know how to respond. He did not want her to be disappointed.

“Capes are so last year Lolo. Oliver has something waaay cooler.” Sara said rescuing him.

“You do?” She asked looking up at him expectantly.

“Yeah I do…” He answered unsure what to say.

“What is it?” She asked excitedly.

“He’s got a custom-made bow and arrows that can do all sorts of awesome things.” Sara answered signalling his new bow which was in the compartment below his seat.

Blue eyes lit up at Sara’s words.

“What does it do?”

“Would you like to see?” Oliver questioned.

She nodded enthusiastically and looked to her mother for permission. Nyssa smiled down at her and encouraged her to go sit back next Oliver.

Oliver proceeded to carefully pull out his bow and start explaining all the different features it had. Lourdes watched on in awe; gasping in her exaggerated fashion when he explained something ‘really cool’.

“At school, we had archery and fencing lessons, I was allowed to do it when they moved me up another grade… did you know that I’m the youngest person in third grade EVER at my school.” Lourdes explained barely leaving room for Oliver to respond.

“Wow, so that means you’re super smart huh, what’s your favourite subject at school?”

“Well, I liked learning Arabic with Aunty Suhad the best but she’s gone now.” She responded momentarily sad.

“What about your least favourite?” He enquired further, genuinely interested in his daughter.

“Mommy’s lessons at home. Some stuff is cool…” She looked over at her mom before scooting up next to Oliver.

“Some stuff is soooo vanilla, like sometimes she makes me count to 900 over and over and over and over… which can be a real bore.” Her head rolled round and round as she emphasised each ‘over’.

Nyssa laughed along at her daughter’s animated behaviour.

“Why 900?” Oliver asked confused.

“So I know how long 15 minutes is without needing a watch. It’s not all that bad because Mama Sara sneaks me sweets after.” Her light eyes held a mischievous glint in them as she sent Nyssa an innocent smile.

“Does she now?” Nyssa said feigning seriousness and narrowing her eyes at Sara.

“Hey, I’m not the one talking smack about you right now.” Sara said pointing the finger at Lourdes.

“Yeah then I go to Grandpa and tell him how strict you were and he gives me even more sweets.” She continued.

“Don’t bring me into this,” Quentin called out from the driver’s seat.

“I can’t believe you’ve both been played by a six-year old.” Dinah added laughing along with Lourdes.

“Mama Sara told me that when she was little she would go to Gaga and pretend to cry so she could get candy and then when Grandpa got home she would do the same so she would get double the candy.” Lourdes was finding it hilarious as she struggled to tell the whole story without laughing. 

“Lourdes you’re spilling all my secrets.” Sara answered pretending to be annoyed.

“I’m the kid don’t blame me, you should know better.” Lourdes turned hysterical when Sara poked at her sides tickling her.

Everyone joined in laughing and Oliver stared on simply in love with his little girl. Sara continued tickling her causing her to climb up onto Oliver’s lap to escape. If he was surprised it did not show as he let her settle into his lap and slapped off Sara’s wiggling fingers.

“I think Sara and your grandfather are spoiling you rotten.” Nyssa added playfully.

“Well I think you’re perfect Lourdes.” Oliver answered completely under her spell.

“Perfectly spoiled,” Sara said poking at Lourdes once again.

Just as everyone settled down Nyssa’s phone rang with Saracon’s name popping up on the screen. She visibly tensed when she saw the caller ID.

“Mommy what’s wrong.” Lourdes asked reading her mother’s expression.

“Nothing sweetie, Uncle’s calling.” She said giving her a smile which came off more as a grimace. Lourdes shrugged buying Nyssa’s words and continued to bring Oliver back into conversation.

Sara however was more focussed on the call which ensued beside her.

“Brother…” Although Saracon’s voice could not be heard, the relief which passed across Nyssa’s face told the blonde that she had been right in her theory.

“I’m glad you are safe, although I had little doubt harm would come to you.” She spoke softly, a relieved smile pulling at her eyes.

“Mommy, can I speak to Uncle pleaaase?” Lourdes whined from her seat on Oliver’s lap. Nyssa passed over the phone and addressed the adults in the car.

“It seems as if I read Suhad’s signals correctly. She sent an army comprised of many of her old friends.” Nyssa informed everyone.

“So is it safe to go back?” Dinah asked sharing in the relief.

“I am afraid not. A war is coming, and I don’t think we can avoid it.” The air around them was overshadowed with anxiety.

Sara and Nyssa looked at each other with fear reflected in their eyes. It seemed that the world was once again threatening to pull them apart.

“A war against your father?” Oliver questioned anger lacing his voice.

“I do not have all the details yet, but Suhad’s party will meet us at the safe house in New Jersey.”

Oliver went to enquire further but his eye caught something behind the women he sat opposite.

“They caught up to us pretty fast.” He stated pointing behind them.

 “They have not yet left Sudbury.” Nyssa replied snapping her head round.

Two SUVs similar to the ones from her mobile phone footage earlier, were now in pursuit of their car. 

“If that’s not Saracon then who i-” Sara never finished her sentence.

“DUCK!” Nyssa shouted instinctively jumping to cover Lourdes.

A storm of bullets ricocheted against the bulletproof windows. The sounds of the bullets echoing louder and louder like hailstones.

“DAD, STEP ON IT!” Sara screamed over the noise. Both her and Oliver were reaching for their weapons before Nyssa caught them by the wrists.

“Wait.” She ordered in a tone that told them no arguing. She signalled for Sara to move to the side of the car in which Lourdes, Oliver and herself were hunched over. Sara complied with the silent commands unsure of Nyssa’s plan.

Nyssa looked back down to Lourdes who had a horrified look plastered on her face. Her wide blue eyes were filled with unshed tears as she looked to her mother for protection. It was a heart wrenching moment for Nyssa, having tried her hardest to keep her daughter away from a life of violence, violence had found its way back into their lives.

The brunette faltered for only a second but a warm pair of lips finding her cheek and whispering into her ear gave her all the strength she needed.

 _“You’ve got this,”_ Sara whispered in Arabic gently, stilling the chaos around them for long enough for Nyssa to formulate her plan.

She began moving her hands about the bottom of the door. At the same time Oliver was shouting directions to Dinah in the front seat to calm her down. Sara was pulling open the seats they previously occupied to start bringing forward their weapons. The car was skidding about in the beginnings of a highspeed car chase.

Nyssa managed to find a button she was looking for, opening a small compartment which she urged Lourdes to climb into. She handed her some noise cancelling headphones, her inhaler, and spoke in a calm manner to reassure her daughter.

“Lourdes, you don’t get out of here until Mommy comes to get you. Take my phone and count to 900, just like we’ve practiced, if I don’t pull you out before you reach 900 call 911 and ask for an ambulance and the police. Do you understand sweetheart?”  

Lourdes nodded and despite herself, Nyssa managed to send her a reassuring smile. She closed the compartment and addressed the chaos around her ensuing.

“Forget the bows this time. We need to send whoever is after us a clear message.” She addressed Sara and Oliver handing them guns.

“I’ll stick to my arrows.” Oliver stated.

“Just as long as you do everything to protect our daughter.” Her meaning was clear.

Sara threw her an automatic and in sync like they had done on hundreds of missions before, back when things were somehow less dangerous, they opened opposite doors and started to fire at the unfriendly SUVs.

Oliver aided with arrows out the roof window. They all fired simultaneously launching a vigorous attack on the SUVs. Quentin drove high speed dodging and curving the cars on the road in an expert manner.

An arrow which attached to the wheel of the first SUV exploded throwing the car off road and smashing into the opening of the tunnel they entered.

In the singular moment they had to breathe Sara looked over to Nyssa; the image of power, strength and determination. She recognised the spirit of the woman who saved her on the shores of Lian Yu all those years ago. Back then she was fierce but now Sara recognised an unforgiving force.

They restocked with bullets and managed to shoot down the last SUV trailing them. The driver receiving an arrow to the chest and the bullets doing the rest of the work causing the car to catch fire and eventually explode mid road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think of Oli & Lourdes first meeting??


	40. Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was the voice to my song.

**Lullaby**

Lourdes had nearly counted to 850 by the time Nyssa pulled her out of the hidden compartment. The little girl came out unnervingly quiet. It wasn’t until Sara located an old safehouse they could use to change car that Lourdes became emotional. She burst into tears once they were in the new black van. She had been sat in the front with Dinah but became hysterical as the car moved off. It was at times like this they remembered she was only a six-year old girl after all. She was living a sheltered and protected life that didn’t include car chases and shootings.

“She’s in shock.” Sara stated looking to Nyssa, who’s had been on alert since the car chase.

“What do you normally do when she gets like this?” Oliver asked unsure how to help deescalate the situation.

“She’s never been this hysterical.” Sara answered as the screaming girl was passed over from Dinah. The blonde attempted to shush her but she continued to thrash around.

“She was once.” Nyssa stated with a faraway look in her eyes.

“Is that when Nanda Parbat was attacked?” Oliver questioned.

The pained look that wiped across Nyssa’s face was all the confirmation they needed. The brunette was reliving the violent attack which resulted in giving her daughter up. The day the old members of the League attacked Nanda Parbat only within days of Nyssa fighting off Merlyn’s men. The day she believed she murdered a group of innocent people in front of Lourdes.

“I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you… on your own with a baby to protect,” he continued.

 Although Oliver hadn’t said the words to hurt Sara, she found they did anyway. Sara cursed herself for taking so long to come back to Nyssa. The brunette suffered alone for too long and Sara felt ashamed.

“I was angry when I turned up at the house. I never considered what it must have been like for you. I just- I’m sorry for what happened. You did the right thing for our daughter. “ Oliver confessed looking to his daughter who’s cries had lessened to quiet whimpers.

Nyssa nodded with a sad smile taking Lourdes from Sara to sit her on her lap. She cradled the young girl, who’s blue eyes were red with tears. She wiped away the tears from her face and began stroking her hair. Lourdes closed her eyes and settled into her mother as Nyssa began to sing the old Arabic lullaby _Nami Nami_.

_Sleep sleep, sweet little girl,_

_Let’s go to sleep on the carpet._

_Sleep in the dark,_

_Until the clouds move away,_

_And let the moon light come,_

_To light up the neighbourhood._

_Tomorrow your father is coming back,_

_Carrying his lemon harvest,_

_Bringing you a skirt and a shawl,_

_So that you can be warm in December._

_You little, and smart girl,_

_Your hair is black and beautiful,_

_And he who loves you, kisses you,_

_And he who harms you, shall not sleep._

Nyssa’s voice was soft and calming sending Lourdes to sleep. The brunette’s sweet and silvery voice reminded Sara of the only memory she had of the one other time she heard Nyssa sing to her full ability. 

*******

*****FLASHBACK**

She laughed.

The tinkling noise had just tumbled out of her throat without warning.

Sara stood in the middle of the great hall in Nanda Parbat having just witnessed the might and strength of Ra’s al Ghul… and she laughed.

She wasn’t exactly laughing at the man they called The Demon but more at how her life had ended up at this point. Again, she found herself in a situation between life and death. The irresponsible college girl that boarded a trip with her sister’s boyfriend had died long ago but the laugh that escaped Sara was a distant echo of a girl that once was.  Only a few weeks ago she had been floating aimlessly, ready to die, on the shores of Lian Yu. Had it not been for the woman who now stood with her mouth gaping open and an undecipherable expression in her eyes.

If it hadn’t been for the chill that passed through the room as a reaction to her laugh, the blonde may have laughed again at the infamous Heir to The Demon; the forever stoic and tough Princess who now stood dumbfounded.

“Father – ” Nyssa managed before her father’s hand silenced her.

He examined the blonde with something behind his eyes that could almost look like surprise. For a man over 100 years old Sara imagined there was not much left to surprise him.

“I see a darkness in you Ms Lance, a darkness that wielded and forged correctly could create a catastrophic storm…”

Nyssa stood next to her father having regained her momentarily lost composure but still something called out to Sara.

“Yet… you are unpredictable and your mind is set in its independence.” Sara was not surprised at his words. The same words she had been hearing her entire life; at home, at parent-teacher conferences, in college and now at the end of the earth.

“I suspect that’s what my daughter likes about you. My daughter has seen a promise of greatness in your eyes and I might be inclined to believe her. As much as she tries to hide it, she’s invested in you beyond the other recruits… so let us see if after all these years she has finally bought a worthy initiate.” His cold dark eyes were focussed on his daughter.

If his words affected her, her face did not flinch to show it but beyond in her eyes there was a raging inferno.

“I’m worthy to join the league?” Sara asked astounded at the outcome.

“Yes. If only to see if my daughter is worthy of her position. She has burdened us with you and therefore it will be her responsibility to train you and prepare you for the final test. Do not disappoint me… for those consequences are far worse than death.”

Sara was dismissed shortly thereafter to be shown to the initiates quarters. She escaped the tour to root out Nyssa. Although she was new she understood it was highly inappropriate to be lurking the halls towards the Heir’s private quarters. Furthermore, it was probably punishable by death to let herself in to wait for her. Yet, she could not contain her excitement at Ra's decision. Even Ra’s noticed their closeness so she figured it probably wasn’t all that dangerous. Nyssa had after all, allowed her rest in her room the first few days when she was still recovering from starvation and their journey back. There had not exactly been an open invitation but the assassin did not object when the blonde snuck in a few nights ago, after she’d woken screaming in the sick bay. Maybe it was all improper but Nyssa saved her life, and she had been the first person she trusted in longer than she could remember.   

The blonde crept into The Heir's quarters but stopped dead in her tracks when she heard said woman singing. Nyssa faced the many Rocky Mountains surrounding Nanda Parbat, her back to the blonde. The raw yet soft and soulful voice which filled the large bedroom mesmerized her. She should not have been surprised at the assassin’s ability to sing. The woman was still a mystery, pushing the blonde away every time she let her walls down even a little. However, it was becoming increasingly clear that she was expert at almost everything; bar feelings.

Sara could sparsely understand Arabic, the language Nyssa sang in. The tone in which she sung was heartfelt and etched in sadness.

The blonde stood awkwardly, barely a full step into the room.

"It is called _Nami Nami_." She spoke in that quasi-British accent Sara was beginning to crave. Her voice was thick with emotion.

The blonde smiled to herself, of course she had known she was stood there. Yet, when the brunette turned to face her, her smile fell at the pained look etched across the olive-skinned woman's features. For the first time since meeting her, the expressionless mask she always held fell away. Her dark eyes showed a deep sadness and longing which affected the blonde.

"You're - uhm, that was beautiful." The blonde stuttered barely able to meet her eyes. She cursed herself for chickening out in what she had really wanted to say.

Nyssa regarded her curiously, eyes softening.

"It's a lullaby my father taught me when I was a young girl... He said my mother would sing it to me when I was yet to be born." She held a faraway look in her eyes.

"Where is your mom?" Sara asked suspecting the woman's vulnerable state had something to do with her mother.

"She died giving me life." Nyssa moved to sit on the edge of the bed facing the blonde. Sara joined her not knowing what to say. 

"I'm sorry." Sara answered after a prolonged silence.

"I am envious of the relationship you had with your mother... I often wonder how my life would have turned out had my own lived."

They sat close to one another, closer than both them knew was normal for a teacher and student of the league.

"I'm sure she would have been proud of you." Nyssa’s smile did not quite reach her eyes as she took in the words.

Sara moved her hand to rest on top of Nyssa's which sat in her lap. They gazed into each other’s eyes in a manner that had Sara’s heart beating faster and her stomach doing flips. Sara felt the hand beneath her own tense. Almost as if she had the same thoughts, Nyssa shifted uncharacteristically nervously.

"I don't know why I told you that." Nyssa said trying to casually move her hand out from the blonde's. She fixed her robes in a nervous gesture and stood up to put some distance between the two.

"It’s ok. It's nice to hear something about you which I haven't had to force out of you." Sara joked but also hoped to get her to open up once more.

When the brunette did not answer Sara remembered why she had come to her quarters.

"I couldn't believe Ra's let me in after how awful the summoning went."

Sara managed to pull a smile out of Nyssa, which was quickly replaced with the same dejected longing expression from earlier.

"I thought you would be happy for me." Sara stated confused at her behaviour.

"I had no doubt you would be successful little bird- just- when you laughed at my father's display of power, it reminded me of a time when I too was innocent... it made me question whether you made the right decision in coming here."

When Nyssa first rescued the blonde, she had offered her the choice of being taken to a nearby hospital for treatment or to go with her, to a new life.

"It sounds like you're questioning _your_ decision in bringing me here." Sara accused unable to hide the hurt caused.

"Maybe I am... It's been a very long time since I thought about my life before the responsibility of the league... This place, has a way of destroying one’s innoce-"

"I’m not innocent." Sara interrupted her cuttingly.

"Perhaps not, but you do have a _tender heart_." The brunette’s words were not expected and puzzled the blonde more than ever.

A silence fell between them, with each woman considering her words.

"Is that why you keep me at arm’s length?" Sara questioned.

It was evident Nyssa had not been expecting that response. Her mask fell for just long enough for Sara to see longing beneath those dark eyes.

She opened her mouth to respond but no words came out. Nyssa shifted nervously under Sara's intense gaze, unable to take the heat of being called out on her behaviour.

“I keep you at arm’s length to _protect_ you.” She confessed after a moment’s thought.

“I’ve literally just joined the League of Assassins’; your father has just instructed you to teach me to protect myself…”

The reason she wanted to join initially was so she could never feel powerless again.

“…I don’t need your protection, I’d like your friendship.”

"I am your mentor, Sara, not your friend." Her face was contorted in its usual blank cover, yet Sara knew she was hiding the truth. 

"And it’s impossible for you to be both I suppose?" Sara asked sarcastically before moving towards her.

The olive-skinned woman’s walls had gone up the moment Sara questioned her feelings towards her. Her back straightened and her eyes hardened as Sara approached.

"Nyssa..." Sara said softly, seeing her response.

The brunette was not good at expressing her inner feelings, she had no need to in the league. They were attracted to each other, and Sara was not afraid to express that.

"No. I am _The Heir_ to you. That's all I can ever be...Tell me you understand." She pleaded.

Sara knew that there was no room for love in the league, she saw it in the coldness between the Demon and his daughters. The brunette was begging her to not pursue their connection any further and Sara almost wanted to respect the brunettes wishes, had it not been for the water that built up in her warm brown eyes. Whatever was building between them was beyond either of their control, Nyssa could resist as long as she wanted but Sara had felt an inevitability from the moment they met.

“Maybe when we are out there, but in here I’ve seen _you_ , Nyssa. Hidden beneath all the layers you use to conceal your own _tender heart.”_   Sara knew she had pushed too far.

Just as Nyssa could see into her heart, Sara had peered into hers and seen a kindred spirit.

“You cannot come here anymore, Ta-er Alasfer.” She had been dismissed. Her tone clearly informed the blonde that their budding friendship was no longer up for discussion.

Sara remained outside her door a while longer. She heard Nyssa sing for the last time for the course of their relationship in Nanda Parbat.

*** **END FLASHBACK**


	41. Intimate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I spent years looking for you in other people. I never found you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff ;P

**Intimate**

Nyssa’s underground bunker was an old bunker which had been decommissioned by the government in the First World War. The entire family was surprised by the sheer size of it. Quentin and Dinah retired to sleep almost immediately after arriving; although it was already mid-morning of the following day since they had left.

Nyssa disappeared to one of the many rooms leaving Sara and Oliver to bond with Lourdes. Oliver was eager to spend every moment he could with his daughter. The father and daughter duo were deeply invested in each other already. Oliver sharing all the details about her family; from her brother, Aunt Thea, Uncle Diggle and Felicity. The two were deep in conversation when Sara noticed Nyssa re-join them in the main hall of the bunker. The blonde could see her lover’s sharp eyes from the shadows she watched on in.

“I always wanted a big brother, just like my Mommy. Uncle says he’s gotta look out for Mommy ‘cause that’s what big brother’s do. Like my best friend Issa’s brother came to the playground to beat up Logan and his bully friends, they were treating her awfully for having dark skin, which is sooo stupid… Do you think William will like me?” She sat in Oliver’s lap chatting away as he looked on in awe.

“William’s going to absolutely adore you… just like me. You’ve got a _huge_ family of people to look out for you now.” The smile she radiated warmed the whole room. Oliver already loved her and Sara could tell he was already wrapped around her little finger.

“It’s SO big, I had to make a family tree at school but it was all muddled up so the teacher thought I did it wrong.” Lourdes giggled while she talked exaggeratedly with her hands.

“I can imagine it was a little confusing...our whole family is...complex.” Oliver settled with unsure how to respond.

“I _know_. Mommy and Uncle are brother and sister but then Uncle is Aunt Thea’s brother and Uncle Tommy’s Brother but not your brother but Aunt Thea is your sister and you used to love Auntie Laurel AND Mama Sara who are also sister’s but then you had me with Mommy who loves Mama Sara and Mama Sara loves her.” The little girl rambled rapidly in almost all one breath.

Oliver stood stunned at her grasp of the messy family she belonged to.

“Surely, she doesn’t realise how messed up that sounds,” Oliver whispered to Sara who was sat nearby laughing at the pair.

“She’s just extremely well adjusted.” Sara spoke once her laughing subsided.

“Yeah Oli, I’m six not stupid,” Lourdes answered in her sassy over the top voice.

“No more reality TV for you Lolo. You and I are already on probation since your outburst at dinner the other night,” Sara replied playfully scolding the giggling girl.

“What happened the other night?” Oliver asked looking endearingly at his daughter, who’s eyes were brightly looking up at him with mischief.

“This little rascal here mumbled, and I quote, ‘ooohh Gaga, Papa just dragged you for filth honey’” Sara began laughing again at the giggling girl as they recalled the moment. The laughter was infectious as Oliver joined in revelling in the joyous aura Lourdes projected.

Sara had almost forgotten Nyssa’s hidden figure watching on from the darkness. She could feel those familiar brown eyes’ following her, calling her. Lourdes began explaining all her favourite housewives from the reality TV series to Oliver. Sara however, was otherwise distracted with the hypnotising dark orbs which burned with desire across the room. When Nyssa slipped out moments later, Sara followed; a fire ignited in her body.

Sara trailed her girlfriend who stayed just far ahead enough the blonde could see. Nyssa had always loved playing cat and mouse with her lover. Just as Sara was about to catch her, she disappeared into a hidden spot around the corner. Sara searched further ahead, back from where she came and even the ceiling and floor to reveal where Nyssa may have disappeared to. As she prepared to call her girlfriends mobile, the wall beside her opened and she was dragged inside.

A hand was clasped around her neck and a warm body at her back. Even if she could not see she knew it was Nyssa from her perfume, and the lingering scent that was just her; which enveloped the blonde.

“We never finished what we started yesterday,” the brunette’s voice was husky and low. Her _come to bed_ voice sending shivers down Sara's spine.

 “Ra’s al Ghul returning from the dead has a way of ruining the mood,” Sara joked, turning around to face her.

The room was dimly lit with a small window at the top letting in a small amount of light. The room was an old bedroom, long abandoned with scrap poetry and drawings littered about the wall.

“My father’s resurrection has a way of ruining _every_ mood.” Nyssa answered vague annoyance in her tone.

The brunette’s eyes were fixed on Sara’s, she was yearning out for her. For a moment Sara wanted to study the room further but with the burning behind her lovers’ eyes she could not turn away what was offered.

Nyssa had always valued sex as something to only be shared in love. Her tryst with Oliver only displayed how truly broken the brunette had been at that time.

Sara remembered her pursuit to bed the former assassin back when they were in the league. Even after they had shared many kisses and heavy petting, which Sara attempted to take a step further, the brunette would always pull back and ask her to wait. The sexual tension between them was high and Sara had felt like a horny teenager unable to concentrate, mentally undressing her mentor at every chance. It wasn’t until Nyssa had asked her to be her beloved and explained that she would only give her body with her soul that Sara understood.

She hadn’t pushed the issue since the brunette’s return those few months ago because she knew that when Nyssa was ready to give herself again, body and soul, she would be ready.

Nyssa led her by the hand to the bed her eyes half lidded and her intentions clear in her movements. Nyssa was burning with hunger and it ignited a storm inside Sara like none before. Sara could not keep the smirk off her face for the life of her. He hands reached out for Nyssa’s waist but she was met with a slap to her wrists. Nyssa gently turned them around and sat Sara down on the bed.

One by one the brunette agonisingly slowly took off a piece of clothing until she was down to nothing but her lacy underwear. Her impossibly dark eyes never leaving Sara’s own.

Nyssa stepped within hands reach and smiled down at the blonde who couldn't help but admire her beauty.

"Are you sure?" Sara asked, wanting there to be no doubt between them.

"Yes," she whispered out in raspy voice that had Sara reeling.

The blonde could not wait a second longer and pulled her closer. She needed to feel her, lose herself in inside her, drown herself in her kisses. She would be lying to herself if she said she hadn’t been aching and yearning to be intimate with the olive-skinned woman in this way.

Their lips massaged the others’, teeth clashed in their fight for dominance. A bite into plump lips and tongue to sooth the pleasurable pain. There was a desperation to their tongues, an urgency in their hands. They parted when they used up all air in their lungs. Nyssa’s mouth moving for a hot fiery trail down her neck.

The brunette straddled her on the bed and they moved to lay down. Nyssa's movements slowed and Sara felt a hesitation in her touch that had never been present before.

"What is it?" Sara asked pulling away far enough to study her eyes.

Nyssa blushed and shifted nervously.

"Nyssa..." Sara whispered playfully onto the other woman's lips.

"It's almost embarrassing how long I've wanted to be with you in this way again," she admitted.

"Then wait no more. I'm yours, I always have been."

The layers between them were ripped off in seconds. When skin hit skin, the feeling erupted moans from them that were of pleasure and relief. As if for so long they had been imprisoned unable to touch or truly feel.

Sara hadn't ever believed in soul mates but as her breathing hitched, her gasps became more rapid due to Nyssa’s ministrations with her fingers, with her tongue; she knew it was making love, _true love_ between soul mates.

Tears formed around her eyes when she climaxed, from the emotions that transcended any other orgasms in her life. It was physical pleasure that had her breathless, toes tingling, body twitching and eyes seeing stars. It was spiritual pleasure that had her feeling beyond her physical form, as if she was with Nyssa and also, with _one_ with Nyssa.

Every anxiety and worry she ever had washed away, if only for a moment with the love of her life looking down at her filled with nothing but pure unadulterated love.

Sara had travelled through time and space, fallen into bed with queen’s and extraordinary men, but nothing could compare with the way Nyssa made her feel. She could not believe she ever tried to settle for anything less than this high. All those people and she had been looking for Nyssa in every one of them. Looking for the brunette’s devotion in brown eyes the wrong shade, searching for her level of intellect in someone else’s words, feeling for her delicate touch from someone else’s hands; and wishing for her sweet lips from someone else’s mouth. Somehow, Nyssa waited for her. It had taken a journey too long for Sara to realise it was Nyssa all along.

When she recovered from her high, she ravished the brunette over and over and over. She decided at one point that if love had a sound, it was the sound of Nyssa’s ungodly moan; both innocent and filled with sinful purpose.

“I love you,” Sara whispered the words onto her lover’s lips, over and over. The blonde could feel her smile as they kissed.

“With all the different languages I speak, and all the words I know, for some reason, _I love you_ does not articulate my feelings for you anywhere near enough,” Nyssa responded in the poetic way she had about her when talking about Sara.

 “All the same, those words are always welcome to my ears.”

She didn’t need to say it, Sara had felt it in every look, every touch, every kiss.

“ ** _I love you, beloved_**.” Nyssa breathed in her mother tongue.

She would continue to lose herself in the brunette in the following hour’s. Mapping the tanned skin beneath her, admitting each part of her body to memory.

Sara watched Nyssa’s chest rise and fall in quick succession as she came down from her high. Her hand was thrown across the brunette’s taut stomach drawing absentminded patterns into her skin.

“My answer would have been yes.” Sara said kissing her shoulder.

Nyssa took a moment to catch her breath, before turning to lay and face her blonde lover. She knew exactly what the blonde was talking about.

“I have every intention to marry you, Sara Lance. Those were not words said simply in the throes of passion…and when my every thought is not how afraid I am to lose you, or Lourdes, or anyone else in our family to this threat, I will ask you in the way you deserve.”

Their lips met somewhere in the middle and soon after, their legs entwined and hands touching; they drifted to sleep if only for a short while anticipating the coming storm.


	42. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death is a promise for everyone.

**Promises**

Sara was woken by the feeling of delicate fingers tracing soothing patterns down her spine. Despite waking up in a strange bed in a strange bunker, reminding her of the danger they were in, she smiled with genuine joy at the feeling of being with Nyssa.

She opened her eyes when Nyssa’s fingers gently tickled at the skin around her ribs. The skin around the brunette’s eyes crinkled with a smile.  Sara noted Nyssa’s eyes were a lighter shade when she was at her most tranquil. They were a hue which resembled melted chocolate with a band of gold around the iris blending in to the brown haze.

“What are you thinking about?” Sara wondered lost in her lover’s eyes.

“You,” she stroked her face softly.

“What about me?” Sara said in a playful manner. The brunette’s eyes darkened with sadness.

“I – don’t take this the wrong way. I was thinking about your death…” Sara was not offended by the question. She had died, _truly died_ , once and been resurrected. It was odd Nyssa was thinking about it, all prior conversations surrounding her death had always been met with an understandable reluctance and uneasiness.

“…I mean – I understand what it is like to be the one left behind, always waiting, but never the one leaving.” She clarified.

Sara allowed her mind to the dark corner which guarded the events of her death.

“I remember the last seconds so vividly, more vividly than any memory ever. The moment when my life flashed before my eyes. It was bliss, a high, and it was overshadowed with sadness. The panic was unbearable, when I thought of my family... My last thoughts were of you, whether you would find happiness again; or would you let the darkness consume you…” She laced their fingers together, stroking each digit in comfort; whether to comfort herself or her lover she was unsure.

“It was your sister who saved me,” Nyssa added pulling a melancholic grin from the blonde. 

“She saved us both.” Sara’s mind was clearly on her own failure to save her sister.

Before Nyssa could console her, she continued to speak.

“Dying itself was easy. The physical pain of it was nothing at all compared to the unending nothingness that came after. The only thing I remember is how alone I was, a loneliness you can’t even imagine. Sometimes – when I close my eyes I’m back on that rooftop reliving it, the arrows, my fall; the nothingness.” Her eyes were closed, her words were etched in a fear Nyssa had never heard from her.

“When you came to me in that cell, all those years ago, I knew that your second chance was always intended. Allah was not done with you, miracles are not given without purpose.” Nyssa softly traced her hand from the blonde’s cheek to her dimpled chin; in a gesture, similar to the one she gave Sara when she came to rescue her years ago.

“Then do you believe your God is not yet finished with your father?” Sara questioned.

“It does not surprise me that he was spat out of Jahannam. Satan probably did not like the competition.” Nyssa joked.

“Why all this talk of death?” Sara wondered.

“I am not sure whether it is better to be the one gone or the one left behind. I have lost so many of the few I have loved to death and now I am afraid more than ever.” Nyssa sighed and looked away to the ceiling as tears formed in her eyes.

“I don’t know the answer either. All I know is that ever since I was resurrected, I’ve been running, sprinting even, from death. I chose to fight desperately, to cling on to life, just as you taught that dying girl you rescued from Lian Yu.” Nyssa blinked away the tears as Sara spoke. 

Soon after, a silence fell over them as they were once again reminded of the gravity of their situation.

Sara looked around the room and noticed the scrap drawings and poetry littered about the walls. The perfect cursive told her they were Nyssa’s items. Aside from the handwriting there was a beautiful pen drawn portrait of Sara on the wall closest to her.

“This was your room.” Sara stated taking the poetry piece beside the drawing down.

It read: ‘ _I’m sorry for the way I loved you. I suffocated you with my distance. I overwhelmed you with my darkness. Now you’re gone.’_

“A long time ago.” Nyssa admitted taking the paper from her to examine it.

“I stayed here after I released you from the league… I needed to work through my emotions before facing my father.”

She let out a humourless laugh.

Sara’s heart wrenched at the torment she put Nyssa through.

“I’m sorry for all the heart ache I caused you.” Sara admitted after a moment. Nyssa dismissed her apology with a kiss to her lips.

They both continued to study the wall of words and art before Nyssa jumped over Sara to tear one paper down.

“Nyssa?”

“This isn’t mine…” She said grabbing Suhad’s poetry book off her bedside table.

“What is it?” The blonde took the paper out of Nyssa’s hands and examined it. It was filled with hieroglyphic images.

“While you were sleeping, I used a flame to read the blank pages in Suhad’s book, to try and find her message…”

Sara thought back to Suhad’s hidden messages in the video broadcast Felicity found.

_My last words to you, my love. There are no more blank pages, our book is finished._

“These symbols on the last few pages of the book are the same as these.” Nyssa concluded.

“Suhad was here?” Sara questioned.

“She must have been… I don’t even know what language these are in.” Nyssa showed Sara the blank pages where she had traced over previously hidden symbols.

“Look on the back, this is a key, she knew you would come here.” Sara said noticing the alphabet which matched up to the symbols on the paper from the wall.

Nyssa began scribbling to work out the message using the key.

The message read: _Themyscira are where your answers lie._

“Themyscira is not real, that’s a legend.” Nyssa spoke as they both tried to make sense of the message.

“What’s Themyscira?”

“I grew up on tales of this mystical paradise island of immortal superwomen warriors, The amazon women of Themysicira.  My nanny told me about it and made it seem as if just another one of her made up stories.”

“Suhad said _‘I wish I had taken her to the place we always dreamed about. The Amazon.’ –_ That’s what she meant. –“ Sara interrupted as understanding dawned on her.

“Suhad has perhaps overestimated my ability to crack her cryptic messages.” Nyssa said sighing loudly.

“We’ll figure it out, together.” Sara said noticing Nyssa getting frustrated.

“I can’t lose you or Lourdes… I won’t survive it.” The brunettes voice cracked in her confession.

“And you won’t.” Sara said taking her lover’s hands in her own.

“You can’t promise that.”

Life is unpredictable and promises such as the one’s she was making were dangerous.

“You’re right… but believe me when I say, I will do everything possible to keep us together.” Sara promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing elements of the larger DCU, what do you think?


	43. Unwelcome Guests - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unlikely alliance.

**Unwelcome Guests – Part 1**

“MOOOOMMMMYYYY WHERE ARE YOU?” Lourdes booming voice travelled down the corridor beside their room.

The two women chuckled hearing the pitter patter of feet getting closer.

“Do you hear something?” Sara asked playfully, already rolling out of bed.

The two dressed hearing Lourdes opening each door as she searched for them.

“MAMA SARA!” Lourdes called out upon opening the correct door.

“Hey Kid,” she answered opening her arms out to embrace the dark-haired girl.

“Mommy, Uncle’s here now, come on…” Lourdes began dragging the two women down towards the main hall, where they could already hear bustling of a large crowd of people.

“You weren’t kidding when you said she sent us an army,” Sara said as they reached a few meet from the door.

“There’s loads of people Mommy, Uncle bought lots of friends. He didn’t even let me meet any of them but _look,_ one lady GREW me a flower.” She explained enthusiastically revealing a small yellow flower in her hand.

“Let me guess, she had bright red hair and pale green skin?” Sara quizzed.

“You know Poison Ivy?” Nyssa cut in noticing Sara’s reaction.

“You could say that… we- we were…acquaintances.” Sara blushed a crimson red betraying her words.

“You wound me _Blondie_ , I’d say we were a little more than that Captain Lance,” a sultry voice drawled out from behind them.

They turned to see a tall green woman dressed in little more than a barely there, leafy leotard. She wore red heels and was stroking a plant as if a snake as she walked towards them.

“It’s funny she never mentioned you Ivy.” Nyssa said in a cold manner unable to hide her jealousy as she looked the other woman up and down.

"She never mentioned you either, Nyssa."

The irony wasn’t lost on the green-skinned woman, that she could bring out the green eyed monster in someone else.

“I- it’s uh- you, You’re – you are here, what – what are you doing here?” Sara awkwardly addressed the smirking plant coloured woman.

“I remember I made you fumble your words in much similar manner the last time we met.” Her smirk widened as Sara’s embarrassment grew and Nyssa’s jealousy flared.

“Mommy, this is the lady that gave me this.” Lourdes piped up holding out her flower.

Nyssa glared at the red-haired woman then addressed her daughter.

“Darling, why don’t you find your grandfather and show him your flower.” She said ushering the little girl away.

“But –“

“Lolo just do as Mommy says ok.” Sara interrupted as the girl began to protest.

Lourdes sighed dramatically and followed instructions leaving the adults standing at the door of the main hall.

“Who knew you had it in you to be a Mom Nys? To be fair you’re the less insane of your family members.” Poison Ivy taunted the former assassin.

“That’s rich coming from the woman who has spent most of her adult life in Arkham Asylum.” Nyssa responded sarcastically.

“Great so you guys know each other,” Sara attempting to diffuse the situation.

“You’ve got three seconds to explain exactly what the hell you’re doing here, _Isley_.” Nyssa said stepping up to the flame coloured hair seductress.

“Still got that stick up your –“

“One.” Nyssa interrupted in a tone that meant she was dead serious.

“Geez Red, I thought I was meant to be the vexing one.” A high-pitched playful voice came from above.

Hanging upside down on the old rusty bars of the bunker ceiling, clad in her usual red and blue gear, hung Harley Quinn. Another unwelcome guest by the roll of her eyes the brunette gave.

“Great, and you bought Joker’s plaything with you.” Nyssa sighed words dripping in sarcasm.

“Hey, Mista J don’t own me, ain’t that right Pammy?” Harley replied dropping down to join her green-skinned partner.

Sara looked confused between the other three women. Sara guessed they met during one of Nyssa’s many trips to Gotham. Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn were famous criminals in Gotham having caused trouble for Batman many times over.

“Harley Quinn, nice to meet cha,” the woman with the bleached skin spoke bringing her hand out for Sara to shake.

“Harley, play nice. Nyssa’s already on edge, she won’t take too kindly to us insulting her beloved anytime soon.” Ivy warned in a manner that lacked true sincerity.

“Sara Lance,” Sara shook the other woman’s hand suspiciously as she smiled at her with a not all the way sane grin.

“I didn’t believe for one second you were dead. I’ve fought by your side enough times to know Talia’s never been a match for you.” Ivy said pulling Harley away from her inspection of Sara.

Nyssa visibly tensed uncomfortable with the topic of discussion.

“If you two are here, I can imagine Selina is somewhere close by.” Nyssa said changing the topic.

“Kitty Cat ain’t make it out of Gotham, Bane’s got her on a cat leash.” Harley answered, circling the other blonde in a playful animal like manner.

“Gotham’s been on lockdown for months since the bomb, how did you get out… and how did you get here?” Sara prompted Ivy.

From the look on Nyssa’s face she could also not imagine either of the two women as friends of Suhad’s.

“You’re a little late to the party I see,” Ivy began explaining.

“What do you know that we don’t?” Sara questioned.

“By the looks of it a lot birdy.” Harley interjected.

“ _Your_ loony sister's behind the bomb in Gotham, told us its one huge distraction. There's a storm coming for us all." Harley added in a dark tone.

"People have been preparing for battle. The Pandorica has been found, it’s not a myth like so many of us thought... but something tells me that doesn’t surprise you, considering it was big Sis, who sent us to find you.” Ivy continued.

Sara and Nyssa shared a look of confusion.

“Sister!” Saracon’s voice called out from the main hall.

“Do you have _any_ idea what’s going on?” Ivy asked with genuine concern in her voice.

Saracon embraced Nyssa and Sara. “Suhad sent us 40 of her father’s best soldiers and along the way here, I ran into another team of people, this time sent by Talia.” He explained dragging them into the hall.

In the hall stood 40 men and women dressed in the sand colours of Suhad’s people. Further in the centre with Oliver stood a well-recognised Gothamites; Katana, Killer Croc, Captain Boomerang and El Diablo, the latter three in handcuffs surrounded by what looked to be Navy SEALs. 

“Don’t tell me _you_ are working with the government,” Nyssa said in disbelief to Ivy.

“Over my dead body… Turns out even though that bitch Waller is dead, her spirit lives on in Rick Flag. He’s in charge of the suicide squad since she died.” Ivy replied taking Harley’s hand in her own, in a surprisingly affectionate gesture.

“And you two are not in chains because…” Nyssa asked.

“Blackgate prison and Arkham asylum have been destroyed so we skipped town when the crazies took to the streets. Every single criminal is either suited up to be a soldier or is seeking revenge on the rich.”

“So Talia sent you, the US Navy SEALs and the suicide squad to us?” Sara questioned as they got closer to the middle of the hall where everyone was gathered.

“The SEALs and suicide squad had no choice. Your sister’s promised us Batsy if we help you.” Harley answered.

“No offence, but why you two? You’re hardly trustworthy soldiers.” Nyssa asked.

“We’re not _all the way_ crazy and we’re probably the only four people from Gotham you wouldn’t try and murder straight away, I’d like to think we were friends once.” Harley linked arms with the brunette.

“Four of you?” Sara questioned.

“Well, apart from Selina, we did have Cheetah with us, but the poor girl’s a little unstable… and anyway, I’ve got enough feline friend’s as it is.” Ivy said making Harley giggle in an almost cute childlike manner.

“Yeah, I mean I hear voice’s _but_ their all my own, and like, inside my head. Cheetah girly was off her rocker doing all these different voices to talk to herself. I don’t think she was ready to leave Arkham…so I had to put her to sleep.” Harley added sounding more than a little unstable herself.

“Glad to see some female company has made you all the more sane Harl,” Nyssa said sarcastically.

“Gee thanks Nyssa, I just knew Red was rubbing off on me.” Harley threw her arms around Ivy and gave her a chaste kiss on her cheek.

Saracon lead the women to the centre of the hall to meet their new company. Standing in the room of battle ready army sent an uneasy feeling through Nyssa and Sara. Everything they had tried to avoid had now caught up and followed them. There was a crippling fear that ran through them as they looked around. War was coming whether they wanted to be involved in it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the introduction to Ivy and Harley, did you like their interactions with our favourite pair?


	44. Unwelcome Guests - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even in death he had a hold of me.

**Unwelcome Guests – Part 2**

“Ms al Ghul I presume?” The man Ivy pointed out as Rick Flag said addressing her.

“I go by Raatko now.” Nyssa answered eying him suspiciously.

“Well Ms Raatko, I am Commander Rick Flag and I’m in charge of the Gotham mission. Is there somewhere more private we could talk?” He asked looking between Oliver, Nyssa and Sara.

Nyssa took them to an old office room in the bunker. Commander Flag stood next to Oliver and Saracon facing Nyssa, Sara, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn.

“To put it plainly Ms Raatko, we are at war. Your sister and this masked man, Bane, are behind the bomb which threatens the citizens of Gotham. She’s made us aware that this is all a distraction for the real war. She calls the chaos on the streets ‘ _controlled wildfire’_. While I do not condone your sister’s methods, shutting down the city is a smart move.” He explained to them.

“At war with Ra’s?” Sara questioned. She was unable to believe Talia would ever go to war against her own father even with all his faults.

“No. I believe you are familiar with this man?” Flag pulled up images of Malcolm Merlyn on the monitor in front of them.

Saracon slammed his fist down on the table in anger as he mumbled in a foreign language. He looked up at his sister, who’s face fell visibly at the revelation.

“I take it you all have some history with him,” The commander spoke looking at each of the angered faces in the room.

“His existence as my father has plagued me and those closest to me for far too long.” Saracon spat out through gritted teeth.

“He’s a man, a man who’s actively working on unleashing hell on this earth, that’s plenty reason enough for me.” Ivy drawled out stroking the plan she held.

“He disappeared nearly a year ago,” Oliver spoke up from his position behind Flag.

Nyssa’s anger rolled off her in waves. The blonde could feel the fury humming in her hand, as she slipped her hand into the brunette’s in support. They had spent hours believing Ra’s al Ghul had returned to bring misery to them all, when it had in fact been the man that had driven Nyssa away from her daughter.

“And that’s when the rumours about the Pandorica started.” Flag continued.

“Whispers across _the world_ about the Pandorica having been found were heard on every continent, in every city. No one knows if it’s a myth or fact. Every hero, criminal and madman has been on the hunt for some scrolls and the box itself.” Ivy added.

“Both Merlyn and my father spent years looking for it, and never found it. Even if it has been found, no one has any idea how to open it.”

“Merlyn has found it Ma’am. He stole the scrolls from your sister and I don’t know how long it’s going to take until he figures out how to open it. He has been building an army for months, promising the world’s worst criminals a glass of immortality juice if they can figure out how to open it.” Flag explained.

“Your dear sissy has said if we can’t get it before he figures out how to open it, the bomb is going CABOOM!” Harley chimed in.

“And what, pray tell, has this got to do with me? I must be pretty important if both my sister and the government believe I can aide in your mission.” Nyssa asked.

“Every criminal on the dark web, every gangster, mobster and thief affiliated with Merlyn has been searching for you. Now we thought it strange that a dead woman’s name would be on so many lips across the world, so if Malcolm thinks you are the key then we suppose you know how to open that box.”

Nyssa looked to her brother who wore a solemn expression. Saracon hated his father but there was something about his expression which alarmed her.

“Brother?”

“The bigger plan we are part of is starting to play out. Only I’m starting to realise you and I are cattle for the slaughter in a war between gods and men.” Saracon was angry.

“So, the government and Talia al Ghul, the woman who I am assuming brought back Ra’s al Ghul in the first place, want to rescue the Pandorica from Merlyn to keep it from falling into the wrong hands?” Sara asked sarcasm dripping in her voice.

“I don’t think you quite understand the gravity of the situation. The Pandorica _is_ Pandora’s box. Yes, there may be the cure for mortality in it, but with it, more evil than you or I; or any insane criminal can imagine will be unleashed. You more than anyone should have reason to want it buried and destroyed.” Flag spoke with urgency and more honesty than Nyssa had ever encountered in an government official.

“And why exactly is that?” Nyssa asked.

“Because like in Ancient Greek mythology when Pandora opened the box and all the evils flew out, "hope" was left inside once she had closed it again… and what greater hope do we have than a little girl who can bring dead men out of their graves, and their hearts along with them.” A familiar voice came out from the darkness of the shadows.

Nyssa’s blood ran cold as the voice spoke. Her hand instinctively tightened its grip in Sara’s, her knuckles going white.

There was a cough from the darkness as a figure in a long black robe slowly advanced holding a cane to help him walk. Everyone in the room stood in shock as he moved towards Nyssa.

The brunette could not stop the tears, she was conflicted. She had hated this man with such fervour for most of her life, yet he was the man that raised her, the evil man that she had missed in some way once he passed.

"Won't you even look at me daughter?" His voice was strained with more emotion than she had ever heard from him.

“Father.” Nyssa whispered afraid to look up into the eyes of the man that had raised her.

Her head was spinning, her heart racing in fear for her daughter, in fear of her father.

"Find your way back to me, beloved," A fading whisper before her world went black, and she fell unconscious. 


	45. Family Feuds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return of The Demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUUPPPEEERRR long chapter. I had a lot of feelings :D

**Family Feuds**

“Oliver don’t. You’re better than this.” Saracon’s voice rang.

When Nyssa regained consciousness, her head was placed in her beloved’s lap. Sara eyes concerned and fixed on her face. Around them commotion ensued.

“He threatened my wife, he organised the _murder_ of my son’s mother. He kept me away from my daughter!” Oliver shouted.

Nyssa sat up attempting to recover from her faint. Sara kindly offered her water, and she barely had a moment to regain her bearings as the chaos continued.

Oliver had the brunettes father pinned against the wall and roughly shook the former demon head as he spoke.

“My daughter has grown up thinking I had more important things to do than be there for her. And when she is old enough, how will I explain why I stayed away for so long? I will not have her blame ME for not protecting her from _this_ monster too.” His hands were in a vice grip around the older man’s collar.

“Everything I have done has been to protect my daughter and grandchild.” Ra’s voice answered in his ever familiar eerily calm tone.

“By keeping her away from me? Where were you when your daughter was on the run from Malcolm’s men. Where was your protection when your granddaughter was being raised without either of parents?”

Oliver’s fist slammed into the wall against Ra’s head. The curious thing was not Oliver’s erratic behaviour but Ra’s reaction. For the first time in Nyssa’s life she witnessed her father flinch. There was a genuine vulnerability in his eyes as he looked past the angered man and at his daughter. It was uncomfortable to see her father resembling something… human. For she had only ever known the demon, with a heart as black as night; never had she seen humanity in her father’s eyes.

Saracon attempted to restrain Oliver by holding back his arms. His attempts were futile in comparison to Oliver’s physically superior form. After another failed attempt, Commander Flag took pity on the other man aided him in restraining Oliver minimally.

“I should kill you where you stand, _again,_ ” the enraged vigilante spat out through gritted teeth.

“Oliver,” Sara warned. While she herself had no love for the man and would not shed a tear at his death, he was Nyssa’s father, one of the worst fathers, but her father none the less.

“But that goes against everything you stand for, or was I right all along Al-Sahim.” Ra’s was obviously angered by the jab Oliver took at him.

“Gee Red, Nys’s baby daddy’s got batsy vibes about him.” Harley Quinn whispered to her companion as Oliver and Ra’s engaged in a stare down.

“Guess the sisters have a type, I already know big sis has the hots for that self-righteous idiot.” Poison Ivy said laughter clear in her voice.

“Give us the room.” Nyssa commanded standing up from her position.

“Gladly, this is one family reunion I don’t care to be witness to.” Ivy responded rolling her eyes.

“All that’s missin’ is that psycho sister of yours.” Harley added skipping out after Ivy.

“Go.” Talia appeared at the same door her father had appeared from. She was dressed in all black with a long black hooded coat. She was frowning deeply as she looked at the scene in front of her.

“Speak of the devil…” Ivy said passing the older al Ghul sister. The look Talia gave Commander Flag had him tailing the other two women seconds later.

Oliver’s hands were still tight around Ra’s collar, the veins in his arms were protruding, face red and nostrils flaring in anger. The women knew it was taking everything in him to not hurl punches at the other man.

“Your quarrels with my father can wait. We have more pressing matters, such as the threat your sister’s father poses for your daughter… it is time someone finally dealt with him. No matter how many times he has hurt the people you love you have failed to rid him from this earth countless times. ” Talia’s pressed in urgency.

The older al Ghul sister spared a glance at her sister, giving her an apologetic smile; one which was not returned but met with an icy cold glare.

“The only thing I share in common with your father. I plan on _protecting_ my daughter from all those who would harm her.” He looked Ra’s up and down in disgust.

“I am not the man you remember Oliver. I am – changed. I’ve been given a second chance to right the wrongs of my past life, and I intend on doing just that.”

When Nyssa caught a clearer view of her resurrected father, she was shocked to find he had visibly aged. Where the entirety of her life he had always been the same, here he stood aged, tired. His face had deep lines and wrinkles, his eyes were softer somehow. He was no longer the untouchable figure of strength and power that he had once been. Nyssa did not know how to deal with this man, he was a stranger in the body of the man who had raised her. He had walked in with a cane, and he physically did not look old enough to need it and Nyssa realised he was weak. Something about that had her taking pity on the man.

“Oliver let him go,” Nyssa said putting a hand on his shoulder.

“After everything he has done?” Oliver asked exasperated.

“Please.” Her voice cracked with emotion she did not know she felt.

It was not clear whether it was Nyssa’s plea or Oliver’s disgust that caused him to throw Ra’s to the ground.

“Father,” Talia called concerned. Her attempt at aiding him was dismissed with the flick of his hand. He was feeble and Nyssa could tell he hated it.

As he got up Sara curiously watched the exchange between Talia and Saracon. They were clearly pleased to see each other as she turned instead to embrace him. For a time they had been raised together, although they did not share parents they were as siblings.

“We were not expecting you so soon sister,” Saracon said taking her hands in his.

“I was needed here, family is more important, and besides Bane has control of the circus show that is Gotham for now.”

“That’s rich.” Oliver scoffed. He shook his head at her and moved to barge past her towards the door.

“Have I said something to offend you Oliver. After all, was it not _you_ who turned away from your own daughter.” Talia threw back at him catching his wrist.

“You don’t know.” Sara concluded aloud.

“Don’t know what?” She said in her vaguely British accent.

“That your precious father went behind your back and threatened my wife so I would never know about Lourdes.” Shock registered across the woman’s face for but a moment.

“Is this true?” Talia asked.

“You know the answer. You’re responsible for this too… you couldn’t just let him die could you, not even when he’s lived more lifetimes than any one person deserves.”

Oliver could not stand it any longer and left the room with a slam of the door.

“You haven’t changed a single bit.” Nyssa’s voice was clear with disappointment.

“I want to be a better man, a better father. You and Talia are the most importan–“

“Enough.” She did not have the energy to drag up past resentments with this man. She cursed herself for even allowing herself to think, for even a moment, that he had changed. The devil is the devil whether on earth or in hell.

“You should have known better,” Nyssa shot at her sister.

“Perhaps we could have the room for a moment. There are many things I wish to discuss with my daughter.” Ra’s asked briefly looking towards Sara. While there was no longer the same disregard in his voice that he had always held for the blonde, the meaning was just the same. Sara was still not good enough for his daughter, in his eyes.

“Anything you have to say to me can be said in front of Sara, she is my _family_.”

He looked around at each set of eyes which held accusation in them. He shifted nervously in his own skin in an uncommon gesture.

“Daughter, I apologize for all the ways I have wronged you. I am sorry for everything I was not and should have been.” Nyssa’s eyes welled with tears. Her father had never apologized for anything to anyone. These were words she did not know how to accept. Words she had dreamt of hearing for so many years.

He stepped closer to her with the help of his cane and after a lifetime of fearing this man, she instinctively stepped back. The only consolation was the warm hand belonging to her beloved, which slipped its self into her own.

“Of my many failings, I know my greatest were to you…and to your sister.”

“Father...” Talia said a mixture of pity and confusion at seeing him so unlike himself.

“Yes. I was the Demon but I was once also a man, a man once capable of more than hate and power. And now I am here to protect the little girl, my granddaughter, who brought out that man, who once loved, from the pit of darkness I had become.” He sighed as he recollected on his past.

“What did you do?” Nyssa asked her sister, a mixture of disappointment and anger.

“The same thing you did, when Bruce Wayne killed our father for the first time. I found the last remaining Lazarus pit on this earth and bought him back. Lourdes brought back his _true_ soul with the touch of her hand the day you gave her up to me.” Talia said calling her out on her hypocrisy. The first time their father died, at the hands of Bruce Wayne, Nyssa had used the Lazarus pit to raise him from the dead. At the time whilst she feared her father, she did not hate him as she had come to do in the years following his revival.

Her hand tightened around Sara’s as she mentioned Lourdes coerced involvement in Ra’s resurrection.

“I was a stupid teenager, still clinging to the illusion that our father could grow go to love me. You knew better. Yet, you chose to lie to me, to use my daughter, _your niece,_ even after I had forgiven all past transgressions so that WE could have a better future… Did you ever care about me at all Talia?” Her voice broke in heartache at her sister’s betrayal. While the two would never be as her beloved and her sister had been, all Nyssa had ever wanted was her sister to care.

“Your sister was right to revive me –”

“This does not concern you.” She interrupted. Sara could tell she was testing him. In no circumstance would she ever have spoken to her father in such a manner in the past. She wanted to see if Ra’s was truly capable of the change he spoke of.

“A seer came to me about your pregnancy, which is why I reached out to you in the first place. The seer prophesised the opening of the Pandorica and a war that would devastate, not just our earth, but every earth in existence. She said that your daughter would be the one to open it and be trapped inside it forever…and your fate, set to be one worse than death itself. If the Pandorica is opened, a new world order under the devil himself will arise… So, tell me again how I do not care for you.”

Tensions were high in the room, for people so schooled in controlling their emotions, in this moment the entire al Ghul family were a calamity of raw emotions. Sara and Saracon were long forgotten as they raged at one another.

“Our father is the only way I could see us preventing this war. The war in Gotham will be nothing compared to what has been promised.” Talia explained.

“I want to believe you, I honestly do. But your one true defining characteristic has always been your blind devotion to our father, no matter how many times he has broken your heart. I was once the same and I _finally_ learnt that the devil is the man who stands in front of us… yes he hides behind something akin to humanity but he will always be the devil to me.” She was cold and unforgiving in her delivery. Every hateful word said looking right into his eyes so he could see the depth of hurt he caused her.

“None of that matters, the weight of the world was on my shoulders and I needed Ra’s al Ghul to help protect my family, for whatever he is, he has always protected us, and I won’t apologize for that.” Talia responded letting go of the hand that held Saracon and stepping towards her sister.

Nyssa laughed a vacant laugh.

“When exactly?” Nyssa laughed again at her sister’s words.

“Your mother ABANDONED us!” Talia shouted stepping up to Nyssa’s face. Saracon moved to pull her back but Sara signalled for him to let it happen. The blonde knew what it was like to have hidden resentments towards a sister, and she knew that for them to heal they would have to let it all out.

“Our father lost the two women who held his heart and instead of throwing us away he raised us. We had the best teachers, purpose and power. You only hate him because he did not give us the affection you have always so desperately sought. He wasn’t perfect but at least he was there.”

All former traces of laughter from the younger al Ghul were gone.

“Do not dare speak of abandonment to me. I lived my life suffocated with loneliness from your abandonment. Father was there as hand around my neck bending me to his will… and I know my crime against the both of you, was the fact that each day I looked more and more like the woman who left you and you hated me for it, only I never knew why, did I? I wasn’t privy to the fact that she had left and not died. I hated myself because you both made me believe there was something wrong with _me_ , that you couldn’t just love _me…_ but guess what, my mother left me too.”

Nyssa turned sharply to hide the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She began breathing deeply to calm herself and Sara moved to comfort her as a silence fell over them.

The words that cut the silence surprised them all.

“Nyssa’s right. Amina left with the last piece of my heart and all I had left was – ”

“YOU HAD ME! Amina’s actions were not _my_ fault.” Nyssa shouted unable to quell her anger.

His words were not the comfort he intended to the two sisters. They had a long history of hurting each other, all three of them, and the root of their coldness had always been their father. Years of pain, resentment and betrayal were all coming to a head.

“I raised you as I did to make you strong. I loved you both in my own way.” His pleading words seemed to move something in Talia, who’s tears flowed freely.

“The sad thing is, I truly think you believe that.” Her voice lacked its usual strength, it was soft and resigned in a way that made Nyssa angry.

“Nyssa…” Talia spoke.

“I am sorry if I am not as moved by our father’s words as you are. How can I be? This is the man who condemned the very person he claims to love, to death.”

“Something that haunted me to the afterlife and back. I am not that man anymore. I’ve stayed away all these years, protected you from afar and let you forge the path you have always wanted. I’ve known since you were a little girl that your heart is soft and for so long I sought to stamp that out of you because I understood it to be a weakness. I was wrong. You have always been strong.”

Talia opened her mouth but no words came out. She was as shocked by his words as her sister.

Nyssa shook her head at his words. Words she had known her entire life, it had only taken death for her father to see this.

“I don’t believe you! All my life I wasn’t good enough, even when I was the best. At any success you would always remind me of my failings.  It makes me sick that I still loved you after everything. After you stole what I thought was my only purpose in life away from me. After you married me off to Oliver, _your would-be son_ , like I was nothing more than cattle… I didn’t want the world, all I ever wanted you to be was my father.” Her voice was hard and cold. She would not move to forgive this man that had wronged her so.

“All these years and you still so desperately cling onto your hatred of me.” An undercurrent of anger seeped into Ra’s voice. He had given her his apologies in hope they could move forward, but being reminded of his failures was not something that would sit well with him.

“Where is the same mercy you showed for your beloved little bird, where is the forgiveness you have shown her repeatedly?” His voice was on the cusp of begging as he pointed to Sara in despair.

“That is something you will never understand father. Forgiveness is earned, and what have you done to earn my forgiveness?” She asked rhetorically.

“You kept my daughter away from her father. A father that would have raised her and loved her as a parent is supposed to love their child…It is love that wills for forgiveness and my love for you died long ago. I will never forgive you for everything you put me through.”

Sara smiled with pride looking at Nyssa standing up to her father after so many years of agony.

“Nyssa, please. Daughter, let me care for you.” The demons voice strained pain. It was unsettling to see him so visibly affected by another’s words.

“Where was this man when I needed him!” She shouted her temper getting the better of her once more.

Talia looked torn between her father and sister. There was too much between them all and she could see she would have to make a choice between them.

“I am sorry,” he begged again.

The brunette said nothing in return. She sighed and wiped away the tears that had escaped. In the silence she sought out the blonde for comfort, sending her a smile even amidst all her suffering. She had finally released years of pent up feelings and words she had always needed to say to Ra’s al Ghul.

“You’re years too late in your apologies. I do not have the energy to hate you anymore. I couldn’t care less if you live or you die. Just stay away from my family.”

“It saddens to hear how damaged I have made you,” he threw back at her in insult. The man she once knew flashed in anger for just a moment.

“Damaged?” Sara said exasperated.

“Beloved it’s all right.” Nyssa said turning her head to give her a reassuring smile.

“I may be the devil in your eyes, daughter, but you are neither perfect nor as good as you would paint yourself today.” He spat back at her.

“Father.” Talia reprimanded attempting to deescalate the situation.

Nyssa gave out a cold victorious laugh as her father reverted to his old self.

 “No, look. There he is… _our father_ , the fearsome Ra’s al Ghul. This pitiful façade you now wear does not suit you old man.” His eyes instantly became the cold dark orbs they once always were as he narrowed his eyes at her.

“That would-be son of mine you detest me for making you marry is the father to your child, I did not force you into that.”

Nyssa’s smile fell from her face. While she would never wish away her daughter for anything, a parted of her hated that it had been Oliver that had been the father of her child. While she didn’t hate him, she hated that her she had shown any affection to the man who her father had chosen for her.

“And you…” he said now pointing at a confused Talia.

“The man you claim you hate for stealing away my focus from you, a man I suggested as your betrothed, is now the man you seek affection from. That monster of yours, Bane, is nothing more than a tool for you, I see through you too… You both claim to hate me for everything I was and yet you created your own League of Shadows.”

He looked between his two daughters as he ranted.

“Everything you are is because of me!”

Nyssa shook her head with a wry smile. She looked to Talia with an expression that said, ‘how could you fall for his lies again?’

“You can take ownership of being the creator to the monsters we became, but you will be the author to my story no longer. I can proudly say that the woman that stands before you today, strong and unbroken, is in spite of you, not because of you.” Nyssa’s words were said with a fervour she had never had before. All the past baggage she had carried on her back, from her father’s lack of love, ill treatment and condemnation was finally let go as she said those words.

“I am not the sole cause of all the bad things in your life. Your mother and brother abandoned you, your sister abandoned you and even your _beloved…”_ His venomous words were dripping in disgust.

“…SHE left YOU. Just as I warned you that she would... and one day when your daughter abandons you too, you will understand that it is your selfishness that drives people away.” He was lashing out, trying to wear her down by using her biggest insecurities.

It took Nyssa’s warm hand slipping into the blondes to prevent her from attacking the pitiful former demon head.

“It’s astounding that you can’t see they were all on you.” Sara said defending the brunettes honour. 

“You cannot tear us apart and I am no longer your property to abuse and tear down.” Nyssa added proudly.

“I am not surprised that this always comes back to your little bird. She has never deserved you and she has neither loved you in the right way.” He was desperate as he continued.

“What would you know of love Ra’s?” Sara questioned losing her temper.

He ignored Sara and turned back to Nyssa.

“Love is the Demon offering to turn a blind eye to your beloved’s attempt at fleeing Nanda Parbat, if she only returned to you. I knew it would break you and I told her as much… and she still left you _._ She _chose_ to break your heart; and even when you released her from the league, I did not punish you for your actions. I let you grieve and yet I am still the devil.” He was visibly worked up, his breathing laboured and forehead glistening with sweat.

Nyssa looked at Sara’s wide guilty blue eyes. 

“Father, enough.” Talia chastised firmly, finally making her decision to stand by her sister.

“I..I-“ Sara stuttered in the face of Nyssa’s hurt.

“Ah.” Ra’s said, pleased with himself.

“I thought you wanted to make amends.” Saracon spoke up obviously disappointed at the turn of events.

“I did but I will not be the only demon here.”

“None of us here are perfect. I do not care about whatever victory you think this is. What difference does it make now?” She questioned seemingly unbothered. Sara knew that was not the case, even as her lover pulled her in closer.

 “She’s a mother to my child and I’ll always love her. I do not want or need your approval on who I do and do not love.”

He sighed in defeat having successfully managed to alienate everyone in the room, including the one daughter who had always been on his side.

“You will never be in my life again, and certainly not my daughters’.”

He opened his mouth to speak and was slapped with the coldest insult he had ever received.

“Death is too good for you. I hope you live forever, suffering alone with the monster you are.” Nyssa’s voice was ice cold.

“One day soon you’ll need me because you all do not know how to be without Ra’s al Ghul.” He growled in defeat.

“Get out.” Talia dismissed him before he even finished his sentence.

He was slow as he used his cane to walk out the door, sparing a single glance back before moving out of sight. Nyssa could not bring herself to look at him, she was done with the Ra’s al Ghul chapter in her life.

“You keep him away from my daughter.” Nyssa instructed her siblings once they were alone. Saracon and Talia agreed and soon left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I did the complex relationship between Nys and Ra's justice. Let me know what you think will happen.


	46. A Parent's Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if we ruin her?

**A Parent’s Love**

When Oliver found Nyssa, she was alone in an abandoned office in the deepest part of the bunker. She was holding Sara’s copy of the poetry book Suhad had gifted her, long forgotten as she sat staring off into the distance dazed.

“Diggle and the team have arrived.” Oliver said quietly.

“I’m glad, is your son safe?” Nyssa responded after taking a moment to collect herself.

“Yes, Barry bought William… and Sara’s old team have arrived too.” He explained moving to take the vacant seat beside her.

“Oh, I didn’t know to be expecting them.” She was demure as the emotional toll of the last few days were beginning to take their toll. He shared her sombre mood as the last few days had been more than enough drama for anyone. 

“They heard through the grape vine, duty is calling for everyone with the ability to help it seems.”

The brunette was solemn and Oliver recognized the expression on her face. An emotion only formed from the disappointment and pain caused by a parent; one he too had worn many times before the passing of his mother.

“I heard what happened with your father after I left… How are you holding up?” He was sincere wondering truly how the mother of his daughter was dealing with everything.

“Honestly?” She asked meekly.

Oliver gave her an encouraging smile for her to continue.

“I feel like murdering someone... I’m furious at everything and everyone and most of all my father. We’re on the eve of war and instead of preparing I’m sat here wondering why I was so damned to have a mother who abandoned me and a father whose sole purpose seems to be to destroy me.” There was a dangerous undercurrent to her words.

“There’s another kind of anger that parents can pull out of their children. I understand what that’s like… I’m sorry for all the pain he has caused you.”

Oliver reached over to rest his hand on hers. A gesture meant in comfort but it angered the brunette. She clenched her fist and her leg was tapping away as her fury simmered beneath the surface.

“It’s ok, let it out.” He encouraged, seeing the tears forming in her eyes.

“AHH!” She screamed overcome with emotion.

“Why does he _still_ have such a hold on me?” She shouted viciously throwing the book in her hand at the opposite wall.

“Why!” Her voice louder still.

Oliver could do nothing but be there, she needed to get the emotions out and he understood that.

She continued to lash out, knocking over the rest of the contents on the desk and banging her fists into the wall, yelling and screaming overcome with emotion.

“WHY?” Another fist into the wall.

“WHY!” A kick knocking over the adjacent cupboard.

Furniture around them came crashing down, banging and clanging, but nothing as loud as her yells.

“Why?” Her voice broke.

Tears were freely falling down her face.

She looked so vulnerable, like a small child. She fell in on herself, sliding down the wall and hanging her head in her hands.

The clanging stopped and the only noise ringing, from wall to wall, were her deep sobs. It pained the vigilante to see her so affected. While they had become close friends in the past, even after Laurels death he had not seen her break down like this.

Oliver followed her and took her face out of her hands, and when she pushed him away, he let her. He tried again and again, only to be met with her hands beating into his chest. 

“Nyssa, its ok,” He spoke softly.

She beat his chest again and again, each hit softer than the last.

Soon she finally gave in and collapsed into his chest.

“Why does he torment me like this?” She asked, voice small and muffled into his chest.

“I’m so sorry.” He replied running a comforting hand through her hair.

“What’s so wrong with me, why couldn’t he just _love_ me?”

She clung onto him like her life depended on it. She hated being weak or vulnerable in front of anyone, yet her and Oliver had come a long way in all the years they’d known each other. There was a time when she would have sooner died than have him comfort her, but for all their clashes, they were similar in more ways than they would admit to.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with you, he is the broken one, you hear me.” He hushed her, pulling back far enough to look at her.

She refused to meet his eyes.

“Nyssa, look at me.” He used his hand to tilt her chin up to him.

“You are not the monster he makes you feel like you are. You have a strength in you like nothing I have seen before, you are a warrior, a queen; and I am proud that _you_ are the mother of my child.” She looked up at the blue eyes he shared with their daughter and cried more.

“What if we ruin her, as my father ruined me?” Nyssa’s voice trembled.

“You are nothing like your father. Our daughter is loved, the right way… I’ve only known her for a short time and already I can see the amazing person she will grow up to be and that is because of the choices you have made and the love you have provided.”

His words were sure and heartfelt. He brought their foreheads together in an affectionate gesture.

“We can do this. We _will_ do everything in our power to protect her. We owe it to our little girl.” He whispered giving her a kiss on the forehead before bringing her back into an embrace.

They stayed like that for a while, Oliver holding the brunette letting her cry into him, allowing her to let go of all the emotions that tormented her.

When her tears had dried, they parted and sat on the floor, side by side, in a comfortable silence. Nyssa collected the book she had previously thrown away.

“How are we going to protect our daughter amidst the greatest war we shall ever see, a war in which she is the pinnacle point?” Nyssa asked.

“I think we should send her away maybe, just for a short while. Send her into hiding, protected, until we can find and destroy the Pandorica.” He answered after a while.

“I don’t want to leave her again, but I know I cannot fight this war and be with her.” She answered fiddling with the book in her hands.

Before he could respond the door opposite them crashed open, with an excited Lourdes at the door.

“Mommy, I just met my brother, he’s SO cool and he looks just like Ol – daddy.” Her eyes widened as she finished her sentence. It was the first time she had referred to him as any variation of father, and the moment was not lost on the man beside the brunette. The heart melting smile he gave her encouraged her to continue.

“We’ve got the same eyes too, just like dads.” She exclaimed in excitement. Rushing over to the seated pair.

“Let me see,” Nyssa said playfully, taking the girl on her lap and bringing her face next to Oliver’s to assess the statement. She held her up and Lourdes dramatically opened her eyes wider so her mother could inspect.

“Hmm…” Nyssa said looking between the two, both with similar electric blue eyes.

“You’re right, you do have your father’s eyes.” Lourdes smiled brightly back at Oliver, who kissed her forehead affectionately.

“Eeeeverybody says I look exactly like my mommy.” She said elongating the words in emphasis.

“You have your mother’s beauty and even better, her intelligent mind and good heart.” He whispered looking at the brunette kindly. 

“Good, I want to be just like mommy when I grow up.” She said hugging her mother tightly. Lourdes knew what her mother needed unintentionally and it warmed her heart.

Seconds later, a teenage boy came running through the door Lourdes had previously come through.

“There you are, you’re too fast for your age.” He said stepping into the room further.

“Mommy this is William, my brother!” She exclaimed proudly.

Nyssa was glad beyond belief at the bond they shared already. She stood up with Oliver to greet the boy.

“William, this is Nyssa, Lourdes mother.” Oliver introduced the boy who had an uncanny resemblance to the vigilante.

“I’m so pleased to meet you William. You look just like your father, as my daughter so hurriedly came to tell me.” Nyssa spoke smiling at him.

He awkwardly shifted in his place giving Nyssa a shy smile.

“Hi.” He answered his cheeks going red.

“I, uh, get that a lot.” He managed stuttering adorably.

Oliver smiled to himself at the exchange, watching his son awkwardly stumble over his words.

“Hey bud, have you introduced your sister to the flash?” Oliver said picking up Lourdes.

“YOU know the flash?” She said jaw dropping in shock.

“Yeah, you wanna go meet him?” William asked his sister happily. The little girl nodded emphatically, and grinned widely.

“Hop on little lady,” he said offering his back up for a piggyback ride. They raced back out the door, with a ‘laters’ in search for Barry Allen.

“I’m happy to see they are so taken with each other, although I’m not sure William’s as excited to meet me.” Nyssa admitted to Oliver who wore a mischievous smile and laughed at her statement.

“You’re wrong, I’ve only seen him do that around girl’s he has a crush on.” Oliver said laughing at the expression on her face.

“Oh right, our family is getting more incestuous by the minute.” Nyssa said shaking her head good-naturedly.

“It’s probably the accent, he’s got a thing for accents.” Oliver joked as they followed out after the pair.


	47. The Future And The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will the past determine our present and future actions?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have been absent for a millennia, I'm sorry!   
> I'm back though, more chapters coming soon! Enjoy :)

The Future And The Past

The entire collection of heroes and villains summoned by Talia were gathered in a conference as Commander Flag informed them of the situation.   
Nyssa was introduced to dozens of new faces, such as Barry Allen and his crew, Sara’s legends team and an array of other people come to join the cause.   
They stood in the hall preparing battle plans. It had been agreed that each different team would have a different focus as to avoid conflict between parties.   
Commander Flag and his suicide squad’s mission would focus on scouring the city to locate Malcolm Merlyn and his base. The Arrow and the Flash’s teams were to focus on setting up locations to initiate evacuating the civilians from the city. Talia made it clear that she wouldn’t hesitate to use the bomb to wipe out the entirety of Gotham to prevent the Pandorica from being opened. 

Since Bane’s invasion of the city, all villains and criminals alike were free to their own anarchic vices. The legends were appointed controlling the chaos of the streets and were to dissolve the witch trials headed by the madman known as Scarecrow, and more difficult still to convince those able and willing to fight to join their cause.   
As Commander Flag finished up detailing the mission he revealed something Sara hadn’t been made aware of. 

“The Princess Suhad’s rescue mission is to be headed by Ms Raatko and the Pharaoh Militia. I’ve also appointed Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy on the mission, Nyssa’s safety is of the utmost importance seeing as Mr Merlyn is adamant on capturing her.” Commander Flag explained much to Sara’s surprise.   
Soon after the meeting came to an end and all the various teams separated to plan their missions. Sara went in search of her girlfriend, who seemed to be avoiding her since the explosive meeting with her father. 

She finally located the brunette in the deepest part of the bunker which was restricted off to keep Lourdes away from prying eyes, lest anyone get any ideas of exchanging her for the promised immortality Merlyn was offering. 

Dinah sat solemnly watching Nyssa narrating a bedtime story to Lourdes who was about to drift off to sleep. 

“…And even though your aunt Laurel lost so much she did not let that change her heart. For even through loss and tragedy, the greatest strength is being able to continue on as a hero, and NEVER letting your pain consume you.” Nyssa’s voice was a wavering whisper towards the end. 

Sara often found that Nyssa would not tell Lourdes fairy stories, preferring to retell stories of amazing lessons real people in her life taught her. When the two had discussed it, Nyssa said it was because she wanted to raise Lourdes to know that strength and love isn’t something imaginary but real and attainable. 

Sara found it difficult to be so angry at Nyssa at that moment, but when she thought of the stupid mission she was going on, her anger flared again. 

Dinah took the sleeping girl from Nyssa’s arms opting to give the two privacy, reading the emotion on her daughter’s face. 

“Talk some sense into her, she won’t listen to me or your father.” Dinah whispered to Sara as she left the room. 

Nyssa was sat on the couch fiddling with Suhad’s poetry book when Sara moved further into the room. The blonde stood in front her hoping she would look up at her. 

“You’ve been avoiding me. You knew I’d never agree to watching you go on this suicide mission to save Suhad.” Sara’s voice was hard and cold with her anger. 

The sad smile Nyssa gave only enraged her further. 

“Nyssa.” Sara pressed more urgently. 

“Running away from the more difficult things has always been your forte, beloved.” She answered dejected as she looked up at the blonde. 

“So, this is not punishment for my not telling you about what happened with your father?”

Sara had known from the moment Ra’s revealed he offered to turn a blind eye to her attempting to flee Nanda Parbat, he planted the seeds of insecurity in Nyssa’s mind.

The olive-skinned woman shook her head with a tired sigh at the question. Sara took the seat next to Nyssa and took the brunette’s hands. 

Sara thought back to the events of the fateful day she left Nanda Parbat and began to explain to Nyssa. 

FLASHBACK***

Sara’s heart was the heaviest it had ever been since returning from her last mission. She assassinated a man in charge of illegal organ trafficking in front of his young children. Sara understood that this man was evil; stealing children and runaways from South African townships. Yet, as she’d slipped the arrows easily through her fingers and straight into his heart, the look in his young daughters’ eyes ripped her apart inside. These children would now be raised without their father, they would never know that she was the one that took him away from them. 

Nyssa had said the true punishment was for a person to die alone, and if they had to go it was better a loved one was there to share their final moments. Yet, that day, the comfort of those words had done little to quell the agitation within the blonde.

The entire mission had been the most strenuous and emotionally hard on her since leaving on Oliver’s boat over 5 years ago. Not only was she losing her soul to the strain of taking life away, as if she was a god to decide this, her mind had been on home ever since learning of the glades earthquake in her home. 

As hard as she tried to rid herself of the identity Sara, she still could not completely commit to Ta-er al-Asfer. While she did not know who she was, she knew she still loved and cared for the family she abandoned; and it was taking every ounce of restraint she had not to leave and never look back at the league. If it wasn’t for one thing. One person. 

“Mohannad informed me I would find you out here.” Nyssa said joining the blonde on the ledge she sat on staring across the horizon of Nanda Parbat. 

“Sorry I didn’t come to see you when I got back, I’ve just had a lot on my mind.” Sara apologized taking Nyssa’s hand in her own. 

The blonde was in emotional torment, her mind and heart were willing her to leave this place that trained her into being a monster. Her parent’s and impossibly good sister would surely weep at the woman she had become. Taking life after life with no repercussions. Her father’s heart would break. 

“What is troubling you so beloved?” Nyssa asked reading the pain behind sky blue eyes. 

“My soul…” The blonde began unable to properly articulate the depth of her suffering. 

“Like I told the girl who I rescued all those years ago, I’ll tell you again now, ta-er al asfer, your soul is beautiful.” Nyssa responded attempting to alleviate her pain. 

“And yet I am a monster who takes father’s away from their daughters. I don’t think those little girls would thank me.” Sara’s voice wobbled with burgeoning sobs. 

“Perhaps not… but I imagine the thousands dead by his hands and the parents who get to see their children return home would. I know the toll it takes, but it is for the greater good. You have wiped out evil from this world-“

“By taking lives as he did, what is the difference between him and I?” Sara interrupted sharply. 

Nyssa studied the blonde, so angry and lost; seeing the girl she first rescued so long ago. It had been a very long time since she struggled so heavily with a mission. The look in her eyes gave Nyssa an uneasy feeling she couldn’t explain, one she would come to later realise was recognition that Sara would leave her behind. 

“The difference is that he is guilty and you are not.” Nyssa answered. 

“I too have killed in cold blood, surely I am also guilty, surely I have no more a right to life than him and the countless others that have died by my hand.”   
Tears raced out of red tired eyes. She searched for comfort in dark brown eyes and for the first time, the understanding in those eyes was not enough. Her reality was quickly disintegrating in the face of seeing the person she had become. 

“Ta-er al-“

“Sara. My name is Sara.” The blonde corrected willing the dark-haired assassin to understand. She no longer could bare to be this monster which had Sara Lance’s eyes, and hands, and voice. 

“You are worried about your family.” Nyssa deduced. 

She knew everything about Sara Lance’s life, and especially how much she loved them. Despite taking on a new name and life, beneath it all Nyssa knew Sara Lance the innocent party girl who loved her family unfailingly was still there. 

“That’s part of it too.” She admitted. 

“Then let me alleviate your suffering a little, I have asked my father to allow me to go and investigate the earthquake and I will make sure your family are safe.” Nyssa offered stroking her cheek tenderly. 

Sara knew this was Nyssa begging her to stay without saying the words. For a while now the blonde had been restless and unhappy. Nyssa was increasingly concerned, shown by showering her in love, giving Sara a higher position by publicly titling her as her beloved, despite Ra’s al Ghul’s protests, despite the damage it did in bringing Talia back to contest her title as heir. 

“Nyssa, your father already threatened to renounce you as Heir because of your favouritism towards me… he won’t allow it.” Sara answered knowing Ra’s would never allow it, and she would never allow Nyssa to risk everything she has worked her entire life for, for her. 

“If it will ease your pain, I will do it.” She responded with tears in her own eyes. 

Sara could not articulate any response, she was in turmoil and she knew that it was only a matter of time until her torment overwhelmed her and she did something she would regret. It wasn’t until later that evening she snapped. 

Perhaps the blonde had always known she would go back, which is why she kept and hid the few belongings of Sara Lance’s she had been found with. 

Sara had tossed and turned all night unsure what to do. She knew the only way she could save herself was to leave Nanda Parbat and the all-encompassing darkness of the league.   
But Nyssa. Her first true love. 

Nyssa would never leave the league, she couldn’t even if she wanted to. It was her destiny and Sara had known from the moment she met the majestic commander princess that she was born to lead the league. 

And who was Sara to get in the way of something Nyssa had been working towards her entire life?

As the blonde kissed Nyssa’s lips softly goodbye, the words used to convince herself that leaving her lover behind was the right thing for them both, seemed to be hollower with every step away from their bed. 

The tears had flowed freely from the moment she walked away from Nyssa. Yet she didn’t cry for her own heartbreak but for Nyssa. She would take Sara’s leaving as a betrayal, because that’s what is was. Abandonment when she promised she wouldn’t leave. She promised she wouldn’t leave the brown eyed assassin alone, as her mother had in death, or her sister had in her childhood or as her father with his cold emotional distance. She promised she wasn’t like the others and she lied, she ended up being worse.   
Because Sara knew she was walking away with Nyssa’s heart like the luggage in her backpack. 

When she thought she had finally made it out of Nanda Parbat and into one of the neighbouring villages a rustling from behind caught her attention.   
Her heart stopped in fear that Nyssa followed her and came to confront her about attempting to leave. Had it been, she knew right then and there she would have convinced her to come with her, to run away with her. 

Yet, instead she met the cold dead eyes of the Demon himself. 

“I can’t go back, so if you want to kill me for deserting then just go ahead and do it.” Sara said after a long stare down between the two.

“This will break her heart.” Ra’s stated in a voice so human, unlike himself, Sara couldn’t help the surprise that washed across her face. 

“It pains me beyond words to leave but how can I love her when I do not love myself. I had no other choice, punish me if you want but you will only be hurting her.” Sara spoke honestly.

“You are correct. If I sentence you to death she will only hate me for it…”

There was an intense silence as Ra’s deliberated on his next words, words which shocked the blonde.

“If you return I will turn a blind eye to this, I will not punish you for attempting to leave.” He bargained with the care of a father he had never shown in Sara’s presence before.   
“Why would you allow that?” she questioned confused by his behaviour. 

Perhaps somewhere deep deep down inside there was care for his daughter afterall, beyond her use as an extension of himself.

“While you have gained no favours with me, I see that she is better with you here… and I too remember the sting of heartbreak.” Sara swore she heard his voice falter a moment. 

“I can’t do it anymore. I can’t stay… not even for her.” Her voice was tired but she didn’t have the strength to lie, loving Nyssa was not enough anymore. 

She couldn’t stay and she knew for a fact Ra’s would never allow Nyssa to leave with her, so she never even voiced the thought. 

She stood there like all those years ago, her life at the mercy of Ra’s al Ghul. 

“Then go.” It was spoken so softly she almost didn’t hear it. She studied his usually cold eyes for truth and his curt nod confirmed his words. 

Sara knew the Demonhead would never give her another chance and fled into the darkness without another word. 

She never knew why he had been merciful but something in her suspected that despite his cold and stern treatment of his daughter, a part of him genuinely cared for her.   
*** End Flashback


	48. Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is push and pull, give and take. Sara and Nyssa compromise to make their plans work.

Compromise

Sara regarded Nyssa in the silence that grew between them. Sara explained her escape out of Nanda Parbat that dreadful day to the solemn dark-haired assassin. Nyssa listened to the story and hadn’t interjected once to ask a single question and this made her nervous. Even in their toughest of times Nyssa was always able to articulate some response. Her face wore its trained unreadable expression but something her eyes gave away her sadness.

“You’re angry with me.” Sara stated.

“No, I am not,” she sighed deeply.

“Then say something, don’t shut me out.” Sara had been with Nyssa long enough to know her silence was her reaction to cover her deepest hurt.

“What do you want me to say Sara?” She spoke icily.

“So, you _are_ angry with me.”

Nyssa flashed her a look of annoyance, her stoic exterior would not be easily broken down.

“I told you I am not angry.”

“You’re stubborn.” She would usually laugh but the situation they were in was no laughing matter.

When no response came the blonde pressed further.

“I withheld the truth from you. You get to be angry for what I did... but please don’t shut me out. Don’t punish me like this, don’t lea-”

“Leave you?” She took the words out of her mouth.

When her eyes met familiar mahogany brown orbs the pain that lie behind them tore at her heartstrings. She was stunned to silence by the depth of hurt in them. Perhaps that’s why she never told her; not because she wanted to save her lover from more pain, but because selfishly she was ashamed she could hurt the one she loves so much.

“Don’t leave you like you left me… because I wasn’t enough to make you stay.” The vulnerability wavered in her strained voice.

“Nyssa…” The blonde began.

“You know it is more complicated than that.”

“I do not wish to rehash the ugly past, but just because I have accepted your decisions, does not mean they still don’t hurt me… I wasn’t angry with you because you left Sara, I was broken because you didn’t take me with you.” Tears formed in dark eyes and Sara’s heart ached at the wounds she caused with her actions all those years ago.

“I’m sor-”

“Please don’t, I know you are sorry.” She spoke in frustration. Nyssa sighed deeply and softened her demeanour, obviously never wanting to upset Sara.

“Beloved, in all honesty, I am _tired_. Truly tired… of the pain- not just about this, all the pain of everything. Life has been a long and arduous journey for me.”

For the first time ever Sara saw and felt the true depths of Nyssa’s pain. Her life had never allowed for her to achieve anything easily, especially in matters of the heart, the one thing people truly need to survive.

“Is that why you’re going on this suicide mission to rescue Suhad?” The blonde questioned without accusation but to understand her mindset.

Sara knew for a fact Nyssa would move heaven and earth to save her if it was the other way around, and she was in the place of Suhad. Yet, there was so much more to lose now, Merlyn and the world was on the look for Nyssa, and this was a risk Sara selfishly wasn’t willing to make.

“I have no choice but to oversee this mission, she is family to me, I love her and it makes me sick to my stomach at the thought of her being tortured for me.” Her jaw clenched rapidly as she clearly thought of her former lover.

“I understand that, but she her own league of warriors here to rescue her, let them do that. You need to be there for Lourdes.” Sara explained.

“And what kind of mother am I, if I teach our daughter it is okay to leave behind those that love and protect us in the face of an enemy?” She asked rhetorically.

“You won’t be able to teach Lourdes any lesson at all if you are not there.” Sara reasoned.

The brunette visibly shrunk at Sara’s words, although there was no malicious intent behind them the brunette could not help but be reminded of her previous absence from her daughters’ life.

“I have to do this, and even if I am captured, it is better me than Lourdes.” Nyssa spoke thoughtfully.

Sara wanted to argue and scream; to shout at her and tell her she couldn’t lose her. Yet, she knew there would be no swaying her on this decision. That was the best and worst thing about her lover; when it came to matters of the heart she loved ferociously and unyielding; and if you were lucky to be the one she loved there would be no stopping her in her devotion.

“So, what am I to do while you run towards danger, do you expect me to just sit here and hope for the best?” She wondered seriously.

“You’re going away for a while, to somewhere safe, truly safe.” Nyssa revealed more information she had yet to share with the blonde.

“I am going nowhere without you.” Sara said before Nyssa was able to finish her sentence.

A small smile pulled at Nyssa’s cheeks as she thought of hard headed they both were. Nyssa’s fingers slipped into smaller slender hands.

“I won’t leave you again,” Sara promised squeezing their conjoined hands.

“I’m not asking you to leave me, I’m asking you to wait for me somewhere safe until I rescue Suhad.”

Nyssa could see plainly on Sara’s face that she was not willing to be apart from her.

“I made you a promise on the way here that I would always come back to you, and I plan on doing exactly that. I will not make it easy for death to take me.” Nyssa reassured her.

There was a long period of quiet between the two, Sara sat leaning into Nyssa, their hands joined and both worrying of their uncertain future.

Long after Nyssa thought their conversation was over, Sara broke the silence with a surprising question.  
“Do you think you’ll ever completely forgive me for leaving you?”

Nyssa studied the blonde’s eyes and considered her query.

“Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. I have forgiven you long ago, but the scars remain and sometimes with the right pressure the scars remind me of the pain that caused them. I have found that love isn’t to be without pain, but to find someone worth the pain… the question you need to be asking is whether you will forgive yourself.”

With a few poetic words Sara was once again reminded that she was the luckiest person in the world. It astounded her just how someone so starved of love for much of her life managed to have a heart with unending depths.

“I love you,” Sara whispered pulling her heart shaped lips towards her own.

“I know,” Nyssa breathed, a smirk tugging at her lips.

Although there was a lighter atmosphere surrounding them, their words were completely serious.

Sometimes saying ‘I love you’ is not enough, the other part of love is understanding that your love is accepted and welcomed.

ii.

“So where is this safe place, Lourdes and I will be waiting for you?” Sara asked accepting the decision Nyssa had made.

The relief that briefly washed across the olive-skinned woman’s features revealed just how much she had wanted Sara to agree with her plans.

“Themyscira. I want you take your mother, Lourdes and William, along with my sister.”

  _‘I wish I had taken her to the place we always dreamed about. The Amazon.’ –_ Sara thought to the crypt message Suhad had left for Nyssa.

“Are you sure that is what Suhad meant in her message?” She asked unsure she was willing to entrust their daughter’s safety from cryptic messages in videos and funny hieroglyphists in poetry books.

“Yes, Lourdes and you will be safe there with _the Amazon women of Themyscira_.”

“And how do we get to this mystical land that no one knows how to get to?” Sara stated.

“Wonder Woman.” Nyssa explained with a twinkle in her eyes.

Sara’s mouth dropped a little in surprise.

“You’re telling me you know Wonder Woman?”

“Well, I know her as Diana, but yes I do, I met her during my time in hiding and I’ve already contacted her, she’ll be here tonight.” Nyssa explained.

“Ok, but the only way I agree to this deal is if you compromise.” Sara said. Nyssa smiled knowing Sara would never make things easy on her.

“What are you terms beloved?”

“Once Lourdes is safe I come back to join you on the rescue mission.” She revealed.

“Absolutely not.” Nyssa answered with the most resounding rejection she had ever given.

“I will not be able to fully concentrate if I am worrying about you too.”

“That never mattered before.” She said referring to the many missions the two women had successfully gone on together in their pastime at the league.

“That was before you _died_. Also, if the Pandorica truly requires me or Lourdes to open it, Malcolm will have no trouble using you to get to me.”

“He is using Suhad to get to you now, what is the difference?” Sara countered.

“The difference is, I’ll give him almost anything he wants to secure your safety and he knows that.”

“Fine, instead you will take Oliver with you on the miss-”

Nyssa interrupted almost immediately.

“I absolutely do not need Oliver’s protection.” She frowned annoyed.

“I know you don’t but I would feel a lot more inclined to not come back to find you if I was reassured there was someone there to protect you- _if_ you needed it. Plus, I don’t trust Ivy and Harley to not desert you in favour of saving their own skin.” The blonde explained.

“No.”

“…Nyssa.” Sara whined.

“Fine. Anything else?” She relented.

“That you find your way back to us.”

There was a heaviness to the statement that Nyssa wasn’t prepared for but she knew Sara was not jesting.

“I’ll always find my way back to you, beloved.” Nyssa promised, pulling Sara into her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again! Hope you enjoyed the last two updates, leave your comments and let me know what you think as always :) 
> 
> Do you think they have made the right decisions?


	49. Sins Of The Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara can feel something coming, but is she right to worry?

It was 3 am of the morning and everyone bar a few were catching some sleep before the pending missions. Nyssa sat on the bed which Sara and Lourdes were sharing. Lourdes was softly snoring as Nyssa kissed her forehead. Sara fidgeted and Nyssa began stroking blonde hair from her face. The brunette sat there for what must have been close to an hour before she finally spoke.

“I’ve done something you are not going to be pleased about.” Nyssa whispered her confession into the darkness.

The blonde was not awoken by it always having been comfortable to fall into deep sleep with Nyssa’s presence.

“I guess I understand now, why you never said goodbye. What is the right way to walk away from the one person who ever made you feel alive. I guess that’s why we can never say it. ‘Goodbye’ seems so permanent… You’ll never forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye, but I feel like something terrible will happen if we do.”

Although Sara continued to stir, she did not wake.

“I’ve made you and our daughter a promise to come back to you, so just know I intend on doing just that, no matter what I may face as I walk into this godforsaken city.”

She placed a letter in the space she usually occupied in the beside Sara before dressing in her signature black and red battle gear.

Her wrist communication device vibrated revealing a message from Poison Ivy.

_‘Guards dead, teams all set to go… oh and Diana’s here. – Red’_

ii.

A feeling of absolute dread settled itself within Sara’s bones as she wondered around eerily empty halls of the underground bunker. She could hear the click clack of her boots as she ventured deeper into the darkness. She reached an old corridor with a series of steel doors. She was searching for something, she didn’t know what exactly but she had the urge to begin opening each door.

In the first door she opened Commander Flag sat discussing heatedly with the older Al Ghul sister; Talia. You didn’t have to be a lip reader to guess that Talia’s more genocidal tactics did not align with the governments appointed man. The two continued to argue not even bothering to pay any notice to the blonde.

In another door she walked into a library of old scrolls. Before she could even open one, she heard a distant giggling. She followed the giggling despite the anxiety which caused her heart to hammer in her chest. Her feet lead her to a room in which Nyssa and Lourdes sat in fits of laughter. The room was glass sealed and Sara was on the outside looking in.

“Nyssa.” She called out.

The two didn’t even seem to notice Sara banging on the glass separating her from family. 

A panic rose in her chest before the ground beneath her gave out and she was hurtling to the ground in a familiar fashion to when she was murdered on that Starling City rooftop years ago.

Everything seemed in slow motion as she was powerless to do anything but fall. Her arms and legs flailing around looking to grasp anything. Her stomach dropped and tightened as she got closer and closer to the ground.

She was dying all over again.

And just as she was about to hit the ground, a sharp whisper pulled her from her terror. 

“SARA!”  

The blonde was disorientated for a moment. She was breathing heavily and her shirt was soaked in sweat from her fitful nightmare.

As she gained her bearings she looked around the dark room to see Nyssa sat in front of her.

“I was having a nightmare.” She confessed reaching out for Nyssa.  

“I figured as much, you were tossing and turning all night.”

“I didn’t expect to find you here when I woke up,” Sara said hazily recalling Nyssa speaking with her in the night.

“I didn’t expect to be here, I even left a note, but I didn’t make it two steps out the door.” Nyssa spoke candidly.

Sara examined the letter she found beside her pillow:

_Beloved, I hope this letter will warm your heart more than the last I wrote to you. I know you’ll be angry I left without saying goodbye, but I hope the news of our new plan will help subside that anger. Allah-willing, I will be beside you once again, very soon. – Forever yours, Nyssa._

“You’re not as heartless as me,” the blonde added reminding them both of her own heart-breaking departure years ago.

“That is not what I meant… simply, it did not sit well with me, leaving you with Flag and my father, even if it was for only a short while until Diana came.”

Ra’s had been detained by order of Talia but they all knew with his skillset, if he was detained it was by his own choice. It was curious Nyssa did not seem to trust the government’s man Commander Flag.

“What are you thinking?” She prompted.

Nyssa wore a deeply forlorn expression upon her face and an anxiety in her eyes which worried the younger woman.  

“Commander Flag cannot be trusted, he was groomed and trained by that witch Amanda Waller after all.”

From what Sara had heard he seemed nothing like his predecessor but perhaps that was more dangerous, at least with Waller you could expect treachery.

“You think the government know a little more than they are letting on?”

“More than just a _little_. Flag has Suhad, he was the one who had her all along and this was all one huge set up.” Nyssa revealed as she began stroking Lourdes stirring form between herself and the blonde. Her jaw tensed in simmering anger at the betrayal.  

“He wanted to force you out of hiding, and now he knows your secret.” Sara concluded looking at Lourdes.

It made sense if she thought about it, the government would want to retrieve the Pandorica and also want to have Nyssa, Saracon and Lourdes in their custody as leverage to negotiate with, if the opportunity arose.

“So, what is the new plan?”

The previous plan was the remaining teams would leave in the late morning of the current day. Team Arrow, under the leadership of Diggle and Barry Allen, had already left the evening prior to scout out safe zones to begin secure evacuation areas for the citizens of Gotham.   

The legends were supposed to be deployed in the morning to attempt to dissipate the chaos of the streets and convince those with powers and willing to fight to join their cause.

Finally, Nyssa’s mission to rescue Suhad, would follow once there was some semblance of order with Gotham’s walls.

“Diana and my sister are waiting outside to take you, Lourdes, William and your mother away. You’ve got to leave in the next 30 minutes before all hell breaks loose here…” She trailed off leaving the rest of her sentence hanging in the air.

“Why would all hell break loose here?” Sara queried not liking the look on Nyssa’s face.

“I went to see my father agai –”

“Nyssa…” She growled through gritted teeth in frustration.

“I know, but Talia was right. He is the best person to help deal with all those that threaten to harm us.” Nyssa explained much to the chagrin of the blonde who was now up and dressing.

“This being the same _father_ who sentenced you to death?” Sara retorted.

“Despite how he has treated me in the past, and despite how unlikely that he has changed as much as he would have me believe, he was the one that figured out Flag’s rouse.”

Sara scoffed at Nyssa’s words but continued to listen nonetheless.

“He had Felicity trace Flag’s calls and communications and then locate the signal of Suhad’s broadcast. Felicity found other telecommunication systems in the area and revealed that same area making calls all to Flag’s number, all to Gotham. Commander Flag has had Suhad locked and tortured since she left us. ”

Sara was hardly impressed by the revelation and felt in her gut that Ra’s was not truly on their side.

“And how _exactly_ did Ra’s figure all this out locked in the dungeons?”

Nyssa didn’t respond and that told Sara everything she needed to know. He was no longer detained.

“You let him out.”

“He figured out Flags plan and now we have personal leverage over him.” She explained vaguely.

“Leverage?”

“My father sent his men to acquire a certain Dr June Moone. Turns out unlike Amanda Waller, Flag actually has a heart, one which belongs to this archaeologist. My father has arranged a transfer of hostages so we can all actually focus on stopping Merlyn.”

Sara stopped dressing to study Nyssa.

“What makes you believe your father didn’t set all this up?”

Sara didn’t believe the Demon could change, she understood there was some care for Nyssa in his heart but she knew he craved power more.

“Because Ra’s al Ghul had those scrolls for many years and never once tried to use me or my sister to find the Pandorica.” The deeply accented voice of Saracon Raatko spoke as he entered the room.

“Please excuse my interruption, it’s just Oliver wishes to bid Lourdes goodbye before you all leave for Gotham.” He added as Oliver tagged along behind him.

“Do you mind if I get her ready, it’s just I’ve never had the opportunity and-“ he stopped himself, but they all knew exactly what he had been going to say.

_And I don’t know if I’ll ever get the opportunity again._

Nyssa smiled at him glumly and Sara handed him her clothes once he lifted the sleeping girl and took her out the room.

“Perhaps Ra’s could not figure out that he needed a child of The Hidden to open the Pandorica, that does not mean he can be trusted.” Sara spoke again once she was left alone with the two Raatko siblings.

“Believe me I have no love or trust for my father, but he has given me his word and one thing he is not, is a liar. Furthermore, I trust in his love of legacy more than anything else, and he knows without me or my sister, he will not have a legacy to continue.” Nyssa answered bitterly.

“Who needs a legacy when the Pandorica promises immortality?” Sara asked.

“You’re right, but my father has known I was alive for years, and known about Lourdes for years and done nothing… and besides, I don’t need to trust him forever, only long enough to rescue Suhad and join you in Themyscira.”

Not surprisingly, the blue-eyed older brother spoke hoping to alleviate some of Sara’s suspicions.  

“I never told you about what happened with my father, mother and Ra’s…” Saracon began.

“Merlyn didn’t care about our mother or me. We were tools in his rise to power. He manipulated our mother and he betrayed her by stealing the scrolls after he had seduced my mother.” Sara noticed he barely looked at them as he explained his story, he was almost reliving it behind his eyes. While his voice had strength, anger, his eyes betrayed hurt.

“The scrolls are written in the language of the first people back in Africa, so he had to translate them as best he could. He figured out that only one of the elite hidden could find the Pandorica. He tricked our mother into revealing the location of the Pandorica at the Ashkri temples. The mountains in the Hindu Kush near Nanda Parbat. He also translated that only a child of the hidden could find and open the Pandorica.  So, he used me to try and find it.” He paused as he collected himself.

It was odd to see him in this state, compared to the light-hearted and jovial person he appeared to be.

“I was so young I don’t really remember much.  I just remember his disappointment when he didn’t find anything. He made me feel useless, I was just a tool for him… He left me standing in the darkness of the temples, alone, like I was not his own flesh and blood.”

Nyssa reached out to comfort her brother.

“It was _Ra’s_ who aided our escape and rescued my mother and I. My mother turned away from The Hidden when she learned that the leader, Ibadan, had organised the mission with Merlyn behind her back.”

“It was my mother who gifted Ra’s with the scrolls in an attempt get back at The Hidden for how they had used her in their corruption. That’s why Talia had them before Merlyn stole them.” Nyssa added.

Merlyn had caused all this chaos even before Nyssa was born.

“In the years we lived happily with Ra’s, a better father to me than mine ever was, he never once attempted to use me to find the Pandorica, nor did he use his daughter. Had we not been forced to return to The Hidden, I suspect history would have played out very differently.” He finished.

Sara took on board their explanations before relenting with a long sigh.

“If you trust him and believe we need him, then I trust you’re your decisions.” Sara complied taking Nyssa’s free hand.

There was little time to argue, Sara knew her priority was to get Lourdes to safety, at least a million miles away from anyone, including Ra’s, that could harm her.

“I imagine the government and SEALs don’t care about a hostage exchange and will certainly not be commanded by your father or your sister for that matter.” Sara spoke.

“Well, my sister is currently holding the entire city of Gotham hostage, so they really don’t have any footing and I doubt Commander Flag wants to tell anyone that he has been compromised in his position.” Nyssa answered.

Sara sighed again deeply, she could already see the ground beneath them crumbling, since her nightmares she couldn’t shake this irking feeling gnawing at her insides.

Nyssa could sense the worry in her lover and bought her into a desperate embrace.

“Once I have Suhad, I will join you. I do not plan to fight in any wars, you and Lourdes are all that are important to me.” She reassured the anxious blonde in her arms.  

“We won’t leave without you.” Sara warned.

Nyssa and Saracon exchanged a warm smile at the blonde’s words, knowing both how loved she was.

“I know.” She said as a small smile pulled at her lips.

A soft knock disrupted them a moment later.

“Come in,” Nyssa called out softly.

Seconds later, the regal towering figure of a goddess appeared through the door. Dress in her signature dress, Wonder Woman stepped into the room. Her beauty was beyond that of the stories and videos. She had glowing golden skin, long radiant hair, warm inviting eyes and she spoke in an enchanting heavily accented husky voice, she captured the immediate attention of all in the room.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So do you think Nyssa is making the right decisions? Trusting her father? Going after Suhad? 
> 
> Comment and let me know your thought! 
> 
> Going to be updating more regularly again, once a week hopefully!


	50. I'll See You Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't tell me goodbye if you love me, tell me you'll see me again soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little chapter, but more loaded chapters are coming soon.

“Hello…” The goddess-like figure of Wonder Woman spoke directly to Sara.

“You must be Sara Lance, I am Diana.”

“Wonder Woman.” Sara finished off clearly a little star struck.

“I, I, I’m a- a _huge_ admirer of you- your work.” She stuttered.

Nyssa watched on amused before saving her stammering beloved.

“I can assure you she _can_ actually talk in proper sentences.”

“Enough, you’ll have ample time to fangirl over Diana once we have gone, now come on.” Talia said barging in behind her.

“I see Talia is not such a fan.” Sara stated.

“That’s an understatement, she’s tried to kill me before… twice actually.” Diana said following the older sister out.

Sara collected the remainder of her belongings and followed the other women being ushered out by Talia.

They all gathered in the hall nearest the bunker entrance. To one side stood the Pharaoh Militia, all prepared in their sandy coloured battle gear, along with the more colourful duo of Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn.

Saracon stood conversing with Talia and Diana nearest the exit.

Sara’s eyes settled on the small group comprising of her family. Dinah and Quentin were embracing, clearly saying goodbye. Lourdes was clinging tightly to William and Oliver; who stood with tears in his eyes. Nyssa watched on beside them, giving Oliver a moment with his children.

Sara moved to bid her father goodbye as he was staying with Saracon, to aid the teams on their missions.

She was enveloped between her parents, and there was a bittersweet feeling in her chest. She could feel the gaping Laurel sized hole in their embrace.

“You look after yourself dad,” Sara said as he kissed her forehead.

“And you protect our little girl, nothing else is more important than that.” He added looking over at her sorrowfully.

Sara and Dinah joined Nyssa and Oliver as Quentin ruffled Lourdes hair and walked away.

“We’re all going to see each other again real soon, you won’t even notice we are gone Lourdes.” Oliver explained. Lourdes was holding the hands of each of her parents tightly and tears streamed silently down her red cheeks.

“I don’t want to leave you,” she mumbled through her tears. She looked up at Nyssa and Sara knew it was taking everything in the other woman to not pick up her daughter and run from everyone.

“You’re not leaving me, I have to go get auntie Suhad and then we will all be together again.” Nyssa spoke bending down to bring the increasingly panicked girl into a hug.

“No! I want to stay with you!” She shouted, Nyssa’s comforting only making things worse.

Nyssa’s jaw clenched furiously. They could all see the heartbreak behind her eyes even as she put up a front.

“Lourdes, there will be no more tears. I don’t want you to cry for nothing, you go with Gaga and William, I’ll be seeing you soon.” The brunette promised, not being able to take a second longer feeling the guilt of leaving her.

Lourdes sobs became louder with each step she was dragged away from her mother by Dinah.

“Sara, we have to go,” Talia prompted.

The blonde nodded and the others left leaving her alone with Nyssa near the entrance.

 Sara was already teary eyed before she even managed to look into familiar russet brown eyes.

“This isn’t goodbye. It’s ‘see ya later’” Nyssa spoke in an American accent to pull a slight smile from Sara.

“It better be, or so help me God, I wil–  ”

“ _I know_.” There was no need to elaborate. Sara’s love for Nyssa was just as fierce and she would burn down the world to find her.

 

The small group followed the taller figure of Diana Prince. Lourdes was being carried by William, as she cried deep painful sobs.

Sara wanted to comfort the girl but she knew there was nothing that ease the pain of their separation. Sara also felt the same anxiety and pain within her and perhaps that is why she was at a loss as to how the comfort her daughter.

There was little talking on the helicopter ride to the boat they would be taking to Themyscira. All the family felt a similar fear and anxiety with the more distance they put between themselves and their loved ones.


	51. My Sister, My Keeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little insight into the relationship between Nyssa and Talia, through Talia's eyes.

Once fully boarded on the small SS. Mira they set off for Themyscira. Sara had managed to settle Lourdes down. The little girl had exhausted herself and managed to drift off into a deep sleep. Sara sat with her on the deck watching the dark waves as land disappeared into the distance.

She itched to phone Nyssa and hear her voice once again but she knew, Nyssa would check in when she could. That was something she had always relied on, especially during her days in the League. The blonde thought of all the missions Nyssa had carried out alone when Sara had yet to be allowed to join her. Sara had realised just how fast and hard she’d fallen for the assassin when she found herself worrying incessantly over the brunette’s safety.

She was bought out of her thoughts by an unexpected companion.

“I recognise that look.” Talia spoke sitting down across from Sara, who sat with Lourdes sleeping across her legs.

“I know she can handle herself… and yet even after all this time and all she has survived, I still worry.” Sara spoke honestly.

The older al Ghul sister studied her, clearly looking for some answer to a question in her head in Sara’s eyes.

“For a long time, I never truly believed you loved my sister. At first, I thought it was nothing more than infatuation or gratefulness because she saved your life. I’ve found that when someone saves your life, your life no longer remains your own, you owe a part of it back. Yet, I see now, you’ve loved her all along.”

There was nothing she could say to that. For a long time, even Sara didn’t understand exactly what kind of love she felt for Nyssa. It only took two deaths, one of those being her own and the other being Nyssa’s fake death; for her to realise she loved her more than all else.

“I could say the same about you.” The blonde retorted.

Talia smiled with a distant look in her eyes.

“Touché.” Her voice came out tired and for perhaps the first time ever Sara saw regret in dark eyes.

“Why did you come with us, it is not like you to sit out in a fight?” Sara wondered. Talia was not one who could sit idle, and it had been surprising to her from the moment she found out.

“I’ve been benched… I suspect this is Nyssa’s punishment for me because I bought back our father.”

“I think she’s sent you with us because she truly has complete faith in you. She trusts you to keep Lourdes safe.” Sara countered.

Her relationship with Talia had never been one where they were comfortable enough to reveal their deepest feelings; but now, she found true comfort in the older sister. Talia had changed in ways Sara never imagined. There was a maturity about her that was unexpected. Yes, she was still the maniac willing to use a nuclear weapon to neutralise a threat, but she was a much more _human_ maniac.

“Perhaps, but she can trust me and still want to punish me.”

“What happened between you and Nyssa?” Sara asked wanting to understand the other woman better.

“She never talks about exactly when things went wrong. Until recently she barely talked about how she felt about you, just that there was nothing but hatred between you.” She clarified.  

“There’s so much that drove us apart. I have many reasons for treating her the way I did, and I don’t know if our relationship will ever be as sisters should.” Talia began.

“No matter how awful, believe me when I say, there is nothing not reparable with a sister.” Sara answered thinking of her own relationship with Laurel.

“I was born in a pit of darkness, with nothing but my mother to shield me. When my mother died and I escaped our prison and found my father and eventually Amina, it revived all hope and love lost from my grief.”

Talia spoke so candidly Sara felt all old negative feelings she had towards her disappear.

“And when Amina was pregnant with Nyssa, I had never been so excited. I prayed and prayed to Allah that it would be a girl, a little sister that I would always protect…”

Talia’s usual expressionless mask fell away with every word until her eyes revealed so much pain it truly surprised the blonde.

“When she was born, I don’t think I have ever been so happy. I finally had a family, a happy one at that… I know it is difficult to imagine but we were, _happy._ ”

Her dark eyes much like her sisters were faraway clearly reliving the past.

“Then Amina left. She took our brother and left us. My father was broken by it and he grew colder by the day. At first it was okay, she followed me around everywhere, she was like my shadow, begging and begging to go everywhere with me and we were inseparable.”

It warmed Sara’s heart at the image of the two sisters truly getting along.

“But as I was named heir and my father was relentless in his expectations and training, it began to drive a wedge between us. My father was no longer the hero I’d risen out of the pit for. With each day Nyssa grew to look more and more like the woman who broke our hearts, and maybe I really am my father’s daughter but I became more distant with her for the same reason.”

“That wasn’t her fault.” Sara commented sadly.

“I _know_ that and I tried for as long as I could to be a good big sister, to protect her… until father sent for Nyssa to begin her training. Then, I saw the image of the rest our lives, our father forcing us to compete and deceive each other. Very quickly I saw there was no room for affection and comforting in the league. If I had loved her as other siblings do she would have grown up weak, and in our world death soon finds weakness.”

Sara thought to her lover’s breakdown months ago. Nyssa had broken down, nearly torn herself away from the blonde because she believed Sara couldn’t love her because she was forced into a life of murder. At 9 she had killed a boy three year her senior and for the rest of her life it sat on her conscience since.

“Your father’s _training_ was nothing short of torture and instead of helping her you abandoned her. She lost her innocence far too young. How can you say you protected her?” Sara accused.

“Family has and will _always_ be the most important thing to me. Love and kindness were stamped out of me as I grew, but I do love my sister, I _always_ have. Knowing Nyssa and I are together again, fighting for family does stir some sort of nostalgia within me. And I know Nyssa still harbours resentment towards me for leaving her to deal with our father alone. I understand that, I do. Yet, I can only hope she will come to see that it was done for the greater good…”

Talia was almost pleading in her explanation, and Sara could visibly see that this was something Talia felt immense guilt about. The singular tear that descended down one of Talia’s olive cheeks was not unexpected but it was odd as Sara had never seen her cry before.

“Besides, she is the woman who loves _you_ so fiercely because she as starved of it.” Her voice wavered as she made eye contact with the blonde’s light eyes.

“And she inherited the League, didn’t she?”

Sara watched as more tears followed the trail of the previous out red eyes.

“How much room is really left for resentment when you have the keys to the kingdom?” She asked rhetorically.

 ~~It should have never been hers though. Her heart is too tender.~~   The words Talia never said but were louder in the space between them than any she had spoken previously.  

“We could both live a million life times and still never deserve her.” Sara spoke, not with malicious intent but with heart-breaking honesty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wanted more content on the two sisters relationship as I like both characters so much! Let me know what you think of this chapter. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking through this journey with me! 
> 
> :)


	52. Genesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonder Woman helps explain the origin story for the Pandorica.

The small boat SS. Mira had been travelling in the vast ocean for days. The sun had long gone down and the seemingly never-ending hours of darkness dragged on. Sara sat in the bow cockpit alone, everyone else had retired to their quarters hours ago. She tried to sleep and even though she was exhausted sleep never came. She was suffering from insomnia and anxiety. She worried about Nyssa, she couldn’t stop thinking of all the ‘ _what if’s’_ and what was to happen in the coming hours. She had yet to speak to Nyssa and checked her phone incessantly to no avail. The mood onboard had been sombre since leaving the port. Lourdes and William were generally quiet, finding the separation from their parents understandably difficult. Despite all Wonder Woman’s attempts to cheer them all up, there was still a depression growing within them.

Sara was bought out of her never-ending stream of worry by a call from the very woman she missed so dearly.

“Nyssa?”

Silence came from the other side of the phone. 

“Nyssa?” She spoke worriedly.

“Beloved, I’m here.”

“It’s been days.” Sara had been worried sick. It was supposed to be a simple mission, a transfer of hostages then the brunette had promised to be on her way to them. Days had gone by with no word from anyone in their camp.

“I know, and I am sorry...Gotham's been chaos." She explained.

"Is it done, have you got Suhad back?" Sara asked in desperation. She felt like a child but she couldn't hide the anxiety from their separation.

"Not quite, manoeuvring around the city is somewhat complicated when the city has descended into anarchy."

"You said it was a simple exchange of hostages. What does that mean?"

She heard a sigh from the other end of the phone. Nyssa was unsure, and that filled terror through the blondes bones. Never had she experienced Nyssa with any sort of doubt on a mission, and she knew to be expecting something awful to happen.

"Come back! Yougetoutofthererightnow," Sara's words rushed out in fear.

In the background she could hear Harley Quinn's distinct voice.

 _"Oh Red, wait till she hears about the posters for the Bounty on Nys's head... she will really lose it."_ A chorus of cackling followed which clearly belonged to Poison Ivy.

"Nyssa," Sara growled as her mood switched from worry to absolute dread.

 _"Don't worry Blondie, we've already literally risked our lives for your dear Nyssa."_ An unfamiliar voice called out.

 _"Selina please, don't encourage them."_ The stern unmistakable voice of Oliver Queen hushed the women.

"I want you to come back, I don't care anymore. As much as I care about Suhad, I won't watch you walk into fire for her, come back to _me."_ Sara pleaded once the noise in the background faded.

"Sara really, I'm okay. I'll be back with you and Lourdes before you know it. Besides, we're camped out in Arkham Asylum, no one will think to look for us here."

Her voice was not convincing and Sara could tell she was afraid. Of what, she could not be sure.

"I'm coming back to get you." She threatened.

"Don't you dare. If you leave Lourdes unprotected, I'll never forgive you." Nyssa spat back. The blonde worried even more, Nyssa was not one to emotionally blackmail which told the blonde things were bad.

"Then what am I supposed to do?" she cried out exasperatedly.

"What you promised... look after our daughter."

"And what about your promises to me?"

Sara's heart weighed heavy. On the one hand she wanted nothing more than to turn the ship around to go find her lover, on the other hand she knew that she could not leave Lourdes. Yes, Lourdes had Talia and Wonder Woman but she was her mother, and if anything happened to her, she would blame herself.

“I don’t want to fight with you anymore my love, with each day I feel us being forced apar –”

There was bustling in the background on the other end of the line, undistinguished voices called out and the sound of gunfire and explosions rang.

"Nyssa!" She heard Oliver’s deep voice shout.

"Sara, I have to go," she rushed out.

“Wait –”

"I _love_ you and please tell Lourdes I’m thinking of her, I'll see you soon." She added before the line cut abruptly.

“I love you.” Sara said into the dead line, hoping that somewhere far away, Nyssa could hear her call out.

She wanted to rip something apart because she felt so powerless. It had been a long time since the blonde had been in a position where she couldn't help the people she loved the most.

Tears raced down her cheeks as the feelings bubbled up inside. She sobbed quietly for a while and the sea seemed to mirror her mood. As she got increasingly irate the waves around her crashed violently into the sides of the boat.

She held on as the storm around her grew. A final rageful wave hit SS. Mira and sent the blonde knocking head first into the safety bar.

Before her world went dark, all she could think was, ‘ _not again, another shipwreck.’_

_ii._

When she regained consciousness, she was back in her chambers. Diana and Talia sat opposite her in the dining area, while Lourdes was sound asleep beside her.

She took a moment to quell the panic within her, to recover from the triggering events of her being knocked out.

"Good, you're awake. I think my sister would actually murder me if we lost you out there." Talia said jokingly but they all knew she was probably correct.

"It seems the ocean is determined to take my life, I'm surprised we've not been shipwrecked... but I figure we're probably completely lost." She spoke looking out the round window into the seemingly never-ending landscape of water.

A soft smile came from Diana as she offered her what looked to be a hot chocolate.

"Of course we're lost." The radiant goddess answered.

"What do you mean?" Talia retorted.

"How else are we meant to find a place which can't be found."

"Great, I knew you were nuts, I've always thought you were as loony as Harley and Ivy." Talia said rolling her eyes.

"I'll find it, it's my home. When I left in 1917 my aunt said no matter how lost I was, I would always find home if I followed my heart." She spoke in her beautiful thick accent.

"That's what we've been following? Your heart, are you serious?" Talia said in disbelief.

"I trust you," Sara answered before the al Ghul sister could add anymore.

Since boarding Sara had not been able to really talk and get to know the Amazonian Goddess. Sara was preoccupied with attempting to console Lourdes, and whenever she got the chance, she shut herself away. However, if Nyssa trusted her, then so did she. There was something in Wonder Woman’s eyes which revealed she was just good all the way through; and wasn't plagued with the many shades of grey all humans were akin to.

"I guess we have no choice but to trust you, in this tiny boat, in the middle of nowhere." Dark eyes rolled dramatically.

Diana ignored her and opted to instead pick up the book beside Sara,

' _My Last Words For You, My Love.'_

"Is this from Nyssa, I remember she was said she loved poetry." Diana wondered.

"No from Suhad, but some of Nyssa's poems are in there…I guess you must know Nyssa pretty well.”

The dark-haired woman moved her head from side to side.

“Saracon sent her to stay with me for a while after she left Lourdes with your parents. I was sceptical at first, considering my temperamental, _at best_ , relationship with her older sister – ” she teased.

“You’ve tried to throw me into prison, of course I’m not going to like you.” Talia shot back.

“Because you tried to kill me…”

Diana shook her head disapprovingly before continuing.

“Anyway, While Nyssa wasn’t exactly the most open person, I could tell she had a good heart.” Diana said with a smile in her voice.

Sara remembered Saracon mentioned they worked in animal conservation around the Zambezi River together.

“Is that why you’re helping us?”

“That and because I too fear what might happen if the Pandorica is opened.” She said a chilling seriousness to it.

She turned to look at Talia.

“You are not the only one who has heard prophecies of a great war, perhaps even the final war; the end of all days, the apocalypse, Armageddon… Ragnarok.”

Sara remembered the prophecy Talia had heard when she found out about Nyssa’s pregnancy. Lourdes would be the one to open the Pandorica and consequently, would be trapped inside it forever. There would be a new world order under the devil.

“What do you know about the Pandorica?” Talia pressed, now more interested in what the olive-skinned woman had to say.

“Only the stories from my childhood.” Diana began.

“I’ve come to find all the stories we are told by our nannies as children are often true.” Talia said solemnly.

“They say when the Christian God, Yahweh, cast away Lucifer, he was so hurt by the evil his angel had become that he pleaded with all the other Gods; Allah, Zeus, even the Buddhists fierce Deities. Some say they are the same, others say they are different, but who knows… Yahweh created a child and blessed her by asking all the other gods to present her with unique gifts to make her purer than all other humans he created. She was humanity’s hope. With these gifts she would be the all child, loved by all the gods.” She continued capturing the attention of both women.

“Lucifer was angered by Yahweh’s actions and so created a jar with water intended to make the god’s all child immortal; but, he kept this jar in a box filled with all the evils of humanity.”

“The Pandorica – Pandora’s box.” Sara added.

“Lucifer wanted to punish his father for turning him away. The greatest punishment, taking his most beloved creation away from him. By giving Pandora immortality, Lucifer would have her forever, doomed to never meet her creator in the afterlife. The box filled with the world’s darkest evils were Lucifer’s rage.” Talia analysed.

Diana nodded in agreement at her assessment.

“It is said that he gifted Pandora to… a woman named, Lourdes.” She said looking worriedly at the sleeping figure beside Sara.

Talia and Sara were dumbfounded.

“Wait what?” Talia asked completely shocked.

“I found it interesting too that rumours of the Pandorica would follow Nyssa; especially seeing as her daughter is called Lourdes.” Diana answered.

Talia and Sara shared a look which revealed they both suspected that this legend did not speak of Lourdes, Nyssa’s daughter, but Lourdes Nyssa’s mother. Sara recalled that Nyssa said Lourdes was her mother’s real name but Amina was the name she’d chosen in the incarnation when she gave birth to her.

“Lourdes is said to be Pandora’s mother. Over the centuries that part of the legend has been lost.”

“And what else does legend say?” Talia asked.

“An angel came to warn Lourdes about Lucifer’s plans; and to protect her daughter, her and her six brothers swore to protect Pandora and humanity from the evils of this box. Each brother took groups of their tribes across to the seven continents to protect her and mankind. They became – ”

“The hidden protectors of humanity.”

It was Diana’s turn to be surprised as Talia finished off her sentence.

“There’s very little texts on them but I can see you know more about the Hidden than I do.” Diana looked to her two companions who looked a slight shade paler.

“Let’s just say, I know exactly why they are called the Hidden.” Talia spat out as if a bad taste in her mouth. Sara could see the fury which simmered behind the sharp dark eyes of her lover’s sister. Since having the heart to heart with Talia days ago, Sara understood the intense hatred she had of Amina for abandoning and ruining her family.

“Nyssa’s mother, Amina, or previously known as Lourdes, was one of the seven elites.” Sara clarified.

“You think Nyssa’s mother is the _original_ Lourdes?” Diana questioned.

“It makes sense, if what is said about the seven elites is true.”

Sara thought it fit together too perfectly; Lourdes in the legend had six brothers and the hidden have seven elite members including Lourdes, Nyssa’s mother.

“Our brother said the elites are believed to have lived a thousand years and will live a thousand more through reincarnation.” Talia added.

“I guess it something less than legend and more like truth.” Diana said.

Sara thought about the secret society; the Hidden, a society which keep balance in the world, working for fate to ensure certain events occur. This could have been the protection started to protect Pandora.

“So, what happened to Pandora?” Sara wondered.

“Some say she opened the box and is trapped inside, which is why the world is filled with so many evil and horrible things. Lourdes and her brothers failed to protect Pandora and their punishment _is_ reincarnation forever. To live without hope, as in the story of Pandora’s box, and to live without their beloved child… Others say Lourdes was successful in protecting her daughter which is why she and ‘the seven’ were gifted the power of reincarnation, to protect the world, to become the hidden protectors of humanity, a gift from Yahweh for their success.” She finished.

“And what do you believe?” Sara pressed.

“I honestly don’t know what to believe. All I know is that The Hidden went to extreme lengths to hide the Pandorica. So much so that Pandora’s box became nothing more than a myth... and I don’t want to find out if legend is indeed fact.”

The women contemplated the story all concocting their own theories privately.

“I believe the Pandorica _is_ evil, but Amina cannot be the original Lourdes reincarnate. For if she knows the pain of loss, how is it that in her later reincarnations, when she was gifted more children, she abandoned them?” Talia asked.

“Saracon said that the elite could never have children, he and Nyssa were the first.” Sara added still unsure of how much was coincidence and how much was fact.

Before they had more time to ponder the boat jerked them all forward. A loud booming noise engulfed them as if the boat had crashed into a huge boulder.

The crashing was followed by an expected calm. SS.Mira seemed to still completely, it was as if they were no longer even floating on water.

Diana’s smile spread from ear to ear and her eyes lit up like a child on Christmas day.

“We’re here. We _found_ Themyscira.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have finally made it to safety!  
> What do you think of the chapter? Did you like the origin story for the Pandorica?  
> Leave your comments and let me know :)


	53. Gotham Descends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyssa's mission into Gotham sees chaos and death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violence and death in this chapter.

**Gotham Descends**

Meanwhile miles away from the hidden paradise Island of Themyscira, chaos descended on the streets of Gotham. The city was burning and there was nothing resembling paradise in the fire and mayhem contained inside it.

Nyssa and Oliver plans were set aside pretty quickly once they crossed the port into Gotham. At the port set up by Diggle, even with aide from Barry Allen and his crew, the evacuation of the city was going very slowly.  They had not managed to set up as many evacuation points as planned simply due to the lack of order within the city. This meant Nyssa and Oliver had to aide them for a couple of days before they could even properly enter the city to rescue Suhad.

On the out skirts Bane’s men patrolled and they could not be trusted as they were only following orders from the masked man. Gangs were set up on every block which made movement within the city restrictive. All the mad-men were free and villains from worldwide had come and set up base in the war zone that was now Gotham.

Nyssa and Oliver lead their team comprised of Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, Selina Kyle and the Pharaoh Militia, along with Commander Flag who now was bound as a hostage; towards the location where Suhad was being held.

Before they could reach the warehouse in the city centre they were nearly caught in the crossfire of a confrontation between a gang of men in scarecrow hoods and a family known as the Nuclear Family.

“There’s no way we are getting through that!” Selina Kyle spoke stopping Nyssa.

They were in the alley behind the justice building witnessing the confrontation play out. The Scarecrow men held automatics up to the family of six. They stood as the young daughter held her hands up to the men and beams of radiation spilled from her hands.

Nyssa began insisting on continuing and moving past them.

“Look, you’re not from round here, there’s NO way we are getting through them. I spent a good deal of time at Arkham bunked with the nuclear family over there. That radiation is not a joke, they crippled me and my plants with it.” Ivy said panic in her eyes.

“Fine, where do you suggest we go?” Nyssa relented.

“I have a suggestion… but no one’s gonna like it.” Harley piped up. The blonde was looking more towards her flame haired companion than anyone else.

Shooting started behind them and the team got down and immediately began moving back in the direction they came. Once they came to a quieter part of the town they stopped to allow Harley to speak.

“I think we should go to Arkham.” The blonde said uncharacteristically nervously.

“No.” Ivy responded voice icy.

“If you think about she’s got a point Red. All the loons are out, no one is gonna be there.” Selina spoke.

The sky was beginning to get dark and they really had no other options.

“Unless you can come up with a better idea I say we go,” Oliver spoke to Nyssa.

“We ride out the night at Arkham and at first light we leave…” Nyssa began to say.

“Well I say we get the hell out of Gotham, it’s gone to shit Nyssa. Let your friend go before you get us all killed.” The green-skinned woman spoke handing her a poster from the ground.

The poster was a ‘wanted’ poster with Nyssa, Saracon and Lourdes’ pictures plastered on them. They looked around them and noticed they were plastered on every wall in every direction.

“So much for keeping our daughter a secret.” Oliver said.

Nyssa was afraid, but she did not show it, she didn’t even act affected by it as she spoke.

“We make base at Arkham.” She commanded in a voice that meant it was not something that would be argued.

Once they made it to the insane asylum they set up base for the night. Oliver directed the Militia to secure the exits and set up patrols around the buildings.

Nyssa found a quiet place to phone Sara and check on Lourdes. It had been days since they last spoke and Nyssa knew the blonde had been worried sick. As they spoke and began to argue it dawned on her the rift that was building between them.

_“I don’t want to fight with you anymore my love, with each day I feel us being forced apar –”_

Before she managed to finish her sentence the guard on patrol came running into the area in which they were congregated.

“Someone is here!” he called out and signalled for them all to see the commotion.

Nyssa stayed put momentarily as she heard an explosion and gunshots from the entrance the guard had just emerged from.

"Nyssa!" Oliver shouted throwing her bow and arrows.

"Sara, I have to go," she managed.

“Wait –”

"I _love_ you and please tell Lourdes I’m thinking of her, I'll see you soon." She added before cutting the line and following Oliver.

She rushed over to find Bane, the masked man, and his guard in the break room of the asylum. Bane and his men had arrived in violent and wild fashion, having murdered a few of her Militia guards. Oliver, the suicide squad and remaining Militia stood with weapons all drawn towards the masked man and his accomplices. Commander Flag sat helplessly with his hands tied on the floor in the middle of the room watching the confrontation elapse.

It had been many years since she had seen Bane. She remembers his father excommunicating him from the league when she was only about ten years old. He now seemed to be three times bigger than she recalled him, much larger than anyone she had ever seen. His great muscles had tubes filled with green fluid pumping into them and his mask cover the majority of his face yet his eyes held a frightening rage.

“Put down your weapons.” Nyssa spoke to her crew who were all on edge, particularly the three Gothamite women in her crew.

None of her crew relaxed even a fraction.

“He- he broke the Bat, and now the city is war zone because of him… so excuse me if I don’t relax.” Selina Kyle spoke with a tremble in her voice.

His great form took deliberate slow steps towards the Catwoman. There was intense silence as the only noise in the room was the gurgling noise of Bane’s tank and the loud heavy breaths from his mask.

Despite the strong front the woman attempted to display, the trembling of her hand against her gun gave away her terror.

“The blithering storm has arrived and the fires rage on Ms Kyle… is this not what you wished for?” His dark green eyes held an intensity which shook the agile woman.

The ground beneath them began to tremble as thorny vines grew and cracked through the surfaces of the floor and window openings. Poison Ivy was evidently feeling threatened as she called upon her plants.

“Ivy enough.” Oliver warned.

The green skinned woman complied after a she was satisfied with the non-verbal threat she made towards the masked man.

Bane turned his attention to Oliver who stood beside Nyssa. He regarded him with something akin to amusement in his eyes.

“Al Sah-Him, brother, I see you stand on the side of your master once more.” Bane probed.

“What are you doing here?” Oliver shot back.

Bane turned to his men and the two of them left the room. Nyssa’s crew looked at each other wearily, unsure what he wished to reveal to them.

Moments later the two men returned through the door with a haunted looking Suhad in their arms.

The Pharaoh Militia dropped to their knees to bow the minute they laid eyes upon her, and Nyssa was running to collect her in her arms.

She searched her body touching her arms, face and hair to see the extent of the damage. She was more bruised and frailer than she had been on the video. Nyssa could feel her bones and how starved she was in her arms.

The room was quiet as they watched the exchange between the two women.

Nyssa pulled back to look into the usually warm brown eyes and instead found a vacant stare. Suhad looked back at her as if she wasn’t there, and it broke her heart.

The dark-skinned woman was broken and Nyssa wondered if there was anything left of the girl she had grown up with and loved. Nyssa had trained Suhad, and not once during or after the league style training had the woman ever been close to breaking.  

“Suhad I am here, I came to get you.” She whispered into the curly haired woman’s ear bringing her into another embrace.

This time there was a bit more response as she felt her hold on tighter.

“I held on long enough to see your face once more.” Suhad whispered back.

Alarmed, she pulled back to look at her.

“Suhad you’re safe with me now, we can go far away from here.”

The was no response as she reverted back into her shell.

Nyssa spun on her heels and stalked towards the tied-up man in the middle of the room. Commander Flag refused to meet her eyes which were alit with simmering rage.

“What. Did. You. Do?” She growled through gritted teeth.               

“I-I I’m sorry, I had no choice.” Flag stammered.

“You didn’t have to torture her.” Oliver spoke up moving to support Nyssa.

“You have her back now, please tell your father to let June go.” Flag pleaded.

“Jheez they really did a number on her. Even Waller wasn’t this bad.” Harley Quins shrill voice cut through the exchange.

“Wait, what do you mean you had no choice – ”

Oliver’s voice was interrupted by the loud and short singular shot which found its way into Commander Flag’s chest. He was dead instantly.

All heads whipped around to the shooter within seconds.

Suhad stood with the gun Bane had handed to her still pointed at Flag. Her eyes were cold as she stared back at the lifeless body.

“Oh Suhad.” Nyssa said pained at the torture in her former lover’s eyes.

“You didn’t have to give her the gun, you knew she would do that.” Oliver said looking towards the masked man.

“I am the Grim Reaper of this city and I applaud anyone willing to rid the vermin which contaminates it.” Bane’s chilling voice spoke.

“He was the governments chosen man, the army will storm in here the minute he doesn’t check back in with them.” Oliver reasoned.

“And why would I fear the government, the very institution responsible for the corruption of this nation?” The room was silent except for the masked man’s breathing.

“I’m not here to argue ideology with you. If we are going to be allies we need –”

“I find it curious that none of you questioned _why_ it was your dear Suhad here that was taken from you.” Bane interrupted.

Suhad pulled at Nyssa’s hand whilst everyone’s attention was adverted to Bane. She reached out for an embrace which Nyssa was powerless but to give.

“Nyssa loves Suhad, they couldn’t get Sara so they took her instead.” Harley responded to Bane’s question.

Suhad held onto her former lover as tightly as she could with her frail arms and unexpectedly began reciting in Arabic quietly into Nyssa’s ear.

_I tried to let you go, and I found I never could, even as I watched you love someone else._

“But then they continued to torture her even after they used her to root Nyssa out...” Ivy said looking curiously at the pair.

_Do not weep for the dying, weep for the living, for they are cursed to suffer the pain of life and loss._

“…because it was her they were after in the first place.” Ivy deduced.

_But, oh my sweet, let me rest with the promise that your heart will remain tender._

“Why were they after Suhad?” Oliver asked.

“For information.” Nyssa concluded pulling back from Suhad suddenly.

Suhad had held onto her hands with an iron grip with cheeks wet from tears.

_This my journey’s end, our final goodbye because, my love, there is a time to live and a time to die._

Before Nyssa could even process the words Suhad shoved her away and the Militia all turned their weapons on their Princess.

“ _I love you.”_

A single shot silenced the room.

Suhad fell to her knees and reached for Nyssa with her remaining strength.

“No, no, NO!” She raged while clambering towards the dying body of her lifelong friend.

No scream came out as she was winded by shock. She desperately pulled Suhad into her arms and cradled her body.

“You don’t get to do this, _please_ don’t leave me.” Nyssa begged with tears in her eyes.

“I love you, damn it!” She screamed at her.

Suhad was weak and didn’t have much longer left as she kissed the hand Nyssa caressed her cheek with. A tearful smile came from Suhad in response of Nyssa’s declaration.

“How will I survive without you?”

“You won’t survive my love, you will _live._ ” She whispered her last words.

The life drained away from Suhad’s eyes and her body went limp. Nyssa clutched at her as heart wrenching sobs poured out of her.

Suhad had sacrificed herself. Nyssa was too grief-stricken to even begin trying to figure out why. Her heart physically ached and she felt the loss of her lifelong friend immediately.

Somewhere in the blur of her grief she noticed Suhad’s tattoo, and she realised that only now that she had died she finally understood the meaning behind her words.

Suhad knew that she would one day sacrifice herself for Nyssa and it was her lasting poetic message to her.

_And the princess did love, even if the devil was her actions._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for Suhad's death but I had to do it.  
> What did you think of the chapter?  
> Was anything unexpected?


	54. Suhad's Final Farewell

Hours after Suhad’s death they were flown out of Gotham and to the port which held the Pharaoh Militia’s boat to take home their fallen Princess. 

Nyssa was heavy with grief and spoke very little during their journey. Her crew and Bane left her a while to respect her mourning because each one of them understood loss, even the monster Bane.

She became quiet and thoughtful in the events proceeding her former lover’s death. Her mind and heart were filled with rage and pain, a pain she had only ever felt once before.

She sat alone on the sandy shore watching as the Militia prepared their ship. She stared out into the distance in quiet agony at the loss, thinking over the many memories she shared with Suhad.

Oliver at some point had joined her to keep her company, far enough away that his presence wasn’t overwhelming but close enough she could feel his comfort. She appreciated the gesture but she couldn’t find the words to thank him.

“I’m sorry they won’t allow you to go to the funeral,” he said breaking the silence between them.

Despite Nyssa being family in all the ways that mattered she was not allowed to attend the funeral. The Princess was to be taken home for her burial where only her relatives were to attend.

“She lived most of her life protecting me and died sacrificing herself for me and yet they won’t even let me say goodbye.”

She felt Oliver’s hand on her shoulder.

“Then, you should say goodbye to her in your own way.” Oliver suggested and left her alone to ponder.

Before the Militia packed the coffin onto the boat she requested to do a ceremony of her own.

Oliver and the women of the suicide squad helped set up an area for the ceremony. They lit candles and cleared the area leaving her alone with the coffin.

She took time to open herself up completely for the moment. There was an eerie quiet around her, with the only sound being the waves brushing across the sand and the fire crackling from the pyre.

“Suhad.” She paused realising she would never be able to say her name again with the expectation of hearing her wonderfully accented voice in response.

“I’ve come to say goodbye to you properly…” her breath hitched as the flood of emotions she had been holding in broke through.

“I’ve been thinking about all those years ago when we first met. You saw right through me from the beginning, you awakened a side of me I never imagined could exist. You awakened _love,_ the most precious and everlasting gift. A genuine care with affection and unconditional love…”

Tears ran readily down her eyes with every word.

“And I am _sorry_ – ”she faltered at the apology. Intense feelings of guilt overwhelming her.

“I am so very sorry Princess, I was not able to give you the love you _deserve_ d in return. Yes, I loved you in my complicated and stubborn way but were too good, too kind for that.” She finally managed.

Some part of her realised in the hours since losing her that for so long she held Suhad at distance, always allowing her to be there but never close enough, because she was afraid of this very thing. She wasn’t able to protect her, to save her from harm, when at every opportunity Suhad had.

“For all my faults and failings, you were always there, and for that alone; I promise you will not be forgotten, you will _always_ be in heart.”

She thought of how much the other woman had taught her and just how much she meant to her, as the figure of a mother she never had, and a sister she always needed and friend who was always there.

Her eyes were raw and sore from the endless tears that ran down her cheeks. She couldn’t find the energy to pull it together because in that moment she was filled with such an overwhelming sadness it threatened to drown her.

“I loved you,” she whispered moving close to the coffin.

She ran her hand over the smooth surface and sat down imagining they were young once more and watching the sun set on the hills of Nanda Parbat. 

“They say you can only love once in your life, but I know I loved you and I never stopped, even when Sara took up residence in my heart.” She confessed into the quiet.

She took a deep shaky breath for her final words goodbye.

“I know very well that you are on your path to the next life, but I will wait here a while, and if you want to come and talk to me then, my love _,_ come and talk… so I can hear you tell me that I won’t be desperately lonely without you, and so I can feel your hand in mine once more, to let me know I can protect the ones I love.”

Her voice trembled with heartache.

 _“Please,_ let me experience your love for a last time.”

She sat still for a long time. In that time the darkness had chased the sun away and a chill crept into her bones. She should have left a while ago but saying goodbye was harder than she anticipated. Nyssa had always hated endings and she found that this one was no less painful than any of her past losses.

ii.

Soon the others came to find her. The Militia would leave soon and it was time for them to load the coffin onto the boat. She kissed the coffin goodbye and allowed the soldiers to take it away.

She called back the commander to finally get some answers about Suhad’s death.

“Why did she have to die, what secret was worth her life?” She asked the commander of the Militia.

“She could read the scrolls of the Hidden. She knew how to open the Pandorica.”

“They tortured her to coerce her into giving up that information.” She deduced.

“Centuries ago, King Hebriel discovered the Pandorica. It is said that the devil spoke to him and told him the instructions on how to open it. Under the devils trance he began a reign of terror trying to find God’s gifted child, Pandora. His youngest son Narmer stole it having understood that his father would unleash evil if Pandora’s box was ever to be opened.”

“Narmer, the first true Egyptian Pharaoh?” Nyssa questioned.

“Yes, Narmer travelled far from his land and deep into foreign lands and began a new dynasty which he though would last forever.”

“All Empire’s fall eventually.” She added.

“Which our Lady of Grace, Queen Nefertiti predicted.”

Nyssa new that Suhad was a direct descendant of the Queen Nefertiti.

“She had the original scrolls destroyed and instead wrote them in a language of her own making. Like Narmer she took her own journey into distant and foreign lands, and hid the Pandorica deep into the mountains she discovered.”

“She found the Hindu Kush and the Ashkiri temples,” Nyssa said remembering where Malcolm Merlyn had taken Saracon in hopes of finding the Pandorica.

“Yes, she buried the Pandorica deep within the darkest crevices of the temples, and left it guarded with as many measures of protection she could. That is why they say the land there is magical, where time moves differently and men venture and never return.”

Nanda Parbat was within the Hindu Kush and having grown up there she knew that her home land was indeed magical.

“Malcolm Merlyn stole the scrolls from The Hidden, how did they have them?” She asked.

“With the fall of Egypt to Rome nearly 200 years after Queen Nefertiti, our ancestors made an alliance with the Hidden which helped them journey back to the original motherland of Ethiopia. There we have kept our kingdom hidden from the world ever since; being the only country in Africa to never have been colonised.”  

“And how did Suhad know how to read the scrolls, it is written in a dead language.” Nyssa wondered.

“Queen Nefertiti passed on the language of the scrolls to her firstborn, who pasted it on to her first born and so on and so on, until her present day descendent…”

“Suhad.” Oliver concluded coming to join her.

The commander nodded in agreement.

“But what happens now, she had no children, who will know what the scrolls read?” Oliver questioned.

“She sacrificed herself in hopes that no one would ever be able to read those scrolls.” Nyssa responded.

“But why were they not destroyed centuries ago?”

“We are but men Mr Queen, all of us weak to the lure of immortality.” The commander responded.

The commander bid them farewell soon after their conversation.

Nyssa watched with deep sorrow as the boat sail away and the body of her former love disappeared into the distance.

Long after the boat had gone something dawned on her. While Suhad had not given birth to any children of her own, Lourdes had been the closest thing to a daughter. She helped raise and protect Lourdes for most of her life, Lourdes was family to Suhad, as Suhad had been family to them all. She taught Lourdes Arabic when Nyssa was off in the world hunting down her enemies. It was possible she had passed on the secret language of her ancestor Queen Nefertiti.

Nyssa recalled the message to go to Themyscira which Suhad had left in the poetry book she had left for Sara. Suhad had known she was going to die all along and left her clues in the book and in the video.

Even when she couldn’t physically be there she had protected her.

Moments later, Sara rang her phone.

“Sara, she’s dead.” Nyssa spoke into the phone.

“I know, Oli called me. I am so sorry Nyssa.” The blonde said pain etched in her voice.

While she did not have the same long history with the Ethiopian Princess, they had come to be family. She was sad for her friend and she was sad for her lover.

“She was brave, even until the end, she was brave.” Nyssa admitted, feeling the tears rushing to her eyes.

“How are you holding up?”

She took a shaky breath and it did nothing to quell the grief that struck her again.

“It hurts Sara. It hurts, it hurts… it hurts so bloody much. I’ve been through loss before, I know how it works by now, and still I feel like I’m drowning in sorrow.”

She heard her beloved sigh in understanding. She knew that this was grief of a life lost as much as it was of a love lost.

“It won’t be like this forever. The pain will subside and you will learn to breathe again.” Sara answered comfortingly.

There was quiet over the phone while Nyssa took a moment to collect herself.

“Do you know she left you a message in the poetry book?” Sara asked.

“What?”

“By chance I was using the flame to see if there was anything else hidden in there, and on the back cover was one last poem.”

Suhad knew Nyssa better than anyone, she understood what her loss might do to her love. It only made sense that she would leave her a final tangible goodbye.  

Sara began to recite the poem for Nyssa.

_‘My dearest Nyssa._

_This is the epilogue to our story, and I am at a loss for words._

_I am good with words but you were always better._

_The day has come and I am at rest._

_I know this will pain you, that I lived my life always knowing I would one day die so that you could live. Just know, you could not have prevented this, you did not fail to save me._

_It was never pain for me, it was love, **always** love. _

_I lived a happy free life and I wouldn’t change one word of our story, not a single one._

_I will always love you and I am certain in my heart I will see you again._

_So, before I say my final goodbye to you in this life, promise me you will not lose your heart or your light; and promise me you will not be alone._

_My last words for you, my love._

_I wish you good fortune in battles to come and strength, love and prosperity._

_Goodbye. ‘_


	55. Sins Of The Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Themyscira holds secrets that turn paradise into hell on earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What secrets lie in paradise?

Diana led the family out into the secret paradise island of Themyscira. They all marvelled at the magical land with blue waters and amazing landscapes. They were welcomed by a hoard of warrior women all extremely excited at the return of their Diana, and the introduction of Lourdes.

They were shown to accommodation before they were to be formally introduced to Queen Hippolyta and the rest of the Amazon women.

Sara had managed to get Lourdes to sleep when she received the call from Oliver informing her of Suhad’s death. Shortly after she consoled Nyssa over the phone as best she could.

Soon, Talia along with Sara and the rest of the family were summoned to the great hall to meet with the Queen.

They trailed behind Diana as women from all corners of the hall cheered and welcomed their princess home. The hall was filled with more women than Sara had ever seen in her life, and each woman was as she imagined, a goddess.

Lourdes clutched onto Sara and Talia’s arms as they walked towards the Queen. The Amazon women were clearly all excited by the arrival of a child, many handing gifts to the little girl as they walked.

Once they reached the throne Diana embraced her mother and took the seat to her right before they began.  

“Welcome to Themyscira. I would like to start by thanking you, for bringing our Diana home.” Queen Hippolyta spoke.

She stepped down to get a closer look at Lourdes, smiling warmly.

“It has been a long time since we saw a child here… Welcome little one.” She added with a wink.

Lourdes was overwhelmed by the attention and reacted by hiding her face within Sara’s legs.

“She’s still taking this all in,” Sara answered pointing to the air around them.

The Queen returned to her throne and studied the small family one by one.

“Why have you come here?” She asked directly to Talia.

“We have come to see refuge. The Pandorica has been found, your grace.” Talia responded honestly.

The fear that momentarily spread across the faces of all the Amazonian women spread a terror in Sara that had her gripping onto Lourdes tighter.

“What do you know?” Talia questioned also observing the change in atmosphere within the room.

“We too have heard whisperings that the box was found, we had hoped that that was not the case... If that is the case, then there is nowhere you can hide that the evils of the box will not find you.”

She spoke orders to her general in a language none of the visitors could understand. She addressed the rest of the women in the hall and hurriedly they began to clear out.

“What’s going on?” Dinah asked looking to Diana.  

“My mother has ordered them to prepare the Islands defences.”

“I thought this place could not be found by man?” Sara questioned alarmed. Sensing the change in atmosphere Lourdes pulled at Sara to lift her.

“It’s just precautionary.” The Queen said with a false calm.

Talia sensed this immediately.

“You’re lying.” She looked to the Queen challengingly, but Hippolyta gave nothing away.

“ _Please,_ my sister and my niece are in danger. Tell us what’s going to happen.” Talia pleaded.

As the last several women cleared out from the hall Sara noticed towards the back of the disappearing crowd came two old women making their way towards them. One was blind using a stick to move forward and the other’s face was hidden with a Hijab.

“Diana?” Talia asked not aware of the two women behind her.

“Mother, what have you heard?” The princess prompted.

The Queen did not answer either woman, choosing instead to look to the two elder women who had now reached them.

 “Sister, that voice, do you hear it or is my old age torturing me with ghosts of the past?” The blind woman croaked with raw emotion clear in her words.  

To Sara’s left, she heard the unmistakable gasp of Talia.  

“Mistress?” Talia voice was filled with more joy and relief than Sara had ever witnessed.

The dark-haired assassin whipped around to face the voice.

They all watched as her face displayed a rollercoaster of emotions, from relief to absolute shock. Barely seconds later there was a heart wrenching pained expression plastered upon Talia al Ghul’s face. She turned pale, and her eyes were brimming with tears as she looked towards the two women who were now closer. For all the years the blonde had known the older al Ghul sibling she had never seen her so pained and full of genuine emotion, and Sara looked away uneasily.

Sara looked back to the women. The blind one, which she dubbed as _Mistress,_ must have been nearly 80 and the younger one looked in her sixties. As she studied her Sara did a double take when she realised why Talia was in shock.

“Ummi?” Talia whispered _my mother,_ in her native tongue.

The woman was the essence of Nyssa. From her russet skin tone, to her almond shaped sharp eyes and her incredible bone structure.

“Eliana your ears do not deceive you, it is her, it is our Talia.” Amina Raatko spoke.

Talia still not recovered from her shock fell to her knees, unable to hold herself up.

“Talia, is it truly you my child?” Eliana questioned.  

The blind woman walked over to Talia and used her hands to feel her face and arms before bringing her into an embrace.

There was silence in the room as all observed the emotional exchange. They all watched as Talia stood in front of Amina, looking into her eyes with despair and heart break written all over her face. The old woman had an apologetic and guilty look on her face, she could not even hold eye contact finding it too much.

“Um –” She whimpered out unable to finish saying mother.

She cleared her throat trying to regain herself.

“Amina.” Talia managed chillingly.

“Have we truly fallen so far my daughter?” She questioned, moving to bring her into an embrace.

Talia backed away so quickly as if her touch would physically burn her.

“I guess I deserved that.” The woman spoke dejected at her rejection.

“How is your sist –” she faltered momentarily.

“How is Nyssa?” She pressed on, the name seemingly sounding foreign to her, like she had not spoken it in so long she’d forgotten how the syllables tasted in her mouth.

 _“SHUT YOUR MOUTH, DON’T YOU EVER SAY HER NAME!”_ Talia hissed with a rage that had her physically shaking.

“Talia!” The mistress reprimanded in a stern tone that surprisingly had Talia looking as if she would listen to her.

Sara had never known Talia to be silenced by anyone. As Sara examined the scene playing out in front of her she noticed the similarities between the mistress and the al Ghul sisters. The upright way in which the old women, despite her age and blindness, stood; resembled very clearly the behaviour of the al Ghuls. Sara thought that despite the clear resemblance her lover had to Amina, it was clear her mannerisms and behaviours had been in part taught by the older mistress in front of her.

It was even more evident as the old woman spoke in a commanding voice with an affliction she heard both al Ghul siblings use regularly.

 “She is still your mother, and you will treat her as such.”

Talia’s lip curled in contempt as she growled in frustration.

“The only mother I recognise died when I rose up out of that pit I was born in at six years old.” Talia spat out looking daggers at Amina.

“I am sorry my child, truly I am.” Amina apologised in her soft voice.

The unforgiving assassin laughed humourlessly at the words.

“That might have warmed my heart a few _decades_ ago, not now.”

There was nothing but simmering rage in burning in her black orbs. Sara imagined that not even Nyssa would have been this furious, had it been her here instead. The pain Amina had caused Talia might possibly have been worse than what Nyssa would feel.

“And in that time, I have never stopped thinking about you and your sister.”

 There was clearly a deeply painful history with the adoptive mother and daughter stood in the great hall of Themyscira.

“Were you thinking of us when you handed me my baby sister and locked us in a room, promising to come back; and instead tearing our family apart then taking away our brother?” The tears that she managed to hold back broke through and streams of tears flowed freely down her face.

Amina turned away in shame.

“Amina you must face this.” Eliana said reaching out to bring her back.

Lourdes had curiously been watching the exchange with her face hidden in Sara’s chest.

Ever the compassionate soul, she wriggled out of Sara’s arms and embraced her Aunt instead.

“It’s okay to cry Aunt Talia.” She said pulling Talia’s hands away from her face where she had been furiously rubbing in attempt to force the tears away.

Powerless to deny Lourdes anything, the suffering woman affectionately stroked her hair and as she continued hugging her waist tightly.

“But look at you, you turned out beautifully without me, and I suspect that your sister –” Amina said watching the exchange displayed in front of her.

Her sentence was cut short as she looked to the little girl at Talia’s waist. Amina finally recognised that the child was not Sara’s as it would seem with her interactions but instead Nyssa’s child.

“She looks a lot like you when I first met you.” Amina’s eyes displayed an agony Sara had seen in Nyssa’s eyes in her first exchange with her daughter when she returned.

“Oh Eliana, I am a grandmother.” She said holding the other woman with a look in her eyes no one was able to read.  

“You have no idea how much damage you did…”

Sara looked at Talia who was subconsciously using the hand which wasn’t embracing Lourdes to stroke at her stomach.

“You’re pregnant.” Sara deduced in a surprise.

Talia took a moment before nodding her head very slightly in confirmation.

Amina and Eliana were at a loss for words at the revelations.

“Nyssa knows, that’s why you’re here and not fighting in Gotham.” Sara concluded.

“No, she doesn’t, no one did until now.”

“My child, I am so happy for you, I always believed that motherhood would bring a measure of peace to the immeasurable pain in your heart. You will be a good mother, of that I am sure.” Eliana spoke.

“How wrong you are Mistress Eliana. Just ask Nyssa.” She said sadly.

Sara knew that after their mistress left when Nyssa began training with her father Talia had been the closest to a mother she had.

“Is that why you didn’t say anything?” Sara asked putting a comforting hand on her arm.

Talia’s eyes filled with intense hatred directed at Amina.

“I didn’t say anything because I’ve been afraid that I won’t be able to love my baby.” She answered with more tears pacing down her face.

“Because of what I did to you.” Amina added despair evident in her voice.

Her statement was met with silence.

“Get your things, we are leaving, it is not safe here either.” Talia said to Sara and Dinah.

Neither had a moment to dispute her before she stormed out the great hall mumbling to the Queen on her way out, “Your, Grace.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nearly wasn't going to go in this direction but I felt it would be interesting to meet Amina as there's literally no other fanfiction with her in it. I also wanted it to be Talia that was reunited with her because I wanted to bring the complicated family dynamics in the al Ghul family. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!
> 
> Also thank you for all those that have stuck with the story and all the encouraging comments! Now on over 100,000 words!


	56. The Little Voice Of Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talia shares a contemplative moment with her niece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is love if you're not here with me?

Lourdes had run out in pursuit of her distraught Aunt seconds later.

When Sara found the pair, they were sitting on a cliff facing the sapphire blue water in mid conversation. Sara sensed they were having a private moment and stayed a little distance away listening to the exchange.

“Do you love me Aunt Talia?” The little blue-eyed girl questioned looking straight into Talia’s brown eyes.

“Of course, I do.” She responded immediately.

“You are like a mother to me, you have always been in my life since I can remember.”

Talia was visibly affected by her words. Her anger evaporating by the second and melting at Lourdes words.

“That means the world to me, my love.”

“When Mommy couldn’t be there you were there for me, and even when I lived with Gaga and Papa you would visit me.”

Talia reached out for small fingers.

“Always, I promised your mother to take care of you, long before you were born.” There was such sincerity in her voice Sara thanked all the gods for allowing the sisters to reconcile. While their relationship was far from perfect they had come a long way since the early years in the league.

“Then you shouldn’t be afraid, I know you will love your baby lots and lots and lots. Trust me, I know.” She joked drawing a small chuckle out of her.

“Maybe I more afraid that I will turn out like your grandmother.” She answered honestly.

“You don’t like grandma because she left?” Lourdes questioned.

Sara watched Talia nod solemnly.

“But surely you should be happy to see her after all this time.” Lourdes reasoned.

“She abandoned me and your mom, I don’t think I want to see her again.”

Sara could see Lourdes brow frowning in that way that reminded her so much of Oliver.

“You said she’s the Mommy you chose, like I chose Mama Sara, right?”

“Yes…”

“Did she love you like Mama Sara loves me when she was with you?” She questioned.

Talia nodded again clearly interested in where the little girl was head with her line of inquiry.

“If she was good to you then don’t you think you owe it to the Mommy that you loved to give her a chance to explain?”

Talia was at a loss for words for her niece’s reasoning ability.

“My Mommy left me but when she came back again, I wasn’t angry with her I just wanted to be with her because I missed her so so _soooo_ much.”

Sara thought back to their reunion and the times before when Lourdes had been so desperate for her mother. She could have easily hated Nyssa for what she did, but she didn’t; all she had ever done was try. It was amazing to her that she had a daughter so compassionate and understanding, and she could see in Talia’s eyes that she was thinking the exact same thing.

“Your Mommy wanted to be with you very much Lourdes, but she had to do what she did to protect you, that is why she left. It tore her apart to be away from you.”

“How do you know that Grandma didn’t feel the same way?” She countered.

“I, I, I- _I don’t_.” Talia failed to give an explanation, knowing Lourdes was right.  

“She looked pretty sad to me, the same kinda sad my Mommy was when she came back for me.” She added.  

“When did you get so wise?” Talia questioned stunned by Lourdes emotional maturity.

“I’ve had to do lots of waiting. I waited for Mama Sara, My Mommy, My Daddy, My brother and now for Grandma. I don’t want to wait anymore, I want my family together like my friends at school.”

Although the voice that spoke the words belonged to a little girl, the words belonged to a soul much older than seven.

The little girl soon departed with Sara, leaving Talia alone on the cliff to think over her conversation and what to do.

A part of her couldn’t help but think, how had her niece turned out so beautifully despite all that had happened to her, and she knew more than ever she would die to protect her and her innocence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Amina should be trusted or even given a chance?   
> Is Lourdes naive or are all mothers self-sacrificing for their children?


	57. When A Child Grows Up

Talia isolated herself for a couple days after her conversation with her niece. Sara allowed her space to process whatever the assassin leader needed to. She conducted her missions from her given quarters and kept Sara informed of any updates during the evenings. For the rest of the family there was little else to do but wait. Diana left to bring Nyssa and her team to join them on the Island.

On the third day on Themyscira Sara sat with Talia, having managed to coax the older woman out of hiding, and they observed the Warrior Women train. It was a sight to behold, to see the sheer force and ruthlessness they moved with. She had never seen a more terrifying force but also couldn't help but be excited to be around such an advanced level of fighting. It had been so long since Sara was able to fight full force and when she later joined the fierce women, she struggled to hold her own.

After having her ass handed to her a final time she retreated to join the solemn al Ghul sister instead  to once again observe the intense training regime.

Days earlier the Queen instruct the Amazons to intensify training to prepare them for the battles to come. Although there had been little communication on what was coming, it was clear they were preparing for a great war.

From Sara's position she noticed a little dark haired figure running around the fighting warriors copying any moves she saw. Had the women not been fighting so viciously it might have been comical to see the red faced little child trying so hard to join in.

As the women around began to notice Lourdes they stopped to laugh endearingly at her. 

Seconds later, her older brother, William, appeared obviously having been chasing the small girl.

"Lourdes, come back, the tutor said we are not finished!" He called out.

"Lourdes, come away. Go and finish today's lessons. " Sara said moving towards the small girl.

"No! I don't want to be schooled anymore. History and Math can't teach me what I want to learn!" She whined.

Surprisingly quick for her age, the small girl pivoted away from Sara and ran towards the women who had begun training again.

"Come away, you are disturbing them." Sara answered managing to catch and drag her back to her seat.

"But I want to learn how to fight and I won't learn to fight sitting in there!" She moaned attempting to escape her mothers grasp.

"I have taught you many defence moves, you don't need anymore for now."

"It's not the same as fighting and you now that," she growled frustrated.

"And why would you need to learn how to fight?" She questioned playfully trapping her between her arms.

Her little form continued to struggle against Sara, who failed to notice how frustrated the small girl was getting. It wasn't until she relented in her struggle and burst out into tears that Sara immediately halted.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong ?" She bent down to be eye level with her.

"Let me go! I want to fight!" She screamed through her rage.

Before Sara could do anything else Talia intervened rather abruptly. Talia yanked William from his position and easily tackled him onto his back, the assassin grabbed her niece and placed her weapon  in small unsure hands.

"Talia what the-" Sara began.

She controlled Lourdes hands as she swiftly shot three arrows at the frightened boy laying on the ground. One landed directly in the gap between his arm and side, the next beside his neck and the last above his head.

The boy let out a loud yelp as he was powerless to do anything as the arrows rapidly fired at him.

"You want to learn to fire weapons and throw your hands, fine... but _this_ is what will happen. Either you'll be dead very soon, or someone else you love will be dead at your hands." Talia spoke to the frozen young girl.

"So I'll ask you again, why would you need to learn to fight?" Talia was eye-level with Lourdes staring intently into watery grey-blue eyes.

There was silence as the young girl processed all that had happened in the last few moments.

Sara had thought to intervene but she could see the wheels turning behind the young girls eyes, and although Talia's methods were brutal, she was getting through to her.

Instead, she ensured William was okay and handed him over to her mother who had come over. 

"I need to learn to fight so I can protect my mothers, you and everybody I love!" she reasoned far calmer than her previous hysterics.

Talia and Sara feared that her response would have been for revenge for all that she was enduring and was yet to endure.

Talia couldn't help the sad smile that spread across her features.

Sara's heart broke and finally she saw the grief and trauma her daughter was experiencing. She had not been the same bubbly girl she was since departing from their home in Sudbury. The great toll of the sudden changes in her life, the separation from her mother and now Suhad's death, was in full effect. For days she had been difficult and Sara was at a loss for what to do to make her daughter happy again.

In the background Queen Hippolyta, Amina and Mistress Eliana observed the exchange with interest.

"That is the best reason of all, to fight for those you love." Queen Hippolyta responded.

"But If you want to protect and survive, you have to be smarter than being able to throw your hands and wield weapons. You have to know things besides being able to release an arrow. You need to know how the world works, how people think, you have to understand how to beat _every_ opponent and win _every_ time... and  to do that you need history to learn from the past, to understand why people are the way they are; you need mathematics to know how many people are in the room, to plan your escape. To fight is more than your body, it is to train your mind." Talia explained seriously.

The message was taken on board by Lourdes, who hung on to every word her aunt spoke. Her eyes were alight with something Sara couldn't describe. She was truly the daughter of Nyssa al Ghul.

Sara didn't know how to feel about the situation. Nyssa never wanted her to be raised as she had, with the leagues mentality and values. They both wanted her to have a happy and normal childhood, but it was becoming increasingly clear they could not escape and protect her from that life.

Sara moved to join Talia in her position in front of the upset girl.

"Your mother and I protect _you_ , it's our job." Sara added, affectionately stroking the hair away from her wet cheeks.

"What if one day you can't protect me, and who protects you?" She countered.

"We will _always_ protect you." Sara reassured her.

"And what if you can't?" She pressed again.

 "Aunt Suhad is dead and I haven't seen Mommy in forever, who will protect her when the bad guys come for her too!"

Lourdes was clearly worked up and there was grief in watering grey eyes and it hurt more than she could describe to see her daughter in such pain.

"Oh Lourdes," she sighed bringing the girl into an embrace.

"Sara, you cannot promise that you will always be there, and you know that... even my sister knows that. Which is why despite the life you were living, she was training her, in albeit less intense ways; but nonetheless she was giving her more than your _average_ lessons." Talia said seeing the torment Sara was going through. 

Lourdes tears eventually subsided but Sara could see in her eyes that she was determined to learn to fight despite her reassuring words.

"It's time she began to _truly_ learn. " Talia added.

The three older women that had been observing came to join them.

"Talia is right. Let her join my warriors and begin to train. She will not let this go, even if you say no." The Queen spoke noticing Lourdes eagerness.

"I will educate and train her myself, as I did her mother." Talia pleaded.

"Really?" The light eyed girl questioned with growing excitement in her eyes.

Talia nodded and looked back to the blonde. .

"Mama pleaseeee..." she begged staring up at Sara, who was unsure with the idea.

This was not a decision she was sure Nyssa would like, but she was her mother too, and the look in Lourdes' eyes told her she would not take no for an answer. Behind light eyes she saw the same determination she often saw in her lover's eyes.

"I understand your hesitation more than you know. The mother in you wants nothing more than to protect your child but holding her back in this way will not protect her." Hippolyta added with a distant look in her eyes.

"She is just a child." Sara spoke.

"A child with a touch of destiny in her eyes... something I saw in my Diana a long _long_ time ago. You can not stop what is to come, you can only prepare her."

Sara observed Lourdes, who was back to intently staring at the training warriors.

"Lourdes it will not be easy, it will be hard, maybe even the hardest time of your life, do you understand that?" Sara questioned.

"I am ready Mama." She reassured.

"Go,  BUT be careful." She relented.

Lourdes took Talia's hand as they followed the Queen and headed in the direction of her general.

Sara looked on worriedly as she was left with the two whispering old women Queen Hippolyta had arrived with.

Quietness fell around them for a long while as they all watched Lourdes begin to train with the general. With each move Sara could see she had the tenacity for it, catching on quickly to every new move she learnt.

"She reminds me so much of young Nyssa, begging and begging Talia to take her to training with their father." Mistress Aliana's heavily accented voice broke the silence that had settled around them.

Sara hadn't spoken with them since their exchange with Talia days before.

It bought a smile to Sara's face to hear of a young Nyssa much like her daughter. The mistress was one of the few people that could tell Sara things about Nyssa's childhood.

"It's not difficult to imagine Nyssa like that. She's still so frustratingly stubborn." Sara said as the women took a seat either side of her.

"What was Nyssa like when you knew her?" Sara asked Eliana.

Although her sight was gone the look on her face told Sara she could see her past as clear as day.

"Oh young one was trouble. Mischief should have been her middle name."

The blind woman's heart-warming smile revealed that even though she could no longer see her memories of young Nyssa were as vivid as the sun above them inside her mind.

"She was very smart, always trying to find ways to get in trouble with her father. She wanted his attention, wanted him to see _her_ , not the son he always wanted or the daughter she was not." Eliana explained sadly.

"When she was young, she wanted so much to be like dear Talia. She adored her. Followed her everywhere she went like a shadow. She would say, 'Sister sister, tell me I will be strong and beautiful like you when I grow up.'"

The blind woman laughed at the memory.

"Talia would tickle her until tears fell from young one's eyes and say, 'only when you stop laughing will you be like me.'"

The smile faded rapidly from her wrinkled features.

"And one day she did... that loud hearty laugh that once rang from wall to wall filling Nanda Parbat with joy, stopped. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a week before her 10th birthday, and she had returned from her first training session with her father and that light that had always been in her eyes had dimmed."

Sara understood immediately the cause of this change. The event of her first kill of her friend Zhyar, that haunted her ever since.

"No longer was she _young one_ who ran through the halls laughing after having toyed with the cooks and new recruits, or the mischievous girl sneaking into her sisters bed every night to hide from being punished by me."

"Did she tell you what happened to her?" Amina spoke up surprising both Sara and Eliana.

Sara had almost forgotten the mother of her lover was sat beside her, hanging onto every word the mistress spoke.

"When I asked her why she was now so serious, she told me she no longer had the heart of child, so she could no longer laugh as one... and weeks later her father told me they would not need me anymore and moved me to look after the orphans down in the village."

There was silence after that, no one knowing what to say.

Sara watched the regret that filled the familiar brown eyes of Amina but no other words came out.

"You do not need to be so sad Mistress Eliana, Nyssa found her laugh again; she found her light and brought out the light in me when I was consumed by my own darkness. " Sara spoke to reassure the old woman.

The blonde didn't know why she felt the need to comfort the old woman. It was so very strange to sat between the woman who raised Nyssa and the woman who gave birth to Nyssa.

Amina's next words surprised Sara.

"I can see very clearly you care about my daughter and her child more than anything else in the world. I want to thank you for being there and loving her."

"She was easy to love, you might have experienced that had you stuck around..." Sara couldn't help the accusation in her tone. She would never understand how Amina could have abandoned her baby.

"You have no reason thank me, I believe that no matter how different our lives could have been, we would _always_ have found each other... Your gratitude is misplaced, there is someone else you should thank before me." She spoke looking pointedly at Talia, who was off in the distance with Lourdes.

The blonde left the old women alone to ponder their thoughts. Amina owed her daughters an explanation and Sara refused to open up to her until that moment.


	58. Back To The Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An impossible request is made from a surprise from the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its been forever since I've uploaded. Sorry guys! Life got in the way :(  
> The story will be finished!

**Back To The Future**

It was on the night of the fifth night the biggest surprise of all arrived on the shores of Themyscira. Sara and her mother were strolling along the sandy beach when an electric whirring noise interrupted their conversation. Lightening flashes and wheezing continued in the air around them before a machine very similar to Sara's Waverider materialised in front of them.

The doors opened, and black smoke rapidly escaped through, chased by three figures running out gasping and coughing for air. The lights flickered from inside the machine making it difficult for the two women to see the figures.

Sara had expected one of her old friends from her time in the wave rider, when instead she was completely blown away by the figure closest to her. She stepped into the light and Sara and Dinah gasped.

"Damian, I told you not to touch anything!" The voice of the figure closest to the women spoke.

Something about the voice was oddly familiar and although difficult to make out, Sara was frozen in shock. This was the last thing she expected during such an already hectic period in her life.

"You are not my mother, and in any case, I landed us didn’t I?" A young voice exclaimed.

As the smoke cleared and the lights maintained, the two figures became clearer.

“Enough, we can’t afford to make mistakes, they cost li-” The young woman stopped mid-sentence abruptly.

Sara didn't need to ask who the woman was because the woman that stood tall and regal in front of her was none other than her daughter all grown up.

Lourdes stood in front of them much taller than Sara or Dinah, nearer the height of her father. Her hair was cropped short and she wore her mother’s colours of red and black.

It was not simply the shock of seeing her daughter all grown that rendered her speechless. Along the length of Lourdes face and down her neck there was an angry long-healed scar. A sadness washed over the blonde knowing that scars like that only came from fighting. Despite the scar Lourdes was still as beautiful as Sara knew she would grow up to be.

"You look just like your mother when I first met her." Sara spoke shocked.

She could barely believe her eyes. Her daughter all grown up, the same piercing blue eyes that she was looking into not more than an hour ago. There was a hardness to them that Sara knew could only be through suffering.

“You think so?” There was a trace of sadness in the young woman’s voice.

Sara didn’t wait a second longer before both Dinah and she pulled her into her embrace. After Dinah pulled away, Lourdes pulled at Sara tighter, not wanting to let her go.  Sara knew immediately something was wrong.

To Lourdes’ right stood a boy no older than 10, who Sara assumed to be the Damian that Lourdes was speaking to seconds before.

“Damian?” Dinah question looking curiously at the boy.

“Yes, I am Damian Wayne.” He spoke proudly.

“I told you we have to be careful what we say,” Lourdes reprimanded the boy.

“What’s going on?” Sara questioned, watching the exchange between the two.

“Get inside and see if you can’t fix what you broke.” Lourdes directed Damian.

“Fine, bye aunt Sara, bye grams!” He called out before running back inside the Waverider.

Once he was out of sight, Lourdes turned back to them with a troubled expression.

"I know you know how irresponsible it is to go back on your own timeline, I know I would have taught you better than that.” Sara spoke sternly.

“And you did, but I had no choice.” The look on her daughter’s face broke her heart. A look of a young woman lost sat in her eyes, broken much like her mother had been when she had returned back into Sara’s life.

The blonde thought back to the letter she had first received from Nyssa, after she learned of her fake death. She remembered her one request and the vow she accepted.

_‘I ask of you only one thing, that you protect my daughter from harm’s way. If she ever gets lost, she need only find you to get back on her path.’_

A part of her was angry with her for risking so much to come back on her own timeline but the overwhelming motherly part of her rejoiced inside, knowing that she survives all that may happen. She could see in her eyes she needed her. The question that came to mind, is why did she need this version of her, and not the one from the future.  

“What’s happened?” Dinah prompted.

“It has yet to happen for you, and I’ve risked everything to get here.” She began to explain.

“Surely it will happen if you have already experienced it.” Dinah questioned.

“Time can be rewritten.” She stated.

“Not all of it, not fixed major events. It is especially dangerous to go back on your own timeline.” Sara added cautiously.

“I had no choice!” The blue-eyed girl snapped. Whilst she appeared to be mature, Sara realised she was not even 18 years old yet. Sara could tell her life had been difficult.

“By now the war outside this paradise island has already started. There isn’t any place on the globe it will not touch, there is nowhere to hide and nowhere to run. Soon enough Amazonian goddesses and pauper alike will take up arms in the Great War.”

“And you’ve come here to stop it?” Sara questioned exasperatedly. Surely, she had given her more than enough guidance in her life to know she could not prevent something as significant as the pending largest world war of all time.

“No, we’ve come here to save our family.” Another voice spoke appearing from the entrance of the ship.

A badly wounded man appeared with Damian at his side. He was heavily bandaged across his chest and had scratches across his face. Although the blonde could just about make out who it was.

“William?” Dinah queried moving to assess his wounds.

“It’s alright, it looks worse than it is grandma.” He said embracing her, barely managing to hide his wince.

He briefly embraced Sara before taking a seat beside his sister.

“We might not be able to prevent third world war but we might be able to stop it before it lasts for 10 years.” He added.

“I know we can’t say much because it may majorly affect what happens but of what you can probably deduce from my injuries, the future is not bright.”

“We knew the risk of coming here and still we had to. The consequences are still to be determined but we do know that – ” Lourdes was interrupted by the young Damian.

"Yeah we sort of ripped the world wide open." Damian answered.

"Damian!" Lourdes hissed at the boy.

"What?" Sara said looking back at her daughter.

"So, like, by us coming here, to this time, to this place, we - uh- sort of opened... a huge great portal that allows people from every other earth to enter this earth." He explained rushing out the last part in one breath.

"You better have a very good reason for being here!" Sara spoke angrily.

"That’s what happened when I was a child, I just had no idea I would be the one to cause it. I need you to _listen_ to me very carefully. This war is going to take away so many of those you love, and for that I am sorry. Friends will betray you and kin will turn on kin. I won’t be able to prevent that. What I can do, is perhaps end it before there is nothing left but ashes. I am the only one on this earth right now that can stop it, but for me to do that it is going to go against your every instinct as a mother to allow it to happen.”

An icy chill crept its way into Sara’s bones, and the night air around them seemed to darken.

“This is all to do with the Pandorica.” Sara concluded.

“The Pandorica has never been the problem, only the greed of men and immortality.” William added.  

“Suhad taught me the language of the scrolls, I know how to open it.”

“Surely opening Pandora’s box is worse than the future you have come from.”

“All I know is that we have been raised by a broken woman who has suffered loss after loss and after loss. Damian has only ever known war and death. He’s 9 years old. What’s inside the Pandorica does not scare me, because the things we have seen humans do to one another is far worse than anything contained inside it can produce.” As she spoke, she subconsciously traced the scar along her face.

 Sara and Dinah took a moment to let the information settle and gather their thoughts.

“And how do you propose we get you to open it. We can hardly penetrate Merlyn’s forces in Gotham, let alone steal the Pandorica to allow you to open it.”

The look in Lourdes’ eyes said it all. She wanted to allow her younger self to be taken.

“No.”

“My mother returns with Diana this night. Tomorrow night, the island is set upon by Merlyn’s forces because Amina gives up your location. She will try and take me, and Aunt Talia will kill her in her attempt. From this day we are on the run for nearly a year. Your friends will die one by one, and those that are left will betray you. A month after Damian is born, my mother sends her sister and her baby, grandma, William and me through a portal that closes forever. We don’t ever see her again. This you do not survive, and I am forced to you watch you lose yourself in grief.”

Lourdes grey eyes screaming with pain pleaded with Sara to understand.

There’s not much to be said to the sad reality her daughter has lived.

"Your mother will never agree to this."

"Which is why you can’t tell her."

Sara was torn. Everything she knew was being put on the line. What was her greatest responsibility, her daughter’s life in exchange for millions of lives, her beloved’s trust or her duty to save the world.

“You’ll die if you open the Pandorica.” Dinah said with tears steadily streaming down her eyes as she held Lourdes tightly.

“The life I have now is not living it all. Without my mother I am broken and empty.” She admitted.

Silence fell around them all.

“When Amina comes to take me, you need to let her.”  

She looked at the trio from the future. All of them were young but their eyes revealed horror stories they were too young know and deserve.

“Mom please.”

She was asking an impossible thing. She was begging her to allow her little girl to possibly be sacrificed for a future she had no idea would be any better than the one they were coming from. Not only could she lose her little girl, she would surely lose Nyssa as consequence.

“Aunt Sara, there is no future for any of us if you continue on this path. She is my sister, I love her more than anything in the world, but she must open the Pandorica.” William said with a reasoning that reminded Sara so much of his father.

“I do not believe I will die. If I have survived our earth, I will survive the Pandorica too.” Lourdes reassured.

“Your mother and father will never forgive me if I do what you ask.” Sara spoke.

“But at least they’ll be alive. She’ll be free to live and love again.” Lourdes pressed.

“I don’t think you understand that without you in her life there is no life or love.” The blonde responded cautiously.

“When Amina comes to take you, I won’t allow her to take you, I’ll go with you. If it takes my life to protect you I’ll do it.” Sara decided.

“Sara.” Dinah exclaimed. Sara knew it was not fair on her mother. The woman who had lost both her daughters, could lose one again and the granddaughter she had raised.

“I have no choice mom.” Sara admitted.

Before Dinah could speak an alarm on all their wrists sounded.

“We’ve got to go.” William voiced sadly.

“Can you at least stay a while longer, so that we may at least have this day?” Dinah asked the trio.

“Every moment we are here it creates greater risk. We can’t into contact with ourselves, we could literally end the universe.” William explained.

“Anyway, you have a reunion waiting on you.” He added pointing into the distance with a heartbreakingly dejected expression.

In the distance was a ship in which Nyssa, Diana and Oliver were stepping off from.

When Sara looked back at Lourdes there were already tears in her grey eyes. It had been another lifetime in which she had been separated from her mother. The young woman was literally shaking as she watched her mother and father down at the shore. Sara could see it was taking everything within her to not run off into the distance and embrace them.

“A small greeting won’t do any harm.” Sara tried, seeing the pained expressions on both Lourdes and Williams faces.

“It will. I’m already there.” Lourdes said smiling teary eyed at her younger form running to embrace her mother.

At that same moment Nyssa turned and noticed Sara and her company.

“Come sister. Soon you’ll remember this as nothing more than a dream.” Damian with a kindness she had not been expecting.

Lourdes quickly embraced Sara and Dinah then joined William and Damian aboard the ship.

“I love you!” Lourdes called out her voice wavering with sobs she attempted to hold back.

“I love you too sweetheart.” Sara whispered out to the disappearing ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it all this way, thank you! Leave a comment even if it is to complain about how long the updates are haha :D x


	59. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes even the best of us are left with no choice.

**Betrayal**

When Sara and Nyssa reunited, the relief Sara felt was instantly overshadowed by the guilt wracking her body. They were finally together again, and the task her daughter from a possible future set her would surely tear them apart forever.

The two clung to each other like a life line, and for Nyssa the blonde was. She was grief stricken with the loss of her lifelong friend; her body exhausted from their harrowing mission and her mind was plagued with the uncertain future.

“I’m so sorry about Suhad, Nys. She deserved better.” Sara whispered into the embrace.

“She did, thank you.”

When the blonde finally tore herself away from her lover’s arms, she could see the toll everything was having on her. Nyssa had deep set purple bags under her eyes, she looked paler than her normal olive tone and she looked thinner than she had ever seen her.

Nyssa was not the only one from the group that arrived who looked worse for wear. Oliver, who was clutching at his son, looked just as run down; and even the goddess Diana looked worried.

Diana made a quick greeting before setting off to reunite with her own family.

“You made it back to us,” Sara whispered leaning her forehead gently against Nyssa.

“I told you I would. I wish to never part from either of you again.” She said picking up the small girl at her waist.

Sara smiled but a fear drummed in her chest as her mother sent her a concerned look.

“Who were you just talking to up there, she looked familiar?” Nyssa questioned, pointing to the area Sara and Dinah had been talking to the older Lourdes.

Mother and daughter caught one another’s eye. They both opened their mouths to speak and mumbled different answers.

_“no one.” “Talia.”_

“What?”

Luckily, at that precise moment, Talia appeared.

“Nyssa,” she breathed out relieved.

The younger sister smiled at her more warmly than any exchange they had ever shared in their adult lives.

Nyssa moved from Sara’s side to place a hand at her sister’s stomach. It was an extremely affectionate gesture for two sisters who had been as strangers for much of their lives.

“Do not be afraid, this is Allah’s greatest gift to you.” Nyssa said with such fervour Talia’s eyes glistened with emotion.

For as long as the blonde had known them both, they had never been as sisters should, they were distant, opposites in many ways and never displayed any outward affectionate signs of care. Since Sara’s recent conversations with the eldest al Ghul sister, she’d gotten an insight into Talia’s true feelings for her sister. It was clear she was beginning to regret many things between them. It was clear now more than ever Talia always cared for her sister despite the cold and at times cruel way she had treated her.

In the many years apart Talia had begun to change her ways, there was a compassion that had never been there before. Granted, she still had quite the temper and genocidal tendencies. However, it was growth and how much can she be blamed for how she turned out when all she had ever known was loss and destruction.

“And just as you have been there for Lourdes, I will be there for your child also.” Nyssa promised.

“Thank you, Sister.” She said squeezing the hand that at her stomach.

“I can’t wait to be a big cousin, I can teach the baby all about our big family!” Lourdes exclaimed from her place on her mother’s waist.

A serious expression passed between the adults.

“Is she still here?” Nyssa asked her sister.

There was no need for them to say the name. There was only one ‘she’ it could be. Amina Raatko.

“Yes, for now.” Talia answered with an unhidden anger evident in her voice.

Nyssa took a deep breath and nodded. There was conflict in her eyes understandably. This was the woman who had given birth to her and abandoned her as a baby.

“We need to ask her some questions.” Oliver stepped forward.

The look on Nyssa’s face pleaded with her older sister. There was internal struggle in Talia’s eyes. Since their first explosive meeting she avoided her adoptive mother at all costs. As sweet as the conversation with Lourdes had been on that first day in Themyscira, it only alleviated her fears of being a poor mother; there was still a deep rooted an nurtured hatred for Amina.  

“I don’t see what use she could be, we’ve managed so far without her.”

“I stand with you on my feelings towards that woman, but for the sake of protecting Lourdes, we must speak to her.” Nyssa explained.

Talia took a deep breath and stared at the small girl at her mother’s waist.

“Fine, but first come and eat.” She agreed.

“What’s an hour longer when you’ve waited an entire lifetime?” Nyssa asked rhetorically.  

The family began to set off towards the great hall, where the Amazonian women were gathered for a feast. Sara and Dinah remained upon the shore a little.

“We’ll catch up in second,” Sara said kissing Nyssa before she walked away with her sister.

The moment they were out of earshot Dinah expressed her concern over their meeting with future Lourdes.

“Are you going to tell her?”

Sara ran her hands through her hair in frustration.

“I can’t do that!” She hissed.

“What would I say? Where would I even begin?”

It was an impossible situation. Future Lourdes was convinced that her sacrifice would prevent a lifelong war across all the universes. Her life had been so hard she was willing to sacrifice herself not just to prevent a war, but to save her mothers. As painful as it was, it made Sara proud to see that despite her difficult life she remained true to who she had always been. She would continue to be the same little girl, who not but a few days ago, was begging to learn to fight to protect her family.

“How could I tell a mother that her daughter begged me to allow her sacrifice.”  

“There must be another way to change the future.” Dinah pleaded.

“You don’t understand mom, Nyssa is going die if I don’t do this.”

It had been clear to Sara the moment Lourdes set her eyes upon her mother, she missed her because she died.

“There’s no way Nyssa gets left behind, and we all escape. I would never allow it, we both know that. I saw it her eyes… how can I tell the woman I love that she’s going to die?” Sara explained solemnly.

“So instead you’ll lie and betray her?” Dinah asked angrily.

“I have no other choice, if she knows there is future out there that her daughter survives she will all but kill herself to make it happen.” She pleaded with her mother to understand.

“You’re choosing Nyssa over Lourdes.” Dinah whispered out.

It was like a stab to the chest.

“That’s not– ”

An impossible choice. The blonde felt dirty and ashamed.

“Am I supposed to just let her die, so our daughter can live a life of suffering?” Sara responded, voice breaking.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m just afraid.” Dinah said apologetically realizing the accusation that stumbled out her mouth.

She reached out for Sara.

“I know you’ll do everything to protect both Nyssa AND Lourdes. I know you’re choosing this path for that.” She said softer.

Sara was willing to give up her own life, to make sure mother and daughter both survived. The weight of the world was on her shoulders. She had to save the people she loved and the world from turmoil by possibly unleashing another evil.

“If you survive this, Oliver and Nyssa might never forgive you for this, you understand that don’t you?” Dinah questioned.

She took a moment to try and process the gravity of the question.

“Yes, and it will destroy me, of that I’m sure.” She admitted.

There was a reason Lourdes risked everything to travel back to Sara and not Nyssa. It was Sara’s responsibility to look after them both, to ensure they both survive, for all that Nyssa had done and sacrificed for her. Betrayal to save her, as messed up as it was, this was what she needed to do.

“So, what are you going to do?” Dinah pressed.

“I’m going to find out what I can about the Pandorica, I’ll have to manipulate Amina into allowing us more time before she contacts Merlyn. Then, I’ll organise a small team and negotiate with Merlyn, Lourdes will only open it if he guarantees her life.”

Sara knew this would be the mission of her life, and possibly the mission to end her life. With all that she experienced, death would be a welcome reprieve and she would die smiling knowing she protected the people she loved the most; saving the rest of the world too would only be a small consolation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Sara making the right decision, let me know what you think? How do you think this will play out in the future?


	60. This is War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlyn makes a power-play that leaves the world in disarray.

**This is War**

After introduction to Queen Hippolyta, dinner had been a tense affair. Although pleased to be reunited again, the family were all worried. Nyssa and Talia were apprehensive of their pending reunion with mina. Oliver’s frown never left his face, and his grip on his children was a little tighter than normal, it was easy to see he was concerned. Sara and Dinah could barely eat, betrayal and guilt suppressing their appetite.

During the dessert course, the entire feast was interrupted by an Amazonian warrior sprinting through the halls with an electronic device in hand. The Queen and Diana immediately stood up from their seats to view whatever was on the device.

Nyssa took Sara’s hand instantly in anticipation. There was pure dread in her eyes.

Queen Hippolyta addressed the hall.

“There’s been news from man’s world. What we have all feared is happening.” She spoke emotionally.

A giant projection appeared on the wall behind her, from the device in her warrior’s hand. Newsreels began to play. From one corner to the other showed clips from across the world; American cities, London, Paris, Hong Kong, Johannesburg, Jerusalem, Rio De Janeiro. Portals across the cities from other universes had opened and war was ripping across the world.

The device focused on a news clip from America. Footage of people fleeing, military soldiers attempting to contain the portals, hundreds of people flooding through the portals.

_“We report to you from Freeland. We regret to inform all citizens, of not just our city, but of the entire Americas, we are at war. A freak phenomenon has occurred and what seem to be portals have opened. From one country to the next, these portals bring hostile threats. We are not only at war with each other but the supernatural. Sightings of more superhumans and metahumans have been recorded worldwide. The future of our world has never been more uncertain.”_

The reporters voice cracked as emotion overcame him. A suffocating terror permeated the room.

“It’s happening.” Talia whispered in disbelief.

_“The government have declared the entire globe as warzone. Dear people, keep your families close, we are in the midst of a great war like never befor –“_

The news reel was hijacked by another broadcast.

The room was in complete silence as the new broadcast played back.

A man in a dark cloak appeared across the screen. It took only seconds to look at the eyes for the entire family to know who was behind the cloak.

“Merlyn.” Nyssa spat out as she stood to get closer to the projection.

_“Citizens of the world. Do not fear. My name is Malcolm Merlyn and I am the man that will save us all. You all deserve to know who has ripped apart our world like this. You deserve to know who is responsible for robbing you of your friends and your families…”_

Merlyn removed his mask to reveal his face. Having known him for many years, something about him seemed off. Whilst he was completely capable of such evil there was something in Sara’s spirit she felt was not quite right.

“Oli?” Sara questioned joining him in his position beside Nyssa and Queen Hippolyta.

“Something’s off.” She whispered.

“I don’t know.” He said not taking his eyes off the projection.

_“…It may surprise you to learn that our supposed heroes are actually our condemners. Star City’s beloved vigilante, the Green Arrow, also known as billionaire Oliver Queen, and his partner’s Nyssa and Talia al Ghul, are responsible for the world war we find ourselves in. Talia al Ghul, under the alias of Miranda Tate is the mastermind behind the terrorist threat of the neutron bomb in Gotham. Talia and Nyssa are head of a secret society of assassins known as the League of Shadows, who have terrorised our world for generations…”_

Images of Talia and Nyssa plastered the screen.

“Mommy why is that man saying those things about you?” Lourdes said shaking with fear.

It broke Nyssa’s heart when she saw the look on her daughters face.

“He’s the man that is after us my love,” Nyssa said picking up the shaking girl.

“William, take your sister to bed.” Oliver instructed.

_“… The masked man is an agent of these evil terrorists. The Green Arrow has not only destroyed efforts of evacuating the civilians of Gotham city safely but is also responsible for the death of our honoured military special operations commander Rick Flag, the hero that volunteered to protect this country …”_

As Merlyn continued to speak various footages of the Green Arrow and a handcuffed Rick Flag began to play. Another shot of The Green Arrow and Bane exiting Arkham Asylum together played and finally the dead body of Flag with a close up of the gun wound his forehead.   

As Merlyn continued to manipulate the world by a false narrative, the panic within the family began to set.

“He’s a liar, all we have done has been in attempt to save us all.” Talia shouted enraged.

“It’s artifice.” Nyssa added.  

_“….And Nyssa al Ghul, a ruthless, cold- blooded, mass murderess has the device that opened up our world to the vultures and monsters that are flooding our streets and running into our homes…”_

Video footage of Nyssa fighting and killing people began to play. Sara caught her as she stumbled back in shame. The olive-skinned woman could barely look at the screen as it continued to compile on the screen.

Despite the guilt that ran through Sara’s body she had to reassure her.

“That is NOT who you are.” Sara whispered, embracing her from behind.

Sara’s hammered in her chest at the thought of betraying Nyssa with a man so despicable. Her greatest enemy, she knew now there would be no redemption if she chose that path.

_“…I could not in good conscience sit back and say nothing, despite the fact they have imprisoned my daughter…”_

Oliver slammed his fist on the table when footage of Thea handcuffed to a chair appeared.

“He’s threatening us.” Oliver seethed.

“He’s taunting us. She would be dead if he was threatening us.” Talia added.

_“I beg you all to aide me in capturing these terrorists and bringing an end to this war before we are all completely lost and nothing but ruin and invaders remain.”_

When the broadcast went black, Queen Hippolyta was immediately instructing her commander to prepare the islands defences.

Oliver was immediately on his phone attempting to contact the headquarters of the operations back in Gotham.

“If they’ve taken Thea, then our base has been compromised.” He said fearfully.

Moments later the call was picked up.

“Felicity? Diggle Hello?” He frantically spoke.

“Oli, I’m sorry man. They took Thea at the border. We were out manned and dispersed.” Diggle’s voice rang through the phone.

“Roy didn’t make it, he died trying to save her… and Dinah and Rene are gone too.” Felicity explained holding back a sob.

“When?” Oliver spoke overcome with grief momentarily.

“It all happened so quickly. First, Dinah took a bullet rescuing some kids, she managed to get them passed the bridge to safety. Everything was still for moment when the portal opened. There was a period of calm and then people just started appearing out of it. Charging and firing. Rene died in the crossfire... Merlyn’s men just appeared and grabbed her. There was nothing we could do. Roy tried to fight them off but there were too many.” Diggle voice was hoarse in a way they’d never heard before.

 Oliver’s resolve broke and he let out a pained yell.

From what Sara knew, this was the first of many deaths to come. Her heart ached at the loss of her friends.

Sara comforted him as he took some deep breaths to hold it together.

“Have you heard from the others?” Sara questioned, concerned for her team.

“We haven’t been able to get through yet, we’re heading back to base to regroup… activity at the portal has slowed down, and the police have been released onto the streets, word is the Bat is back. There’s a modicum of control at the moment.” Diggle explained.

“We’ll keep you updated.” Felicity added.

“Please, stay safe.” Oliver stated sombrely.

Oliver ended the call, and by this point most of the Amazonian warriors had left the feast hall, by instruction of their queen. The only ones remaining were the queen and Diana.

“What does this mean for you all?” Diana wondered worriedly.

“Merlyn’s just upped the bounty on our heads, now not only the criminals of the gutter will be on the search for us, but everyone on this entire globe.” Talia reasoned.

“He has sentenced us to death...” Nyssa stated.

“…and given us no choice but to hand ourselves over to him, because the rest of the world isn’t going to wait for an explanation before they execute us.” She added.

“I’m going to kill him.” Oliver spat poisonously.

“And you think that will stop him? He has ensured that even if he dies, the Pandorica will _still_ be opened, there will be enough people loyal to him to bring him back. ” Nyssa countered.

“So, what the hell do we do?” He snapped.

“Hey! Panicking isn’t going to do anything.” Sara warned.

“Well, isn’t obvious?” Dinah chimed in.

“Mom?” Sara questioned, already having an inkling of where she was going with her line of thought.

“We stay alive long enough to find a way to close these portals indefinitely and ensure we’re on the other side of one when it does happen.”

The events of the future Lourdes warned them about were already starting to play out.

“Dinah’s right. Malcolm will never stop hunting us down as long as we have Lourdes, his key to immortality.” Talia agreed.

Talia and Nyssa had a silent conversation before turning to Queen Hippolyta.

“We need to see Amina, she has the answers to all of this mess.” Nyssa requested.

The Queen didn’t hesitate to send Diana to retrieve her.

As they waited the family consoled each other over the losses of their friends; and digested the major power move Merlyn had just made.

Sara comforted Oliver because at this time, it was not Sara that Nyssa needed.

Nyssa stood clutching at her sister’s hand, apprehensively awaiting the arrival of the woman who had given birth to her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I'd love any theories on how/ if they overcome everything?


	61. Amina Raatko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyssa finally meets her mother.

**Amina Raatko**

Tears were already in Nyssa’s eyes long before the arrival of their summoned guest. Her knuckles were white with how tightly she held onto Talia’s hand. It was going to be emotional moment. Dinah, Oliver and the Queen moved some tables away to allow them some privacy for this reunion.

Sara took up her place in support nearby should the brunette want her.

The two al Ghul sisters stood as a united front. They held hands in a supportive and affectionate way, something foreign to their relationship.

Just as she had appeared the first time, Amina Raatko presented herself clutching onto the arm of her old friend Mistress Eliana.

Although Nyssa attempted to prepare herself, there was no avoiding the shock that came from meeting her mother for the first time. The range of emotions that washed over Nyssa were pure, raw and unrestrained. It was clear she didn’t have the power to remain as passive in her emotions as she’d been raised to do.

Talia’s eyes remained on her sister, unable to bare to look at Amina.

Amina’s almond eyes hid no emotion either. Her expressions shifted from guilt, to pain; to pure joy.

Nyssa spared a smile to her former mistress, but her focus was on the woman whose eyes mirrored her own.

As the elder pair reached the siblings, Nyssa was stuck to the spot, unable to speak or move. Talia squeezed her hand in comfort when she saw her breath hitch in anticipation.

There was an uncomfortable silence whilst everyone waited for either mother or daughter to speak.

It was Mistress Eliana who broke the quiet between them.

 _“Young one, is it truly you?”_ She questioned in Nyssa’s mother tongue.

This seemed to propel something in the woman beside her, who stared up at her daughter in absolute awe.

She looked between the sisters and smiled with tears welling in her eyes and her gaze drifted back to her daughter.

“Look at the two of you, you’re more than I could have ever imagined.” She spoke enamoured.

Talia couldn’t contain her distaste as she rolled her eyes.

“Nyssa.” Amina whispered.  

The woman who was the essence of Nyssa, took a step forward in attempt to pull her into an embrace.

Just as with her first reunion with her adoptive daughter, Nyssa flinched back; almost afraid of the touch.

The stared at each other a moment. Nyssa looking in complete disbelief, as if looking upon a ghost. Amina implored her to allow her this moment.

Whether she took pity upon the woman in front of her or whether she truly just needed this moment was unclear to her. She released her sister’s hand, much to Talia’s dismay, and embraced her mother.

Sobs escaped them both as they desperately clung to one another.

 _“I’m sorry, I am so sorry,”_ Amina repeated in her daughter’s tongue and her own Mongolian.

For a while, all that could be heard in the room was the ragged breathing and gasps of painful cries.

Nyssa’s tears failed to subside, and she clutched onto her mother impossibly tighter.  All the emotions of 37 years of life without her mother bombarded her at once. She was back to being the little girl desperately wondering and seeking a mother. All of it came flooding back. The nights as a child she spent praying to her mother to watch over her, the days wondering if she was making her proud; the nights as an adult shouting and screaming into the darkness with the pain of her absence.

 _“Ummi?”_ She tasted the word on her tongue. A powerful word she never had the opportunity to even utter.

Beside her Talia was seething, and her jaw was clenching in barely contained fury, despite her sparing a moment to embrace her former mistress. It was clear she didn’t want to ruin the moment, but her temper had never been an easy thing for her to control at the best of times.

With a loud and deep sigh Nyssa somehow managed to compose herself and have a moment of clarity and she embrace Eliana.

“I always had faith that one day, you would all be reunited.” The old woman spoke to Amina.

“I would have wished it to be under better circumstances.” Amina answered. Despite her words a beaming smile was plastered across her face and she took in Nyssa’s form, pride exuding out of her.

Nyssa’s demeanour changed from mere moments before, reality sinking in. Her face hardened and she stepped back to reclaim her place at her sister’s side.

“It is not a coincidence you’re here, is it?” Nyssa said with an edge of accusation in her voice.

“Yes, what hole did you finally manage to crawl out of?” Talia added coldly.

The elder woman sighed knowing Talia wasn’t going to make this easy on her.

“I’ve been searching for you for nearly a year. I found my old friend, Eliana here, a woman I owe the world for raising you into the two fine women in front of me now. She told me that if you, Nyssa, were truly alive Suhad would lead me to you. I intercepted her broadcast and we deduced her message to you.” She revealed.

“A _year_ , oh my, what a sacrifice.” Talia slipped a snide comment out.

“Well, you’ve found us,” Nyssa said her voice hardening.

“By the sounds of things, you need me.”

The old woman looked between the family. Sara and Oliver had moved closer to join the conversation, and curiously Dinah had slipped away somewhere.

“ _Need_?” The oldest al Ghul sibling laughed incredulously.

Nyssa placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her.

“This all started with me. I’m here to help end it.”

“It’s time you tell us about the Pandorica and the events that have led us here.” Oliver stepped in bringing a chair for her to sit upon.

Amina looked at the small family and nodded in agreement. She took the chair and began the story that set in motion the series of events still playing out.


	62. The Story Of Gods And Mortals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amina reveals the history of the Pandorica.

**The Story Of Gods and Mortals**

Amina sat in the hotseat primarily facing her daughters as she began to tell her story.

“I am assuming by now you have all heard of the legend of the Pandorica. The box containing immortality, the devil created to lure the God’s chosen child away from him. As with all legends, many of it has been changed over time. When the angel Lucifer was cast away by his God-father. The Christian god pled with all the other Gods; to create a blessed child with unique gifts to make her purer than all other humans he created… it is said I am the mother of this child, _Pandora_. Humanity’s hope. The legend was wrong about this.” Amina’s soft accented voice spoke, capturing the apt attention of all in the room.

“I had no issue in determining that you were no mother to another child.” Talia shot at her.

“The gifted child was not one… but many. Children gifted by the gods. Every human being on this earth is gifted with something and within them all the capability to be humanities hope. Pandora means ‘ _all- gifted.’”_ Amina elaborated.

“And where do you fit into all of this?” Sara spoke, having been extremely observant on the elder woman’s body language, to see how much of her words could be taken as truth.

“An angel came to warn my first incarnation, _Lourdes,_ about Lucifer’s Pandorica. I was chosen by the Gods to protect the children of this earth –”

Talia let out a loud cavalier laugh. All eyes turned to her momentarily.

“You can’t tell me you’re buying this? The woman who deserted her children, apparently chosen by the gods to be _mother_ humanity?” She questioned.

“Let her finish, and then we will make up our minds about just how believable this all is.” Nyssa answered. How much she believed was not yet evident as she had managed to regain all control over her emotions and wore her trained passive expression.

“My six brothers and I swore to protect _Pandora_ from the evils of this box. Each of my brothers took groups of our tribes across to the continents to protect mankind. We became the hidden protectors of humanity.” She confirmed the story Sara and Talia had previously heard from Diana.

“A society which keeps balance in the world. We ensure certain events happen through ancient readings from the thread of life.”

“And what of the truth of the Pandorica’s origin?” Oliver questioned.

“It was King Hebriel that discovered the Pandorica and wrote the scrolls with instructions of how to open it. His great granddaughter Queen Nefertiti destroyed the original scrolls and wrote them in a language of her own making which she passed down to her descendants. She concealed the box in the Hindu Kush and Ashkiri temples.”

The greater picture of everyone’s role was becoming clearer to them all. From Sara’s assessment of the storyteller, she deduced that so far, she was truthful.  

“What of the scrolls Merlyn stole from your order?” Nyssa probed.

“With the fall of Egypt to Rome an alliance was made with us and Nefertiti’s descendants and new scrolls were written up.”

Nyssa looked to Sara and Talia. So far, her story confirmed everything they heard prior.

“And what information did these new scrolls contain?” Sara added.

“First, the only people with the instructions to open it were the descendants of Queen Nefertiti. Second, only a child of the Hidden could find it; and get past all the protective enchantments… and lastly, only a _child_ of the Hidden would be able to open it. It was never intended to be found much less opened. We gave up the ability to have children when we became Gods chosen protectors of humanity, which is why we were gifted with reincarnation.” She explained.

“Then why did the prophecy I was foretold predict it would be our baby Lourdes that would open it?” Talia pressed.

“Because only a child _can_ open it. There is some lost truth in the story of Pandora’s box. Lourdes is still a child, one still very much with great innocence to her. The innocence of children has always provided the world with the greatest of _hope…_ And what greater victory could Lucifer have than to not only corrupt the people given the responsibility to protect the earth, but to the destroy the hope of humankind?”

“So, what of the discovery of the scrolls and the box itself?” Talia questioned curiously.  

The old woman took a deep sigh at Talia’s question. It was clear there was a lot of pain in her past and Sara and Talia could tell from the expression on Nyssa’s face she couldn’t help but sympathise with her.

“Once upon a time, I fell deeply in love with a man named Arthur King, later known as Malcolm Merlyn.  Despite my brothers’ warnings and attempts to keep us apart, I became pregnant and your brother was born. Arthur manipulated me and turned me against my brothers. He stole the scrolls and used me to reveal the location of the Pandorica. He also figured out that he could use his own son to retrieve it.”

Sara recollected the traumatic events Saracon experienced when his father was on the search for immortality.

“My brother never found anything.” Talia said.

“He was so young he doesn’t remember. After his father abandoned him in the dark, he _did_ find it. I never told anyone.” She explained.

“That’s when our father rescued you.” Nyssa deduced.

“Yes.” A warm smile spread across her face as she agreed.

“I turned my back on the Hidden when I found out my eldest brother, Ibadan, had organised the mission with Merlyn behind my back. Not only had the father to my child used me, so did my own brother. The Hidden were corrupted and I wanted nothing else to do with them.”

The question of Amina’s abandonment was on the tip of Talia’s tongue, but with the many eyes in the room, she omitted asking such a question that would cause an unpredictable reaction with in her.

“How does this all lead up to today?” Sara questioned as a quiet fell around them.

“The Pandorica was stolen from me, evidently by Merlyn, he knows everything… So, I’m here to help. This entire mess started with me many years ago…and before I die, I’d like to find a slither of redemption for all the ways I have failed you. Let me at least attempt to right my wrongs.”

Whether the two al Ghul siblings wanted her aide it was not clear. They were a impenetrable wall of emotions.

“How do you plan on _helping_?” Talia questioned.

“I know how to destroy it. I can bring an end to this war… I just need Nyssa to come with me to Gotham to do it.”  

Sara and Talia stood up in seconds.

“Over my dead body.” Talia spat at her.

“Not a chance in hell.” Sara spoke in unison.

Sara was at Nyssa’s side protectively after Amina’s revealation. She could see in her dark eyes that she was considering it, Nyssa wanted to believe her mother.

“Let’s take a break, we have a lot to process.” Nyssa admitted with confusion whirling in her eyes.

They all agreed with little protest from the raging al Ghul sister.

At that moment Dinah appeared, who had been curiously missing from the discussion; and summoned Sara.


	63. Web Of Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deception of a broken mother is revealed.

**Web of lies**

Sara caught her mother up on the information Amina Raatko had given. They sat discussing everything they knew in a private room near the feasting hall.

“Do you believe she actually wants to destroy it?” Dinah asked.

“She’s been in possession of it for four decades, she has had ample opportunity to destroy it. It’s difficult to tell however, she seems incredibly sincere in her intentions.” Sara explained.

“While you were all talking, I took it upon myself to snoop in her room and see if I couldn’t get a little more insight into her plans.” Dinah revealed.

Sara was impressed with her mother’s proactivity. She hated to involve anyone else in her secret mission but she was pleased that she wasn’t alone.

“What did you find?”

Dinah placed a mobile device into Sara’s hands. If there was any deception, her phone would likely leave a trail of some sort.

“It requires a passcode to open it. From what you know about her, do you think you can figure out the code?” Dinah questioned.

“If there’s any shred of a mother’s love in her heart I have an idea.”

Sara tapped in Nyssa and Saracon’s birthday’s to no avail.

“Try Talia’s date of birth,” Dinah added.

She tapped in the numbers and to their surprise the screen unlocked. They searched through the calls and messages for any idea of Amina’s intentions. In hidden messages they found communication from someone listed as AK.

“Arthur King.” Sara deduced.

They scrolled up the messages and were shocked at what they found. They were expecting to find communication between the two, future Lourdes had warned them that Amina would give away their location.

The messages read:

**_AK_ **

_If you’re right about this, we can finally be together again. I’ve done all of this for you._

**_Amina_ **

_All I have ever wanted was to spend eternity with you. My brothers turned me against you, life has been so lonely without you._

**_AK_ **

_My one true love, I always knew we were meant to be together._

_Send me your location when you find Nyssa._

**_Amina_ **

_Open the portals, I’ll be with her soon._

 

Amina and Merlyn were still romatically involved.

“What are you doing,” Amina said catching the two women hovering over her phone.

“The question is Amina, what are _you_ doing?”

She looked at them darkly, and the intense gaze of her eyes sent a chilling spine down Sara’s back.

“I am getting my revenge.” She answered closing the door tightly behind her.

Sara was on edge and watched every move she made like a hawk. Although, she was an older woman in her sixties she knew enough about the Hidden to know she was likely an expert fighter.

“What has Nyssa ever done to you but exist?” Dinah questioned completely disgusted at the other woman.

“Not on Nyssa, on Merlyn.” She said.

Sara caught her mother’s eye, unsure of what to make of Amina’s revelation.

“Explain.” Sara commanded in a no nonsense tone.

“I know what you think of me. I’m the monster that abandoned the only good things to come from two terrible relationships. You don’t understand my life, so maybe give me a moment before you come to your conclusions about me.” She spoke earnestly.

“What other conclusions are we meant to come to when you re still clearly in kahoots with the man behind so much of our pain and misery?” Sara responded.

“You are not the only ones that have suffered because of him. He took everything from me!” She snapped.

Although she had been emotional in her reunion with her daughters, she managed to maintain a calm that now evaporated.

“In all of the incarnations I have lived, I don’t recall ever having experienced romantic love. Protecting this earth is all I have ever known. Then, I met Arthur King. He broke my heart in a way that completely destroyed me. He tore apart my family with his lies and deception. He used and abused me all for his own motivations. I never got over it.”

It was difficult to gauge if she was lying, her demeanor was so honest.

“I was broken when Ra’s found me. Talia and Saracon don’t remember that because they were children, I hid it well from them and they were the only joy I ever had, but I was broken. After a while, all I had was my rage and I left. For reasons I do not have to explain to you.”

“But you will have to explain it to them.” Sara added.

“It’s difficult to believe you when we know you’re planning on giving up our location and taking Lourdes.” Dinah admitted.

“I do want to destroy the Pandorica, but I also want to destroy Malcolm Merlyn. I’ve been planning my revenge for an entire lifetime.” She insisted.

“You’re telling me you’ve had the Pandorica for 37 years just to give it up to Merlyn, to then destroy it and enact revenge on him?” Sara questioned incredulously.

“It’s taken me 37 years to figure out how to destroy it. Lourdes is the only one who can do it because she’s the only one who can open it.”

“Why did you tell us you needed Nyssa then?” Sara pressed.

“After being missing for 37 years, I didn’t think borrowing my grandchild was exactly the best approach.”

“So, you thought kidnapping would be better?” Dinah questioned in complete disbelief.

“I wanted a chance for redemption. I failed them, I know that.” She admitted.

“What’s to stop me from going back in there and telling them right now, about your plans?”

Sara was not willing to risk her family over someone that abandoned the people she loved.

“Talia will certainly not spare my life. Then this doesn’t end for any of us. You’ll spend the rest of your lives on the run, some of you will die and ultimately he will win… again. He will succeed in opening the Pandorica, and I’ll be forced to spend eternity under his rule. I can not do that. He’s already claimed this incarnation as his own.”

It was clear that her actions were for herself. It was just consolation prize that her daughters would be rid of Merlyn too. Sara deliberated on the choice she had to make. The selfish motivations behind her plans were consistent with the character she had proven herself to be, and for that Sara was more inclined to believe her.

 “And If I can do one thing for my children, it is to rid them of Merlyn. That’s all I have to offer them now.”

“Why can’t you just tell them that?” Dinah chimed in.

“We both know, they won’t be able to see past my betrayal and believe me, would you?” She questioned rhetorically.

“So, what is your grand plan?” Sara prompted.

“After Lourdes opens the Pandorica, she must allow him to drink its contents before she destroys it and we throw Merlyn through the portal in Gotham and close the door forever. That portal happens to be the gateway to the worst hell imaginable… Then, I can die knowing that he will spend eternity suffering for what he did to me.” She explained.

Sara and Dinah were still extremely skeptical but Sara would play Amina’s games just long enough to keep Lourdes alive. It was completely insane, but she knew that Amina believed in her revenge and there was nothing that could be done to stop her.

“If you want this plan to happen, I come with you, that’s the only way Lourdes is leaving this island with you.” Sara bargained.

“Deal.” She responded immediately.

“And we do everything we can to ensure my family survives.” Sara added sternly.

“Already done, Queen Hippolyta has agreed to give everyone safe passage when Merlyn’s forces come.”

“And how will Lourdes destroy the Pandorica and close the portal?” Sara questioned.

“How to destroy it is my only leverage, I’ll tell you when the time is right.”

Sara didn’t exactly trust her but she did trust her motivations and would, for now, have to follow her lead.

“If you even think about betraying me, I’ll slit your throat.” Sara threatened before exiting the room with her mother.

“I know.” She said smiling sadly.

“I am glad my daughter has you, she never deserved a mother like me.” She added sadly.

“Was it worth it?” Dinah wondered curiously.

“Was it worth losing everything to feed and nurture your revenge?”

Amina was silent a moment as she considered the question.

“No… but by the time I realized that, it was too late. This is all I have now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can Amina be trusted, or should she be trusted?


	64. Choice And Consequence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amina faces the fallout from her abandonment.

**Choice and Consequence**

Before Sara rejoined the others with Amina and her mother, she made some calls. She didn’t trust Amina and needed to ensure that there was no room for betrayal. She contacted the Suicide Squad members that aided Nyssa on her previous mission. They were on standby for her call when she arrived back in Gotham.

By the time she rejoined the family she walked into an escalating argument.

“Then why did you leave? You gifted our father the scrolls, you _loved_ him, I remember it all.” Talia’s anger began to bubble up.

“It wasn’t one reason, there were many many factors… it almost seemed like fate meant for it to be so.” Amina responded.

“Why. Did. You. Leave?”

“The hidden ordered us back. Despite my quarrels with my brother I still had a responsibility to this earth.”

“Why didn’t you take us with you?” Nyssa asked. Her voice was small in a way she hadn’t been expecting.

“You had a responsibility to us too.” Talia added.

“I wasn’t allowed… And how could I break Ra’s al Ghul’s heart by not only leaving but taking his children too. In what world do I live so see past that day?”

“That’s a poor excuse,” Talia retaliated.

“Ra’s would have burnt the world down for his daughters. I was very young and had the weight of the entire world on my shoulders. I didn’t believe I could handle the responsibility of being a mother to three children. I really believed I was making the right decision.”  

Talia huffed in frustration.

“It wasn’t an easy decision to leave _either_ of you.” She added apologetically.

Sara was surprised to see understanding on Nyssa’s face. She expected anger and frustration, much like Talia was displaying.

“And yet you took your son.” Talia wasn’t trying to understand or sympathise with her.

“He had no one, you had your father.”

Talia didn’t even need to speak to express her disgust, she sent her an icy glare that made even the blonde scared.

“I know it was a terrible choice. One I’ve battled with every day of my life.”

Talia wasn’t buying any of her explanation. She had a look of pure contempt sat upon her face.

“We also had to live with the fall out of your decision.” Nyssa explained.

“I wanted to come back for you, but your father made it very clear that if returned he would kill me. So, I parted ways with your brother and instead dedicated my life to protecting the Pandorica.” She said placing a hand on Nyssa’s own.

“Well, you failed though didn’t you?” Talia spat out.

“Merlyn found it and now the entire world is after us; after Lourdes.” She finished her anger building up again.

“Yes, Merlyn’s men stole it from me, around the same time they stole the scrolls from _you,_ Talia.” Amina admitted, a slight dig taken at Talia in the process.

Sara had an uneasy feeling. She now knew Amina was lying. However, she had no choice but to allow her to tell her lies.

The dig taken at Talia was the wrong move because that pushed what little remaining restrain, she had away.

A hidden knife was up and out of her boot and at Amina’s neck before anyone could stop her.

Sara moved as quickly as she had ever moved in her life. She was attempting to restrain the enraged woman, any wrong move could jeopardise everything. It seemed as if regardless her attempts the events kept swaying towards the future she was trying to prevent.

“As much as we’ve enjoyed your little story, I think we will opt out on your _help_.” She sneered.

“Talia.” Sara warned.

Nyssa was beside her pleading.

“I am sorry.” Amina whispered.

Talia’s grip tightened on the knife and in this moment, in spite of Sara’s attempts and Nyssa’s pleas, Talia had the fate of the world in her hands.

“Please, don’t do this. Please, don’t do this. Sister. Please, _please,_ don’t do this ” Nyssa begged pulling at her arm.

Talia’s eyes flashed momentarily at her sister.

“Why, she has never cared about what happened to us. She turned her back on us!” She spoke through gritted teeth.

“Talia. Put it down!” Mistress Eliana’s old but strong voice spoke.

Talia faltered for a moment and her sister took that moment to place her hand over hers at the knife.

“What can I do for you to forgive me?” Amina whispered voice strained by the vice grip of the knife at her neck.  
  
“I want you to take responsibility!” She screamed dropping the weapon in her hand.

Her temper had always been like a grenade, once the detonator was released there was very little time to hide under cover. This would be the greatest explosion yet.    
  
“You don’t get to show up one day, after a life time of not being here and pretend like nothing has happened! You _abandoned_ us, you made your choice!” She yelled hysterically.  
  
“We cannot change the past, she’s here _now_.” Eliana attempted to de-escalate the situation.

“That’s not good enough!” Her voice cracked as she stared at the other woman in complete despair.

Talia carried this raw pain with her for most of her life. It was easy to tell this was her greatest torment and her deepest heartbreak. She hardly ever showed emotion outside of calm confidence but today was different, everything Amina said was wrong, and there was no tempering the hurricane raging inside of her.

“There has been so much pain and anger and loss... you weren’t there for any of it, I WAS.” She huffed heavily and tears streamed out uncontrollably.

To see her sister in such pain moved Nyssa past her own need to forgive Amina. She could finally understand and see why Talia had been the way she was growing up. She understood the distance, the pressure and reasoning behind all her actions.

To see Talia literally stood between herself and Amina, symbolised the protection Talia had attempted to give her.    
  
“I know I failed you, let me make things right– ”  
  
“HOW? YOU WEREN’T HERE!” Talia lashed out once more.

“There’s nothing you can do.” Nyssa said supporting Talia. Although her emotions were more collected, the pain her sister was in affected her too.

“You weren’t here.”

Her voice was hollow, like all the rage just washed out of her, and all that remained was an emptying agony.

Amina looked visibly surprised at Talia’s revelation.  She felt their words like a slap in the face and her mouth opened and closed without a single noise coming out.

If the mistress had thought of previously intervening that thought was long gone.  

Amina turned away in shame and it was the Mistress Eliana who clutched onto her.

“You must hear this, let her speak.”

An intense quiet fell over them as Talia stared at her straight in her eyes. In this time, Nyssa’s hand found its way into her sisters.

“I searched for you. Despite all the pain you caused, I dedicated most of my teenage years looking for you. Nyssa needed a mother… and you weren’t there.” He voice was desolate as she revealed her truth.

“I was. I was there when she took her first steps, I was there when she trained every _single_ day, hours on end, to become better than the best for our fathers’ impossible expectations. I was there when she truly had no choice but to give up her baby to protect her…” She poured out like hot acid.

“I know I was _far_ from perfect, but I did a hell of a lot better job raising Nyssa than you ever could!”   
Nyssa could see things from such a different perspective now. Talia raised her as best she could, she didn’t have a mother to show her and she had that great responsibility when it wasn’t hers to bare.  

“She’s the strongest woman I know. Despite everything she has been through, she _still_ cares ferociously for those she loves. To some that makes her monstrous but to me she’s a hero... and, – and…” she stuttered turning to face Nyssa alternatively.

“And I couldn’t be prouder of her and who she has turned out to be. She achieved all of that without anyone, least of all you!”

“No, I didn’t. I had you, and Sara, especially in my darkest of times.” Nyssa admitted.

At some point Amina found her voice.

“I cannot go back in time to fix the hurt I caused you, I know my ship for forgiveness has sailed with you, but I want to try with Nyssa.” Amina explained pathetically.   
  
“SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE!” She snapped.   
  
“I’m her mother,” she added weakly.   
  
“YOU WERE MY MOTHER TOO!” She croaked in a heart breaking admission.  
  
And as she broke down, it was Nyssa who comforted her. They had never seen Talia break down in such a painful manner. It was the most human she had ever presented herself. Just honest uncontrollable emotions.   
  
It was Nyssa who caught the failing brunette and Nyssa who held her in her arms. It was the first embrace they had shared in all of their adult years. The sobs shook her body, and she looked so small in a way Talia al Ghul had never been before.

After her sobs subsided a pained voice spoke again.

“Nyssa I’m sorry.”

Nyssa was surprised that the words were not from Amina but Talia.

“What?” Nyssa was in utter disbelief.

“I am sorry. Your mother abandoned you and instead of being there for you as your sister, I abandoned you too. Albeit not in the same manner, but nonetheless I was cold and distant. I allowed our father to pit us against each other, I allowed him to deny you love and I denied you affection... Sister, I’m sorry.”   
  
Words Nyssa never thought she would hear.

It took a moment to digest the earnest apology she never expected to receive.   
  
“Talia, my sister, you’re still my hero. It means everything to hear these words from you. I love you, and I stand by you always.” Nyssa pleaded.

“There will be no absolution for this woman from me. I can never forgive her for what she did to us.” Talia said pointing at a heartbroken Amina.

If Nyssa had been inclided towards forgiveness and understanding before, the chain of events this evening revealed an understanding about her sister she had never experienced before.

“You abandoned us. That is the choice _you_ made, and these are the consequences of that decision... I wish you the best on your mission to destroy the Pandorica, but I will not be helping you in any capacity.”

For everyone in the room the explosive meeting was emotionally taxing. There was not much else to be said after Nyssa’s final words.

Those final words nagged at something inside Sara. An overwhelming guilt began to itch at her skin and rise up in bile in her throat. She wondered if the choices she was making and the consequences for them were ones she could handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What should Sara do? Let me know know your thoughts!


	65. What I Sacrificed For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memory from the past forces Sara into a risky decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of torture in this chapter.

**What I Sacrificed For You**

Sara jittered with guilt that night. The events of the evening had been draining on almost everyone. Sara and Nyssa retired to their room and Nyssa hadn’t the energy to discuss recent events. She had drifted to sleep with Lourdes in her arms almost moments after laying down.

Sara found herself tossing and turning, plagued by the pending betrayal she had somehow arranged.

She watched her lover and daughter sleep, surprisingly peacefully for the situation they found themselves in.

All the possible consequences of her decisions haunted her mind. She felt physically sick with betrayal and scheming she had already been involved in. She kept chanting to herself a mantra to somehow attempt to calm herself.

_You have no other choice, you must protect them both. You have no other choice, you must protect them both. You have no other choice, you must protect them both._

Buzzed over and over in her mind, until her mind wandered to a memory long since buried away. She recalled the mission in which after Nyssa declared her, her beloved; and in which Sara realised that their love was one for the ages.

**_FLASHBACK***_ **

It was the fifth mission that they had attended together. Sara was still learning the ropes of everything, trying to translate the long hard hours of lessons drilled into her by Nyssa into real life situations.

Nyssa had organised a team consisting of Sara and her usual trusted team; Mohannad, Talibah and Onyx. They were in Jordan in the middle of a mission to take out a politician who was involved in arms smuggling deal to a rebel group attacking unarmed civilians. The politician had been in deals with Russian weapons dealers and was on his way to finalise an exchange.

Sara and Nyssa were undercover following the dirty politician, as they rounded a corner out of the town centre, they were set upon. A gang of men with hidden faces surrounded them and they were outnumbered. This was the first time they had ever been caught off guard on a mission. This could not have been expected, they had been following him for weeks and were under the impression he had no idea about them.

Sara’s hands hovered around the area where her concealed weapon was, when Nyssa’s eyes signalled for her not to. They were outmanned and it would result in both of their deaths.

The two women were both wearing traditional clothing, Nyssa was wearing a hijab and Sara a niqab to be less conspicuous with her bright blonde hair.

“ _We want the American.”_ The leader of the group demanded in Arabic.

 _“We are not Americans.”_ Nyssa responded in her fluent Arabic.

 _“Laurel Drake, seems like a very American name to me.”_ He added throwing the name Sara had used at the hotel they had been staying at. Her single responsibility and she had been stupid enough to use an American name rather than a regional name.

This was her fault.

 For the first time in a long while Sara found herself afraid, although she knew she could handle herself, she had yet to be alone in a mission.

_“We want the American spy, either you step forward or we take you both.”_

Before Sara could even process the words, Nyssa had shoved her back and taken a step forward. Nyssa may have been the most experienced but the rules in the league stated that when a persons’ cover was blown; they were to be left behind. One life was not worth blowing operational cover.

They were moved to a second location shortly after that. They were tied up and the torture began. Side by side they each took beatings, and at every opportunity Nyssa took a hit meant for Sara, despite the anger it ensued in their tormentors.

After a while Sara was beginning to spiral, flashbacks of her time on the island perpetuating her terror.

“Stay with me.” Nyssa would whisper over and over ignoring the pain being inflicted on her.

Days of the torture continued, and when the hunger and lack of sleep began to cause Sara to fall deeper and deeper into her own mind, it was Nyssa who was the strength for them both.

Sara lost track of the days they had been kept in the bunker and tortured. On one particular day, their captors had no interest in Sara and focussed their attention on Nyssa.

“ _You are an American spy!”_ They screamed at her over and over as they force fed her gasoline.

With every beating Nyssa’s eyes remained on the Sara’s; _don’t give up she communicated to her._  

 _“I am not an American spy, I work for insurance firm in Washington, I am here visiting my husbands’ family.”_ She chanted over and over despite their beats.

The hours went by and Sara helplessly sat being forced to watch the torture of her lover.

 _“You are here to sabotage our nuclear ambitions, yes?”_ They interrogated relentlessly. Sara was supposed to be in that position, it had been her mistake.

She shook her head and the guy with the hose leant in and forced her mouth open, running the hose with gasoline down her throat.

Sara wanted to scream, make them stop, but nothing came out her mouth.

 _It was my mistake, take me._ Her thoughts yelled, she willed the words to come out her hoarse throat, but no sound came.

Although they had been trained for this, it made it no easier to watch.

As the night came and they were left with a guard, Sara could see Nyssa’s morale had significantly diminished and with that her own deteriorated quickly.

Rule number one in the surviving torture teachings was to never surrender to the thought of your death. Yet, the thoughts came, and Sara was spiralling once more.  

Too long after Nyssa’s beating a voice spoke into the darkness.

“Habibti, we are going to get out of here,” she promised. Nyssa managed to meet her eye. _Habibti, beloved._ A word Nyssa had never used before, a word Sara knew had a heavy weight with it.  

Those were the last words she heard before unconsciousness took her.

When she awoke, she found herself at a safehouse back with their team.

“Nyssa?” She voiced at the figure of Talibah tending to her wounds.

“She carried you out and contacted us, she was in bad shape.” Talibah spoke.

The brunette was in the makeshift bed next to her.

Sara’s stomach churned at the colourful array of bruises and cuts across her skin.

In the days that followed all Sara could do was tend to Nyssa’s wounds while she rested. The brunette was in and out of consciousness, and delirious during her moments of wakefulness.

Sara cried more in those few days than she had ever in her life. Willing divine intervention to let her lover survive.

"Nyssa is like a Phoenix, will rise again." Talibah whispered to her one night.

Sara’s mistake had nearly cost her Nyssa’s life, and what’s worse was that Nyssa sacrificed herself for the torture. She was supposed to have left her, one life was not worth risking the operation.

She was sick with worry but never left the brunette’s side.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Sara cried.

“Now what are you sorry for, I’m right here.” Nyssa’s voice croaked out painfully.

Relief washed over Sara, and if she thanked every god she could think of for waking her.

“Everything, it was all my fault.” She confessed.

“I chose to come with you, that was my fault, you have nothing to apologize to me for.” She answered, her words slow with the strain.

“Why did you do that, you should have let me go!” Sara said panicked recalling the traumatic torture they endured.

“And leave you alone?” Nyssa queried, tone telling Sara that was out of the question.

“What they did to you, if there was a way, I would kill them all.” Sara spat out.

“I’d rather have hell with you, than heaven with anyone else.” Nyssa’s bandaged hand took Sara’s tightly.

“Look at me, Habibti.” Nyssa gently coaxed the guilty blonde into meeting her eyes.

 _Habibti._ That word again. Sara knew what that word to Nyssa. You are my _everything._ Sara couldn’t understand how in such a terrible time she had found such a woman, such a love.

It made her chest tight, and her skin tingle. She wondered how a single word could make her feel like lightening, and that’s when it dawned on her. This wasn’t just a fun flirtation, a wild affair. This was it. _Love._ The thing that songs were sung about, the feeling people killed for… the sacrifice people died for.

“There are days I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone, moments I need your bright eyes and tinkling smile… And more and more, these days I need the sanctuary you have created and even in this danger I’ve never felt so secure.” She finished.

“I love you!” Sara blurted out unceremoniously.

Nyssa smiled that warm smile that made Sara’s breath catch.

“No, like, I’m _in_ love with you.” Sara explained, sounding like a teenager just discovering the words for the first time.

"What I mean is, I've never felt this way before about anyone, and the thought of ever losing you..." she couldn't even venture into the possibility.

"...even if its to save me; I can't bare it. You're everything in my new world." Sara confessed. 

The brunette stared at her in that way she had about her these days, her heart literally shining through her eyes.

“I didn’t believe I was worthy of love until you crashed into my life… that’s why I did what I did. You made my lonely existence worth something. Neither of us ever have to face anything alone ever again. You are my family, my _power.”_ The brunette pulled Sara to join her on the small makeshift bed.

The blonde carefully maneuvered herself around her, letting Nyssa be the little spoon as she so enjoyed.

Sara didn’t need to hear the words _‘I love you_ ,’ to know Nyssa felt them. It was still hard for her to be affectionate and emotionally intimate at times. She knew from her new title _‘habibti_ ,’ she knew from the sacrifices she had made, and was willing to make, Nyssa loved her in a way no one else ever had, or ever would. This was a love for the ages.

 “Next time let me save you.” Sara said stubbornly, pulling a chuckle from Nyssa.

**END FLASHBACK*****

Sara owed Nyssa a million times over. She loved this woman with her entire soul and there was no way she could betray her.

She watched her breathing softly as she thought back to all the times she sacrificed herself and showed Sara she was the most important thing to her.

If there was a way to save them all from the future Lourdes promised, there was not a chance Sara could figure it out on her own.

_Family is power._

The words spoken over a decade ago that would save them now.

If they were going to survive this great war they would need to stick together, and so she gently woke the sleeping brunette and began her long confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has Sara made a mistake or the right decision?


	66. Blood Of The Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family decide that their time of running is done.

**Blood Of The Demon**

It turned out telling the truth to Nyssa was easier than expected. Telling her of her daughter’s possible future pulled at her heartstrings and she was on board with going back to Gotham. Granted it took two hours of back and forth ‘ _what ifs_?’ and ‘ _are you sure’s_?’

Nyssa was completely convinced of Sara’s plan’s by the break of dawn. Oliver had needed little convincing since he had already begun conducting his own mission in rescuing his sister. All that remained was getting the eldest al Ghul sister on board.

Amina had already given up their location and Merlyn’s men were set to arrive on the island that evening, and so, they didn’t have much time to convince Talia.

It was just past midday when Sara stumbled upon the two sisters in conversation.

“You cannot honestly believe trusting Amina is a good idea?” Talia spoke flabbergasted.

“No, I do not, but I trust her motives. They are as selfish as all her actions of the past, why would I not believe that?”

Talia waved her hand in frustration.

“She’s liar, that’s all she knows to do. I can _never_ forgive Amina for what she did to our family, how can you?” She accused raising her voice.  

They were running out of time and she stressed this to Talia, but she remained convinced they needed more time to find another plan that did not include Amina.

“I’m not asking you to forgive her! I’m asking you to trust _me_.” Nyssa snapped.

Talia stared at her sister, her own anger building at the frustrating situation.

“Do you remember what you told me on my first mission with you?” Nyssa’s voice softened.

“What?” Talia questioned not understanding where Nyssa was heading with this story.

“When someone threatens our family, we do not run away. We stand up as a family and fight. That’s what _you_ taught me. This IS that time.” She explained to Talia’s relaxing demeanour.

“United we stand, divided we fall.” Talia whispered the words of a lifetime ago.

“Merlyn has driven us from our home twice, Suhad is dead because of him and now he has Thea. I want him to pay for all of it, _dearly_ …”

She would never forget the sacrifice Suhad made. She hadn’t died so they could live a life on the run, she died to buy them more time, because that was all that could be given in this impossible situation.

“…and if that means we have to align ourselves with that woman to achieve it, then that’s what has to be done.” She finished.

Talia considered her words seriously for the first time in their conversation.

Sara took this moment to come into view. Nyssa moved to her side and kissed her on the temple in greeting.

“My ship is about to arrive, we need to leave soon.” Sara spoke.

Nyssa looked back to Talia, pleading with her eyes for her support in this.

Talia had been sitting on Nyssa’s words and came to a decision.

“We are going to make _everyone_ who dare threaten our family suffer.” She said with a wicked smile, and hint of the demon in her eyes.

“So, you’re on board with this?” Sara questioned.

“Help us raise hell to make them pay everything they have put us through.” Nyssa added.

“Somewhere along the way I seem to have forgotten that _we_ are the daughters of the demon, we are of the blood that men have feared for centuries and will fear for centuries to come.” Talia said a sliver of her old, more evil-self, shining through.

“I’ll go prepare myself for battle… This. Is. War.”

Nyssa smiled in approval as Talia passed them to go prepare.

“Come let’s go,” Sara prompted guiding Nyssa out onto the beach where her ship was set to arrive.

 

 

The island was alive with noise. Defences were up across the island and the Amazonian women were dressed and ready for battle. The Queen was extensive in her preparation. Her warriors were geared up and dotted around the island, Merlyn’s men were set to be very surprised if they expected anything less than a battle against the gods.  

Queen Hippolyta was mid-directing her commanders when Nyssa and Sara caught up to her.

“Thank you, for everything.” Nyssa spoke candidly to the goddess Queen.

“Dinah and William will be safe here, they will be hidden in a place no man can find. I hope at least the worry of their safety can be lifted.” She responded as Dinah and William appeared with Oliver in tow.

“Why does it feel like I’m always saying goodbye to you Sara?” Dinah questioned hugging her daughter tightly.

Sara had no response for her mother, all she could do was hold her tighter.

“I once believed I would never see my daughter again, and yet she returned to me. Do not fear Mrs Lance.” The Queen spoke embracing her own daughter.

Nyssa looked over to Lourdes who was holding on tightly to her brother. As heart-warming as the moment was, she couldn’t help but feel anxiety at what the future held for her child. The future older-Lourdes had visited from, promised nothing but suffering, and yet she had been with her brother and for naught else, at least she wasn’t alone. From Sara’s explanation they were altering the events of the future and with their success on this mission that timeline would be aborted. However, there was still a timeline in which her daughter had suffered a terrible life, and for that Nyssa was happy that even then she was not alone.

Nyssa took this opportunity to embrace William goodbye and send him some words of encouragement.

“You take care of yourself and Dinah. I do not doubt that you and your sister will be reunited again, I think it must be written in the stars.”

He was visibly upset having protested all morning about wanting to go with his father to protect his sister.

“I want to come with you, but my dad says I have to stay here.” He groaned brooding in a way that made him look just like his father.  

“You’re a man now William, but you are still my son and I couldn’t handle putting you in harm’s way too.” Oliver answered embracing him farewell.  

William was nearly his height now, a teenage boy nothing like his father at his age, and you could see in Oliver’s eyes he was proud of him.

Following their goodbyes William and Dinah were transported to safety.

Nearby, Talia was in hushed and heated exchange in their mother language with the Mistress Eliana. Eliana was almost protectively standing in front of Amina, despite her blindness.

Nyssa walked over to find out what they could possibly be arguing about.

“What’s going on?” She questioned snatching at her sister’s arm.

Nyssa respected their mistress a great deal and would not stand to see Talia disrespect her regardless of what Amina’s presence did to Talia’s temper.

“We’ve been betrayed.” She spat out looking accusingly at Amina.

“I have shown you my communication device’s Talia, you know it wasn’t me.” Amina responded.

“I wouldn’t put it past you, is all I was saying. Stay out of my way and this will all go a little smoother for all of us.” She threatened the elder woman walking away.

“What has happened?” Nyssa enquired again.

“The bomb. Bane’s men have lost custody of it... Merlyn’s using it to generate the power keeping the portals open.” She admitted.

“How has that got anything to do with her?” Nyssa questioned unable to make the link.

“Everything that is happening has got everything to do with her!”

There was a paranoia that was beginning to creep into the air, and even though Nyssa was slightly more clearheaded she couldn’t help but wonder if Amina was somehow involved.

“Young one, your sister may not be able to see past her hate for your mother, but I have faith that all she wants is to aide you in your mission.” Mistress Eliana spoke.

“You may know that, but we do not… we don’t know her, she’s a stranger and she chose to have it this way.” Nyssa responded softly her former carer.

In the distance Diana called out to them to return, it was time for them to leave, prompting the women to bid farewell to the elderly woman.

“You loved us as our mother should have, you were there for us. I apologize for raising my voice to you, all I have ever had for you is respect.” Talia said remorsefully.

The old woman smiled and pulled both women into an embrace.

“My girls, I’ll pray for you. It gladdens me to know that you are together again fighting for family, and I pity those you would call enemy.” She encouraged.

Emotion overcame them both at this bittersweet moment. Their childhood in Nanda Parbat felt like a million lifetimes ago, and something in them knew this was likely the last time they would encounter one another again.

“And once this war is won, I know you will _both_ make fine mothers… Nyssa you already are.”

She kissed them both on the forehead before letting them go.

“Goodbye Mistress.” The two whispered before finally walking away.  


	67. The Waverider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar figure comes to shake things up aboard the Waverider.

**The Waverider**

As the sun was beginning to set, the familiar shape of Sara’s Waverider appeared in the sky above the family. It was majestic like an electronic dragon come to save the day.

Lourdes was excited as children are, despite the situation they were in. She jumped up and down excitedly pointing to the landing electric beast in front of them.

“Wooow, nice wheels mom!” She said in her sassy animated voice.

The doors opened up for Sara and a weird sense of relief fell across her. The stakes were the highest they had ever been in her life but being back aboard a ship that was once her life and joy, somehow made it easier to deal with.

The blonde led and everyone followed. Step by step she walked further into the ship. The interior was different from when she last saw it but the buzzing and humming of the ship was the same set of familiar wonderful noises.

The lights of the hallway lit up as she walked towards the navigation bridge. It was beginning to feel like a homecoming for the retired field agent.

“Welcome back aboard Captain Lance and _family_ ,” the familiar voice of Gideon surrounded the space around them.

The A.I., clever as always, knew exactly what to say.

“Captain Lance,” Nyssa repeated, feeling very proud of her beloved. It was one thing to hear about Sara’s exploits, but it was another thing completely to be actively witness to it.   

“Oh Gideon, it almost sounds as if you missed me.” Sara joked with the A.I.

“The acting captain is not quite as diligent in his duties as you were.” Gideon reveals much to Sara’s joy.

“Oh, you wound me Gideon, is this the thanks I get for updating your software?” A familiar voice spoke.

“Jax?”

Sara questioned stepping fully into the room.

Jax stood with Mick, Kendra and Amaya on the deck. She was completely surprised to find some of her former legends family and her face showed as much.

“What are you guys doing here?”

She had only been expecting Mick to arrive with the Waverider having arranged this with him whilst he was in Gotham.

“I took a little detour from Gotham, figured we could use all the help we could get.” Mick spoke as the other’s moved to embrace Sara.

“We heard your family were in trouble, and for all the times you saved our asses, we couldn’t sit back and do nothing.” Jax explained before he noticed a figure behind Sara.

“Oh my god, its Wonder Woman…” Jax said beginning to freak out like a teenager after their favourite celebrity.

“Thanks Jax, it’s not like we haven’t seen each other in years or anything.” Sara said sarcastically feigning annoyance as their attention shifted to the rest of their guests.

“I think that’s _Nyssa_.” She heard Kendra whisper.

"What you mean _the_ Nyssa _?"_ Amaya mumbled back.

“This journey’s gonna be _interesting_.” Mick added.  

Sara introduced everyone to each other before Gideon suggested showing them to their rooms. As they began to leave another surprise guest appeared.

“I believe further introductions are in order, _Captain_.” Spoke a voice she hadn’t expected to hear for the rest of her life.

Sara turned to find the towering figure of Director Ava Sharpe appearing from the corridor.

“Ava?” She said completely shocked.

“This should be good.” Sara heard Mick snicker from the background, swiftly followed by someone hitting him.

_“Ow!”_

Ava smiled genuinely as her blue eyes took her in. You could see Ava still loved Sara, even now, long after they had parted ways.

“Ava, what are you doing here?”

Her eyes flickered from the blonde to Nyssa and then to Lourdes. Although, she tried to hide it, Sara caught the hint of sadness behind Ava’s eyes.

“Well, when a certain Lance goes around ripping open the gateways to other worlds, the bureau sort of has to get involved… and of course I’m here to help, even if it means working with Mick again.” She joked.

The two embraced and for Sara it felt so familiar to be back in the Waverider, with her team and Ava, and yet it dawned on her how strange it now was to have Nyssa added into the mix.

When they parted Ava looked to Nyssa who was watching their exchange with a quiet curiosity.

“So, _this_ is your Nyssa.” Ava concluded.

“Yeah, Nyssa- Ava, Ava – Nyssa.” She nervously introduced the two.

“Pleasure to meet you, _Director Sharpe_.” Nyssa said with her expression calculatingly unreadable.

Sara told Nyssa about Ava one night. She hadn’t divulged too much just that she loved her, and that she had been good for her. 

  
An awkward silence filled the space around them all. With the legends suddenly finding anything but the exchange in front of them interesting. 

Sara wasn’t exactly sure where the awkwardness stemmed from, granted it had always been weird when an ex and a current partner met, but Sara hadn’t predicted this or even ever thought about it. Ava and Sara were forever ago, and although she’d honestly loved Ava, her heart belonged to Nyssa. 

  
“Great - wonderful, yes, introductions done.” Sara broke the growing silence in the room.

Her nervous laughter did nothing to lift the uncomfortable atmosphere, however. 

 “And I’m Lourdes.” The little girl piped up, throwing her mother a bone in her failing exchange.

 “Are you the special little lady come to save the day?” Ava questioned bending down to greet her. 

“Maybe.” Lourdes smiled and buried her face in Nyssa’s waist in a shy gesture, making the adults in the room chuckle. 

“You’re a beautiful family.” Ava spoke to the couple, eyes focused on Sara. 

Ava’s eyes glistened with tears she blinked away and Sara failed to find any words to ease her pain. It was painful for Ava, she couldn’t have the family they once talked about, and here was Sara with the woman who had haunted their relationship.

“Thank you.” Nyssa responded when Sara’s mouth wordlessly opened and closed.  

“Mama can I see the ship?” Lourdes interjected.

“Of course you can little lady, it would be my honour to show you around, and if you like dressing up there’s even a fabrication room, maybe we can find you a superhero costume since you’re the hero of the day.” Ava responded offering her hand to the young bright-eyed girl.

Lourdes jumped up and down immediately taking Ava’s hand. After approval from Nyssa the pair took off down the hallway. It was clear Lourdes had taken an instant liking to the tall woman.

“Captain, the island will be breached by Malcolm Merlyn’s assault in 10 minutes.” Gideon prompted.

“So, how’s about it captain, should we get out of here?” Jax questioned offering her the pilot’s seat.

And just like no time had passed at all, Sara slipped back into her seat and began the familiar process of navigating the Waverider.

As the ship began to make its shifting sounds of flight Talia, Diana, Oliver and Amina reappeared.

“Before we jet off, may I suggest a holding cell, somewhere visible at all times.” Talia said, much to the confusion of the legends.

“Is that truly necessary – ” Diana began.

“As far as we are concerned, she cannot be trusted, so we will treat her as such.” Talia responded in a tone which signalled there would be no swaying her in this decision.

The rest of the crew looked to Sara to see if they should proceed with Talia’s instruction.

“Gideon if you could do the honours of a holding cell, please.” Jax instructed and bars materialised and fell around Amina, much to Talia’s delight.

Ignoring her sisters focus, Nyssa moved to see the screen in front of Sara. Seeing a few boat loads of motley teams heading for the island.

“I say we help give our allies a little gift before we leave.” Nyssa stated.

“What’s on your mind?” Sara questioned from her seat.

“Were those missile pods I noticed on the wings?” Nyssa wondered.

“Yes, with explosion power that's more advanced than the world has seen so far.” Jax explained.

“Good, I’d like to send a message Mr Merlyn might understand.” Nyssa responded looking at Sara for her go ahead.

“I believe you have the particular expertise for this Mick.” Sara suggested.

“My pleasure.” Mick said taking control and releasing a blanket of fire in the area Nyssa instructed.

"Make it rain fire, Mr Rory." Nyssa said full of fervour. 

The bulk of the sea borne ships were knocked out and set alight by the missiles and once they headed for the island of Themyscira, the warrior women began their assault. 

 

Sara piloted the ship away from the island and towards their destination.

At some point during the night, Ava came to swap piloting shifts with Sara. Sara hadn’t slept and they still had many hours until they reached Gotham.

It was the first time they found themselves alone, aside from Amina asleep in her containment cell, which was shut off for privacy.

The two women made small talk for a while, which signified how uncomfortable they were around each other; far from the relationship they once had.

“You haven’t aged at all.” Sara said taking a long look at her.

“It’s difficult seeing you with someone else.” Ava admitted cutting their small talk short, tired of the skirting around each other.

Sara opened her mouth uselessly, not knowing how to respond. Ava always had a harmlessly jealous side to her, but Sara understood it was different now they were no longer together. 

“What’s worse is I actually like her.” She continued. 

This made Sara smile. How the relationship between Nyssa and Ava would develop had been swirling around the back of her mind

“Ava I’m sorry.” Sara finally found her voice, although her words somehow sounded hollow.

“There’s no need to apologize. I was always competing with her memory…”

Sara began to protest but found the look in Ava’s eyes stressed how much she needed to confess her feelings.

“…I don’t think you even realised it. I guess maybe you did, and that’s why you walked away in the end. I’m not mad at you for it, you were right to. There was a part of you that no matter how hard I tried, there was a part I couldn’t reach. That’s the part where Nyssa resided.”

Sara knew she was right. As good as the relationship had been, there had always been a part of her not even Ava could understand, a part that was all Nyssa.

"I didn't leave because of you, I left because of me. I feel the same way about you now as I did before, that didn't end when I left." Sara allowed her this insight into her heart, she deserved it after all they shared. 

"I still think about you sometimes, not in the heartbreaking, aching kind of way. It's more of an acceptance, looking back at fond memories; a closure - We happened and it was real, even if only for a moment." 

Ava's eyes glistened as they had earlier with tears she tried to blink away. Sara wiped away the stray tears from soft cheeks and sad eyes.  

“I don’t regret us. It was beautiful with you.” Sara spoke honestly.

“I know you loved me, otherwise I wouldn’t be here now... helping you save the woman you love.”

Sara wasn’t surprised when Ava kissed her, and things within the ship were beginning to feel all too familiar. Sara was only human and despite her undoubtable love for Nyssa and their life together, a part of her missed life aboard the Waverider, and all that came with it.

It was a soft kiss laced with sadness and memories of a different life. 

Sara pulled back when she heard the movement of someone walk into the room. She turned to see Nyssa looking back at them with her purposefully blank expression on her face.

She looked between the two and it was not difficult to guess Nyssa had seen the kiss shared between them. Sara could sparsely make eye contact with her brown-haired lover.

“Director Sharpe." Nyssa acknowledged the other woman. 

"Beloved, come to bed when you're done." Nyssa spoke calmly.

There was no hint of underlaying anger to her. Sara knew Nyssa’s romantic frustration manifested as hurt and she hated that she had been the one to cause the majority of it.

“She’s all yours, I was just relieving her of piloting.” Ava said, her words with a double meaning.

They bid her goodnight and returned to Sara’s cabin.

Nyssa had nothing at all to say about the exchanged she witnessed. Sara attempted to bring it up, but Nyssa swiftly cut her off with a surprising remark.

“I understand, you loved her. That’s all that needs to be said.”

She turned to sleep without another moments thought on it, and Nyssa’s words from months ago lingered in the blonde’s mind.

_‘Just because I have accepted your decisions, does not mean they still don’t hurt me.’_

At times Sara hated how selfless Nyssa is when could be when it came to her, but that’s part of the reason she loved her so much. As easy as it was to love her it wasn’t without its complications.

That night they both fall asleep to the electronic humming of the Waverider, dreaming of different times; one the past and one the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it would be interesting to throw Ava in the midst, without doing a tiresome love triangle, I wanted to see if the dynamics would change within the family. Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Also really wish Nyssa could feature in a another episode of legends, for a flashback or something, or ANYTHING :( I will go down with this ship!!!  
> I do love Ava though so I don't want to do her character an injustice.


	68. Love and War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is made fair in love and war.

Sara hadn’t known what to expect when she bought her family and Diana onto the Waverider.  Her family of legends was a world she never associated with Nyssa or Oliver; and her life with them had been different; _she_ had been different.

She’d expected a few complications; Nyssa, Talia, Oliver, Diana _and_ Ava were all leaders in their own right. With the first three having direct interest in the outcome of their mission.

However, it becomes nothing short of a travesty. Almost no one could agree on anything. The legends operated very differently to how Oliver, Talia and Nyssa functioned. Oliver found fault with the looseness to their ideas, while he argued for a meticulous step by step plan. Talia butted heads with Diana at every opportunity; Talia wanting to raise as much destruction she could, while Diana’s perspective considered saving more lives.   

Yet, Sara found her greatest issue was not with the others. She hadn’t at all expected for her and Nyssa to be the ones arguing on almost every point. 

Sara was commanding people across the ship, and they address her as captain, and it was strange territory for them. Nyssa didn’t know Captain Lance. Their dynamic had always been, particularly when it came to missions; Nyssa the mentor, the Heir – and Sara, the student. Nyssa always had the power; granted, she never abused it and did everything in her power to share it to equalise them. Nonetheless, the roles were _reversed,_ and it was foreign for them. Things had long since changed. Sara wasn’t sure who was having the harder time adjusting, her or Nyssa.

As the hours passed it was almost always Nyssa who vehemently opposed Sara’s ideas. The atmosphere was tense throughout the ship and they barely made any headway on coordinating anything.

Sara could tell that it wasn’t so much her ideas Nyssa disagreed with, but rather the situation. She knew Nyssa was feeling powerless and as a protective mechanism, she needed to be in charge. Sara knew that Nyssa’s suggestions were not senseless, but one wrong move and they could lose everything.

Nyssa refused to allow Sara to be the one to go with Lourdes, when Amina was set to meet Merlyn.

Sara opposed Nyssa’s plans of a onetime full-scale attack, something that could devastate the entire city.

Sara suggested using distractions to lure out Merlyn, and once more Nyssa couldn’t find it in her to agree.

Although they were both unable to find a common ground, their discussions had been for the most part relatively calm.

It was only when Sara agreed with Ava that things went far left.

“We’re wanting to launch an attack on a man, that for now, all we know is that he holds the bomb, the Pandorica, the general public’s support AND his crazed henchmen. Surely we should be asking Amina what to do?” Ava suggested walking over to the old woman at her containment cell.

“She’s in a cell because she’s a hostile ally.” Nyssa responded immediately.

“We cannot take her word for gospel, she’s already attempted to betray us once.” Talia added.

“Ava’s right. She’s been working with him, she knows him more intimately than us, and she’s spent an entire lifetime planning her revenge. We _should_ be asking her opinion.” Sara added.

“Of course you would agree with her.” Talia throws back at Sara.

“What hell is that supposed to mean Talia?” Sara snapped.

“It means perhaps your priorities are no longer the same as ours!” Nyssa exploded suddenly.

“How can you say that?” Sara questioned, her voice quiet with hurt.

“Sara’s priorities _are_ in the right place, and you know that. Perhaps we all need to take a step back so we can see things clearly.” Ava suggested coming to Sara’s defence.

Nyssa was unable to hold back her eyeroll, and as okay as she had portrayed herself to be regarding the other blonde the previous night, Sara had known that she was still hurt by what she saw.

“Let us all have a break, we’ll come back for the conference call with Gotham. Talking ourselves around in circles isn’t helping any of us.” Diana interjected.  

Nyssa stormed out swiftly following Diana’s suggestion and Sara was on her heels immediately.

Sara was aware of Nyssa’s growing anger, but they had to discuss this, too much was on the line for them to be divided.

“Nyssa, wait.” Sara called out.

Her dark-haired lover continued on her beeline for the library. When Sara reached the library, she found Nyssa hunched over, in an uncharacteristic defeated gesture.

“Is this about working with Amina or is this about Ava?” Sara confronted her.

Nyssa was jealous of Ava. Despite the position they were in, Sara knew that this was all the emotions from last night exploding in front of her.

When Nyssa failed to respond, the blonde had her answer.

“If you weren’t okay about what you saw, why wouldn’t you tell me.” Sara pleaded.

It was almost comical to Sara that Nyssa could be jealous, especially at a time like that. Yet, it wasn’t comical. Sara had forgotten that sometimes Nyssa still struggled to speak about her emotions; especially having been raised to never reveal her true feelings. She’d forgotten that Nyssa continued to struggle with the fact Sara left her once before, and despite everything Sara had done and would continue to do to prove to her that she wasn’t going anywhere; Nyssa might always have that swimming around in the back of her mind. Nyssa’s mistrust stemmed from a deep-rooted insecurity Sara planted herself.

“I don’t know Sara, what am I supposed to say when I see something like that. Ava’s someone from a time in your life you regard with only fond memories… and with me all we have ever had is struggle.” Nyssa said exposing her hurt.

“That is not all we have ever had.” Sara started.

Perhaps Sara was foolish to believe things would just slip into place perfectly. She had done nothing to curb or prevent Nyssa’s jealousy after all.

Nyssa was struggling with a lot. She could see it in her dark swirling eyes but, once again despite how angry she should’ve been, she was baring her soul to Sara once more.

“I’ll admit our situation has never been easy, but the way you have made me feel despite all the storms we have faced, it doesn’t compare.” Sara said moving towards the brunette.

Nyssa refused to look at her, and Sara knew she was attempting to hide the hurt in her eyes. With Ava around it reminded her dark-haired lover of the years they spent apart, it reminded her that she left her, not once but twice and that there was someone else that once made her happy. 

“But that’s not all is it?” Sara deduced.

“There is a paranoia that has seeped itself so deep into my mind that I can scarcely trust anyone in protecting our daughter. Not Ava, not Amina – ” She admitted.

“Not even me.” Sara interrupted.

The blonde was able to see the cracks in their relationship, insecurities they had neglected for such a long time.

“I have everything to lose. _Everything._ ” Nyssa stressed not addressing Sara’s statement.

“So do I.” And Nyssa heard her for the first time since they stepped foot onto the Waverider.

The brunette finally looked at her, eyes revealing a vulnerability she hadn’t shown since her breakdown long before war had arrived on their doorstep.

“I don’t want to keep doing this,” Sara confessed quietly.

Before she stirred a panic in dark eyes, she continued; placing her hand to a soft cheek and pulling her in close.

 “I don’t want to constantly argue and fight each other about absolutely anything and everything. One day, we may just find ourselves on the battlefield, bleeding and wounded beyond repair.”

The blonde wasn’t talking about war, but the battlefield of love.

“We can be better, we can both change.” Sara fell deep into almond shaped eyes.

Nyssa took in a shaky breath preparing herself for her next words.

“I’m afraid.” Nyssa admitted.

 “Of what?” Sara asked, knowing Nyssa to be the beacon of strength she had always relied on.

 “Of dying. And losing you. But mostly, losing you.” she acknowledged.

Sara pulled her into a deep and passionate meeting of lips.

“Do you trust me?” Sara questioned, resting her forehead against Nyssa’s.

“Always.”

So, Sara led her back to the captain’s quarters and reminded her exactly who her allegiance was with. The moment they were past the threshold of the door, Sara lips and hands found every inch of skin available. And the blonde kissed her lover’s insecurity away. She planted kisses all over her face and neck and finished back at her lips.

“I chose you, I will always choose you.” Sara whispered onto soft lips.

"Sara, I have complete faith in you, as the leader of this mission. I have complete trust in you." Nyssa kissed her again. Sometimes they both needed a little reassurance.

She could feel the smile tugging at Nyssa’s lips and she couldn’t resist poking her below her rib, a spot only Sara knew would have Nyssa falling into a fit a giggles.

“Nyssa al Ghul, the _big, bad,_ lady assassin who can’t handle a little tickling.” Sara joked as Nyssa fell backwards onto the bed.

Sara paused her laughing and drank in the sight of Nyssa; cheeks flushed and joy exuding out of her. Sara knew that this was what she was fighting for, and no matter how hard things became, she would fight until her very last breath for the woman that had literally stolen her heart.

When she stopped giggling, Nyssa’s half-lidded expression, and the ‘ _come to bed’_ eyes were all the prompting Sara needed before she was on top of her; intent to unravel her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're coming towards the end of this story, I've written far more than I intended. Thank you to all those that have stuck with it and all the supportive comments!


	69. Captain Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara takes control and a turning point in their war efforts is made.

**Captain Lance**

When all aboard the Waverider reconvened for the conference call with their allies, Sara arrived with a new energy to her. Her resolved spat with Nyssa put into perspective their roles and Nyssa reinforced her confidence.

Before the conference the couple went into Amina’s cell to get all the information about Merlyn she knew. They learned of his location, and his likely plan of attack.

They returned to the rest of the crew to finally decide on an attack.

“So, what did the wicked witch have to say?” Talia questioned immediately.

“She knows where he is based, much more information than your man Bane has produced.” Sara said tired of Talia challenging her at every turn.

Talia bit her tongue when Nyssa sent her a warning look.

“Then what are we going to do?” Mick questioned.

Just as the conversations had gone previously everyone started speaking at once and arguing.

Sara was fed up of the disputes and slammed her fist down on the table effectively silencing everyone.

Nyssa looked up at her, proud of the blonde. Before she spoke again, she flashed a look to Nyssa to see nothing but support in her eyes.  

“Now, you have all had your ideas, but so far, we have FAILED! Merlyn is winning this war. He has Gotham, the bomb and the world in his hands. I understand that you all believe in your plans, but they will _not_ work, if they are not coordinated properly. A little girl’s life is on the line, _our_ little girl…” Sara stood next to Nyssa in solidarity.

 _“…I_ am the leader of this mission, and if it fails then that is on my head _but_ as captain of this ship, I have the last say.” Sara said with unrivalled passion.

Sara had something to prove to Nyssa, not just to save them, but to show that all those years were not wasted, and she indeed did learn from the brunette.

“Am I understood?” Sara looked at each and every one of them.

“Yes, Captain Lance.” Nyssa was the first to agree. The rest soon followed suit when Nyssa flashed them a dangerous look.

A conference call was conducted with all of their allies: Quentin, team arrow, team flash, the suicide squad, Supergirl; Bane and the League of Shadows; and the dark figure of the newly returned Batman.

Their base brought news that Merlyn had almost complete control of the city, all of their forces were in weak positions. The police and army had stopped fighting with Merlyn’s men, as they were under the impression that Nyssa, Talia and Oliver were the enemies since his broadcast.

The reports from Flag’s suicide squad bore no better news.

“It’s not looking good on the ground either, blondie. That portal is just bringing more and more forces out of it. It doesn’t matter if you stop Merlyn, if we don’t get that portal closed, this war will not end.” Poison Ivy offered.  

“To which side do the soldiers coming out of the portal belong to?” Nyssa interjected.

“They are blood crazed warriors running from a world known as _Earth-Z_. Their war-torn realm knows only destruction. Many are escaping the terrible war of their world and others are seeking the cup of immortality Merlyn has promised, and the rest seek to infect our world with horror.” The ominous voice of Bane spoke up.

“So, how do we close it?” Oliver asked.

“It is our bomb that is harnessing the energy keeping the portal open… we destabilise it and detonate the it.” Bane answered.

“And with it my city falls, killing to birds with one stone for you.” The dark knight spoke with a chilling anger in his voice.

“The city is already in ruins, there is little to save.” The voice of Selina Kyle spoke much to the irritation of Talia.

“Bane, do you know the location of the bomb?” Talia questioned.

“They transported it back to the city stadium. It is extensively guarded by a small army of his men.”

“I believe my team can aide in that particular mission.” Batman responded introducing men known as cyborg and Aquaman.

Sara decided that a justice league comprised of Batman, Diana, Barry, Aquaman and Cyborg were to conduct a mission recapture the bomb, and Talia would head that mission.

“We need the police and army on our side or else we won’t be able to move inside the city at all.” Quentin proposed another issue.

“We don’t need them on our side, there’s so much chaos on the street already all we really need is to hack their systems and give them orders.” Cisco offered up by Felicity’s side.

“Good, can you get on it?” Sara responded.

“What are your orders captain?” Felicity questioned.  

“Direct them to create a barrier around the portal, we need the chaos as contained as possible whilst the bomb is disengaged.” Sara divulged.

“Focus the attention of the war at the portal… create a distraction.” Nyssa deduced Sara’s line of thinking.

Although they were in the weaker position to have Nyssa by her side, and in support of her, it truly felt like they could take on anything.

Soon after, it was decided that Oliver and Saracon would run a rescue mission to retrieve Thea before joining Nyssa in their final battle against Merlyn. For the rest of the heroes gathered, their goal was to ensure speedy mass evacuation of the city before either the bomb exploded, or the possibly worse consequences of the Pandorica opened.

Before the conference ended Nyssa took a moment to speak honestly to her friends, family and allies. She had been thoughtfully quiet through the majority of the conference, her mind on the war ahead. The carnage she was about to drag her daughter through.

For many of them they were preparing to go then and there into the turmoil and war of Gotham, and she couldn’t leave them without some words of encouragement.

“For some of us this may be the last time we see one another…” Nyssa began.

In the background as the Waverider reached the airspace of Gotham, below the city was ablaze. The stormy weather drummed heavily on the ships every wall and could be heard from the different locations of their allies.

“I want to thank you all for answering our call. This was a time of need for my family, to save our innocent little girl. We may be at the centre of this explosion, but you are not fighting for us alone, we are fighting for this world and our freedom. We are all here risking our lives for the people we love and to prevent a very terrible man from turning this world into hell. I wish you all good fortune in this great war.” She said gearing the best warriors of the world.

Her tone turned darker and the atmosphere turned Tartarean; the air literally stilling. The many faces watching Nyssa took this moment to truly listen to a commander’s speech, reminiscent of Churchill’s speech in the world’s last great war.

“Be not afraid of our enemies, be afraid of _death_ whom takes without apology. Victory is all the better when it is hard won by. I implore you to fight as the gladiators of our world, make death ashamed to take your life...” Her voice with such fervour they were all enraptured.

She looked at each warrior clad in battle gear.

“We shall NEVER surrender to evil. We shall NEVER stop the battle for family and we shall NEVER fall whilst there are those among us willing to die for hope.” Nyssa finished.

There was no denying the adrenaline coursing through the veins of every single person witness to her speech.

For the first time in such a long time, after having felt so incredibly powerless, Nyssa felt a strength in her that made her feel invincible. Sara smiled when she saw that twinkle of strength in dark mahogany eyes.

‘Malcolm Merlyn had a battle coming towards him, that not even _he_ could predict,’ the blonde thought looking at all the heroes amped up to wage war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The war is in full swing, and very soon, we finally get the confrontation with Merlyn. Let me know what you think of the last chapter?


	70. The Vow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unbreakable vows are fulfilled.

**The Vow**

The Waverider landed in camouflage mode on the outskirts of Gotham’s city centre. The ship was parked behind abandoned buildings with tunnel access to their underground base. Above ground, the monitors revealed abandoned streets, eerily quiet. Had it not been for the fires and distant noises of screams and explosions, the city may have been labelled a ghost town. The views of the rest of Gotham city resembled the destruction of the Second World War, London Blitz.

The first to depart was Oliver to meet Saracon for their mission to rescue Thea. When the doors opened there was chaos in the distance and Oliver left hurriedly to his awaiting team.

The legends followed suit after the Green Arrow, all separating towards their different destinations. However, before Ava left, she unexpectedly sought out Sara.

Ava found the captain and Nyssa preparing their daughter in relentless fight training. Ava watched for a while, observing the ruthless manner the little girl attacked her mother. Nyssa was not easy on the red-faced child. Directing her, at her every fault; and encouraging her, at her every possible win.  

The dark-haired girl, the imagine of her mother, held a Bo staff and in fast sequences attempted to disarm Nyssa. She attacked with such precision and poise it wasn’t difficult to see she was a determined force that was to be reckoned with. She truly was the daughter of Nyssa al Ghul and Captain Sara Lance.

“Never hesitate, and never show your fear… because if you are afraid; you are already dead.” Nyssa instructed.

Lourdes took the instruction on board before requesting they continue.

“Again.” She said with a nod.

Sara noticed Ava watching them and walked over to her. The two embraced awkwardly feeling somewhat watched by Nyssa’s dark eyes.

In the background Nyssa and Lourdes continued to fight, and with a hard push Lourdes stuck her mother hard in the chest with her Bo; effectively knocking her backwards.

Nyssa was as shocked as she was proud. Nyssa’s eyes found Sara’s sending her a look relaying, ‘ _where the hell did that come from?’_

“That’s good Lolo,” Sara encouraged having spun around to see the blow.

Upon Nyssa suggesting a break Lourdes ran over to Ava and hugged her tightly, overjoyed at seeing her. The two had become fast friends much to the joy of Sara.

“Before I go, I have a gift for you. I hope your mothers don’t mind…” she began handing Lourdes a child’s sized outfit.

It was a suit similar to Sara’s white canary costume, in Nyssa’s signature red and black colours, with a long hood matching Oliver’s.

“Wow, I’ll be a superhero just like all of you.” She exclaimed.

Lourdes was immediately excited and after a brief thank you disappeared to try on her new superhero costume.

“Thank you Ava, you didn’t have to do that.” Sara spoke despite noticing the frown on Nyssa’s face.

“The team helped design it. It’s made of material making it virtually impenetrable by bullets and arrows. It isn’t immune to everything, but it will provide her protection.” She finished.

Sara was touched at the gesture and couldn’t help embracing her tightly for their farewell.  

“How can I ever repay you for all you’re doing for my family?” Sara questioned, truly amazed at Ava’s support.

“I’m not doing this for a thank you…”

Ava wanted nothing more than to reach over and kiss her ex-lover for a last time. Had it not been for Nyssa’s prying eyes she may well have pulled her close.

“I’m fulfilling a promise I made to you a long time ago. I’ll always be here for you. You know that.” Ava added, opting to kiss her on the cheek instead.

“Then, I expect to see you very soon, I’ll need you in the final fight against Merlyn.” Sara said in goodbye.

The ultimate fight was to be commanded by Nyssa, and once the other missions were almost complete, they would launch a final assault on Merlyn.  

“When you call, I’ll be there.” She promised.

Sara watched Ava walk away, unable to shake the small feeling of anxiety in her.

Nyssa gave her a moment before she joined the blonde. The brunette hugged her from behind and rested her chin on the shorter woman’s shoulder.

“Something tells me that’s an unbreakable vow to her.” Nyssa whispered looking in the direction Ava had disappeared to.

“And something tells me, you have mixed feelings on that.” Sara spoke turning around in Nyssa’s arms, not having missed the frown that graced Nyssa’s face when Ava first appeared.

“No not on that. She’s brilliant and I know what she means to you. We’ll need every last person we can get when it comes to the showdown with Merlyn.” Nyssa responded.

“But…”

Sara could sense the words.

“I just wish that she might have spoken to us before gifting Lourdes with her outfit.”

Sara looked in Nyssa’s eyes searching for her worries.

“But she’s so overjoyed with it.” Sara responded.

“Lourdes is _not_ a superhero. She’s my little baby, who shouldn’t be in this position – ”

“But she _is_ in this position… You train her harder than you’ve ever trained anyone because you want to protect her, and Ava gave her that suit for the same reason. You can’t ask Lourdes to not be afraid, and then get offended when someone gives her the very thing that may alleviate her fears. That small gift probably helped fill her with the confidence she need will to survive this.” Sara explained, knowing that it was Nyssa’s paranoia speaking.

Nyssa considered her words and smiled at Sara’s reasoning.

“Ava is not your enemy.” The blonde added.

Ava was still an uncomfortable topic between them. It wasn’t so much a toxic jealousy but rather an uncomfortable space in which none of them really knew how to manoeuvre.

“I know that. I suppose jealousy has never allowed one to have the most rational of thoughts.” The dark-haired woman admitted softly.

“Your concerns are perfectly rational. It shouldn’t be a child’s job to save the world.” Sara said caressing her cheek affectionately.

“How am I going to tell her I’m not going to be there to protect her every step of the way?” Nyssa worried.

“The way we agreed… _together._ ”

The pair got lost in one another’s eyes momentarily before Lourdes burst into the room clad in her new outfit.

“Ta-daa!” She spoke excitedly posing like Supergirl in front of them.

The couple smiled at her looking every bit the hero she’s so desperately wanted to be.

“Well, how do I look?” She enquired her eyes bright.

“Amazing.” Nyssa responded; finally understanding Sara’s earlier point.

“You are the embodiment of the strength your mom has always had.” Sara encouraged.

The family tested out the different aspects of the suit before Nyssa opened up the conversation she had been dreading.

The young girl sat between both women as they took her hand and Nyssa began to explain.

“My father once told me, that true art of winning a war is appearing weak when we are at our strongest and appearing strong when we are at our weakest.”

“And what are we?” Lourdes questioned.

“Why don’t you tell us what you think?” Sara posed.

“Well, the bad man may be winning the war, but I think we are in _our_ strongest position.” She answered intelligently, far wiser than any her age.

“You’re right, and because of that we will need to appear weak in front of that terrible man.” Nyssa responded.   

Lourdes was intently listening, she valued all of her mother’s lessons.

“The time is nearly upon us for our mission.”

Nyssa stroked the hair away from Lourdes face to look into her bright blue eyes that melted her heart every time.

“The thing I have been preparing you for, all the lessons and training, have led up this mission. For a long time, I didn’t know what you were going to face but I tried my best to prepare you for your fight. I know I’ve been hard on you but all I’ve ever done has been to protect you.” 

“ _I know that Ummi_.” She responded in her mother’s tongue.

“You are going to go with Mama Sara and Amina. The place you will go holds monsters and people who do not care for you. It may be scary, but you’ll never be alone. I want you to follow every instruction your mom tells you and no matter how scary it gets; just know I’ll be coming.”

The small girl frowned in that way that made her look like Oliver.

“I’ll be there with you every step of the way.” Sara vowed attempting to alleviate the growing concern in grey-blue eyes.

“What will I have to do?” She questioned.

“You and I are going to pretend to be Amina’s prisoners. Do you remember all those special things Aunt Suhad taught you?” Sara questioned.

Lourdes looked sceptical.

“The special language she said you could never tell anyone.” Sara clarified.

“Yeah, she made me practice every single lesson.”

“When the time comes, you’ll have to recite those words, so you can open the box everyone is fighting over.” Sara continued.

“What if I get it wrong?” Her voice was small with worry.

“I may need you to get it wrong a few times, so we can buy _Ummi_ and the others time to get to us.” Sara instructed.

“But then once the box is open, I’ll need you to run as fast and as hard as you can to get out.” She finished.

“Just like I taught you, you must use your surroundings as markers for your escape route on your way there.” Nyssa instructed.

“What if I can’t do any of these things?” There was growing frustration in Lourdes tone.

“What else did auntie Suhad teach you?” Sara prompted.

The small child wracked her brain for her aunt’s teachings.

“Do you remember your mantra?” Sara asked.

Her eyes lit up with recognition.

“I am intelligent, kind, beautiful, important and special. I am strong enough to handle anything.” Lourdes repeated the mantra Suhad drilled into her.

“Yes, you are brave, and I know you can do it. You are ready.” Nyssa explained.

Although both women were frightened of anything happening to her, they needed her to believe in her own strength too.

With each word Lourdes looked more convinced and that’s all a mother could ask for in this impossible situation.

“ _Lourdes, I need you to promise me something_ ,” Nyssa said switching to her native tongue, as she often did when needing to relay the most important messages to her daughter.

“Pinky promise?” she questioned raising her smallest finger.  

“Yes, pinky promise.” Nyssa spoke with a watery eyed smile. 

“If anything should happen –”

“Nyssa…” Sara interrupted, knowing where she was headed with her sentence.

“ _IF_ anything should happen, because anything _could_ happen, I need you to promise me you’ll be alright.”

This request spoke to quell Nyssa’s greatest fears. As a mother she was willing to do the most appalling things to protect her child. She hadn’t had anyone to do that for her when she was younger, which is why she would risk anything and everything to protect Lourdes. However, she knew that many things were out of her hands, and so she had to have some assurance.

“Lourdes, promise me you’ll be okay.” Nyssa spoke sternly.  

“Why can’t you come with us? It’s supposed to be you, mama and me, that’s how it’s always supposed to be. You are not supposed to leave us again!” She challenged with a sudden anger.  

“My love, I adore you, and whenever we have parted it has never been because that is what I desired. So, even when I am not there to hold your hand, just know I will forever be doing whatever I can to make sure you are safe... but I DO need to prepare you for the worst and if anything happens - I need you to fight to stay alive, so that you may go on to live, and experience a long and happy life.”

Sara willed the young girl to accept her mother’s words.

“It is all your mother has ever fought for, your chance at a happy life.” Sara spoke to the thoughtful child.

“Lourdes, please.” Nyssa pleaded with a heart-breaking softness to her voice.

“If anything happens, you must run back here, and Gideon will fly you to your brother and Gaga.” Sara instructed.

“No matter what happens, you do not stop for anyone… not even me.” Nyssa added.

“I’d never leave you.”

Tears fell from all their eyes.

“You’re my very reason for existing, I need you to survive. So darling, _please_ promise me you’ll be alright.” Nyssa implored light eyes to give her this.

Lourdes searched their eyes and took time to think about her mothers’ requests. It was more than either of them wanted to ask from such a young child, but they were out of choices.

“I promise mom.” She relented.

Nyssa released a breath she didn’t realise she had been holding in.

“I need you to say it.”

Lourdes took her mother’s face in her hands and vowed to her.

_“I promise I’ll be alright.”_


End file.
